by Sara V. Zook
“Violet,” I snapped in a low voice, grasping her arm probably a little more roughly than I’d intended and spinning her around so that her back was to Liv.
She looked surprised for a moment, then pressed her lips together into a smirk as she jerked her arm away from me. “Shane,” she replied. “How nice to see you again. I was so sorry to learn about Darin.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” I rattled off as Violet’s sister stepped in from behind her and gave me a hard stare.
Violet’s eyebrows went down. “What do you mean what am I doing here? I was engaged to Darin, remember? I loved him. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“You’re here to cause trouble,” I accused her.
“What?” Violet’s eyes flashed around the room as she examined each face. Her gaze finally came to rest upon Livvy who was still talking to someone and hadn’t realized yet—thankfully—that Violet was here. “Oh,” she said. “Darin was still with her.”
Violet’s sister was now staring at Livvy, too. My anxiety was increasing by the second.
“And…” Violet’s eyes narrowed. “She’s pregnant?” Her head snapped around to look at me again. “Is that Darin’s baby?”
“It’s none of your business, Vi,” I told her.
Violet’s sister snorted. “We didn’t know anything about that slut.”
“Stop,” I threatened her with an equally threatening look.
“We just came to pay our respects. I still haven’t forgiven that ass for what he did to me, probably never will, but I still came to say goodbye,” Violet said, her hand going to the side of her head to slick back her dark hair.
I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to escort both of them out. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
Violet smiled sweetly. “I don’t really care what you think, Shane.” She turned around along with her sister, and I watched in horror as they made their way to the front of the room—to Liv.
Never had it crossed my mind that Violet would even show up. Darin hadn’t heard a single thing from her from the moment she’d left his house. I was stupid for having been so naïve. I hurried around a group of people talking amongst themselves and rushed to Livvy’s side.
“It was nice meeting you, too,” Liv said, shaking a man’s hand.
“He sure will be missed,” the man commented, taking another look down at Darin before turning to leave.
Livvy gave the man a forced smile before she turned to me but stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes locked with Violet’s. Her mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Shocked to see me, Livvy?” Violet seemed to be enjoying every moment of this knowing that her presence had such an instant effect on everybody.
I watched Livvy’s throat as she swallowed hard and tried to recompose herself. A protective hand went immediately to her stomach as if she were afraid Violet would try to punch her there or something. I wouldn’t put it past Violet.
“How are you, Violet?” Liv asked quietly, her eyes darting between her and her sister.
Violet smirked again as she glanced down at Darin. “Better than you it seems. Congratulations on your pregnancy.”
“So the bastard is really dead,” her sister remarked. “At least you’re not the one who’s a widow, Vi.”
I wrapped an arm around Livvy’s shoulder. She was trembling a little. They had come here to cause drama for their own sick entertainment purposes. They even wanted to try and interfere with Darin’s peacefulness, as if their words could bite him in death.
“You two are such bitches,” I told them. “Darin thought so too.”
Violet shrugged smugly. “Livvy’s done me a favor. I’ve moved on.”
“Doesn’t seem like it,” Liv remarked dryly. “What he ever saw in you beats me. You might be beautiful on the outside, Violet, but on the inside you are very, very ugly.”
“Violet was only Darin’s rebound anyway,” I added, hoping to see my own words cause hostility stir in her eyes.
It had worked. Violet gritted her teeth together as a hushed growl escaped her throat. “Have fun being a widow the rest of your life.” She turned to leave.
“Don’t forget a single parent,” her sister added.
Livvy stood upright, her shoulders back until the two of them exited the building again. Then she turned around and buried her face in my chest, exploding in fits of whimpers and sobs.
I rubbed little circles on her back to try to comfort her. “I’m so sorry, Liv. I don’t know why they came. I tried to get them to leave but they were intent on coming up here and making you miserable.”
“How can people be so hateful?” she cried.
I shook my head. What had Darin seen in Violet? She was the exact opposite of Livvy. Violet was the biggest bitch I’d ever known.
The rest of the funeral continued and ended without seeing Violet or her sister again. No sudden appearances made by Sean either, although he could’ve been lurking behind a tree in the distance and no one would’ve been the wiser to it.
The preacher read some more scriptures from the Bible. We were outside under the trees in the graveyard where I’d helped carry Darin’s coffin. Everyone threw a flower on top and had turned to leave. My parents said their goodbyes, then there was no one left but me and Liv. My own legs felt heavy as if cemented in place. A huge lump had formed and was on the verge of choking me. This was it. The end of the legacy that was my only brother. The incredible love between Darin and Livvy Thorne whisked away in the wind just like that.
“Shane,” Liv whispered, “I need your help.”
“I’m here,” I told her.
Her legs looked as if they were beginning to buckle underneath her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and supported her so she could move forward up to the coffin and place a final rose on top. Her entire body began to tremble again from sobs as she then kissed her hand and placed it on the smooth wood.
Goodbye, my brother. You’ve left me with a broken-hearted woman who I have no idea how to mend back together.
One last glance at the coffin that held my brother’s body inside. One last glance behind me before I helped Livvy walk over to where my parents were waiting for us by the car. And not a single eye was dry between the four of us.
“Livvy, why don’t you come stay with us for a while?” my mother suggested. “I promise to give you your space. You can come and go as you please. I just don’t want you to have to be by yourself during this terrible time.”
I cringed at the idea knowing how uncomfortable Liv had been the last few days, but at the same time, it made sense. It wasn’t just looking after Livvy, but it was all of us looking after each other in a way.
Livvy’s eyes shifted to the ground as she processed my mother’s request.
My father cleared his throat. “Come on and keep us old folks company for a bit. We haven’t seen much of you lately anyway.”
Livvy pressed her lips together and slowly nodded her head. “Okay.”
I raised my eyebrows, surprised by her response. “Yeah?”
“I said okay, didn’t I?”
We climbed back into the car and headed back up north to my parents’ farm. We’d all survived this day. I was hoping the worst of it was now over. Surely we were all at the bottom and the only way to go was up from here.
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Livvy
I sat on my in-laws’ front porch gazing up at the stars with a glass of water in my hand wishing so badly that it was a glass of wine. But the little soccer star growing inside of me reminded me that drinking alcohol was not an option during this time, so I’d have to make do with being sober. I’d do anything to drink myself into a stupor now though, pass out, and forget everything around me.
Evelyn and Henry had gone to bed. It was a long, exhausting day for everyone that left us all emotionally drained. Darin was gone. It was that simple.
The pain inside my chest was almost unbearable and it felt as though I’d left him behind today, abandoning him to that coffin. I had to close my eyes to try to think of something else, wanting to feel something other than lost at this moment.
The screen door screeched open. “Mind if I come out here?”
I shook my head and heard the flicker of Shane’s finger against the lighter as he lit up a cigarette.
“You’re smoking more,” I remarked, crossing my legs and taking a deep lungful of the crisp night air.
Smoke poured from his nostrils as he shrugged. “Yeah, well, my stress level has increased lately.”
I didn’t reply for a while, just sat there and tried to focus on the sounds around me, like the crickets and hum of the air conditioner turning on even though the weather was turning cooler. My thoughts went to Violet. “I can’t believe she showed up today.”
Shane chuckled. “Me either.”
“I can’t process what the purpose was of her being there.”
He was silent for a few moments. “I wouldn’t dwell on it too much, Liv. She’s not worth it. She’s a piece of shit who literally just came there to rub it in that things had gone bad. You handled it well.”
“Did I?”
“Well, I would’ve punched her in the face if I were you.”
“No, I couldn’t do that.” I had been shaken up from the sight of her instead of being angry. I was more offended she was there than anything else.
Shane sat down on a chair and leaned his head against the railing. “Like I said, you handled it well.”
“I mean, who does that? Shows up at a funeral home just to start something? To rub it in that someone died?” The anger was catching up to me now though the more I let it stew.
“She’s so mean and self-centered, so is her sister. They’re spoiled brats who have never thought about anyone other than themselves a day in their lives. I never cared for her. I just tolerated her before,” Shane answered.
I drained the last of the water. Exhaustion was starting to get the best of me now. I hadn’t slept well in what seemed like an eternity. “Are you still staying for a bit or going back to California soon?”
Shane flicked his cigarette over the railing and exhaled the last of the smoke. “I told you I have some time to use up. I’ll be around for a little while yet.”
“Okay.” I stood up. I didn’t know why I’d agreed to coming back up here with Evelyn and Henry. Perhaps I did like their company more than I thought I did. Maybe I was just too scared to be alone right now. Either way, I felt better with Shane around. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”
“Me too. I’ll walk you upstairs.”
We made our way to the top of the wooden stairs. Henry’s snores echoed throughout the entire house. I turned on the light to the bedroom I’d been staying in and turned to look at Shane. “Thank you so much, Shane, for everything. You’ve been the best. I couldn’t have made it through today without you.”
The corner of his mouth lifted into a half smile. “I told you I’d be by your side, didn’t I?”
I swallowed. “You did, and you were.”
Shane took a step toward me and placed a stray hair behind my ear. He looked into my eyes as if studying me for a moment. “It’ll get better, Liv.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. The nighttime was always the worst. When all I wanted to do was go to sleep and try to get some distance between me and the day, I knew I’d just toss and turn from the what-ifs and what-could’ve-beens running through my head all the while getting stabbed in the middle of the chest with the loneliness of missing Darin by my side. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I hated this so much.
“Liv,” Shane said softly.
My bottom lip began to quiver. He put his finger on it to stop the trembling. I looked up into those big brown eyes of his. I could see his sympathy, yet there was more there. He was feeling the grief too. He needed comforting just as much as me. I felt weak and he’d been the only one to be able to hold me up. Before I even could comprehend what was happening, Shane leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. It was gentle at first, then turned into a deeper, more emotional kiss as he cradled the back of my head with his warm palm. My heart lurched from within me. The kiss was over just as quickly as it started. Shane looked down at me again. Something had changed in his eyes. Was that fear I saw?
“Liv,” he stuttered. “Damn, Liv, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that was. I just…” He ran his fingers through his hair roughly and spun around. “What the fuck was I thinking? I’m so sorry, Liv. Forgive me, please.”
My heart was racing in panic. Shane and I had just…kissed. It’d been a comfort kiss though, he and I both knew that. I think he’d just been trying to comfort his own self though. He looked so embarrassed, I couldn’t let him just keep going on like that. I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “Shane, it’s alright.”
“No,” he continued. “You must think I’m the biggest asshole in the world.”
“Shane,” I repeated a little louder, a little more sternly. “It was no big deal, okay?” But was it truly no big deal? Had I been spending so much alone time with Shane lately that the boundary had now been crossed? Would it be too late to turn back? The thoughts were quickly becoming jumbled inside my head.
He huffed out an impatient sigh, angry at himself. “I’ll let you get some sleep. I’m really sorry again, Liv.” He leaned in and gave me an awkward kiss on the forehead.
As Shane turned to leave, my eyes shifted back to the big, lonely bed. “Shane?”
“Yeah?” He spun around to face me again.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds, knowing this was going to sound as insane to him as it was to me right now, but I was too much of a chicken. I didn’t want to go to sleep alone. “Can you…?” I hesitated. “Would you mind lying down with me in the bed again? I just…” More tears filled my eyes and made their way down my cheeks. “It’s just been such a hard day, you know?”
Shane nodded, his eyes also shifting to the bed. “Yeah, sure.”
“It’s no big deal, right?” I asked, wanting to double check with him.
He shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine.”
I pulled back the covers and curled up on my side. Shane turned off the light and laid down beside me. After a few minutes, he draped his arm over my belly as I curled into him. I knew this wasn’t a normal thing to be doing, nor asking from Shane, but at this moment, I didn’t really care. I felt secure in his arms, and I knew I’d get some sleep feeling that security. My eyes felt heavy, and as they began to flutter shut, my finger went up and touched my lips where Shane had just kissed me.
TEN
Shane
Foggy. That’s what my mind seemed like whenever I tried to think. I didn’t even drank last night, and it felt like I was somewhere in the midst between drunk and one hell of a hangover. Livvy wasn’t even pressed up against me anymore, but I could still smell the scent of her soap on my skin.
My phone buzzed. A text from Gwen telling me good morning. I closed my eyes and let my head drop back against the headrest of my parents’ recliner. Maybe I’d be better off if I did start drinking now. I wondered if my dad had any beer in his garage like he used to when I was a teen. I kind of doubted it, doubted that he even made it out to the garage anymore or drank for that matter.
I stared up at the ceiling wondering how the hell I’d gotten myself into this mess. I’d just wanted what was best for Darin and now…now I was still back in New York comforting his wife, telling myself that was all I was doing anyway. Yes, that is what I was doing. She had always been such a great friend to me. This thing we had going between us was my being there for her during an awful time in both of our lives. It made sense, didn’t it? I let out a sigh of exasperation. Who was I trying to kid? There was no excuse for this. It was in the midst of a gigantic muddle of confusion, and I didn’t have anyone else to blame but myself.
I glanced back down at my phone
and started to text Gwen back.
“Hey.”
My head shot up at the sound of her voice. I looked up at Liv. She had on blue jeans and a pink sweater where one side was hanging loosely off her shoulder. I tried not to check her out and instead attempt to focus on my phone again. “Hi.”
“I saw a path past the barn. Where does it go to?” Liv asked.
I hit send on the text to Gwen and shoved my cell in my pocket. “It eventually comes out to the road. It was used for hauling hay.”
“I’m going for a walk. Need to try to clear my head,” she stated, reaching down for her tennis shoes.
I nodded and crossed my arms in front of me. “The weeds are probably all grown up by now. Doubt anyone’s been on it for a while.”
Livvy shrugged. She briefly touched her stomach before putting her hands on her hips. “Want to come?”
My heart started pounding in my chest. I knew I should start saying no to her. No to lying in her bed at night. No to going on a walk where we’d be all alone. We were getting to a whole new level of closeness that shouldn’t exist between me and Liv. I should’ve regarded the boundaries, but at the same time, I felt guilty for her being all alone in the world. I wondered what she was trying to clear her head about. Was it because of Darin—or me? I was the asshole who’d kissed her. She probably wasn’t confused about me at all. Another pang of guilt ripped through me. I didn’t know if it was because I was getting some feelings for Liv or if it was because I felt bad for what I’d done to her. Shit if I knew. Gwen’s face registered in my thoughts. No. I was not getting feelings for Liv. This is definitely not what this was.
“Yeah, I’ll come along. Got nothing better to do,” I mumbled as I stood up.
It was midmorning. The sun was still trying to burn off the haziness of the early fog. It was warm but damp at the same time as a chill caressed the bare skin on my arms. Childhood memories began flooding back, things I hadn’t thought of in years. There used to be a tree house my dad and uncle had built for me and Darin in an oak behind the barn. My eyes scanned the area as we walked past it. Now there was nothing left but a pile of rotten wood at the base of the tree. I had had my first kiss in that tree house from Megan Littles in the eighth grade. A smile crossed my lips as I shook off the memory of summers spent playing in and around the tree house.
