by Sara V. Zook
“Well, since we didn’t have much time to chat that day, Shane made sure a few more things went wrong on the job site just so I’d have to come all the way down there again. I wasn’t exactly happy when I learned later that he’d done that on purpose.” She gave him another softer look. “But I’m glad that I got to know your son better. I’m glad he’s in my life now.”
“But you make so much more money than him,” Henry blurted out. He always knew how to break up a party.
“Henry,” Evelyn scolded.
“Well, I’m just stating the obvious,” Henry told her. “I mean, where is this going to lead? You want to be with a woman who will support you financially, Shane? Darin fully supported Livvy. I would feel very uncomfortable if Evelyn was the one supporting me.”
Gwen’s eyes twisted downward as Shane clenched his teeth in fury beside her. “I could always give Shane a job if that’s what he wanted.”
“No.” Shane exhaled loudly. “I would never ask you to hire me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Gwen stuttered.
Well, I wasn’t the only one whose good spirits had plummeted today. Thank you, Henry.
“We don’t care about money, Dad,” Shane told him, his temper obviously flaring.
“No. Then what do you care about, son?” Henry asked.
Shane sat back in his seat. “Love.”
Henry’s eyebrows raised.
I looked up at Shane, and for the first time that evening, his eyes met mine and I knew that he knew he was really seeing me, really recognizing that something he had just said may have affected the way I felt. His eyes told me he was sorry, but his temper told me that he wanted to get back at his father more.
“We’re really more about each other than the material things,” Gwen said as if unsure if she were offending Henry or not.
“You just like to be together,” Evelyn offered.
Gwen nodded.
“I think it’s sweet.” Evelyn smiled.
“This food is delicious, Evelyn,” Gwen praised her. “Thank you so much for your hospitality.”
Evelyn swatted at the air. “Oh, it was nothing, dear.”
I sighed then and put down my fork. “I’d like to make a little announcement,” I began. Everyone quieted down and turned their attention to me. “I’m going to be going back home tomorrow morning.”
“But why?” Evelyn asked.
I frowned. “It’s time, Evelyn. I have to try to resume normal life again. I think I’d like to look into finding another teaching job, something that will keep my mind occupied. I’m grateful for the time I’ve been able to spend here. I appreciate all you and Henry have done.” My gaze shifted upward again to Shane. “And for everything you’ve done for me too, Shane.”
His eyes looked worried for a moment as if I were about to blurt out the underlying message of what I’d just said. No, I’d never do that to him. Not like this. Not now. That was on his own conscience. I’d let him deal with that for himself.
THIRTEEN
Livvy
The car ride home the following morning was awkward to say the least. After saying goodbye to Henry and Evelyn, Shane had approached me—with Gwen by his side—to practically beg me to let him drive me back to the house. I had insisted on getting a cab, but Shane kept saying it was his duty to take me. I had a few choice words to tell him about his duty, but that would have to wait for another time when Gwen wasn’t around, which never happened anymore since she’d arrived. She was practically glued to Shane’s hip.
I was in the backseat behind Shane. Gwen was in the passenger side. The rain was coming down in sheets. It was the perfect weather to suit my mood.
“So do you think you’ll look around your town for a job first, Livvy?” Gwen asked, trying to make conversation right away.
I sunk lower into my seat. “Probably.” That was all I gave her. I didn’t feel like talking. I had hoped to get a moment alone with Shane last night so we could talk, but that hadn’t happened. I didn’t even know what I had to say to him. I was thinking he had things to say to me, but I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about it all.
“What about a baby shower? Would you mind if I contacted Evelyn and we put one together for you?”
Gwen’s perkiness was absolutely infuriating.
“I don’t know,” I answered dryly, my eyes following the path of a droplet of rain rolling down the window.
Gwen shifted positions in her seat so that she was able to cross her legs in order to face Shane more. “You know, Shane and I had talked before, and we both think it would be fantastic if you would come and spend some time with us out in California for a while. It’s a nice time of year out there right now. It’s cooling down here but will be nice and warm there. The sun seems to always shine. Sometimes all you need is a sunny day to set your mind at ease.”
Listen to Miss Sunshine and Rainbows up there preaching to me as if she had the slightest clue what I was going through. It made me dislike her even more for even pretending to know what would be best for my grieving state. It had been annoying enough to hear it from Shane and his parents, but from a complete stranger, one who was in love with Shane, that just made it a hundred times worse.
“No thanks,” I mumbled.
“No?” Gwen turned around to give me a surprised look.
“I don’t want to go out to California, but thanks for the invite.” I know I sounded like a total bitch, but I wasn’t going to sit back here and pretend like Shane was. I was living in reality. Something had happened between the two of us, and just because Gwen showed up at the front door, didn’t make that fact suddenly disappear from the face of the earth.
Gwen’s shoulders slumped in defeat as she gave up on the small talk, my short answers silencing her. Shane placed his hand on Gwen’s knee. She in turn put her hand on his. I looked up to see Shane’s eyes on me in the rearview mirror. I was humiliated. I tried to slump down even farther in the seat so that Shane couldn’t see me. I turned my attention to the rain still pouring down outside as the car raced through its torrents. What have I done letting myself fall for Shane Thorne, Darin’s brother? Why would I have let myself go into that state of mind thinking he could take care of me after just losing my husband? What an idiot I am, and how inappropriate to go around inviting my brother-in-law into my bed and wanting him to kiss me. I chastised myself for having my feelings be so hurt by the sight of him with another woman. It’s not like I had slept with Shane, we had only made out a few times, but I did know Shane on a deeper level. We connected in more ways than romantically, and I had selfishly wanted him all to myself. He had been there for me when no one else was. He was able to get through to me, to give me hope and a better understanding of who I was now that I didn’t have Darin. Everyone sees themselves for who they are independently before they’re with someone. Then it seems someone comes into your life and you include who you are as part of who they are. It just works that way, at least it did for me and Darin. Now that he was gone, I had to learn to be myself once again. I had to live life for myself, for my child. I was ashamed that I had attached myself to Shane and for thinking I couldn’t be myself anymore without a Thorne by my side. The truth was, I would have a Thorne with me, my son. No one could ever take that away from me. Being a mother was a lifelong commitment, and one I’d proudly do in memory of Darin. It was his child after all, and that thought alone should bring me peace. He had left a part of himself here with me in this world. I knew all of these things, yet I still felt like I wanted Shane. I hated this feeling, and I hated myself even more for having given into his charms.
“I missed you, Shane,” I heard Gwen whisper from the front of the car. I looked up to see her lean over and give him a kiss on the neck.
I felt miserable and sorry for myself. My hands went to my stomach to pat where my little boy lay probably asleep. This life wasn’t easy. No. This life sucked.
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Shane
I could barely live with myself. If I pretended that nothing happened between me and Liv, could I convince myself of those lies? The second Gwen had stepped foot in my parents’ house, I had shut Livvy out completely. Gwen had taken me off guard. I felt helpless as to what I could do. I mean, Gwen absolutely could not know what happened. It would crush our relationship. The trust would be shit. But damn, the look on Liv’s face when I had turned around and saw her there knowing she had just seen me and Gwen kiss kept replaying over and over again in my mind. I couldn’t stand to see that girl hurt. She was hurting enough from Darin’s death, and I had added to it. I was a mess inside trying to keep it together on the outside for the sake of me and Gwen. Did anyone sense my panic? Ugh, I hoped not.
We were back at Darin and Livvy’s house. Gwen was inside on her phone with someone from her company. Livvy was just plain old avoiding me. I was outside on the deck enjoying one of my brother’s beers, reminiscing about when everything was normal, when he was still alive and wishing it was that way again so I didn’t have to deal with this mess—with this guilt that was plaguing me. I knew I was being a dick to Liv, but I hoped she knew I couldn’t help it with Gwen around. I took another long gulp of the copper liquid and leaned my head against the back of the chair with my eyes closed.
There was a rustling noise.
My eyes popped back open, my entire body tensing.
Silence. Then more rustling as if someone was moving in between the malnourished, dry bushes on the far side of the house.
I slowly got to my feet and made my way to the edge of the railing. Then I ducked down behind a folded chair as I waited and watched from a better position. Some of the leaves fell from the plants as they were pushed back. A creepy, familiar figure emerged from in between the bushes.
Sean.
My heart rate increased as I stayed crouched while the wacko looked toward the windows of the house trying to get a peek in. That terrible temper of mine roared to life as I leapt over the railing and stood in front of Sean feeling as though I were about to breathe fire.
“You make a terrible ninja,” I commented wryly.
Sean’s eyes grew large in surprise at the sight of me.
I poked him in the chest—hard. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Sean’s eyes narrowed then as he tried to puff out his chest. As if that would intimidate me.
“What? You have nothing to say, you perverted sick bastard?” He was too close, almost bumping me with his chest, so I shoved him. He went flying backward, landing on his ass.
“You’d better watch what you do!” Sean exploded, struggling to climb to his feet. “I’m sick and tired of your bullying!”
He tried to come at me again.
“Stay back,” I warned him, my fist going back behind me in a threatening manner.
“What’s going on out here?” Livvy asked as she threw open the sliding screen door and rushed outside.
“Shane?” Gwen asked, following Liv, the phone still attached to her ear. “I’m sorry. I have to call you back,” she told the person on the other end of the phone call.
“This psycho,” Sean yelled out, “pushed me to the ground and now he’s going to punch me!”
“I’m the psycho?” My fist was still back, ready to hammer this guy if he came any closer. “I caught this pervert lurking around in the bushes trying to get a peek inside the window.”
“That’s not true!” he cried out.
I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and got in his face. “You fucking liar,” I spit out at him. “I will end you.”
“Shane!” Gwen shrieked.
She’d never seen me like this. I didn’t care right now. I’d had it with this guy.
Livvy stepped up beside me. “Let him go, Shane.”
I swallowed, my chest still heaving from the adrenaline. I glared at him one more time before giving him another shove backward. “There’s something the matter with this one, Liv. I told you that before,” I reminded her, well aware that both Gwen and Sean were listening too. “He’s obsessed with you.”
“No.” Sean clambered to his feet once again as he attempted to straighten out his shirt. “It’s not like that. I…I…”
Livvy put her hands on her hips. “What is it like then, Sean? I’m waiting for an explanation here.”
He put up both hands as if surrendering. “I know what it looks like. I just…I haven’t seen you around. Then I saw a car parked out front and I didn’t want to disturb you, but I wanted to make sure everything was okay here.”
“Why wouldn’t everything be okay?” I asked. “You’re the only one making her uncomfortable here.” Then I felt a stab at my words. That wasn’t exactly true, now was it? I had even compared myself to this asshole to Livvy up in my parents’ barn. I was making Livvy uncomfortable as well.
Livvy twirled around as she started to pace. “What do you want from me, Sean? Huh? You gave me a ride to the hospital, and I already thanked you for that.”
“He wants a different kind of thanks,” I uttered.
Sean’s eyes looked like they were going to bug out of his head at hearing my words. “What did he just say?”
Livvy ignored me. “Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But the pie, the flowers at Darin’s funeral…I barely know you, so it does make me creeped out. I just want left alone right now. I don’t want to start a friendship. I’m not interested in anything more. Don’t go sneaking around my yard. Don’t even step foot in my yard. Please. Just leave me alone.”
I still wanted to throttle the guy. He was the type who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Okay. You got it. I’m sorry, Livvy,” Sean said. He started to head back toward the bushes.
“No,” Livvy told him. “Don’t go through there again. Just…go through the front yard and down the road the normal way.”
That meant he had to go past me. I glared at him as he cautiously moved by. He gave me his own scowl, then lowered his head and left. Livvy went back inside.
“Come on, Shane,” Gwen urged, tugging on my arm.
I was still staring after the weirdo as he walked down the street. “I’ll be in in just a sec. I want to make sure he actually goes.”
Gwen sighed, but didn’t say anything more. She released her grip on my arm and went back in the house too.
When I felt as though I’d cooled off, I forced myself in the house, although I was paranoid about taking my eyes off the outside as if I were some sort of guard dog. Gwen and Liv were seated around the kitchen island, both of them sipping on tea.
“What the hell was that all about?” Gwen asked, standing up as she saw me enter.
I took a deep breath in and exhaled loudly. “That was about Livvy’s stalker.”
“Stalker?”
I guess the two of them had sat in silence while I was out there. It didn’t seem as if they’d discussed anything. I didn’t know why I was so surprised by this revelation. It was obvious that Liv didn’t like Gwen, and that, of course, was all my fault. “Liv? Care to tell her?”
“Not really,” she mumbled. “But I guess I will.” She didn’t turn toward Gwen, just stayed facing forward, her eyes on the table in front of her. “That was Sean. He’s a neighbor I didn’t even know I had until the night of Darin’s heart attack. He offered to drive me to the hospital so I wouldn’t have to be alone. He stayed with me for a while there. Then afterward, he showed up at the house. He baked me a pie. He paid for all the flower arrangements at Darin’s funeral. Of course I hadn’t seen him since being up at Evelyn and Henry’s. I actually had forgotten about him. I thought he’d forget about me, too. Guess he didn’t.”
Gwen ran her palm over the top of her head. “Wow. That’s very…”
“Creepy,” I finished for her.
Gwen nodded. “Yes. Creepy.”
“I don’t like that guy at all, Liv,” I spit out. “
He’s trouble. He needs some major therapy or something.”
“Believe me, we all know how you feel about him,” Liv said dryly.
Her response made my irritation flare again. “I want you to call the police on him, Liv. I want you to get a restraining order or something. I don’t think he’s going away. He’s one of those sick bastards who just keeps coming back, who doesn’t understand the word no.”
Livvy stood up then and walked over to the sink to place her empty cup there. “I think you may be overreacting just a little.”
“What? Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I was sure this guy would try and break in her house and not have second thoughts about it.
“I can take care of myself, Shane. I don’t need a body guard.”
My hands went into fists at my sides. “What if he tries something?”
“What if he’s harmless? He’s strange, I’ll give you that, but I’m not terrified of him.” Livvy turned around and took a step toward me, her eyes fiercely locked on mine. “Why are you so concerned about me, Shane?”
“Maybe you should consider getting an alarm system set up in here,” Gwen said from behind me.
Livvy ignored her and took another step forward. “Why are you so concerned?” she repeated.
I narrowed my eyes at her. It was as if she were playing with me, trying to get me to say something out of desperation in front of Gwen, a confession of some sort. Well, it wasn’t going to happen here like this. My nails dug into my palms as I gritted my teeth together.
Livvy moved even closer and wrapped her arm around me in a hug. Her face pressed up against my chest. I was sure she could probably hear my heart thundering away inside of me. She took her other hand and placed it lightly on the back of my neck. “Thank you for your protection, Shane, but you can’t protect me for forever, can you?”
When I didn’t respond, she pulled away quickly and gave Gwen a quick smile who I figured was still standing perplexed behind me.
“I’m tired. I’m going to go lay down.” Livvy walked out of the kitchen and to her bedroom.
