by Claire Adams
It’s not because she cares. She’s still playing her game. I wouldn’t let myself believe differently.
I went back out and got in the car, and she pulled out without saying a word. It wasn’t until we were halfway to my house that she tried to make conversation.
“I hope we can talk later, maybe when you’ve sobered up?” I could feel her eyes on me, but I wasn’t about to glance in her direction. Peripheral vision was quite enough.
I’d never had anyone hurt me the way she had, but I wasn’t about to waste my breath telling her. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I don’t blame you. I knew all along you’d hate me in the end. That’s why I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to, so badly. I knew I should. It just kept getting harder and harder the more I fell for you. I wish I had-”
“But you didn’t.”
She pulled into my road and was quiet all the way until she stopped in my drive. “For what it’s worth, Aiden, I’m sorry. Being with you was everything to me, and I wanted to fix things so many times, but I was too scared. The longer it went on, the harder it was.”
“You didn’t just lie to me once, dammit. You lied over and over, every fucking day.” My voice grew louder and louder. “You had more than enough chances to own up. You deliberately kept your identity from me. Well, your little game is over, and your parents have enough of my money that you should be comfortable for a long time.”
“Aiden.” Her hand touched my arm, and I snatched it away and turned and grabbed her face in my hands. She turned her cheek into my touch, closing her eyes as if I was caressing her, but my hands pressed tight, squeezing with just enough pressure that her eyes widened. I leaned in close so she’d feel my breath on her face and hoped she’d remember that moment.
“Don’t you ever come near me again, do you hear me? Never.” Her lip trembled as a tear trailed down her cheek. “Stop your fucking crying and answer me.”
“I won’t come back.”
“Promise me.” I clenched my hands harder against her.
“I promise.” Her voice broke and then she added. “I’m sorry.”
I leaned closer, a breath away from a kiss and she turned her head as if she wanted to meet my lips. “You’re a fucking liar.” I pushed her away, and her head fell to the steering wheel as she sobbed, but I had grabbed my beer from the floorboard, slammed the car door, and was in my house before she could say anything else to me. I fell back against the door and collapsed to the floor screaming to the top of my lungs. “FUCK!”
All at once the pain came back as the numbness from the alcohol was gone. I ripped open the case and popped another top to drown my sorrows.
It had killed me to look into her eyes, to hold her with such force and scare the living shit out of her, but it was a necessary evil. I had to kill it. I had to destroy it before it bred into an even more fucked up relationship where I loathed her more than I loved her. How could I ever look into her beautiful face and believe a word from her pretty lips? I’d been a fool for her once, and shame on her for using me.
But I’d be damned and broken in the pits of hell before I let her put me through anything else like that ever again.
By the time I drank my way through the night, I had vowed that I’d wake up with better focus in the days to come. I’d chalk this nightmare up as a lesson learned and move on with my life. I’d practice law on my own, away from Layne and any semblance of what my father wanted for me.
I was going to do things my way, with no one to hold me back, especially not Lexa Fucking Patterson.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lexa
I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d held my face, the way he’d spoken to me.
He hated me. There was no going back from this. I had hoped that if I drove out to find him, he’d listen to me and let me explain my side of things. I hadn’t expected it to fix anything, but I also hadn’t expected to make it worse.
“You should have let him cool down, Lex. What the hell did you expect?” Bre was pacing her room and fighting mad. I even had to hold her back from going over to his house and kicking his ass. “Are you sure he didn’t get rougher than you told me?”
She was afraid that he’d hit me, but I assured her that my swollen eyes were from crying that past day away and not from anything he’d done to me. I took a deep breath and tried to relax, but the sobs still ran through me. “He didn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t do that.” Although, from the feral look in his eyes, I hadn’t been too sure as he held my face in his strong hands.
“Are you going to get in trouble for calling in?” I’d told Bre before how difficult it is to call in, being a nurse. It never looks good, but at least I had Kathy to cover my shift and she appreciated the extra money. I owed her one.
“I don’t know if I’m going back tomorrow, either. I can’t focus, and Rob’s been on my ass enough lately as it is. He’s already had to send me home once. I’m afraid that the next time, he’ll suspend me or let me go.”
She joined me on the sofa and took my hand. “You can’t let this affect your work. It’s not worth it. Aiden is going to move on with his life. Eventually, you both will, but you have to look out for you.” I knew she had a point, but the pain was so bad I could barely think about anything else.
“This isn’t like you. You’re not the type of person who gets down over a man.” She shook her head like she didn’t know what to do with me.
“I’ve never done something so stupid to make someone hate me before. And I’ve never loved anyone like I love him.”
She had a point. I had to pull it together. I was a strong, independent woman and I’d get through this. I wiped my raw eyes one last time and took a deep breath. I had to stop the waterworks and buck up.
There was no way Aiden was laying around miserable. Sure, he’d pulled a drunk and brought home enough beer to pull another, but he was going to pay my parents their money and move on. He’d start his own office like he said and then he’d be all set. He’d probably meet some gorgeous paralegal and move her into Olde House. They’d raise a big family, grow old, and sip tea on his back porch, staring off into the oaks until they died happily ever after.
“Have you talked to your parents at all?” She cringed before I even answered, and I had a feeling she was picturing that discussion.
“I’m going over later. I’d ask you to come hold my hand, but since you bit Mother’s off once already, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” We shared a half-hearted laugh.
“Yeah, that might be for the best. But if you really need me, I’ll come anyway. Let me know. I’ll throw on a muzzle and come running.”
“I have to do this myself.” I took another deep, cleansing breath and stood. “I think I’ll head on over and get it done with. Maybe if I’m lucky they’ll disinherit me and I won’t have to die with the guilt of living off Walker money.”
“It will be okay.” She stood and gave me a hug and walked me to my car.
After a short goodbye, and before I started boohooing again, I headed off to my parents’ house. I needed to explain things before they thought the worst of Aiden and me. Too late.
“Come in, Lexa.” Dad held the door open, and for the first time in my life, I felt like a stranger in my home. My mom stood in the doorway to the kitchen and didn’t come in to greet me until we had sat down.
She lowered herself beside me on the opposite end of the sofa. “Alexandra.” She had never like shortening my name. She said it cheapened it, which was hard to hear at age ten when everyone else, including my father, had been doing it for years. “I think it’s best we get to the heart of the matter. It’s obvious you know Aiden Walker, but I’d like to know the exact nature of your friendship.”
So that was it — right to the point. No how are you doing or I’m sorry you’re upset.
“I met Aiden at the hospital. He’d been in an accident, and I found out who he was. I felt bad for him because I knew what you were doing and it seemed like he was down
on his luck. So, I gave him a ride home. I never told him who I was. I gave him a fake name, and since we hit it off, I’ve been seeing him ever since.”
My mother’s shoulders dropped like I had just taken the wind from her sails. “So, you’re saying this had nothing to do with the lawsuit?” She glanced at my father, who gave me a sidelong look.
“You’ve been dating him?” My father looked away as he leaned back in his chair across from me.
“I know it’s crazy. It’s the stupidest and most selfish thing I’ve ever done, I know that, but he’s a great guy. He’s treated me with nothing but respect and friendship, and he’s been there for me when no one else has, in a way that no one else has.” I looked to them both but only got blank stares in return as if the words were still sinking in.
“I’ve felt so alone since Shawn died. You two have had each other, you’ve leaned on each other. With Aiden, I finally had someone who understood what I was going through, even though I never told him about Shawn. I saw his grief firsthand, and as I saw the lawsuit was ripping open old wounds, I was healing them. He told me so. And, he was my bandage, as well.”
“So, he never put you up to trying to get us to withdraw the suit; that was all you?” I wanted to ask Dad if he’d been paying attention.
“He never knew who I was. He never knew you were my parents or that I even knew you.” I felt like I needed a Bible to swear upon.
“So you have feelings for him, then, romantic feelings?” My mother fidgeted with her collar.
“I’m in love with him.” Tears pooled in my eyes, but I inhaled sharply as if that would hold them off. “Not that it matters. Because he thinks you put me up to it. He won’t listen to me, even though I’ve tried talking to him. He made me promise to stay away from him. He never wants to see me again.”
“Then he’s a fool. If he really loves you, he’d try to understand.” Mother’s words surprised me with their sincerity.
“You’re better off. Better to mend your broken heart and move on than to stay mixed up with him.” My dad wasn’t helping, and my mother gave him a hard glare.
“She’s the one who lied, dear. You can hardly blame the man for not trusting her again. And with us so eager to sue, he probably thinks she’s a gold digger.” The words insulted my father, and he stood to his feet and doubled his fist.
“No daughter of mine had to depend on him and his money. I’ll take care of my own.” I say back in my seat thinking I’d made it all worse again, and as if on cue, my father stalked out of the room.
“You really messed things up.”
I turned my head and stared at my mother with a slack-jawed expression. “Thanks, Mother, as if I didn’t know that.”
She held her hands up in defense. “I only mean that you’ll have to fix this. I’ll deal with your father. He’s never going to accept that you’re a grown woman who doesn’t need him anymore. But now, to have some man out there thinking that his little girl is a bad person, well, that’s not going to sit well.”
“But I am a bad person, Mom. I did a bad thing. I conned him. Who could blame him for thinking worse of me?” I didn’t think there was a way I’d ever get Aiden to understand. “I just wish this stupid lawsuit had never happened. Then I could have been honest from the start, and there would have been nothing between us.”
“I still think we were within our rights, darling. And for what it’s worth, I think the judgment was fair. As much as I wanted to make them responsible, I never wanted to hurt anyone. It wasn’t about the amount — it was the principle.”
“If that’s true then you could have settled.”
“I guess I wanted to make them sweat.” Mother lifted her shoulder and was unapologetic. “But I understand now why you were so against it. I only wish you’d explained everything from the start.”
“He wouldn’t have kept seeing me. At first, I didn’t tell him because I didn’t think it mattered. Then, as I got to know him, I knew he’d stop talking to me. But once I fell in love, I did it out of pure survival. I knew it was on the road to ruin, but I had to hold onto him as long as I could.” I’d been so desperate to hold on, I’d damned all the consequences.
“So, what are you going to do about it? You have to move on and hope that love will find a way. If you believe he loves you, then it will.” She had always been practical, but I knew that would never happen.
“I know he did, but not anymore. There’s no way back from this. He’s always going to see me related to the lawsuit. I’d be an ugly reminder of the second worst time in his life.”
“Sounds to me like it wasn’t so bad.” My mother’s sly smile brought one to my face with a burst of blush. “You’ve been seeing him all this time, dear, do you think I don’t know how serious it must have been?”
I thought of all the times I’d been with Aiden intimately and knew I couldn’t discuss that with my mother. “Yeah, well, it was pretty amazing and deep, but he doesn’t think any of it was real, so. . .”
“Give it time; I have a feeling he’s not done with you yet.” She patted my hand and then got up to find Dad.
I let those words stir in my mind. Not done with me yet? I imagined the warm feel of his touch, but then the memory changed and I remembered his hard, cold eyes burning through mine. There hadn’t been love in those eyes. Not a trace. They were tinged with nothing but cold, bitter hate.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Aiden
I became aware of my aching bones as I woke up on the hard floor. My mother’s Aubusson rug did nothing for padding the hard tile beneath it, and I missed the discomfort of the prissy ass sofa. Footsteps had roused me, and I opened one eye to see that Mattie was tiptoeing around me, carefully gathering discarded cans and bottles. I moaned as I rolled over and tried to stretch out my aching muscles.
“You are a pitiful sight.” Mattie stood over me with a handful of empty bottles and placed them on a tray she’d brought from the kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s heartbreaking.” I sat up and glanced around for another beer, but my mini cooler was empty, and the ice had long melted.
“You drank the well dry.” She shook her head as a low groan escaped me.
“So, I’ll get more.” I stumbled to my feet, climbing over the side of the sofa and planting my ass on it.
“You can’t even walk. How are you going to drive? You need to sober your ass up and get over that lawsuit. You should consider it a win, from what I heard. The judge didn’t give those vultures half of what they wanted.”
She was right. Things had worked out well in my favor, though any amount given was too much for those people. Knowing Lexa was one of them was too much to handle.
“I slept it off, and the lawsuit isn’t the reason I’m drinking.”
“You gonna tell me why, then.”
“Nope.” I wasn’t budging.
Mattie walked around the table and sat next to me. “You’re not too sharp for a lawyer. That wasn’t a question, son. You are going to tell me why you’re drinking.” She searched my eyes. “Does this have anything to do with Lexa?” I cringed as she spoke the name. “Oh yeah. That’s what this is all about.”
“She lied to me.”
“You’re drinking like this over a woman who lied?” She gave me a sideward look and shook her head. She wasn’t buying it.
“It wasn’t some simple lie. All this time I think I’m dating Lexa Lively and her real name is Alexandra Patterson.” I met her eyes and her widened. She clutched the beads around her neck and muttered sweet Jesus.
“She’s related to Shawn? And, you didn’t know it?”
“His sister. I knew he had a sister, but I hadn’t ever met her. Hell, I was just getting to know Shawn.”
“That’s some kind of betrayal. What was her game?” Mattie’s eyes narrowed, and her mouth turned down.
“She says nothing. She met me and liked me and didn’t know how to tell me. How about just tack it on during all those conversations we had about
my family dying and the lawsuit?” I let out a long breath, and Mattie placed her hand on my arm.
“You’re in love with that girl.”
“Yeah, and look where that got me: right back where I started, except now I get to feel worse.”
“I imagine she’s feeling pretty bad, too. You know, losing her brother wasn’t easy. Maybe you filled something for her. Maybe she got in over her head and didn’t know what to do.” I didn’t want to hear her defend Lexa.
“You’re supposed to be on my side.” I folded my arms and leaned back.
“I am always on your side, baby boy. Don’t you ever forget that. But you’ve got to try and understand all sides of this if you’re ever going to get past it and move on.”
“I’m hoping I can forget about her. So far, I’m failing miserably.”
“You’re not going to quit loving her. Love doesn’t work that way. It might turn bitter and wither, but the roots remain. You can either tend to them and let things blossom, or you can ignore them and let them lay dormant, but you’re going to have to do something.”
“Yeah, great options, Mattie. Thanks a lot.” I stood, but she grabbed my arm to stop me.
“I’ll tell you a little secret I learned a long time ago. Sometimes if you tend those roots, you find that love grows stronger. You ever notice how after we have a hurricane, those old trees that don’t break, they just come back lusher the next year? They’re fuller, stronger, and able to withstand whatever life throws at them.”
I understood what she was trying to say, but I wasn’t one of those trees that had survived the storm. I’d been splintered by a tornado, shaken and ripped apart and left in shreds.
“Thanks, Mattie.” It was all I could say to get away from her. I didn’t feel like a talk, even though her words stayed with me.
I wondered if I had helped Lexa with her grief over Shawn’s death the same way she’d helped me with all of mine. And if her parents hadn’t put her up to it, why couldn’t she have been honest so we could have leaned on each other? She’d cheated me out of being there for her, and it was just one more thing I could add to the growing list of reasons to be pissed off.
