by Alex Barclay
‘You have no idea what you’ve done,’ said Ren. The volume was rising. ‘My whole career—’
Billy let go of her hand. ‘I’ve heard the “my whole career” line before.’
Ren looked up. ‘Well, thanks for ignoring that and screwing up anyway.’ Her eyes were lit with anger.
‘It was because of that line,’ said Billy, ‘that I helped you out. I’m not expecting a thank you here.’ He stood up. ‘All I wanted to do was to protect the “whole career” you love. And protect the person who loves it.’
‘Sit down,’ said Ren. ‘Please. I’m sorry.’
He sat down. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I know you are. I know. I just…I’m scared.’
‘I feel that my very existence jeopardizes your job,’ said Billy.
‘My job is not your responsibility,’ said Ren. Her tone was gentle.
‘I guess I felt it was my responsibility before…when we got together—’
‘Even then, it wasn’t…I could definitely hold your ass responsible for that, though.’
‘We went through a lot,’ said Billy ‘You did. You fought hard. So I’m not going to let anyone take that away from you. If I have to take the rap, I will.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Ren. She hung her head. ‘Billy, what am I going to do with you?’
‘Not be mad at me.’
‘Jesus, how could I be mad?’ said Ren. ‘I mean, taking the file for me was amazing. The putting it back part – not so much. Your fuck-up could be the biggest fuck-up I’ve ever made. But it all started with me. So, it’ll all end with me.’
‘No one will find out,’ said Billy. ‘And if they do, no one will find me. Do you have any idea how long you motherfuckers were tracking me back in the day – until you caught up with me?’
Ren laughed.
Billy stood up in front of her and held her head between his hands. He kissed her on the top of the head three times: ‘Do. Not. Worry.’
Ren stood up and hugged him tight. ‘You crazy, crazy bitch.’
‘The world is not closing in on you,’ said Billy. ‘Look at it like this – there’s a way out of every maze—’
‘Noo,’ said Ren. ‘Not mazes. Do not speak of them.’
‘Listen to me. Mazes are usually made of hedges, right? So what you’re afraid of is some pruned shrubbery. Which doesn’t sound too scary, right? In fact, it sounds a little harmless…and, if you have the right chainsaw, you can rip right through it.’
‘Yes…’
‘What was the only thing that would have stopped you ripping through that hedge when you were a kid, if you needed to?’
‘I left my chainsaw back in my Wendy house?’
‘Convention is what stopped you,’ said Billy. ‘Manners, society expectations, fear of letting down your parents or drawing negative attention to yourself or ruining someone’s birthday party…’
Ren smiled. ‘Ah.’
‘Yes,’ said Billy. ‘There is a way out – you just need to break a few rules.’
‘I’m an obeyer of rules…mainly.’
‘Well, I’m just glad you broke a few last year,’ said Billy. ‘And remember: if there’s something strange…in your neighborhood…who you gonna call?’
Ren laughed. Billy hugged her again and left.
Annie’s phone rang. Ren stared at it. I’m tired. I’m busy. I’m rushing. I’m under pressure. I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept…She felt exhausted even thinking of the effort it took to always be on, to have a few words to throw out to distract someone from guessing that always, there was some other crap going on under the surface. She wondered if she would ever turn to someone else and say, ‘I feel very vulnerable right now. I need to be alone.’
She picked up.
‘Jay told me that you phoned Ricky Parry,’ said her mother.
You have to be kidding me. What is wrong with him?
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘God, Mom, I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t know what his reaction would be. I wanted to talk to him, I have – or thought I had – some connection with him. As it transpired, I was wrong. But I wanted to give it a shot.’
‘Well, you should have told me, Ren. Your father and I live here, for God’s sake. What kind of fool would I have looked if we had run into him on the street and he had mentioned it? Or someone else had?’
‘I’m sorry, Mom. I did what I thought was right.’
‘I know, sweetheart, but…I don’t like to be kept in the dark. You don’t have to protect me.’
‘I’m sorry. I can’t help it.’
‘And how come I didn’t hear about this cowboy boyfriend you had?’
Boyfriend…the fling with the extreme rider at the Western Stock Show. You have to be kidding me.
‘What?’ said Ren. ‘He wasn’t a boyfriend.’
‘Well, what was he then?’
Hmm. ‘We went on a few…dates.’
‘Why wouldn’t you even tell me that the man exists?’
To limit my official numbers. ‘Well, maybe because I didn’t think he was special enough to meet my mommy.’
‘If you felt he wasn’t important enough to mention him to your father and I, then why would you want to date him?’
Sweet Jesus. ‘Because not everyone I meet is someone who I will walk up the aisle with. Let’s face it. Mom, I’m incredibly busy right now. This conversation is not helpful.’
Ren could sense one of her mother’s weighty pauses.
‘I just wonder…’
Here it comes.
‘…have you been trying to replace Beau in your life?’
Beau? What? ‘Well, please stop wondering,’ said Ren. ‘About anything. Ever. And stop watching daytime psych shows. You blend the advice from hundreds of different topics.’
‘Hundreds? I don’t watch hundreds.’
‘And I don’t try to find guys who remind me of my dead brother,’ said Ren. ‘That’s just creepsville.’
‘It’s not “creepsville”. I’m talking about there being a hole in your life ever since Beau died. I explained myself badly – it’s not Beau you’re trying to replace – I meant that maybe you are trying to fill the void that he left.’
‘Well, that sounds a bit more normal,’ said Ren. ‘But you’re still wrong. I’m fine. I’m not looking for any man.’ A historic moment.
‘Are you…sleeping with men?’
‘Oh my God,’ said Ren.
‘I read that people like you sleep with men.’
‘Women, you mean?’
‘I meant people with your…condition.’
‘Mom? I’ve got to go,’ said Ren, ‘a comfortable conversation has just come up somewhere.’
‘Well, just remember that a lot of men just want to sleep with you and once they get what they want, they’ll leave.’
And hopefully not let the door hit them on the way out.
Ren sat at Annie’s giant mahogany dining-room table with the stolen contents of Trudie Hammond’s file. She wondered how she could get Janine Hooks’…hooks out of her.
Did she re-open the case to spite me? Or to alert me to the fact that she knew I had stolen the file? Or because Hooks, too, felt that there was a link between the two deaths? Are we going to end up racing each other to a finish line on this?
Ren looked down at the pages and photos she had spread in front of her on the table.
Somewhere in here, there will be something that I will find without having to speak to a single person who was involved in the previous investigation. Because Janine Hooks will kill me. And dump me in a river for effect.
Three letters floated around Ren’s head: OPR: the FBI’s Office of Professional Responsibility. The people whose heads would spin if they knew about breaking and entering without a warrant…carried out by a confidential informant who an FBI agent had a prior relationship with when he was a suspect in the murder of another FBI agent whose death she was investigating.
Ren
let out a breath. Their heads would spin. My head would roll.
37
Ren spent the weekend going back and forth over what to do about Janine Hooks. It was Monday morning and she was acting on her most recent decision. She didn’t think Janine Hooks would accept her visit. But she was invited straight in when she showed up at the depressing brown office.
‘Hi,’ said Ren. ‘Thank you so much for seeing me. I’m mortified. I wanted to apologize for taking the file. But if you could let me explain, you’ll see why I did it.’
‘Your arrogance was unbeliev—’
‘I can see how it came across that way,’ said Ren, ‘but it really was not arrogance. Please hear me out. My accessing this file had to fly under the radar. I couldn’t let you know why I needed to look at that case again. I couldn’t draw your attention to it, because it is a mess. I don’t know how yet, but the Hammonds’ murders are—’
‘Hammonds? Plural? Murders?’ said Hooks.
‘Yes,’ said Ren. ‘Douglas Hammond’s death was not an accident. That is something that cannot get out. We know that, so does Denver PD, but we were trying to keep a lid on it. What I was about to say was that I think his murder and his wife’s are connected…and there are also links to a wider network of ongoing investigations that I need to work out. And I feel that part of working that out is to take another look at Trudie Hammond’s case. What I did to you was wrong, but I didn’t know anything about you and alerting anyone to my suspicions would have made me and them more vulnerable.’
Hooks sat back in her chair. ‘Ah, you did it to protect me…’ Her voice was flat.
‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ said Ren. ‘But I have to tell you, going public with reopening Trudie Hammond’s murder was a massive mistake. It was exactly what I was trying to avoid.’
‘Oh, I think I’ll survive.’
‘Maybe you will, but…’
‘What is the link?’ said Janine. ‘Why do you think there is one?’
‘Before I say anything, I want to ask you: will you work with me on this?’
Hooks looked at Ren like she was nuts.
‘I’ll be really honest, here,’ said Ren. ‘I cannot let my superiors know that I’m looking into this because, as you may have noticed, it has nothing to do with Safe Streets – it’s your cold case, it’s nearly thirty years old, and I can’t go to my boss for my permission to look at it when we have so much else going on.
‘And there are other, private, circumstances in connection with Douglas Hammond that put me in a difficult position. I know that I have done nothing wrong, but me knowing and everyone else knowing is a different story.’
‘Why would that concern me?’
‘It doesn’t,’ said Ren. ‘But I’m sure your budget does.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘OK, I would like to help you,’ said Ren. ‘Genuinely. When I came into your office that first time—’
‘The time you weren’t actually breaking in.’
Ren paused. ‘Look, I knew instantly that I had fucked up. I walked in, I knew that you knew your shit and there was something about you that I liked. But I knew I couldn’t back out at that point. And because of everything else that was at stake, I knew I had to keep going with my plan. I am not a person who breaks into places and steals things,’ said Ren. ‘I would not have jeopardized my position for something that wasn’t important.’
‘How did you know I wouldn’t have gone to the authorities about the break-in?’
‘Because I knew you couldn’t have proved it was me.’
‘I could have innocently called…’ Hooks glanced at a Post-It on her desk, ‘Gary Dettling with “that information you were looking for”.’
‘And I could have come up with a reason why that information was relevant,’ said Ren. ‘The point is this. Two things – I know about budget cuts here and I know the cold-case unit is under threat. I also know that you love your job.’
‘Blackmail. I love it,’ said Hooks.
‘It’s not blackmail,’ said Ren. ‘It’s for our mutual benefit. I could stand back and let you at this case yourself and I have no doubt you would work it all out. But I’ve found something in that file that I think is crucial.’
‘Oh, me too,’ said Hooks, gesturing to a stack of files on the desk beside her. ‘That doesn’t mean I get to follow through.’
‘We have different set-ups,’ said Ren.
‘Yes,’ said Hooks, ‘if you wanted to go and search, let me see, the four locations I feel could have been used as burial grounds by various killers in these files here, you could just go right ahead.’
‘Not necessarily,’ said Ren. ‘But yes, I obviously have access to a lot more resources, which is exactly how I would like to help, here.’
‘Go ahead.’
‘I just need you to get me to run some DNA.’
‘So,’ said Hooks, ‘you are going to tell me something, I pretend I came up with it myself and I ask the FBI’s help to speed the sample through their lab…’
‘Yes.’
‘Why would I do that?’ said Janine.
‘Because if I’m right, the case will be closed. And that will help your track record. And support any budget campaigns. I think your track record is excellent, by the way, but a poor economy still screws talented people and the more you can do to promote your cause, the better. I’m not in any way trying to be patronizing. This is actually something practical we can both do.’
‘What did you find in the file?’ said Hooks.
‘I don’t know yet, but…’
Robbie was smiling at Ren when she walked into the office.
‘Good morning, smiley face,’ she said.
‘I got some good news for you,’ said Robbie.
‘Shoot.’
‘Now I feel bad calling it good news,’ said Robbie. ‘I mean, it is for you, just not for the other person.’
Ren looked at him patiently.
‘I took a call for you while you were out,’ said Robbie. ‘From Hunt Memorial Hospital in Nogales, Arizona. They’ve just roused Luke Sarvas from an induced coma. Almost every bone in his body is broken.’
‘Wow,’ said Ren. ‘What happened?’
‘He says he fell from the border wall.’
The wall along the Mexican border had been heightened over the years to deter jumpers. The problem was that it didn’t. It just meant a longer drop and more serious injuries.
‘He was obviously trying to get the hell out of Mexico and couldn’t do it the legal way,’ said Ren. ‘Now, why would that be?’
‘Would I be right in saying you’re on a flight to Nogales to find out?’
‘You sure are…’ Ren paused. ‘What about his brother? Michael Sarvas?’
Robbie shook her head. ‘Unfortunately, there’s no word of him. Luke was alone.’
Gary stuck his head into the office ‘Ren, Glenn Buddy’s just shown up. He’s in the conference room.’
Please let it be more good news.
Glenn stood up when she walked in. His face was blank. But his eyes were hiding something. And whatever it was was not good.
‘You’ve been to Breckenridge, right?’ said Glenn Buddy.
‘Yes, last year,’ said Ren, sitting down. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Why were you there?’
Hello? ‘You know why I was there,’ said Ren. ‘I was on the Jean Transom case.’
‘Did you know Douglas Hammond was also in Breckenridge last year?’
‘I’m sure a lot of people were,’ said Ren.
‘Do you know the Friends of Breckenridge?’
‘No.’ But I bet a woman in a hand-knit sweater came up with the name.
‘Hammond and his friends set it up. Anyway, they went there every year, some of them twice a year, some just came for ski season. There was always a group of them for summer and winter every year. They celebrated their fortieth anniversary President’s Day weekend last year.’
Good for them. ‘OK�
�’
‘Were you in Breckenridge at that time?’
‘I was.’ Ren paused. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re exploring some connection here…’ What the hell is going on?
‘I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, so allow me to ask a few questions. I’m just looking at your links to Hammond.’
‘What links?’ said Ren. ‘There are none. It’s a coincidence, that’s all.’
‘Jesus, Ren…I’m going to come right out with it. What were you doing with Judge Hammond the night he died?’
38
Glenn Buddy’s expression was exhaustion edged with fear.
Ren let out a breath. ‘Hammond approached me in Gaffney’s one evening. He said he wanted to meet with me.’
Glenn slumped back in his chair. ‘Why did you not tell anyone this?’
‘I…he asked me not to.’ Lame.
Glenn’s look told her that he agreed.
‘I didn’t know that he was going to die,’ said Ren. ‘So, in my head, I was having a – yes, secret – meeting with Judge Douglas Hammond, but that was it.’
‘Right…’ said Glenn. ‘And where was this meeting to take place?’
‘In a rest-stop between Hiwan Country Club and his house.’
‘And this seemed totally normal to you?’
‘Of course not,’ said Ren. ‘But I knew it must have been something important.’
‘What did you think it was going to be about?’ said Glenn.
‘I…don’t know,’ said Ren.
‘And what did he say?’
‘Not a lot. I know none of this sounds good for me. I acknowledge that, but to be honest, I was at a loss as to what his point was. The best way I can put it is it was like he invited me over to tell me something, then changed his mind once I got there.’
‘Could there have been something…sexual involved?’
‘What?’ said Ren. ‘With me?’
Glenn nodded. ‘Yeah: like, was he hitting on you?’
‘God, no. No. He seemed afraid. There was something not quite right.’
‘Then why didn’t you—’
‘It wasn’t a “you’re going to die” bad feeling. Just that something was off.’
