“He said he loved me. He said I was his and he was mine,” Laney wailed, and the pitch was stomach-churning. I’d never been able to understand how Laney got attached to the guys she went out with so quickly and why the downfall was always so dramatic, but after tonight I realized that it was possible to have a connection with someone that you barely knew. On the other hand, while I didn’t want to discount her feelings, this had been happening since freshman year, and it always ended the same.
As they leaned her down into the car, she wrapped her arms around Josh’s neck. “I should have waited for you,” she cried, and sloppily tried to kiss him on the mouth. I felt my face flush in embarrassment at her desperate actions. He quickly jerked away before she could press her lips fully against his, and was able to pull free of her grip as Matt settled her in my backseat.
“Oh my God.” Matt shut the door with exasperation. “Take her home before she turns into a gremlin.” He leaned in to give me a quick hug before his arms stiffened around me. I didn’t have to look to know that he’d just realized it was Josh who had helped him with Laney.
I pulled away from Matt, and my eyes immediately found Josh’s gaze locked on me. I crossed my arms over my middle, unsure of what to do or say. Luckily, Nick jogged up at that moment and provided a distraction from the awkwardness.
“Is she okay?” he panted out as he stopped beside our group, looking exasperated, but still concerned. “I shouldn’t have argued with her, I just…” He ran a hand over his buzzed hair. “She’s just so…”
“Intense?” Taylor offered, moving over to the passenger side door of my car.
“Yeah,” Nick said, glancing in the backseat briefly, but Laney was hunched over, her head in her hands. “Sorry that you guys had to deal with all that.” His tone was sincere, and I felt sorry for him that he’d had to deal with the situation as well.
“It’ll be fine,” I said, forcing a smile. I glanced up at Matt, but he was watching Josh. His blue eyes snapped over to mine in question, and I was already dreading the texts I’d get from him later warning me about “guys like Josh”. Matt was always trying to look out for us, but sometimes he pushed too far.
“Are you going to be okay getting Laney home?” Josh asked, resting his palms on the hood of my car, leaning forward. The way he was looking at me reminded me of our heated kisses earlier.
I opened my mouth to answer him, but nothing would come out. I could sense Taylor, Nick, and Matt’s eyes on me. I could feel the panic rising in my chest at becoming the center of everyone’s attention. I rounded the car, fumbling to open my door.
“Trust me, we’re pros at this,” Taylor cut in, opening her door as Josh removed his hands from the hood.
“Thanks again for your help.” I met Josh’s eyes briefly before looking at a disapproving Matt. I slipped into the driver’s seat and cranked the car on, then pulled out onto the street while Taylor twisted in her seat to check on Laney.
Once we were on the main road, I glanced over at Taylor, who looked unamused by Laney’s soft sobs. When I checked the rearview mirror, Laney was lying down in the back seat, angrily staring into space. I really hoped this mood would pass by the morning.
“Why do they leave me? I’m so attentive, and I give them anything they want,” she moaned softly.
I met Taylor’s knowing eyes and willed her silently not to make any jokes about how she’d taken day trips to the zoo that lasted longer than Laney’s relationships.Taylor wisely chose to ignore Laney, and instead focused her attention on me.
“So, is he a good kisser?” Taylor grinned at me.
I brought my fingers to my mouth at the memory of Josh’s lips. They were still slightly swollen from his kiss, but I cherished the feeling—because I was pretty sure I would never experience it again.
But I wouldn’t say that, not even to Taylor. I swiftly changed the subject.
“So what did the sheriff’s office say about that guy?” I asked, averting my eyes when Taylor smirked, indicating she knew I was dodging her question.
“Basically, unless he’s threatening me or I can prove that he’s harassing me, there’s not much they can do about it,” she huffed. “The same thing happened to my mom when she had that weird neighbor. She kept calling the police, and they’d just ask if she had no trespassing signs up. They wouldn’t do anything until she got a video of him pouring bleach in her flowerbeds.”
I sighed, flicking on the blinker as we turned onto the main road, headed back to the house. “I’ll go with you if you want to get your number changed.”
“I’m not letting this prick force me to change my number.” Taylor laughed, pulling her long hair up into a ponytail and away from her face. She tapped the dashboard to get my attention. “So was he? A good kisser?” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Embarrassed, I bit my lip, unsure of whether I should confide in Taylor. Tonight was a night of firsts, I decided, and slowly nodded. Taylor’s smile was contagious as we pulled up to the house, ready for a round of rock, paper, scissors to see who was going to approach Laney first.
Chapter Six
By the time we got home, whatever Laney drank at the rugby party hit her full force. We thought we would have to carry her in the house, still sobbing incoherently about unrequited love, but she surprised Taylor and I both by pulling us into a group hug. She was crying again, but it was happy tears, with no mention of Nick.
“I love you guys. You’re my best friends,” she slurred, and then walked right through the hug and headed to the side of the house.
“Laney! No. We’ve gotta go inside,” Taylor called, but Laney wobbled through the grass and around the back of the house like a toddler on crack. “Ugh. I’m so tired,” Taylor complained.
“It’s bedtime!” I yelled in Laney’s direction, and then briefly closed my eyes with a sigh before heading off after her. “Go inside and open the back door,” I called back to Taylor. I figured if she went through the front door and met me on the back porch, we could cut Laney off and get her inside without any casualties.
To my surprise, when I got to the back yard, Laney was standing on the steps, knocking on the back storm door rather politely. Taylor opened it up for her.
“Oh, hello,” she said in such a formal way that Taylor laughed.
“Can I help you?” Taylor played along as I made my way up the steps behind Laney.
“Yes. I’m going to bed now.” Laney pushed past Taylor, who held the door open for me. Laney spun around, and I winced at the angle she was twisting her ankle. She would definitely feel that in the morning.
“You okay, champ?” I asked in amusement, pulling my straight, dark hair up into a ponytail, unsure if Laney was going to make it down the hall to her room of her own accord.
“Yes. Fine.” She glanced around for a moment as if she’d never seen our living room. “This is important, don’t forget, okay?” Her lips pursed for a moment, and she looked as though she was deciding if I was worthy to hear her secret. “There’s a dog named Remi who lives here.”
“Yeah, I think we’ve met,” I joked, but Laney’s inebriated state made it impossible for her to know when we were making fun of her, so I didn’t get a reaction.
“Well, she wants to go outside.” She balled her long nails into a fist and then extended them, imitating an explosion, illustrating her novel observation that a dog that’d been left home for several hours might need to go for a walk. “That’s all.” And with that, she swayed down the hallway, only running into the wall once before disappearing behind her bedroom door.
“I’ll go make sure Laney doesn’t try selling our organs on eBay or something if you wanna take Remi out,” Taylor chirped, already heading toward Laney’s room.
I shook my head as I turned toward my room—what a freaking night.
When I opened my bedroom door, I heard Remi’s tail start moving against the light pink comforter. She was stretched out in the middle of my bed like the princess she’d become.
“You w
anna go outside?” I switched to my baby voice, and I didn’t care if it was cringy.
“Oh, my goodness! You’re such a good girl,” I said as she stretched and then made her way over to me so I could fasten her harness and her leash. We were only going in the back yard, but it wasn’t fenced in, and I never wanted to take any chances of her running off after something and not being able to find her. Cautious, careful, always. I needed to keep reminding myself that is who I was and how I protected myself.
Once outside, I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered despite the effort. The fall breeze had kicked up, and Remi showed no signs of hurrying her glacial pace. I could feel my chest constricting as I was faced with the wooded area bordering our property line. I had to talk myself out of a panic attack, because this night had stirred up all my emotions, all my memories.
My thoughts shifted to Josh. I tried to tell myself that he wasn’t any different from all the other people in my life, and I needed to keep him at arm's length. But If I was being honest, I was fully aware that he already had the power to crush me, and I wasn’t sure if I was angrier at him or myself for entertaining any of this.
I’d been such a mess since the attack that claimed the lives of my sister and mother that I’d never had the capacity to really let anyone in. I was so untrusting, so guarded because I didn’t want to put myself in a position to allow anything like that to happen again. Growing up in the witness protection program, which was essentially glorified foster care, didn’t help my trust issues either. I never felt safe, always looking over my shoulder, wondering if he’d come back for me, and never really knowing if someone was who they said they were. I certainly wasn’t—no one knew my real last name, or the nickname my sister whispered as she coughed up blood, taking her final breath.
But the difference with Josh wasn’t really him; it was how I reacted to him. I suspected that maybe it wasn’t just attraction either, but perhaps it was the anguish in his eyes, the type of sadness I’d never seen in anyone else, but felt deep in my soul. It felt a little like we were two halves of the same coin, united in our grief, but each facing very different realities.
I shivered again, still trying to tamp down the lingering anxiety and convince myself that I was fine. He wasn’t there. I wasn’t seven anymore; I wasn’t crazy. It was over, and he was locked away, maybe even dead and buried by now. I closed my eyes, breathed in deep. I had vowed I wouldn’t let him ruin the rest of my life, but on days like today, I felt like my fear still controlled me. Sometimes, but not often enough, I was distracted with daily tasks to be okay, with only a faint whisper of the trauma in the back of my mind. And other times, like right now, I was a ticking time bomb. One unlocked door, a window left open by Taylor or Laney, and I was calling the police—embarrassing us all, swearing up and down that someone had tried to break in. And then I’d have to cover it up, pretending that I was just overly sheltered and didn’t know how to cope with living away from home. Because I didn’t want anyone to know my story, I didn’t want anyone to be able to use it against me. So I took it to the extreme, and I never told anyone anything personal.
Taylor and Laney at least understood enough to know that they didn’t understand. Obviously, they knew that something happened to me to make me this way. They didn’t have to know the details to be there for me when I wasn’t coping well, and for that, I would be forever grateful. Taylor respected me enough not to pry, and Laney was so caught up in her own stuff and so oblivious that she never pushed. They didn’t get angry when we were out with friends, and I jumped at a loud noise and had to sit on my hands to get the shaking to dissipate. One time Taylor actually started a fight with the rudest waitress at our favorite diner, just to distract everyone at our table from noticing my chaotic state. I’d made it out to the car to cool down, and everyone thought I’d left because of Taylor’s embarrassing behavior. The only thing she said when I returned was, “Sorry, but those eggs were over easy, not over medium.”
I smiled at the memory; eyes still closed as I practiced my deep breathing, waiting for the anxiety to subside.
I quickly opened my eyes when Remi started growling, a low rumble that immediately alerted me that something was wrong. Her body went rigid, and I knew she must’ve heard something that I couldn’t. Her head was trained on the woods, and she was refusing to move.
“Rem. Come on. Now.” I pulled on her leash, but she was steady, ears tipping forward and back as if she was listening for something or someone. “It’s probably a raccoon,” I hissed at her, as if she could understand my human logic. “Rem, please.”
Then I heard it, crunching, twigs and leaves mashing beneath something much more substantial than a raccoon. I could feel the bile rising in my throat as I gripped Remi’s harness at her shoulder blades. My body felt numb as I lifted her and turned her toward the house. “Remi. Inside. Now!” She obeyed, running up the steps before me. With shaking fingers, I managed to lock the storm door and then the deadbolt on the heavy wooden door.
I rushed around the house, checking all the windows and doors, including the girls’ rooms. Laney was passed out sleeping and wouldn’t have noticed if I parked a bus on the bed next to her. And because she was used to my paranoia about security, Taylor didn’t flinch when I frantically checked her window, unlocking and locking it three times before being satisfied. She set her phone down and looked up at me with tear-filled eyes.
“You okay?” we asked at the same time and then laughed.
“Yeah, that guy, Ryan, is just…” She threw her hand up and let it fall silently to her teal comforter. “It’ll be alright. Are you…”
“I’m good. I thought I heard something in the woods. It’s probably…” I started, but Taylor interrupted my rambling words.
“Do whatever you need to do so you can sleep tonight.” Taylor’s smile was reassuring, and all I could do was nod in appreciation.
“You too. Don’t let him bully you, okay?” I said, walking toward her door, feeling much calmer than just minutes before. I was probably overthinking. There was no possible way he was here, looking for me. I sucked in a harsh breath through my nose, trying to get the last of the jitters out of my body. Even though I still had moments of panic, they dissipated much more quickly than several years ago.
“Hey, Addison.” I turned to look at my roommate. “If you have any nightmares or anything, come get me. I don’t mind.” She smiled so sweetly that tears pricked my eyes, and I had to swallow to concentrate on not letting them fall.
I sniffled a laugh when a thought popped into my head. “Let me know if you want me to take care of Ryan for you. I’m an awful driver. We could make it look like an accident.” I grinned playfully, tipping my head in mock thought. “But Officer… which one’s the brake again?” I knitted my eyebrows, feigning confusion.
“Oh my GOD.” Taylor flopped back on her pillows, her body shaking with laughter. “You’re warped.”
“Get some sleep.” I flipped off her light, shutting her door behind me as I headed to my room. Remi was already on the bed, looking rather sheepish. “It’s okay, girl.” I kissed her nose, feeling guilty for raising my voice at her outside. “You did really well. You’re such a good baby.” I peppered kisses on her nose and forehead. I knew her previous owners had abused her, and I didn’t want her to ever fear me. After all, she’d just been doing her best to protect me. I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed her jar of treats. She took one gently and moved over to the left side of the bed to eat it.
I changed quickly into joggers and a crewneck sweatshirt. I never wore nightgowns or slept in panties and a t-shirt for fear there would come a night where I would have to run from the house. Some old habits die hard, I guessed.
I sagged back against my pillows and closed my eyes, most of my jitters a recent memory. I turned on my side, bending my knees when I felt Remi move so she could lie curled up behind them. And despite all of my earlier anger, as my eyes fluttered shut, I brought my fingertips back to my lips an
d thought of Josh one last time.
Chapter Seven
By 11 am on Monday, I’d already crossed paths with Josh three times. I wasn’t sure exactly when he’d transferred to Kensington, but I suspected that was probably why I was only now seeing him so often. It felt a little like he was following me, but given my past, I could never quite tell if I was reading situations correctly. I’d always been paranoid, but I hadn’t felt as panicked as I had last night for so long it was hard even to pinpoint a timeframe.
Despite clearly seeing me, he didn’t attempt to talk to me. And if I was honest, it burned a little. I wasn’t expecting him to be some cliché romance novel hero, sweeping me off my feet. But he was back to watching me, making eye contact for a little too long, but not speaking. How did he go from making out with me and helping me with Laney to this? It was better this way, though. I was in no shape to have an actual relationship, and he clearly didn’t know what he wanted.
“You’re famous, bitch,” Taylor announced as she marched into the gym, shoving her phone under my nose as I sat at the check-in counter.
“Hmm?” I didn’t glance away from the paper I was reading for my English Lit class.
“Oh my God. Watch the video, genius.” She tapped the screen, and my stomach lurched as I watched the video of Josh pummeling Ash on the lawn of the rugby house. There I was, standing by, looking dumbfounded.
Taylor snatched her phone back as the video ended with a shot of Josh dragging me by the arm into the house. “Are you gonna give me the details? Come on; I knew you guys kissed, but that looks intense.”
I groaned and covered my face with my palms. “You were saving Laney from herself at the time,” I said, and Taylor reached out and flicked me on the neck. She was a little demon when she wanted to be.
“Nothing happened,” I said, but then corrected myself. “He just kissed me. It wasn’t…” I was cut off by Taylor squealing at an octave not suitable for the gym.
Beautiful Legend: An Angsty College Romance Page 4
