That same morning, I realized that Remi wasn’t eating much, but her nose wasn’t warm, and she still seemed excited about her morning walk. Since Taylor had to be home anyway to wait for someone to write up the police report, she offered to watch over Rem. After I called and explained Remi’s symptoms to Dr. Alexander, she told me it was fine to go ahead to work and keep her updated if there were any changes.
I was kneeling down in the gym, sorting out papers for Matt, who couldn’t seem to get organized enough to print his documents out in the correct order. And instead of helping me, he was sitting in my chair at the front counter, having something akin to a nervous breakdown. His current coping mechanism seemed to be pouting and telling me how much better everything was in Maine than it was in Maryland. He finished his tirade by threatening to move back to Maine to live in his mother’s basement until he died.
“It’s going to be fine, Matt. Just let me make sure we aren’t missing anything.” I handed him a stack of papers that were only slightly wrinkled. I was pretty sure that was all of his sociology assignment, but immediately doubted myself when I turned back to the remaining ream of paper still scattered haphazardly on the floor.
“In Maine…” Matt started again but was cut off by a voice I both hated and longed to hear.
“If Maine is so great, why don’t you go back then?” Josh picked up Matt’s backpack and shoved it a little too roughly into Matt’s chest for his politely curious tone to be sincere. “No one’s stopping you.”
“Hey, watch it!” Matt puffed his chest out but quickly took a step back when Josh didn’t move out of his space.
I ignored both of them and continued to sort the rest of Matt’s papers out while they bickered at my desk. I could sense Susan, certified pain in my ass that she was, as she stood nearby, giving me the dirtiest look she could muster while wearing a dress straight out of Little House on the Prairie.
“Are you his assistant now or something?” Josh moved closer to look down into my eyes, but I avoided his gaze and tried to give him a nonverbal hint to get lost. I had no desire to speak with him after last night, or engage in whatever warped game he was playing. Josh stood in front of me as I picked up the last of Matt’s papers, now neatly stacked in order. I chose to pivot around Josh, acting as if I couldn’t see him.
“I hope you have a great rest of the day, Matt.” I hoped he would take the hint that I wanted them both to leave, but instead, he just gaped at me, eyes moving back and forth between me, and from what I could see in my peripherals, a slightly amused Josh.
“Ugh. I’m late.” Matt huffed, grabbing his water bottle off of my desk, but halted to say, “Are you gonna be okay… with him?”
“I’m fine.” I gave Matt what I thought was a reassuring smile. It was a nice gesture, but really, what was he going to do to help me? His being there was only exacerbating the tension between Josh and me.
“Addison, I know you’re upset with me, and you have every right to be,” Josh said softly, enticing me to look up at him. He reached out, but his hand stopped mid-air, falling back to his side. “But I really need to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you. You can walk out with Matt and fight all the way to your next class if you want.” I stood, looking up at him, studying his face. It was right there, at the back of my mind. I wanted so badly to remember why he brought on such a comforting feeling.
“Please.” He was doing that looming thing again, and the way his green eyes softened as they glided from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes made me want to give him anything he asked. “Just come with me somewhere private where we can talk.” He glanced around, appearing to hunt for an appropriate place. “What’s in there?” He pointed to the storage space where we kept the towels and extra yoga mats.
“It’s a closet,” I replied, and I rolled my eyes but after a moment, I decided to humor him. He clearly wasn’t going to leave on his own volition; I didn’t need any blow ups at work. I was probably already going to get yanked up for facilitating Matt’s meltdown while I was supposed to be working. “I told you how I felt last night. You need to get a hobby that isn’t messing with my emotions.” I spat, but I still followed him.
He glanced around to see if anyone was watching before opening the door and pulling me in behind him. This guy had a weird thing for enclosed spaces. And apparently, I had a weird thing for following him into them.
He ignored my earlier outburst, running a hand through his hair. “You need to stop taking walks down to the docks by yourself or with just your roommates.” It wasn’t a suggestion, and I understood that by his tone.
“All of this over Ryan?” I asked as I gaped up at him. “It’s a safe town; nothing ever happens here.” That was why I’d picked it, after all.
“So safe that your roommate's car isn’t driveable?” He quirked an eyebrow.
“How did you know about that?” As far as I knew, Taylor hadn’t told anybody about it yet.
“Small town.” He shrugged. “Even smaller campus. And your roommate, the one that cries all the time, has a big mouth.”
Yeah, Laney wasn’t exactly someone you trusted with sensitive information. I couldn’t burn a piece of toast without Laney plastering the offense all over social media, so I was guessing half of the campus knew about the vandalism already. Things like this were why Taylor made it so Laney couldn’t tag her in anything because she didn’t want her business broadcasted. I didn’t use social media for obvious reasons, but I’d refereed enough arguments between Laney and Taylor to know the kind of stuff she posted, which was among one of the reasons I never told her about my past. She was also an internet guru, if the information was out there on someone, she could find it. Sometimes I wondered if she already knew about my mom and my sister, but I always dismissed it because Laney wasn’t the type to keep something like that under wraps. She would have let me know she’d found out my secret for sure, and that usually helped calm my anxiety surrounding it.
“It’s not safe. You wander all around with that old dog, by yourself, and someone could…” he trailed off, and his tone softened as he cupped the side of my neck, gently encouraging me to look at him. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, and it’s not safe.”
“You’re so confusing,” I whispered, mostly to myself. I tipped my cheek into his palm, and my voice was breathy and light. “Why do you care? And why won’t you tell me what is going on?”
His eyes fluttered shut, and he moved closer, dipping his head to brush his lips with mine. The kiss was long, slow, and unrushed. There was no heat, no fervent hands, just deep breathing and being close to each other.
Josh pressed my back against the wall, his hand sliding up my side, deepening the kiss. When our lips parted, he breathed out, “You matter to me.” The sincerity in his voice warmed my entire body and made me want to press closer to him. Was this what he had been trying to tell me? I couldn't decide, distracted by his proximity. I wanted him to keep saying things that made me feel like I could rely on someone besides myself.
I didn’t have time to respond before he was devouring my lips again. His free hand grabbed my outer thigh, hoisting me up, so he had better access to my mouth. Instinctively my legs wrapped around his hips and he wasted no time pressing his hardness into the apex of my thighs.
I should have been afraid, uncertain, but I wasn’t. My worries and my anger from last night were burned away by the heat of this moment with him. I wanted more. My fingers found purchase at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. I let out a moan against his lips, and in response, he rocked his hips up against me.
His mouth moved to my neck, and I felt his hand slip beneath my work shirt expertly, tugging the cups of my lacy bra. “Every time I’m near you, it gets harder to stay away. I need you, Addison.”
“Josh.” Was all I could say when he pinched my nipple between his fingers, and I felt his teeth scrape against my neck. Just as quickly, his hand was traveling down my abdomen, sliding into m
y leggings, long fingers dipping beneath the waistband of my panties and into my wet heat.
“I’ll make sure you never forget me again.” His voice was nothing but a rumble against my skin causing me to nod my head in agreement, even though what he was saying didn’t really make sense to me. “Fuck,” he gritted out, and I gasped at the intrusion of his second finger. I held onto him tighter and rocked against his hand as his thumb rubbed over my sensitive bundle of nerves, moaning softly as pleasure shot throughout my body.
His mouth found mine once again and his fingers moved in and out, matching the rhythm of his hips grinding against my leg. He whispered my name against the hollow of my throat when my legs began to shake, and I could feel my sex clenching around his fingers. I gripped him closer because while I realized what was about to happen, I’d never experienced it before. I bit down on his shoulder, trying to muffle the cries that wanted to escape my lips.
“Oh my God,” I panted, when my body finally relaxed, sated against him. “That was…” I trailed off, at a loss for words.
“Look at me,” he said, pinning me with his hips again and cupping my face in his hands. “You’ve done this before, right?” I could feel the heat creeping up my face when it was evident that he’d realized just how uneducated I was in this department.
“That’s none of your business.” I sounded more breathless than I would have liked, but I was able to think more clearly by the second.
“It is,” he growled, and his eyes darkened when he ground his hips against me again, causing me to gasp in pleasure.
“No.” I looked away, but he nudged my face back toward him. The look of surprise on his face made anxiety flutter up in my stomach. I pushed on his chest, just wanting to get out of there and away from his prying eyes. This is why I never got close to anyone before. It’s uncomfortable, and someone always lets somebody else down.
“Kiss me,” he said, and when I gave him a confused look, he brushed my cheek with his lips before saying, “I’ve always been the one to kiss you. I want to know that you want me, too.”
I gaped at him, because, how could he not know?
“Have you seen Addison?” Ms. Pearl’s voice outside the door to the closet was like a bucket of ice water on my head, and I felt Josh’s body go rigid against me.
“Let me down,” I whispered, trying to loosen my legs, but he kept me pinned there, rolling his hips up one last time. My head fell back in pleasure, and he pressed a kiss to my throat.
When he finally let me slide to my feet, he didn’t let go. Instead, he pressed me against his chest and moved my ponytail out of the way with a rough palm. He leaned down, nuzzling me before placing a kiss against my ear and finally on the back of my neck. I breathed in his spicy scent, savoring the moment.
When I felt him pull away, a familiar pit started forming in my stomach, and I knew what I had to do. I knew how this little game of his went. His biggest mistake was picking me to play it with; the trauma of my childhood had made me logical, and I always tried to be a step ahead. I wouldn’t give him a chance to leave me empty and aching for his kiss again.
Chapter Eleven
I rubbed my red eyes as Laney and I sat at a table outside of the Blue Bird Tavern. Remi had been acting sluggish the last two days, and her nose was dry and warm when I woke up this morning. I’d had enough elderly dogs to know what that meant. When I told the girls that I had to rush Remi to the vet, Laney skipped her class saying she didn’t mind coming with me because she had some letters she wanted to mail in town anyway. On our way, we interrupted Taylor’s workout session with Matt. He seemed grateful we were abducting her, because he had Taylor planking on a yoga ball, counting her down from ten while she threatened his life.
Remi laid curled up on her blanket by my feet while Laney ate her tuna sandwich, no tomatoes, but extra pickles, and I sipped my hot tea. Taylor was still inside, waiting for her cheese fries. The vet had given Remi fluids and told me to monitor her eating and drinking and to bring her back tomorrow if she seemed to be declining. I really liked Dr. Alexander. She was the perfect blend of strength and compassion. Her strength helped me keep my emotions under control, but the empathy in her eyes when she had bad news let me know that she deeply cared for each and every animal that found its way into her care.
“I don’t know why you do this to yourself.” Laney shook her head, talking through a mouth full of sandwich. She looked down at Remi, who was looking up at me. She clearly wasn’t feeling well, but the vet said that fresh air would do her good.
“Because if I don’t, who will?” I looked away, across the street, anywhere except Laney’s eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I always did, no matter how many times I went through this. The thing is, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve had a pet… whether it’s your whole life or just a few months, you love them the same, with your whole heart. But the way Remi looked up at me, so grateful, I knew the inevitable pain I’d feel would be worth it.
I could say the same thing to Laney about the boys she jumped into bed with and then cried her heart out over, knowing that it wasn’t going to work out from that first encounter. But I would never say that to her, so I couldn’t help but be hurt by her lack of understanding about Remi. I cared about Laney a lot, but I didn’t really understand her most of the time.
“It’s your future husband.” Laney slapped my hand that was idly holding the tea I wasn’t really interested in drinking. “Who is that he’s with? Do hot guys put out ads for other hot guys to hang out with or something?”
I glanced down the sidewalk and wasn’t surprised to see Josh leaning against the painted blue storefront of Edward’s pharmacy. What did surprise me was that he was deep in conversation with Jeff, almost like they were planning something.
“That’s Jeff, the one that defended Taylor when Ryan was freaking out on her at the boathouse.” I slouched, not wanting them to see me. I’d had a rough enough day without having to deal with Josh turning my insides to molten lava and then storming away like I’d done something offensive by merely existing. It was a pattern he had well established.
I watched as Josh slapped what looked like a wad of cash into Jeff’s palm. With a concealed, practiced ease, Jeff slipped his hand into the back pocket of his jeans and then crossed his arms over his chest.
“Did we just witness a drug deal?” Laney’s voice cracked a little too loudly in excitement, and if there was ever a time I wanted to melt into the sidewalk, it was right then. “Oooooo dangerous.” The way she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively made my stomach clench in fear that she was about to call them over to us, and I didn’t think I’d live through that.
“Cheese fries, bitches,” Taylor announced gleefully as she walked out of the building, cradling a basket of cheese-drenched fries like they were the most precious thing she’d ever seen in her life.
“Shh.” I stood up, waiting for Remi to stretch before she stood. I hastily grabbed her blanket. “Come on, let’s go. Please.” I didn’t dare look back at Jeff and Josh; instead, I hurried over to my car that I’d parallel parked right outside the tavern.
“Such a good girl, Remi Sue,” I said softly, kissing her ear as she struggled to lift her legs into the backseat.
Relief flooded my entire body when Laney finally shut the passenger door. Once I pulled out onto the road, I glanced in my rearview to see Josh and Jeff had both disappeared.
“I think you should give him a chance.” Laney finally broke the silence.
“Seatbelt,” I ordered, having decided to ignore her.
She clicked her seatbelt with exaggeration to let me know that I was a pain in her ass. “I’m just saying. If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t always be showing up where you are. You don’t see what I see. He looks at you like he can’t not look at you.”
“Like The Notebook type shit,” Taylor added, mouth full of fries.
“I’ve already decided that whatever it is we were doing is over.” I lamented, pulling down our street and only p
ausing at the stop sign. I had a lot of really great qualities, but driving wasn’t one of them. “I don’t deserve to deal with him changing his mood every five minutes.”
“That’s how every classic love story goes.” Laney popped open my console to fish around for gum. “For whatever reason, he thinks he can’t be with you, but he can’t help wanting to be around you.”
“So he’s gotta go around campus being hot and beating everyone up. It’s literally science,” Taylor mocked, receiving a glare from Laney.
I couldn’t help laughing as I parked in our driveway. “I don’t think any of those words mean what you think they mean.”
Laney punched me in the arm, and before I could retaliate, she was out of the car scream-giggling all the way inside the house.
Chapter Twelve
On my way home from campus the next afternoon, I bought Remi chicken nuggets. I felt my stomach sink when she turned her nose up at them. They were her favorite treat, and she wouldn’t so much as lick one.
“Come here, big girl,” I said, and she laid her head on my lap, looking up at me with content eyes. Something had changed in them, though, and it was a look I’d seen many times before. I would have to take her in to see Dr. Alexander tomorrow, but for now, I would give her all the cuddles she wanted.
I laid on the living room floor with our favorite, pink fluffy blanket, and we watched our favorite bakery owner solve mysteries on the Hallmark channel. Remi was breathing evenly, her head rested on the pillow and her nose nuzzled against my neck. I pulled her closer and she stretched in her sleep, wiggling her nose when I pressed a kiss on the end.
“Hey, you asleep?” Taylor asked as she made her way into the living room to plop down on the couch. She didn’t wait for my answer before she saw Remi and let out a genuine aww of endearment. “She’s such a good girl.”
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