My breathing increased as I felt his resolve break and he began to trail kisses down my chest, stopping to suck on each nipple reverently before moving down my stomach. He paused just before the band of my leggings and then pulled them off quickly, conveying his need for me. Ordinarily gentle, Josh surprised me by gripping my panties with one hand and grunting against my stomach when they didn’t slide down as easily as he anticipated. I was naked beneath him, watching as he lifted himself enough to shed his sweatpants, but not his boxer briefs. He lowered himself back on top of me, capturing my lips in another searing kiss.
I slid my hands down the contours of his back as his mouth moved to my neck, his teeth gently nipping and his lips sucking against the sensitive skin.
“I’ll be quiet,” I whispered against the shell of his ear, thinking maybe he was worried about someone hearing us.
He looked up at me, and his eyes glittered with anticipation. “I’m not worried about that.” He shook his head, almost shyly. “I just want you to be sure. I want you to be sure about me.” He looked away before I leaned up, bringing his focus back to me. I wanted him to have zero doubts about what I felt for him.
“Josh, I want you now.” I kissed him softly before adding, “I’ve never wanted anyone before this, so I know what I’m feeling. I won’t regret this, and I’ll never regret you.”
He didn’t respond, but instead, he moved off of me and to the side, his large hands palming my breasts tenderly before moving down my abdomen. He didn’t pause over my scars; his hands skimmed over them as if he didn’t notice them. I felt my stomach clench out of habit, I wasn’t used to anyone touching me this way, and no matter how good it felt, no matter how much I wanted him to continue, it was still such a foreign feeling. He gently drew me onto my side to face him, and his fingers traced down my spine, over my ass and then he pulled me flush against him as he deepened our kiss. I helped him by lifting my leg as he tugged it up over his hip, his hardness pleading to slide inside me. Then he rolled to his back, gently guiding me so that I was sitting on top of him as he laid back against the pillow. I braced myself by pressing my palms flat against the hard lines of his abdomen.
I leaned down to kiss him, but he kept the kiss light and teasing. He smiled against my mouth, his hand caressing my ass and then moving lower, wrapping around my thigh and grinding into me hard enough to make me pull my mouth away from his and moan his name. It wasn’t like I had to worry about my roommates—Laney was practically a corpse in her sleep, and Taylor slept with earbuds in.
He urged me to lean slightly back, and his long fingers found the wetness between my legs. I couldn’t help the urge to rock my hips against him as he gently stroked with those teasing fingers, wanting to feel more of him, for him to sate my need for release. I felt him smile against my lips when I gasped as he slid one finger inside me, then quickly added a second. He cursed louder than I think he meant to when my muscles tightened around him. Sensation began to overwhelm me, and I reached between us to pull his fingers away and settled myself on his hardness. Even with the thin layer of fabric between us, the pleasure that rippled through me was like nothing I’d felt before. He cupped my hip with one hand, urging me to rock against him while his other hand slid up my stomach and over my breast. He pinched my nipple as he arched his hips up, causing me to let out a breathy moan that sounded like his name.
I watched his face as his eyes skimmed all over my body. He bit his lip as his eyes settled where we were almost connected, his fingers digging into my ass as he tugged me down harder on top of him.
“Josh, please,” I said as my nails scraped gently down his stomach and I ran the pads of my fingers along his waistband, trying to convey that I needed more from him.
My plea was all it took. He groaned, lifting up and flipping us over in one smooth movement, caging me beneath him. His hands grasped mine, our fingers linked together on either side of my head as he pressed his hardness into my aching center. His lips crashed down on mine, and I could feel the urgency in his kiss.
He pulled away only to grab a foil packet out of his gym bag. I soaked in the defined muscles of his sculpted torso as he quickly sheathed himself and moved back on top of me. He rested an arm just above my shoulder and slid his fingers into my hair as his eyes roved over my face.
“Are you absolutely sure?” he asked, lowering himself on top of me and peppering kisses all over my face.
I reached up, cupping his jaw. “I’ve never been more sure about anyone in my life, Josh.” His eyelashes fluttered shut as he lowered his body onto mine, his mouth brushing my ear with a soft kiss as he reached between us and aligned his hardness at my opening.
“Tell me if it hurts,” he whispered before nipping at my neck and sliding partially inside me. My eyes teared from the burning pain and I dug my nails into the muscles of his back as if it would somehow ease my discomfort. I’d heard once I adjusted to his size, it would be more pleasurable than painful.
“Just do it,” I encouraged him. “It’ll hurt less that way.”
Josh cupped my face in one palm and brushed his lips against mine. He swallowed my gasp and groaned as he pushed all the way inside me with one swift stroke. The pain was sharp but quickly dissipated as Josh continued his long, slow thrusts.
His eyes stared deeply into mine, and I wrapped my arms around his chest, pulling him down fully on top of me. I burrowed my face into the sweat slicked-skin of his neck, trying to muffle the moans of pleasure that bubbled out of my mouth.
Josh’s hand tangled in my hair, tugging gently as I locked my thighs around his hips. He thrust harder inside me as his breathing accelerated, warm breath puffing against my neck. I arched my hips up against him as I felt my wet heat spasm around his hardness. His fist clenched my hair tighter, and his other hand gripped my thigh, drawing it up to his ribcage. My eyes rolled back at the intense pleasure that coursed through me as he sent me over the edge. He seemed to lose all inhibition as he repeatedly bottomed out inside me, stretching me further than I thought possible.
His mouth devoured mine as he slammed inside me one last time, and he squeezed me close, his whole body tensing with his orgasm.
Sometime after Josh returned from disposing of the condom, he pulled me to lie draped across his chest, his fingers moving across the back of my head, letting the dark strands slide through his fingers over and over.
“How are you feeling?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to my hair as his other hand stroked gently down my bare back. I felt so deeply cherished at that moment, I never wanted it to end.
“Extremely happy,” I said, smiling against his chest, too tired to even lift my head.
“Good,” he chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt you.”
I propped up, looking him in the eyes, wanting to make sure he understood. “It was perfect, I promise. And I’m so glad it was you.”
He smiled but didn’t say anything as I rested my head back against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
“Hey, Addison?” I heard him, but his voice was fuzzy because I was drifting off.
“Hmm?”
“I want to take you on a real date. Not with Jeff and the girls. Just you and me.” He pulled my face away from his chest and tipped my chin up to look at him in the dark. “Saturday night, what do you say?”
I was smiling when I retorted, “And miss all the loud drunk people in my house that Laney invited?” I paused, but not long enough for him to respond. “You got yourself a deal. I’m all yours.”
His fingers, still holding my jaw, tightened, but barely at all. It was as if he were holding something so delicate, he was afraid he was going to break it or let it slip from his grasp, and he wasn’t sure which would be the greater tragedy.
“I like when you say that,” he whispered, and I could hear the raspy need mixed with satisfaction in his voice.
I leaned up and his hand moved to cup the back of my head as I pressed a soft, breathy kiss against his
lips and whispered, “It feels like I always have been yours, Josh. ”
Chapter Twenty-One
The next morning, breakfast was awkward since Laney had clearly planned on continuing to give us the silent treatment after her jealous outburst the day before. However, when Laney realized Josh spent the night with me, she opted to embarrass me by making a huge deal about it instead. She seemed almost angry that he’d slept over and even asked if we had sex. But when Josh personally invited her to his rugby game, she softened a bit. I felt a bit better then, realizing that this would probably be just like any other time she got in her feelings—it would all blow over quickly and her anger would fade. Her face was looking a little better too, the bruises were definitely worse, turning from purple to an awful greenish color, but the swelling had dissipated considerably. She still decided to skip her classes and her job at the café in our campus bookstore but promised she would attend the game.
I ducked past Susan’s desk as I walked into work three minutes late that afternoon, trying to avoid a scene with her, but she popped her ponytailed head out from behind her monitor. Josh and Jeff had accompanied Taylor and me while we figured out our cell phone situation, which is why I was running behind. It didn’t seem like I’d be getting my phone back from the police department anytime soon, and Taylor’s phone never turned up. An already painfully tedious errand turned into an actual circus sideshow when the salesman took a liking to Taylor, complimented her hair—which to be fair happened quite often—and Jeff took offense to it. I shook my head. I couldn’t tell if Jeff and Taylor would be a match made in heaven or hell, but either way, it was entertaining.
“I know I’m late, no need to copy me on the email to Ms. Pearl,” I said in a tone that was way perkier than Susan could handle. I didn’t want to give Susan, with her Peter Pan collared shirt and granny cardigan, the satisfaction that I’d had a rough couple days. I’d already contacted Ms. Pearl that morning, and she’d been nothing but concerned about my safety.
I hadn’t said anything to Taylor or Laney, but I really had a bad feeling about the attack. Now that I finally had time to think after the whirlwind of the last 24 hours, and after talking about it more in-depth with Josh, Jeff, and the girls, it just didn’t add up. I hated this feeling of uncertainty. It seemed to me that the police department in this tiny town wasn’t equipped to handle something more serious than a botched robbery, so that’s what they’d filed it under. It didn’t help that Laney wasn’t hurt worse than a busted up face.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to it than this, and given my childhood trauma, I couldn’t help letting my mind wander to the worst-case scenario. I tried to squelch the feeling that he was out there, lurking somewhere in the shadows waiting to finish off his only victim who lived. I told myself I was crazy. He was in prison and he’d never get out. I may not have researched him—looked up the articles written on him or seen the true-crime documentaries—but I checked every once in a while to make sure he was still there, locked away where he could never hurt anyone again. I reminded myself that the paranoia and loneliness was part of my old life, and I had a great one now with no room for those old fears.
Laney was recovering quickly, and I was so thankful for that. I’d trusted Taylor enough to tell her about my mom and my sister, and because of that I could feel our friendship had shifted, grown into something more like family. I felt a little guilty that Josh and I had such an amazing morning, that I’d trusted him enough to give him my virginity, but I hadn’t told him about the attack and how I’d gotten my scars. He had been so gentle and kind, and I hadn’t wanted to burst the bubble we created by telling him something so tragic that morning. I would tell him when the time was right.
“There are gifts for you on the front desk.” Susan stomped past me as I reached the counter, her long jean skirt swishing with her aggressive movement. “From one of your many male suitors?” Her tone was snotty, and if there weren’t cameras in the gym, I would have flipped her off. She was apparently still irritated that Matt and Josh had words at my desk the other day.
I sat in my chair, eyeing the card with sloppy cursive writing. An eerie feeling enveloped me; I doubted Josh would write like that, and it wouldn’t have made sense for him to have them delivered to my work when we spent the morning together. Next to it was a simple, clear vase with several stargazer lilies nestled together and adorned with a baby pink bow. Lilies were one of the only things I remembered from my mother and sister’s funeral, that and the crowd of strangers who attended because of the high profile of the murders. My stomach knotted, and I hesitated before picking up the card and opening it. In the same sloppy handwriting it read:
Addison,
* * *
I’m so sorry to hear about Remi and the break-in. I was going to stop by the house to check on you, but Josh’s truck was there, and I figured it might not be a good time.
* * *
Always,
Matt
Guilt washed over me. I’d totally forgotten about Matt and that he was probably worried about us, especially because Taylor and I didn’t have our phones until this morning. Laney’s moods had been so up and down after the attack that I wasn’t sure she would’ve even answered a phone call from Matt. While I was flattered that he’d thought enough of me to send the flowers and the card, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that this was meant as more than a friendly gesture. Despite Matt’s declarations that he was fine with only a friendship between us, I knew that my relationship with Josh wasn’t sitting well with him. I didn’t want to lose Matt as a friend, so I’d have to talk to him later once I collected my thoughts.
I felt someone staring at me, and when I looked up, Susan’s usual stink eye was replaced with curiosity, and I couldn’t help myself. “All of my boyfriends pitched in to buy me a card together. Very emotional.”
Susan gave me an indignant look, and I wasn’t sure if she grasped the sarcasm, but I didn’t really care. I straightened my blue and green tartan dress and sat up straight, trying to get into work mode. It wasn’t until my shift was almost over that Nick approached the counter, hands in the pockets of his track pants, no key tag in sight.
“Addison?” He asked tentatively, as if he were unsure if I’d be receptive to talking with him. “I was just wondering how you guys were doing. We all heard about the break-in, I mean that’s really terrible.” He fidgeted, not making eye contact until I spoke.
“Laney’s okay if that’s what you’re wondering.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my desk. I almost suggested that he should call her or stop by and see her because I knew how happy that would make her, but I was afraid that would give her the wrong idea and result in another Laney meltdown. Especially if he was only asking because he was feeling guilty about their blow up the other night, and not really asking out of genuine concern.
He gave me a soft smile. “Yeah. I was worried about her. I texted Josh, and he said she was pretty beat up. I thought it was probably best if I didn’t contact her, ya know? After the other night and all.” He rubbed a hand over his buzzed hair and looked away as if he were embarrassed. “I felt so bad when I ran out that night, but I didn’t know what to do. I honestly did like her in the beginning, but it just got to be too much too fast and I panicked.”
“Hey, we’re good, okay?” I said, and his surprised eyes met mine. “I totally get what you mean. Laney loves hard and fast, it’s all or nothing, and it can be too intense if the other person isn’t ready for it.”
He let out a relieved breath, then turned to look behind him when he saw my attention had shifted from him. I couldn’t help the giddy smile that pulled at the corners of my mouth and the heat that flushed my entire body when Josh walked through the gym doors. He was dressed in jeans and a rugby hoodie and wasn’t carrying his gym bag, so I knew he was there to see me.
“You ready for the game tonight?” Nick asked as Josh approached. “Those townies won’t know what hit ‘em.”
He chuckled. Josh nodded hello in his direction then leaned across the counter, giving me a quick, chaste kiss. It was enough to make me blush and crave something deeper, but not enough to get me fired when Ms. Pearl was informed.
“It’s at five, right?” I asked as Josh leaned against the counter, his hand reaching out to cover mine in a gesture that left me not only calmed but also anticipating the next time we’d be alone.
“Yeah, but we don’t have to go if you want to stay home and rest up from the last couple of days.” He squeezed my hand gently, cocking his head toward Nick as he said, “The guys will be fine without me.”
The way Josh looked at me made me feel like I was literally everything to him, and I was beginning to realize that no matter how recently he’d barged into my life, or how many things we needed to sort out between us, he was everything to me, too.
“I’d love to go.” My eyes didn’t waiver from his stare. “I want to watch you play.” A smile lit up his face at my admission, and I was content, realizing I could make him feel at least a fraction of the way his presence had brightened my life.
“It’s settled then,” Nick said, fishing his phone out of his pocket to check the time. “I gotta do a beer run for after the game, but I’ll see you there, man.” He slapped hands with Josh, and I rolled my eyes in amusement as they bumped their knuckles together.
Josh stood directly in front of me when Nick was out the door, sliding both his forearms across the counter and grasping my hands in his. I was thankful it wasn’t a busy time of day at the gym because he was incredibly distracting, and Susan would have been white-knuckling her keyboard if someone slipped by me without getting their tag scanned.
“I missed you,” he said smiling, leaning in to give me another kiss. It lasted a little longer than the previous one, but wasn’t nearly as sensual as the ones we’d shared in bed this morning.
Beautiful Legend: An Angsty College Romance Page 13
