All these questions and none of the answers. With a huff, Karlie decided to forget about it and worry about these things another day. Just because she overheard one conversation between girls at the cafe didn’t mean any of it was true. She shouldn’t put so much stock into what others said.
Chapter Eighteen
Jax
Antsy. That was the word to describe Jax after his realization about his feelings for Karlie. He was antsy to see her. Antsy to talk to her. Antsy to fix their relationship. He wasn’t handling it well.
He was chain smoking, sitting on the back patio of his shared house with Harry, not caring that he was now wheezing with each breath. He was also irritable. Whenever someone asked him a question, he snapped, even if he didn’t need to. He needed to get it together.
As he sucked in a lungful of nicotine, he heard laughter behind him. He glanced over his shoulder into the dimly lit kitchen. It was later afternoon on a Monday and Jax had been home alone most of the day. He heard laughter again and squinted, trying to see through the screen door. He could just barely make out Harry and who he assumed was Bailey.
Curiosity satisfied, he turned back around and gazed across the half-dead grass of their backyard. He lazily blew smoke out of his mouth, watching it curl, as the screen door squeaked behind him.
“Still smoking?” Harry asked, dropping next to him on the steps.
Jax shrugged as he took another hit. He slid his eyes over to Harry as he blew the smoke away from him, gauging what he could be outside for.
“How’s the warehouse?”
“Good, good. But you knew that. You called earlier.”
“Yeah.”
They lapsed back into silence before Harry said, “You know you’re killing yourself.”
Jax chuckled. “We all die someday.”
“That’s a bit morbid even for you.”
“Yeah, well…”
Harry sighed and the wood step under them creaked as Harry shifted his weight. “So, you’re just going to smoke yourself to death?”
“If that’s what does it, then sure.”
Jax saw Harry shake his head in his periphery. “Dude, you need to stop.”
Jax stubbed his cigarette in the already overflowing ashtray and tapped the almost empty carton on his leg as he turned to look at Harry full on while he took the final cigarette from it.
“Why?” he asked as he flicked his lighter, setting the flame to the end.
Harry snorted. “Why? How about you smell like a walking ashtray and I wouldn’t want to get back with you smelling like that.”
Jax narrowed his eyes as he took a long drag. He studied Harry for a few moments while he slowly blew smoke from the side of his mouth. “Get back with me? Have you heard anything?”
Harry slowly blinked and gazed at Jax, not saying anything.
“Harry, man, come on, did you hear anything?”
“Possibly.”
Jax balled his hands into fists, crumpling that empty cigarette carton, to keep himself from reaching over to choke Harry and make him tell everything he knew.
“Spit it out.” Jax’s shoulders tensed as he prepared himself to hear how Karlie had moved on and that it was really over.
“If you’re this worked up, I’m not sure I want to.”
“I swear to God—” Jax started, feeling his patience fray.
Harry laughed and held up a hand, telling Jax to calm down. “Alright, alright. I might have heard that Karlie knows about you not having sex and banishing the groupies from our backstage area.”
“Anything else?”
Harry shook his head. Jax sagged. It was something, but he wished it was more. Knowing that she heard about the changes he was trying to make was only half the battle. The other half was getting her to actually talk to him so they could work things out.
He worked his jaw as he dropped his gaze to his crumbled cigarette carton. He hoped he really had pulled the last one out since whatever was left would be destroyed.
He really should stop smoking again, especially since the fuckers were so expensive now. But without Karlie, he needed something to keep him occupied. With her, he never felt the urge to light up and smoke the day away. Without her, he felt crazy.
“Well, that’s something,” Jax muttered.
Harry clapped him on the back. “It’s a step up. From what Bailey told me, Karlie refused to talk about you or anything. So, Bailey isn’t the one that told her.”
Jax furrowed his brow. “How’d she find out then?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe she overheard someone? Maybe she asked someone else?”
Jax shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Right.” Harry threw his arms out and stretched while making a loud screaming sound. Jax jumped, causing his half-finished cigarette to tumble from his mouth and into the overflowing ashtray. He sighed as he reluctantly stubbed it out.
“Jesus, are you dying?” Jax asked, shooting Harry a dirty look.
“No, just stretching.”
“Well, stretch quieter. I’m not sure I want to hear that again.”
“I’ll make sure you hear it later when I’m stretching something else.”
Jax wrinkled his nose as he realized what Harry meant. The screen door slammed shut behind him and he was left alone again. Without Harry, it was quiet enough Jax could hear the light sound of the cicadas singing. Their sound was the soundtrack of his childhood. Many memories growing up had their singing in the background. At least one thing in his life was constant.
Shooting his crushed carton one last look, Jax heaved himself off the back porch step and decided to take a trip to see his parents. He shot his mom a quick text before packing a small overnight bag. He may as well stay the night with them since he wouldn’t be doing anything else with Harry occupied with Bailey.
His mom handed him a bottle of his dad’s favorite beer before settling next to him on the matching patio chair. A few citronella torches were lit to keep the mosquitoes away and there were no other light sources outside. Because of this, he noticed the bobbing lights in the backyard that indicated the lightning bugs hovering in the air.
“Remember beggin’ me for a mason jar in the summer to catch those bugs?” his mom asked.
Jax chuckled. “Yeah, I worried your ass about getting a jar to put them in my room.”
“Then you’d catch them and cry because they scared you.”
Jax scoffed and took a sip of his beer. “They didn’t scare me. I just wanted to make sure they continued to live outside. Where they’re supposed to be.”
His mom laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting something to live the way it's supposed to.”
They lapsed into silence and Jax felt himself relaxing for the first time without the aid of cigarettes in he didn’t know how long.
His mom sighed. “You want to tell me what’s worryin’ you?”
“Nothing’s worryin’ me.”
“Jax, sweetheart, we’ve talked about this. Not only do I know you, I know you don’t just come visit because you want to.”
Jax bit his lip as he looked to his lap. He glanced at his mom and could vaguely make out the look of concern on it in the wavering half-light.
“Maybe I missed you,” he said, not wanting to give in so easily.
“I’m not saying you didn’t. But that’s not why you came.”
Jax ran a hand through his hair as he slouched in his seat, thrusting his feet in front of him.
His mom continued. “I bet I can guess what’s on your mind.” Jax didn’t say anything, so his mom said, “How are things with that girl?”
“That girl?”
“You know exactly who I mean. The one that’s had you tied up in knots.”
Jax started to peel the edge of the label on his beer bottle back. “Not much to say.”
“Ah, so you still haven’t figured it out.”
Jax huffed. One of the downsides of being close to his mother was that she was very aware of what went
on in his life, even if he wished that weren’t the case.
“Not much to figure out.”
“Oh, shug, there’s everything to figure out. For the right one, it’s not so easy.”
“Who says she’s the right one?”
“You.”
“I haven’t said any such thing.”
His mom touched his forearm slightly, drawing his gaze to her. “You don’t have to. It’s written all over you. Besides, Harry called me the other day.”
“You two gossip like a pair of biddies in church.”
His mom laughed. “That might be true, but he was worried.”
Jax rolled his eyes, thankful his mom couldn’t see him do it. She’d probably try to box his ears.
“Jax, talk to me. You usually tell me everything.”
He cleared his throat, finding it suddenly tight. He drained the rest of the beer, dangling the now empty bottle from his fingertips as they hung over the armrest of the plastic, folding yard chair.
“There’s not much to say, I guess.”
His mom sighed. “It’s not that bad.”
Jax stayed silent.
“Jax, sweetie. You can’t give up.”
“I’m not giving up. I’m being practical.”
“Jax. It’s not the end of the world. She’ll come around. You’ve changed and she knows. You can’t lose faith in her and your relationship.”
He knew his mom’s words were true; he just couldn’t bring himself to believe them yet.
“It’s hard to not, you know?” he sighed.
“I do know. Did I ever tell you about your father and I and how we broke up?”
Jax thought for a few moments before saying, “No, I just know that you dated for a few years and you thought he wouldn’t ever propose.”
“That’s the gist,” she said. “Do you need another beer?”
“Yeah.” He handed her his empty and her steps faded. A few moments later, she returned and handed him an ice cold one.
“Thanks,” he said.
“As I was saying,” his mother said as she settled back into your seat, “we broke up for a bit.”
Jax’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean? I’ve never heard of that. You and Dad go on about how in love you are.”
“We do,” his mom nodded. “But a few months after we started dating, he ended up cheating on me.”
Jax’s heart beat quickly at his mom’s admission. He never knew this and he wasn’t quite sure what to think about it. A sick feeling settled in his gut.
“He cheated on you?”
“Before you get your hackles up, let me tell you about it. We were going through a bit of a rough patch.”
His mom sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Neither of our parents were very receptive to our relationship and it put stress on both of us. We were fighting more often than not. After one of our worst fights, where we both said some pretty terrible things, we left each other. He went to a bar with his best friend and one thing led to another…he came clean the next day.”
“Y’all stayed together?” he asked, surprised.
“No. I slapped him and wouldn’t talk to him for two weeks.”
Jax chuckled. That sounded a bit more like his mother.
“What I’m trying to tell you though is: don’t give up hope. Your father tried to talk to me each day. I wouldn’t see him at all, wouldn’t take his calls, and refused to go anywhere I thought he might show up. One day, I finally decided to face him and realized that I wasn’t as upset as I thought I was. I was willing to overlook what happened because I felt strongly enough for him that it didn’t matter.”
“Has it happened again?”
“No. If it had, we wouldn’t still be together now.”
Jax nodded but didn’t say anything. He had to admit that hearing this made him feel better. It gave him some hope that he and Karlie would reconcile.
“Jax, I think you’re already figuring it out. But don’t lose hope.”
She stood and placed her hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. “Don’t lose faith.”
With that, he was left alone on the patio, the door closing softly behind his mom. He slowly sipped the rest of his beer, watching the lightning bugs dance through the yard.
As he drained the last of his beer, he made a vow to himself. He’d keep trying until Karlie told him to stop. He stood and stepped back inside. After throwing the bottle in the recycling bin, he dialed Karlie, holding his breath, hoping she’d answer. Unfortunately, her voicemail picked up. He sighed as he listened to her greeting.
The phone beeped and he left this message. “Hey Karlie, it’s Jax.” He laughed nervously and cleared his throat. “I just wanted to hear your voice. I hope you’re getting the gifts I’m sending. I hope you’ll give me a call and we can talk. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m trying to be a better man for you. No groupies, no one that’s not associated with the band. Please, call me back.”
He hung up and let out a deep sigh. He just had to hope she’d listen to it and not delete it before doing so.
Chapter Nineteen
Karlie
Karlie listened to Jax’s message for what she was sure was the hundredth time. Ever since her phone beeped to let her know there was one, she couldn’t stop herself from listening. Each time she heard his smooth tones through the phone, her heart beat a little faster and the wall she built became a little weaker.
His message was confirmation of what she heard and had been wanting to know; she just didn’t know what to do about it. She wasn’t sure she could call like he'd asked, but she felt the urge to see him.
She checked her calendar and saw that the band had a gig that night. She bit her lip as she thought over her options. She could call Jax and possibly freak out and hang up while on the phone with him. She could go to the concert to see him and try to talk to him face to face. Or she could follow the same path she had been on and not see him at all.
She sat on a barstool and dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her temples. This whole relationship and love thing was hard. Her breathing hitched at her last thought. Love? Was that what this was? She wasn’t sure since her relationship with Rick was so different than her relationship with Jax. It took them almost nine months to admit their deeper feelings to each other.
Feeling a bit panicked, Karlie grabbed her cell phone and dialed Bailey, her hands shaking enough that she put the phone on speaker and placed it on the counter while she listened to it ring.
“Hey,” Bailey answered.
“Hey,” Karlie returned, her voice cracking slightly.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…I don’t know if I can put it into words.”
“Karlie, do I need to come over?”
“No!” she burst, then cleared her throat. “No, I’m just freaking out a bit.”
“Okay…” Bailey said slowly. “What are you freaking out about?”
“Jax called me the other day.”
“That’s nothing new,” Bailey said, slurping on her end.
Karlie’s brow furrowed. “Are you eating?”
“Yeah.”
Karlie rolled her eyes. “You always eat when we’re on the phone.”
“I don’t. I just can’t help that I like to eat, and you call me when that happens,” Bailey said with another slurp. “You didn’t call to talk about that. So, Jax called?”
“And left a message.”
Bailey stopped crunching and silence reigned. “He left a message? That’s a first, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Well…what did he say?”
Karlie blew out a breath. “He confirmed everything I asked you about. And begged me to call him.”
“Have you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Karlie shrugged, even though Bailey couldn’t see it. “I’m scared.”
“I think that’s understandable. But you have to decide if your fear is going to rule you or if you�
�re going to rule it.”
Karlie nibbled on her lip. “So, you think I should go then?”
“Go? What the hell are you talking about?” Bailey asked.
“I meant call,” Karlie said, cringing at her slip.
“But you said go? What are you talking about?”
Karlie sighed and rubbed her forehead again. “Southern Sands has a show tonight.”
“And you want to go?”
“I don’t know! I feel the urge to see Jax and talk to him and touch him. I just don’t know if I can go through with it.”
Neither of them spoke for several moments. Karlie’s leg jiggled as she tried to work out what she should do.
“What do you want to do?” Bailey finally asked.
“I want to see him.”
“Then I think you have your answer.”
“Do I?” Karlie asked, still not sure of what she should do.
Bailey sighed. “Karlie, I love you to death. But I want you to listen closely to what I’m about to say. You need to shit or get off the pot.”
Karlie jerked. “That’s your advice? Shit or get off the pot?”
“It is. You either need to woman up and go see Jax or you need to put him out of his misery and move on.”
Karlie’s mouth dropped into a surprised O as Bailey continued talking, but she didn’t hear any of what she said. She finally tuned in to hear Bailey tell her, “Do yourself a favor and go see him tonight. Maybe it’ll remind you why you decided to give him a chance in the first place.”
With that, Bailey clicked off and left Karlie staring at her phone in consternation.
Karlie went about the rest of her day, cleaning the house again, and shopping for groceries, her mind never far from Jax and the situation she found herself in.
After a dinner of cold Chinese, Karlie glanced at her calendar. It was like the event was glaring at her, taunting her to come. Decision made, she quickly showered and got ready, wanting to look good if she was going to go to the show.
Before leaving, she stood in front of her floor-length mirror and looked herself over. She was wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans tucked into ankle boots and a blouse that swooped down in the front hinting at her cleavage and no back. She looked pretty good, if she said so herself.
Jax (Southern Sands Book 1) Page 15
