“Please tell Xander I’ll be up later this evening. I have the inn to attend to, then we have an afternoon tea we need to set up for.” I’m rambling and I don’t know why. I think I want Drew to know I would be at the hospital if I could. I have obligations and I can’t just get up and leave.
“I will, Ava. I know you both are busy here. Skylar, will you be coming with her?”
I look at Drew and then at Skylar. She smiles and says, “It depends if someone’s here to watch the inn.”
“Okay. Maybe I’ll see you both later today.”
He leaves and we clean up and get ready for the afternoon tea. I stay busy to keep my mind off of Xander. I get a text from an unknown number.
Unknown number: Is my room ready? I’m coming home.
Ava: It all depends on who this is.
Unknown number: Sorry, using Drew’s phone. It’s Xander. I’m being released.
My hearts beats a little too fast with excitement.
Ava: The doctor is releasing you?
Unknown number: No, I’m leaving against medical advice.
Is he serious? His mother wouldn’t stand by and let him do that. But, could she really stop him?
Ava: In that case, no. All of the rooms in this inn are sold out.
Unknown number: I’m kidding. My seizures are under control and as soon as I finish my soup, I’ll be heading home to the inn, if that’s all right with you.
Why wouldn’t it be all right with me? I’m just glad he’s well enough to come home.
Ava: In that case, your room is waiting for you with clean sheets and a mint on the pillow.
Unknown number: Good, I can’t wait to see you. I missed you at breakfast this morning.
That makes me smile.
Ava: Me, too. Breakfast wasn’t the same without you. I’ll see you soon.
I tell Skylar about Xander being released. She suggests we move him into a room with two double beds since his brother’s here. They can share a room and we can free up a guest room for other guests. So we do that. I have no idea how long his family is staying, but it’ll be nice for them while they’re here. “That’s a great idea. I’ll call and make sure it’s okay with Xander,” I say. He’s still a guest and I don’t feel right just moving his things without his permission. Once I get the okay from Xander and his brother, I make sure the cleaners disinfect Xander’s room better than usual. I’ll do my part to keep him as healthy as I can, for as long as I can.
Mom shows up during the tea. I hug her and say, “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”
“No thanks needed. I’m glad to be able to help out.”
When the tea is over, we talk and I fill her in on the news about Xander. Mom met Xander briefly and she liked him. She doesn’t know that we’ve grown closer since she’s left. Mom makes a big pot of pasta with homemade spaghetti sauce for dinner, while Skylar and I make the salad.
When Xander and his family arrive, I greet them on the porch, while everyone else waits in the foyer. He looks better than he did last night. I tell them my Mom has made dinner for everyone. We gather around the large table in the kitchen, and Xander holds my hand secretly beneath the table. No one talks about cancer, or dying, or seizures. I can see Rachael relaxing when she realizes that Xander isn’t the main topic at dinner. Everyone seems to get along; it’s just one big family having a delicious meal. Rachael doesn’t need to be reminded of Xander’s illness, although she probably can’t think of anything else.
After dinner I make sure that Xander is comfortable and has everything he needs in his room. Skylar even put a few bottles of water on his nightstand. I saw Drew walking outside with Skylar a few moments ago, so I thought this would be a good time to check on Xander. He’s lying on the bed when I knock on his opened door.
“I was hoping I’d see you again this evening,” he says, sitting up slightly in his bed.
“Just popping in to make sure you have everything.”
“I have everything I need right here. I’d like to talk to you if you have a few minutes.”
Not sure if I should sit on the bed or on the desk chair, I opt for the bed when he scoots over, making room for me. He takes my small hand in his. “I’m sorry about last night.” He stops as if searching for the right words. “My plan was to stay at the inn and do some writing while I figured out what to do about the news I received about my cancer growing.” He watches me. “I didn’t expect to be so smitten with you.” A smile crosses my lips because of his word choice — it’s easy to tell he’s a writer. “I wanted the cancer to be gone, so I could maybe begin a relationship with you. You are everything I never had, and everything I wanted.” He stops and then says, “I didn’t tell you in the beginning because there was no need to. I was here for a few weeks, then I would return home, and you would never see me again.”
“I understand. I’m not upset you didn’t tell me, I get it. I was just so scared last night.”
“I’m sorry you had to witness that and go through it.”
“It’s okay. I’m just relieved you’re here with me now.”
“But when my feelings changed, I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t find the right words. How do you tell someone you have terminal cancer?” He pauses and says, “I’m not sure where we go from here.”
The phrase “terminal cancer” hurts my heart. I hate cancer and what it does to people. I like him, and I still like him even with the cancer. “Let’s just take it one day at a time.”
“I can do that.”
“Good, so can I.”
Xander
I kiss Ava sweetly on the lips before she leaves. I was happy and excited when she let me. I know that cancer isn’t a communicable disease, but I still feared that it would frighten her. No one wants cancer, but I’m glad she isn’t afraid of catching it from me. It sounds stupid, but many people are afraid of being around someone with it. It’s not like the cold or the flu where it’s easily spread from one person to the next, and I’m glad Ava is educated enough to know that.
Having cancer sucks, and yet many people in the Western world will die from it. In the United States, the top three causes of death in every state are cancer, stroke, and heart disease. Doing such things as exercising, eating health-promoting foods such as fruits and veggies, and not smoking can prevent many deaths from these causes, but genetics plays a role that we cannot control, and the older we get the more likely it becomes that we will have cancer, a stroke, and/or heart disease.
One reason for coming to Savannah was to write a book. Now that I’ve met Ava, I’ve made it my mission to finish this book before I die. Lost in Savannah, I hope, will be my best book ever. I’m thankful that I’m still well enough to write. I’m also grateful this book is already in my head, and I just have to put it to paper, or computer screen.
When the doctor told me my cancer is terminal, I asked how long I had left. Doctors tend to reply in percentages. He told me, “You have a 90 percent of being dead in 12 months.” I estimated how many pages I can write comfortably in a month, and I figure that I can write 30 pages per month, but cancer can sap energy as it progresses, so I probably won’t write any pages the last month or two. Therefore, I can probably write 300 pages. That’s enough for what I want to do. Look at the Australian critic and author Clive James. Even while dying of leukemia, he produced books as if he were a printing press. He must not have had a girl like Ava.
My mother is worried about me, as is my father and my brother. I’m fine. I feel fine. They hover over me, making sure my meds are taken on time and around the clock. I know the cancer is growing, but I don’t feel as though I’m going to die today, this week, or even this month. I want to finish this book, and then spend as much time with my family and Ava as I can.
I’m single, and I don’t date often, because no one has caught or held my attention for long. Until I met Ava, I never imagined that when I decided to come to Savannah I would meet someone who would consume my every waking thought.
When I’m not surrounded by family, I’m writing. I’m thankful I’m a fast typist. I stay up late and get up early to ensure I get this book done before it’s too late. This book just recently became a priority. My brother and I are sharing a room and he gets me. He understands my urgency, although he may not agree with it. Once they read it, they’ll understand.
I was able to talk my dad into returning home, but Mom and Drew refused to leave with him. Ava and Skylar said they had vacancies so that wasn’t an issue. Drew spends his time with Skylar, which allows me time to write. Mom stays in her room, so she is close enough to me in case I need her. Having rooms side by side could have its benefits.
My routine prior to the seizures has remained the same. I shower before dawn, and I’m the first one down for breakfast, so I can claim the seat closest to Ava. I wander around the gardens, and often write under the mossy oak trees. With the weather changing, the cold air seems to keep Ava and Skylar in the house more often in their downtime. I miss having Ava join me in the late afternoon when the inn finally calms down. We live in the South and the seasons often come later than in the North. For instance, for Halloween, we were still wearing shorts.
While Mom is in the tearoom having tea with another woman staying at the inn, I ask Drew, “Hey, come to the store with me, will ya?”
“You feeling okay?”
“I’m fine. I want to get something, but I need your help.”
“Sure, tell Mom we’re leaving, and I’ll get the car keys.”
When we pull into Home Depot, Drew jokes, “Are you planning on doing some remodeling?”
As I get out of the truck, I say, “Remodeling? No, I have a much better idea. Come on, I’ll show you.”
Once inside, he follows me to the outdoor and holiday section of the store. “Man, you want to get a Christmas tree?”
He’s an idiot! I’m not even going to waste my time answering him. I continue to walk to the area I need. “I was thinking of getting one of these.” I look at the different sizes and models of outdoor fireplaces.
“A wood-burning fireplace, nice,” Drew says.
“Wood-burning or gas?” I ask.
“Wood-burning, for sure.”
“We’ll need wood, and not that expensive stuff they sell here. We’ll need a small truckload or so.”
“I saw an old tree in back of the inn. We could put that to good use.”
“Good, you get permission to cut the tree down for firewood, while I put this together.”
He laughs. “Yeah, that sounds fair. Since it’ll be dark soon, I’ll collect what firewood I can today and get permission to cut the tree down at a later date.”
When we return to the inn, we unload the large box in the backyard, and Drew heads out to collect some firewood from the field out back.
Ava taps on the window and waves to me from inside the house. I wave back, forcing myself to get back to the job at hand. I would love to go into the house and spend some time with her. The more I talk to her, the more I like her. When I look back at the window, she’s gone. She opens the door and yells, “Are we having a fire later?”
“I thought we would. Is that all right?” I tighten the screw.
“It’s a great idea. I think it’s a perfect night for it.”
“Good, Drew’s searching for firewood, now.”
“If he knows what he’s doing, tell him to cut that dead tree down out back.”
I laugh and say, “If he knows what he’s doing?”
She also laughs. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want him to get hurt.”
“It’s okay. I thought it was funny. As long as he doesn’t have to climb the tree, he’ll be able to figure it out.”
Mom comes outside with a bottle of water and my afternoon meds. I take them like they’ll help me. They won’t; it’s too late for that. I don’t tell her. She doesn’t want to hear it. We talk a few minutes before she leaves to find Drew.
Just as I’m finished with the fireplace, Ava comes outside carrying a tray. She smiles and I can’t help but stare at her natural beauty. She’s wearing jeans, work boots, and a red and black flannel shirt.
“Hey,” she says as she gets closer to me.
“Hey, yourself.” I stand and greet her.
“Where did your mom go? I just saw her out here.”
“She went to find Drew.” When I hear the screen door open again, I see Skylar walking outside. “What’s going on?”
Ava kisses me and I take the tray from her and set it on the table beside me. “We thought we could have s’mores and hot chocolate outside tonight.”
Skylar looks around and says. “All we need is some firewood.”
“Wood? Did someone say something about wood?” I watch as Drew comes from behind the fence with a wheelbarrow full of firewood. Mom is walking beside him.
“Do you at least have the fireplace put together?” he asks as he makes his way closer to us.
I get dizzy, but I blink it away. Slowly sitting down, I don’t falter with my words. “I do.” Slowly I say, “Is that all the wood you managed to get?” I am teasing him.
“Nope, but it is all the wood I could carry this trip.”
“Yay, I’ll start the fire,” Skylar says excitedly.
Ava sits beside me and holds my hand. “Sounds like a great idea to me.”
“Me, too,” I agree.
Once the fireplace is lit, Ava passes out the mugs of hot cocoa to everyone. I teasingly say, “I bet this isn’t as good as Mom’s hot cocoa.”
“Excuse me?” she says, grinning.
I laugh, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Mom makes it from scratch with heavy cream and chocolate chips. I’m sure yours is good…”
“But Mom’s is better,” Drew also teases.
Ava looks up at Skylar and then at Mom. They are both laughing. “Well, Mr. Xander Jamison. Would you like to wager a little something on this?”
Do I want to wager something on this? “Sure, A movie and a beer?” Seems like a safe bet to me.
She smirks, “Let’s up the ante.” To what? I thought dinner and a beer was a safe bet. My dick twitches at the thought. Down, boy! “How about dinner and a bottle of wine?”
I should have known. I lift my mug of cocoa. “If this is as good as Mom’s homemade cocoa, I owe you dinner and a bottle of wine.” I take a sip and then another sip. “I stand corrected. This is every bit as good as Mom’s hot cocoa.”
“In fact,” Drew says, “it tastes just like Mom’s.”
I take another drink, a bigger drink this time, burning the roof of my mouth. I look at Ava, Skylar, and then Mom. They are all laughing. “You made this?” I say, pointing at Mom.
“You don’t believe that I made it, Xander?” Ava places her hand over her heart as if she’s pained from my lack of trust.
I’m not sure. I retaste it while I watch my mother. She’ll never lie and if she is being the slightest dishonest, I can tell, we all can tell. Slowly I look at Ava. “No, I believe you made it with Mom’s recipe.”
Everyone laughs and Mom excuses herself to turn in for the night.
“Run while you can,” I joke.
“I’ll see everyone in the morning.” She hugs everyone before leaving. Drew walks her into the house and returns with two throw blankets for the girls. We roast marshmallows in the fire, eat s’mores, and share childhood stories. Everyone has a story to tell but Ava. Skylar includes Ava when telling something from her childhood. If Drew noticed, he doesn’t say anything. Knowing my brother, he noticed. He’s very observant.
Drew tells a story of when he was in Boy Scouts, and stole a bucket of popcorn he was supposed to be selling. Mom and Dad were so mad, they made him work the money off by volunteering at the animal shelter every Saturday for a month.
He laughs now at the story, but I remember he was crying like a baby at the time he had to clean the kennels of waste.
“I was in Girl Scouts when I was younger,” Skylar says. “You know those yum
my cookies they sell every year?”
I snuggle closer to Ava. Drew says, “The Thin Mints, the Tagalongs, or the Trefoils?”
“Yeah, those ones, among others.”
“Never heard of them,” he says, laughing.
She rolls her eyes and it makes us laugh. “Ava and I were sitting at a booth outside of Walmart and I ate the entire box of cookies by myself.”
“I bet your mom didn’t make you work at the animal shelter,” Drew says.
“No, she didn’t. I was so sick that I had to go home, and I missed out on the ice cream party they had for the girls who sold the cookies.”
Drew laughs as he watches Skylar. “That’s almost as bad as cleaning shitty dog kennels.”
She laughs and leans into him.
“What about you, Xander?” Skylar asks.
I notice for the first time at how close she and Drew are sitting. They aren’t touching, but they’re pretty close. “I was in the house reading, while Drew was out getting into trouble.”
“Were you in Boy Scouts, too?” Ava asks.
“Drew and I were in everything together. Mom and Dad raised us as if we were conjoined twins.” I laugh. “We dressed alike, we played the same sports, and we were even in the same classes together.”
“Yeah, I think that lasted until middle school.”
“I think you’re right.” I wrap my arm around Ava.
“Twins dressing alike in middle school might be social suicide,” Skylar says seriously.
“Do ya think?” Drew teases. “If I hadn’t put a stop to it, my brother would still be trying to look, dress, and act like me.”
“Me? Dream on, brother. It’s you who tried to be me.”
Ava shivers and I say, “I need to get some work done before it gets too late. Are you guys coming?”
Ava stands and Skylar says, “We’ll be in, in a few.”
“Okay, good night,” Ava says.
Ava walks me to my room and I kiss her goodnight.
Skylar
I watch as Ava and Xander walk into the house, and for the first time, I notice how unsteady he is on his feet.
Living for Today Page 2
