“I don’t remember that!” I yelled back at him. “I remember you fucking Natalie! I remember her crying, and you leaving and Mom dying—”
“So what if I had sex with her? She wasn’t any blood relation to me! It’s not like I had sex with you!”
With a disgusted shudder that ran down my spine like icy water, I backed away from him. “You abused us all. We turned out the way we did because of you.”
My father held out a hand. “Now calm down, honey. I’m telling you, your mom was cold, and she never wanted me, not after you were born. And Natalie, she’d been having sex long before she came to stay with us—”
He was saying my foster sister had wanted what he’d done to her. “Don’t say another word!”
“Sunny, I need you! Please, I’m sick and I really need you!”
“What about when I needed you?” I whispered. “What about all the times I was alone, with some woman you left me with? Do you know one of them locked me in my room for a day, because she was tired of me asking her to play with me?”
“Sunny, if I’d known—”
“You did know!” I screamed. “You didn’t care! You never cared! You only ever cared about yourself! You still only care about yourself!”
“Honey, that’s not true!”
“Good-bye, Dad,” I said, wiping away my tears. “You won’t see me again.”
“Baby Girl, I need you! Don’t leave me here alone—”
“You’ll find someone,” I said, walking away from him without a backward look. “You always do.”
* * * *
I kept to myself for the next few months. I picked up the phone several times to call Terian, but always put it down. That woman named Monica had surely given him the message. He just didn’t want to talk to me.
But I did make a vow to respect myself a little more. I hadn’t slept with anyone since Lash, and I decided to keep it that way, turning down all offers from my appreciative patrons, even the ones that would surely have been pleasurable. I’d had enough of sex that didn’t mean something. I’d had enough of being with men to whom I didn’t mean anything. I’d lived a lot of my life viewing myself as just someone trying to live. That was no longer enough; I wanted a good life, one that made me happy, with relationships that mattered. I wanted friends I could count on, and a place that was a home, not just a place to sleep. Maybe I’d never have a white picket fence, or someone to wake up with and share a good morning smile. But I deserved that as much as anyone else did. It was time to go after that happy dream, and try to make it my reality.
* * * *
At Christmas, I didn’t send my father a Christmas card. He didn’t send me one, either. That wasn’t a surprise. I did drink a bottle of wine by myself though, and got trashed. But hell, I’d been good for months. I deserved a little downtime.
For New Years, I went to the bar where Lash and I’d met all those nights, and toasted him. I hoped he was having a good time down in South America. At least he wasn’t freezing his ass off like I was. All that week, I built up my courage to make a second try to contact Terian. The next day, January eighth, I decided to finally call him. Again, when I called, the person who answered said he wasn’t in.
I was done being nice and leaving messages. “Listen, Asshole, I need to talk to him. Where is he?”
“He has guard duties,” grumbled the gruff man who’d said his name was Brian.
“When will he be back?”
“Around four, or so today.”
“Will you remember to tell him, or should I call back then?”
“I’ll tell him,” Brian growled back. “But call back if you want.”
I hung up, realizing I needed to get to work.
I got done around seven, and went back to my place. On my machine was a message from Terian.
“Hi Sun.” Pause. “I was glad to get your message. I tried calling you at your old place, and stopped by, but they said you’d left town more than a year ago. And when I stopped by your work, they said you’d left town, too—”
I’d asked Hunter and the other guys to tell that to anyone asking for me, in case Devlin ever came looking for me. I’d never thought Terian would come looking for me. Shit.
“—I’d like to see you, if you want to get together. Dinner, maybe? Call my cell, it’s always on.”
Terian stated his cell number number, then paused, and whatever he was going to say was lost, because he paused too long this time and the machine hung up on him.
Shit. It’s now or never. I called, aging years from sheer tension as I waited for each ring to go through. Then Terian came on the line. “Hi,” he said awkwardly. “How’ve you been?”
Tears came to my eyes, hearing his voice after more than a year. I couldn’t get any words out.
“Sun?”
“I’m here,” I rasped finally. “It’s just really good to hear your voice.”
“I’m glad to hear yours, too,” he said tenderly. “Are you free for dinner?”
“Yes,” I said immediately. “Where do you want to meet?”
“How about our old diner? You know, the one we always used to go to?”
“Sure. When?”
“I don’t get off work until eleven,” Terian said, regretful. “And there have been a lot of problems here, Sundown. Sarelle’s Oathed to Devlin now, and to Danial as well.”
Holy Shit. That poor girl. “What about Theo?”
“He’s leaving her. There’s another woman.”
I felt very guilty for wishing bad things on my perceived rival, and didn’t know what to say. “That’s awful.”
“I’ll tell you more about them when I see you. Wait for me?”
“That’s okay. I’ll see you then.”
“You sure you don’t need a ride?”
“I’ve got a car.”
“Is it the one, um, you had before?”
He meant the one he’d helped me buy. “No. I had to sell that more than a year ago. But I bought another one. It’s pretty beat up, but it’s a pretty blue color—” God, I’m rambling and sounding like an idiot.
“You can tell me shortly,” Terian interrupted pointedly. “I mean I want to hear everything, Sun. I’ll see you then. Take care.”
We hung up, my next concern what to do with myself for hours. I watched a movie, and then went for a walk, and was too restless to enjoy either. Finally, I decided to go get a drink at the Tavern, hoping it would bring me luck.
When I got there in my car, I got another surprise. Lash’s truck was there in the parking lot.
I sat there for a few minutes in utter shock, staring at it. I decided to wait there, because unless I was sure I wanted to talk to him, I couldn’t get out. He’d scent me. Besides, what if he’s with someone?
I felt jealous suddenly and pushed it away. We’d been together more than three months ago, and he’d never called me once. Well, sure, he didn’t have my number. But he was such a smart guy; he’d have found it, if he wanted it. He knew where I lived; he could have stopped by when he’d gotten back in town. He hadn’t.
Definitely better to stay here. For all I knew, he was killing someone in there.
In a half hour, Lash’s dark silhouette came striding out of the bar, the telling clue a slight swagger always present in his step. I couldn’t see his face, but I’d known him long enough to know his singular walking style. He went to his truck, got in, then backed up almost to my car. With a squeal of tires, he drove off.
I waited until his taillights faded, then went inside. When the bartender came to me, I ordered a scotch.
“You’re Sundown, aren’t you?”
I nodded, immediately ill at ease.
“Got something for you.” He reached under the bar and handed me a folded sheet of paper.
I tucked it inside my shirt, trying to act casual. “Thanks.”
He nodded. “That guy you used to meet for drinks a while back showed up tonight, and asked if you still came in here alone. I told him sure, so
metimes,” the bartender said, pouring my drink. “So he said next time I saw you, to give that to you if you were alone. And if you weren’t, to toss it out.”
I nodded and sipped my drink nonchalantly, trying not to give away my anxiety. In spite of my best efforts, I inhaled my scotch in record time, then left a few minutes later. While it was too early to meet Terian, I couldn’t stay there.
I drove for a while, wanting badly to read the note, and also not wanting to.
What if it says Lash wants to have a relationship with me, now that Devlin has the real Sar to keep him occupied? Or maybe he just wants some sex, and since he’s back in town, he thought he’d look me up? It hadn’t been just a friendly hello, or he wouldn’t have made being alone a prerequisite to the bartender giving me the note.
Deep down, I knew it wasn’t the latter or just about casual sex. But I told myself it was anyway as I pulled over to the side of the road. I took the note from my pocket, and burned it unread in my car’s ashtray, blinking back tears as I did it.
Then I went to meet Terian.
Chapter Twelve
Terian was on time, like always. He told me over dinner the whole story of what had happened the two years we’d been apart, and of the new ongoing drama that was the Theo/Sar/Danial/Devlin three-dimensional love triangle. It was hard to believe some of what he said had happened, but I took his word for it. In return, I told him what had happened with me and my father, leaving out only Lash, and what had happened with Devlin. While I felt bad not telling him everything, I justified that by telling myself the cold truth could only hurt him, if not cause more trouble if he either sought revenge against Devlin, or felt jealous of Lash.
Afterward he followed me home for a drink. At first, we were both reserved and kept our distance, careful of one another and unsure. Then the alcohol kicked in. The moment we accidentally touched, our passion ignited with a roar. Terian’s lips met mine in a punishing kiss, his arms going around me, pulling me close. I kissed him hungrily, all those lonely nights of wanting him determined to be satisfied.
He made to get up, but I’d waited long enough already. I pulled him back down on me, my hips rising to meet his, my hands going down his back to cup his buttocks through his jeans. Terian’s lips broke with mine, his head ducking to kiss my neck, then moving lower as he pulled down my low cut top, exposing my lace brassiere. With a tug, he pushed it down, revealing my breast, his hungry mouth fastening on the left as his hand cupped the right, squeezing possessively.
I moaned, my hands fumbling for his belt, anxious to free him. With a snap, I popped the button, then tore down the zipper. I reached in, my hand grasping his throbbing erection. Terian stiffened his back with a cry, then moved back, attacking my jeans. He tugged, but despite his efforts, they did not come off.
Damn stretch jeans. “I’ll get them,” I panted, standing unsteadily. “You get ready.”
We both stripped off our jeans, his taking longer than mine. By the time I’d helped him get them off, he’d finished putting on the condom. I pushed him back onto the couch, straddling him. With a shift of my hips, I impaled myself, throwing my head back with a groan.
Terian grasped my hips, chest heaving, and began to move me. I grabbed his hands, then held them down to the couch. I used my hips, moving him in and out of me with long deliberate strokes. Terian groaned, then jerked, his blissful expression delightful to watch as he strained upwards.
I kissed his neck, then took some skin in my mouth, sucking hard. Terian broke loose of my hands, grasping my breasts, squeezing. With a snarl, he pulled my upper body closer, burying his head between my breasts, his hot tongue stroking. His other hand grabbed my rear, pushing it down hard against him.
His stiff penis slid in another few inches. I jerked, letting out a sharp cry. Terian took my nipple in his mouth, sucking hard as he drove into me again and again.
I screamed, the climax washing over me like a tidal wave. The pure feeling expanded, filling me completely, freeing me utterly. Terian yelled, his lower body contracting again and again as he clutched me tightly to him.
We held each other, sweaty and panting, completely sated.
“Do you mind if I spend the night, Sun?”
Only he would ask, after all our history together. For the first time, my normal sarcasm was absent in my reply. “No,” I said, kissing him lovingly as I blinked my moist eyes rapidly. “I want you to stay.”
* * * *
The next morning, he asked me formally to move in with him. I agreed immediately. To celebrate, we made love again.
“Are you okay to keep going?” Terian asked suddenly with concern, stopping his movements. “I don’t want to hurt you. And we’ve been at it all night.”
“It’s okay. I’ve gone longer than this.” Stupid! I bit my lip, before I said anything more.
“With who?” Terian growled. “No human man could have lasted this long.”
“A were,” I whispered. “That’s how he referred to himself.”
“What type?” he growled, his eyes glinting red.
“I don’t know,” I lied. “I never saw him be anything but human,” I added.
“Fine,” Terian said roughly. “You’ve known the staying power of a were. But demons have the most staying power of any being, and faeries are a close second. I could go for days, and not stop.”
That admission was simultaneously scary and exciting. “Faerie?”
“I’m half-faerie,” Terian said, blushing slightly. “Turns out my mother isn’t dead, and my father’s alive, too. But that’s another can of worms, Sun.”
“It’s okay,” I consoled him, touching his cheek gently. “I’ve learned a lot about accepting things I can’t change, in the time we’ve been apart.”
“So have I,” Terian said in an old, slightly bitter tone. “So have I.”
* * * *
I moved in with Terian the next day, and quit my job. It was a nice change to not have to get up for work in the afternoon, or stay up every night until after midnight. With that simple change, there was a deeper feeling of me finally being on track to a real life, not living on the fringes of one. That first morning when I woke up and actually saw a sunrise as the first part of my day instead of its end was the beginning of an awakening for me.
My life had been a certain way for a long time. I hadn’t been happy, but I hadn’t felt I could change my direction. Maybe I thought I hadn’t deserved more than getting by. But I did deserve more, a lot more. And so did Terian, for giving me a third shot at some happiness. Determined, I turned my focus to my new home and partner, and got busy.
I did a fair bit of cleaning that first week, as Terian was messy and something of a book hoarder. His lab was always neat, but his large bedroom—our room—was a mess, and so was anywhere he spent time. But once I got that straightened out with the help of some large bookshelves with metal shelving, plastic bins, and upscale labels for the rest, keeping order was easy.
Meeting Sar was less time consuming, yet still a lot harder. It didn’t help that Theo had mistaken me for her when I was kissing Terian one morning in his lab and blown a gasket. He’d come through the lab door shouting about betrayal, breaking the door lock in the process. While he’d apologized over and over after seeing I wasn’t Sar, and replaced the lock himself that very afternoon, his sudden rage had made me wonder if all the weres living there were as tightly wound as he was.
After all the time I’d cursed Sar for being a bitch, she was...well, nice. She smiled when she saw me, and welcomed me. It was in her tone that she meant what she said about hoping we’d be friends. Still, that gold bear of ownership around her neck gave me a chill. And along with friendliness, Sar’s tone also had an intensity that told me she had already formed some opinions about me, at least a few of them as negative as the ones I harbored for her. That if I hurt Tears again—the nickname she and everyone else here called him—she’d make me sorry.
That was understandable. I still wasn’t willing
to completely let go of my old negative opinions of her, no matter how nice she seemed. Besides, I was happy living in Danial’s guard quarters, talking with Cia and Janice, and keeping to myself. I didn’t need to hang around with Sar, especially where I might run into Devlin. Cia had told me when I’d inquired discreetly that he almost never came to Danial’s compound. When he did, it was always to the main house to visit Danial or Sar.
As the weeks passed, I even began sitting in on some of Elle and Theoron’s lessons. I’d never cared about books, never even finished high school. But I enjoyed learning about history and art when there was no pressure on me to have to take a test. Bill, the man tutoring Elle and Theoron, asked me finally if I wanted private lessons. I agreed at once, arranging the next day for a session three times a week. Everyone here was always talking about books they’d read, or referencing something in history that had once happened. Shit, Terian seemed to know about every battle that had ever been fought, and was always going on about how amazing some of the early commanders had been, even when they’d been fighting with only bows and arrows. I wanted to be able to join the conversation, to know what they were talking about, and to be able to say something, when they asked me what I thought.
I walked into the kitchen that second week, and Cia was baking some kind of cookies that smelled heavenly. When I asked her if I could help, she just smiled and told me to pull up a chair. That day we baked two kinds of cookies, mint chocolate chip, and ginger molasses. In the weeks that followed, we became closer, as she taught me how to cook and bake. I’d always bragged that talent in the kitchen wasn’t necessary if you had talent in the bedroom. Yet along with my new surroundings was a new sense of not only wanting to fit in, but the desire to take a chance on some of the things that I’d always sneered at as not being “my thing.” I hadn’t been happy with who I was, not deep down. So why hold onto that person’s beliefs and values?
Letting go of that old chip on my shoulder was the beginning of healing for me. I’d never sought any reasoning for my way of life, or even felt it was necessary to understand why I did the things I did. But as I began to feel valued by the people around me, I understood finally it was because I was finally standing up for myself. I’d always been very vocal about not letting anyone screw me over, and making sure that I got my fair share of whatever I wanted, whether it be orgasms, tips, or anything else. Yet I came to understand that my attitude hadn’t ever really gotten me something I’d yearned for my whole life: true admiration born of respect. There was a difference between someone giving me a fair deal because they were made to, and someone willingly sharing things with me because they wanted to spend time with me, or thought I’d earned them through an equal share of work.
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