I agreed, hoping for the best. After attending church in the early evening, I had Terian, Titus’s son, teleport me to T’s home.
Christmas at T’s house was beautiful. Theo and his new werecougar female, Jenny, had brought in an enormous tree, with the help of Elle, T, and me. We decorated it together while singing some carols, though I admitted none of us could sing very well, except T. And when we were done, Theo crowned the tree with a large star.
After, we sat around, talking about Christmases past. By that, I mean mostly listening to Jenny tell of her Christmases past. I didn’t have very many happy ones to share, and no one, not even T or Elle, was going to bring up Sarelle, who’d orchestrated all the past Christmases that they had shared as a family. But it was cozy, being part of a group. Before long, Theo and Jenny excused themselves to bed, and soon after Elle did as well, saying with pleasure and a good deal of relish that she was spending the night with the foxes, as Demi was telling Brian at their holiday gathering that night that she was pregnant, and she didn’t want to miss the announcement. T asked to pass on congratulations for him, and also to make sure Demi went with Brian to see Dr. Camlyn next week, to make sure everything was as it should be. Elle left with a nod, to say she’d pass that on.
For a while, T and I sat on the couch, beside the tree, watching it sparkle. And then he handed me a small box, saying “Merry Christmas” in his sexy voice.
I opened it, and found some beautiful earrings, shaped like tiny chunks of gold. I put them on, and thanked him.
“My father gave similar ones to my mother, many years ago when they were dating,” T said a little absently. “I hope you like them.”
I assured him I did, and then told him in a hesitant voice that I had something for him as well. He looked at me expectantly.
“You have everything you need,” I said getting the words out with effort. “I don’t have much to offer you that you can’t buy for yourself, T. But I have myself, and I can offer you that.”
T looked at me, and something like nervousness flitted through his eyes, but he just kept looking at me.
“I know Devlin took care of the money for me, until the New Year,” I said delicately, feeling embarrassed yet determined to see this through. “But I’m telling you now, come to me whenever you like, T, for as long as you like.” I blushed, thinking this was a shameful way to celebrate my Lord’s birth. But it was true, I didn’t have anything else he needed. And a lover he could trust was something T did need. And I want that lover to be me.
T took my hand and kissed it. “That’s thoughtful of you, Serena, but it’s not necessary.”
“It is for me,” I said more forcefully, trying to be strong. “I want to give you a gift that means something, T.”
“All right then,” T said, nodding. “When you come to me here at my house, that’s just you and I. But when I come to you at Hayden, that’s on the books, so to speak. Agreed?”
“Agreed,” I said, biting my lip. Does he not want us to have a relationship? Am I reading his signals wrong, the way I did Nick?
“Come with me,” T said, taking my hand. “I’ll make us a fire, and we’ll sleep in front of it for a while. I know you like that.”
I gave him a smile, and followed him into his bedroom. For a while we slept, our bodies warmed by the heat of the flames. But when we awoke, T groaned a little in annoyance.
I looked over at him curiously. “What is it?”
“I’m hungry,” he said, embarrassed. “And with the holidays, I forgot to arrange for donors.”
It dawned on me what he was referring to, and I gave him a smile. “Take some of mine, then.”
T gave me a look of shock. “Did you...had you wanted me to bite you, Serena?”
Now I was the one blushing. “Um, really, I’ve kind of wondered why you didn’t. I thought all vampires wanted blood when they had sex.”
T looked away. “Devlin said it would make the sex better,” he whispered. “But my father said not to feed on...not to mix the two.” He gave me a worried look. “I’m the first dhamphir, Serena, I have no idea what to expect for so many things!” He cursed, sounding much like Sar did when she was upset. “I almost wish I was full vampire sometimes, it would make things easier. I’d know just what I could and couldn’t do.”
I sat closer to him, and took his hand. “Make love with me, and drink from me,” I offered easily. “I’m not a human; I’ll heal the blood loss easily. Even if I pass out from it, I’ll just sleep for a while and awaken.”
T gave me a funny look. “You sure? It’s okay, if you don’t want to.”
“Do you not like wereblood? I’ve heard your father doesn’t.”
“I don’t know,” T said, again looking away uneasily. “I’ve had only human blood, and some of Brian’s, when he first found me after I escaped from Ulysses’s men.”
“Come try it,” I said, getting to my feet. “It’s okay either way, T, but I’d like to do this for you, if you’ll let me.”
T got to his feet, and came with me to the bed. We were already in robes, so we lay down.
T hesitantly kissed me, and then moved down my neck. I expected him to do as Devlin had, to kiss me for a few minutes, and then bite down completely. But he immediately moved his teeth across my neck in a deft motion, making a small but deep cut. Then I felt his mouth fastening on me, sucking gently. His arms tightened around me, and I held him close. Unlike Devlin, he made no sounds of pleasure, and a few minutes later, he healed my cut with some of his blood. For some reason, it took him longer to heal me than Devlin had. Probably because he’s only part vampire.
When T drew back from me, he looked much less tired, and his complexion was almost ruddy. But he didn’t look especially happy. “Thank you.”
Hadn’t he liked the taste? “You’re welcome.”
T held me close, rubbing my shoulder as we lay there, saying nothing. I wanted badly to ask him if he’d liked my blood. But because he didn’t say anything, I guessed that he hadn’t.
Desperate to do something he would enjoy, I initiated sex with him. He responded immediately to my caresses, as he always did. The intimacy was good for both of us. But afterward, I could feel something was different between us, even though T was as gentle and loving as he’d always been with me.
* * * *
The next morning, I got a surprise. Cia was in the kitchen, making breakfast. And so were the other female foxes.
On a previous visit a few years ago, Cia and another fox, Janice, had verbally attacked me, and Sar had to come to my defense. Since then, I’d avoided the werefoxes whenever T wasn’t with me, nervous of a repeat incident. This morning, when I went out hesitantly to make T some breakfast, they welcomed me. “Hi Serena,” Janice said, as she mixed up what looked like a batch of scones. “Come to help?”
“Sure,” I said, taking a bowl and spoon another woman offered me. I began mixing, and Cia began telling me some joke that Aran had got from Theo. Just like that, I was accepted.
Breakfast was a wonderful affair. The table was crowded, and Brian was doting on the pregnant Demi, getting her everything as soon as she made to move to get it herself. When breakfast had been served, Jenny and Theo appeared, smelling of sex. They said hello to everyone, then sat down and began eating with gusto. I wanted to say both times that the couples reminded me of how Devlin and Lash had been with Sar in the mornings where she had been making breakfast, but held my tongue, knowing to bring up Sar here wouldn’t be a good idea. Yet I did feel a pang for her, alone at Hayden with her lovers. These were her former friends, and it seemed wrong she wasn’t welcome here with them, just because of the men she loved now.
* * * *
Later that afternoon, when T did his emails, I readied my things to leave. And Janice stopped me. “You know, you don’t have to go back there,” she said quietly. “You could stay here with us, Serena.”
I looked over at her quizzically. “I live there. My job and all my things are there.”
I felt the pull of her words, even as my animal side assured me that she was right. “But what about my job?” I gave her a forced smile. “Don’t tell me you want me plying my trade here, Janice.”
“T would hire you, I’m betting.” Janice said meaningfully, avoiding my second comment. “Jenny doesn’t mind housework, but she hates computers, and she does the filing only under duress. You could take over that job.”
Sar’s old job. But when she’d had it, she’d been Oathed to Danial...well, actually, she hadn’t been, not at first. They’d been lovers, and trying for a baby, she’d said. A baby. What would it be like to be here, to belong here, and not have only T, but a ready-made family of my own kind, too?
“Serena?”
I snapped back into the conversation out of my fantasy, before I lost myself in it. “Thank you, but I don’t want to push things with T, not until...” Until what? He tells me he loves me? That he wants to marry me? Is that what I want? And will it ever come to that, after how last night seemed?
“Until?”
“Until I think it’s what we both really want,” I said firmly. “Right now, he seems happy with how things are. And so am I.”
“Nice earrings,” Janice said, giving me a pointed grin. “Another woman wore similar ones years ago, and said kind of the same thing about T’s father. She was Oathed to him a few months later, and was pregnant with his baby a year and a half after that.”
I flushed, abruptly told her goodbye, and walked out to a waiting Rip.
When I got home, I found I had someone waiting for me, leaning against my door. And it was the last person I expected to see. “What are you doing here, Nick?”
I was irritated to see that he was just as appetizing as he’d been the last time I’d seen him. But then, I’d always liked him in blue.
“Serena, I wanted to come to you, to say I was sorry,” he said contritely. “I never meant to hurt you.” He raked his hands through his hair. “I never thought you cared for me, any more than you care for any of the others. I don’t have any standing here at Hayden, not any more than I ever had. I’m saying I know I’m never going to be someone Lash or Devlin asked to do anything important, or someone they asked for advice.” He paused, and looked at the wall, as if words were written there.
“And?” I prompted.
“I knew you liked Vince,” he said finally. “I thought maybe when his contract was up with Devlin, he might leave and take you with him.”
“Nick, what’s your point?” I cut him off sharply. “You saying all of this, it doesn’t matter now.”
“It does matter! I need—”
“I don’t care what you need,” I interrupted flatly. “I have needs, too. And they come first.” I felt an amazing sense of fulfillment when I said those words. With belated pride, I realized for the first time, I myself believed them.
“I’m saying I’ll meet your needs,” Nick said, swallowing hard. “I will be animal for you, if you—”
“You don’t need to,” I interrupted again in a lilting tone. “T has been taking care of my needs, Nick. All of them.”
Nick growled low and mean. “I heard that. Some of the bears are complaining, saying he’s taking up all your time.”
“I have time for anyone who needs me,” I countered. “But I never said I wouldn’t have a boyfriend of my own.”
“I need you,” Nick said earnestly. “And the truth is...the truth is, I do love you, Serena.”
I’d been feeling so sure, so strong, and the moment he said the words, I felt all my new armor evaporating, leaving me pink and defenseless as a newborn cub. “Don’t tell me lies.”
“I love the quiet way of you,” Nick said in a rough sexy tone, coming close to me. “I love that you’re gentle, that you make me breakfast, and fix my clothes.” He paused, and his next words were full of emotion, enough to almost physically see. “I love I was your first, that until me, a man hadn’t touched you, hadn’t even kissed you. I love that most of all.” He came close to me. “Have you ever loved anyone but me?”
“No,” I whispered, before I was able to lie. “I—”
Nick cut me off with a passionate kiss. I kissed him back, melting into him, my longing for him a raging force that felt like it would swallow me whole.
We made love that day until we were covered in sweat, and our voices were rough from our cries of passion. And when he held me close, and asked me to let him come to me again, I agreed.
Sar, Lash, Dev, and Titus saw Nick and I later the next morning, as we were finishing breakfast. I heard Titus make some comment as he took my hand, guiding me from the kitchen, but took no note of it. My eyes were all for Nick, as he pulled me into the forest.
Chapter Fifteen
New Years was a great affair. Devlin threw a large party, in part I think to celebrate his triumph over Ulysses, and the return of his brother Danial to the waking world. After their long drawn out guerilla war that had lasted all fall, Devin had finally bested Ulysses in a challenge fight via a better double-cross involving a fight on holy ground. Sar had used her teleportation skillswhich Ulysses was unaware ofto bring him to Hayden, where Devlin and Danial had drained him almost to the point of death. Shortly thereafter, Lash and Sar had burned the newly turned vampire to death, ending his reign of terror over us.
Nick was manning the gatehouse that night, and didn’t attend the party. But T was there, and he spent most of the night in my company, when he wasn’t with his mother, or his sisters. Everything went well, until it was seven minutes to midnight, and the shift change happened.
Lash often did that, change shifts at odd times, so that would-be attackers had no pattern to follow. He also favored a change early in the evening, so that those watching at night were fresher. But Lash’s good planning tactics worked together to ensure that Nick came looking for me the moment he clocked out, wanting to share a New Year’s kiss like we had last year. He caught me coming out of the ladies room, and grabbed me from behind. I let out a shriek of surprise, making him laugh. “You’re so spooked,” he said in my ear. “I know what you need to relax you.”
I pushed him away gently. “Not now. I’m due back soon, I’m helping Sar keep an eye on V.”
“Come on, Serena.”
“Why don’t you go with him?” a familiar cool voice said in an unfamiliar dark tone. “He can’t seem to wait.”
I turned, and so did Nick. T walked up to us, his steps so graceful he was almost gliding. “I’ll help Mom,” T said in a noncommittal tone. “And the party will be over soon anyway.”
Nick looked at me, then back at T. He was clearly jealous by his scent, but it was also clear he had no idea what to say, because T didn’t seem angry or jealous himself.
I smiled politely at T. “Thanks, but I should go back.”
“Don’t bother.” T turned to Nick. “And you should treat her better, jerk.” He walked off, both of us too shocked to say anything.
“Well, he’s Sar’s son,” a melodious voice intoned. Devlin came up to us, smiling, though his eyes were tinged red. “You had to expect he was going to say something.”
He stopped before us. “I’d hoped to not have to interfere,” he said, obviously irritated. “But I’ve heard enough complaints about you that I have to address this tonight, even in the midst of celebration.”
I felt my face flush red. “I’m sorry, Devlin—”
“Not you,” Devlin said, his tone more irritated. He turned to Nick. “You.” His eyes were completely red now. “Lash has told me you’ve not been at your post, or you’ve been late to it three times this past week. What’s the problem?”
“I was with Serena,” Nick said immediately. “I hadn’t been with her or anyone for more than a month, and I lost track of time.”
“That’s an adequate excuse for one time,” Devlin growled. “But not for more than
once. You’ve never before had trouble leaving her after sex. Do you have anything else to say in your defense?”
“No.” Nick swallowed. “Except I know I deserve punishment, and I swear it won’t happen again.”
“You’re damn right it won’t,” Lash hissed from behind Devlin. “Or you’ll be fired, Nick. And being as you know the complete lay of Hayden’s inside, you know when I say ‘fired’ I mean ‘dead’.”
Lash stepped closer. “Come downstairs with me now,” he said, baring his fangs. “And I’ll give you your punishment. And you’re to be at the gatehouse at eight a.m. tomorrow, unless you want that again twice after that shift ends.”
Nick cast a glance at me, and then followed Lash down the basement stairs.
I thought about asking Devlin for mercy for him. Don’t bother. He won’t be swayed. Even Sar herself usually didn’t get anywhere with him.
“Rejoin the party,” Devlin ordered. “Lash has plans for later tonight, so Nick’s beating won’t be long. But he won’t be seeing you for a few days, probably.”
I hesitated a second, and then Devlin cut me off, glaring down at me. Yet his voice when he spoke was more resigned than angry. “It’s been a year and a half since you joined my employ. But the work you do seems to have lost its excitement for you.”
“May we walk for a few minutes where we won’t be overheard, to discuss my future?” I asked, moving back toward the door.
“Of course.” Devlin fell in step beside me.
“I’m not unhappy,” I said, when we were out of hearing of Devlin’s guests. “But no, it’s not something I want to do the rest of my life, Devlin.”
“You have no special feelings for T, or for Nick? You don’t love them?”
It hit me then, that my feelings had changed, the shock of it bringing me to a sudden stop. “No,” I said. “I like them both very much. I like spending time with them, being intimate with them, more so than the others who see me. But I don’t love Nick anymore. T... I might come to love him, if he decides he wants something serious, but right now he’s acting distant. I’m not sure why.”
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