by R. A. Lee
For the first time since she met Jake, Brooke crossed over from the realization that Matthew was never coming back. Only a ripple through her body that started in her stomach, Brooke was soon shaking uncontrollably and Jake just held her tightly.
In shared pain, Brooke finally felt a connection.
Chapter 22
Six weeks passed since construction started and Brooke, Jake, his mother and MJ waited on the driveway as the designer waited to reveal their new house.
Brooke had made Jake promise he wouldn’t check in on the changes, she wanted it to be a surprise. Wanting a surprise for herself, Brooke let the designer handle the finishing touches. She trusted his style better than she trusted her own.
Leading them to the kitchen door, dressed in khakis and a sweater vest, the designer was beaming with pride.
“Let me know what you think,” he said, opening the door and stepping back. Holding onto Jake’s hand, Brooke stepped through the door first and quickly pulled her hand away as she gasped and covered her mouth with her trembling hands.
The first time she had stepped through the door, Brooke admired the layout of the kitchen, but it felt old and it wasn’t cozy. The kitchen was the room in which they spent most of their time together.
This kitchen was a family room. The island was still the central point, but wasted space was filled with a couch to lounge on and watch television while MJ finished his homework at his own desk and Brooke cooked dinner. It was the family kitchen she had always dreamed of having. She always thought it would be with Matthew, but here it was in a new house with a new family. Brooke blinked away tears of anger and concentrated on the future.
“This is incredible,” his mother exclaimed, looking around at the new kitchen in admiration. Seeing his backpack by the desk, MJ ran up to the desk and sat down.
“I have my own desk,” he proclaimed and opened the drawers to see what surprises the designer had left. Pens and pencils were pulled out and MJ started drawing on a piece of paper sitting on the desk.
Jake sat on the couch, put his feet up and turned on the television. Sitting up suddenly, Jake realized the sound was coming from around the couch and not up by the television.
“I don’t have to play it loud and disturb anyone,” he remarked in praise at the design efforts. Leaning back, Jake watched the news and flipped to sports and news and back to sports.
Jake’s mother opened cabinets and admired the large refrigerator built into the cabinets. Laughing, she opened the doors.
“It doesn’t look like a refrigerator,” Jake’s mother said. Looking at the rest of the cabinets she noticed an appliance was missing.
“Where’s the dishwasher?” Jake’s mother asked.
The designer pulled at a cabinet and it opened to reveal a dishwasher. Hands flew to her mouth in surprise.
“I want this kitchen!” Jake’s mother exclaimed and hugged Brooke.
“Are we ready for the next room?” he asked.
“You go on,” Jake said, staring at the TV.
A glare from Brooke got him to his feet, but his eyes trailed as he followed the designer through the swinging kitchen door.
Brooke hadn’t seen the completed concept and was speechless. The designer had lived up to his promise. Tile stretched throughout the open room and the worn furniture and walls were gone.
Bright and airy, the dining room was formal but not stuffy, and the living room was contemporary but very warm and homey. The designer walked up to the revitalized fireplace and flicked a switch. A fire sprung to life and burned as if it had taken hours to reach the intensity achieved immediately with the flick of a switch.
“What do you think?” he asked beaming.
Walking carefully on the wool carpet she helped choose, Brooke sat on the edge of the custom-designed floral-patterned couch she had also chosen and just stared at the fire.
Sitting quietly, Brooke waited to say how she felt at the transformation. Jake crossed past her and sat down gently.
“It feels like home,” she whispered. From behind her, she heard the designer jump up and whisper an excited, “Yes!”
Standing, Brooke thanked the designer and they hugged.
“I’ll leave you now to your new home,” he said as he walked out cheerfully, beaming brightly. “It was a pleasure.”
“I’ll go check on MJ,” Jake’s mother said and left them alone.
Brooke sat next to Jake and rested her head on his shoulder. Jake put an arm around her shoulder and they just stared at the fireplace in their new home.
“I have a few more surprises for you,” she whispered. Jake nodded.
“You always do,” he said.
Taking a deep breath, Brooke stood and took Jake’s hands in her own as he lifted himself from the new couch. For a moment she looked into his eyes, which were steady on her own.
Sighing, she took his hand and pulled him down the hall to the last door at the end of the hallway.
Jake looked puzzled.
“Ready?” she asked. Jake nodded and they entered the new art studio.
Jake was astonished. The room he just threw things in was now a working studio.
“That’s not all,” she beamed. Opening a large armoire, Brooke pulled out a computer center. “It’s for both of us.”
Walking up to the work center, Jake admired the clever use of space.
“We can work together,” she said. Closing the armoire, Brooke continued. “When you’re not here, I can close it up to have more work space.”
“That’s very clever,” Jake said, looking around the room. Art supplies and easels completed the studio.
“There’s more,” she said and led him to her old room.
“Ready?” she asked. Jake nodded and she opened the door. Her old room had been transformed into something from a hospital room. Puzzled, Jake looked at the reclining bed and saw that the bathroom had a tub he had seen on a commercial for elderly people.
Turning, Jake was still confused.
“This is my way of asking you if we can take my mother in,” she explained with her hands covering her mouth. Brooke knew Jake had to agree with bringing her ailing mother into their house even though she went about the changes without his knowledge.
“Is this your way of asking me?” he said and Brooke nodded, not knowing if he was considering it or angry she went ahead with the changes without discussing it with him first.
“Have you thought about everything involved?” he asked. “Special care around the clock, constant care? Are you ready for that?”
Fully resolved to the idea, Brooke pulled out a bound presentation with a clear plastic cover and handed it to Jake.
Puzzled, Jake took the presentation and smiled then laughed as he read the title of the presentation.
“‘The Care and Feeding of My Mother Who I Really Want to Bring Home to Live With Us – A Presentation.’” Looking up at Brooke, he scrutinized her then approached for a hug, the portfolio pressed against her back.
Squeezing him tightly, Brooke closed her eyes and hugged him back, but she was still waiting for an answer.
“You always surprise me,” he whispered. “If you want your mother here, I cannot and will not say no. This is your home, Brooke. Our home.”
Relief uncoiled her tension and Brooke groaned. Lightening the moment, she braced him for one more surprise.
“Let’s go upstairs,” she whispered. Pulling away, Brooke led Jake to the upstairs room. Opening the door, she pulled him inside and they stood there staring at their room.
New bed, new curtains, new life.
“Let’s check out the bathroom,” she said, pulling him to the bathroom while he was still grasping the changes to his room.
Walking slowly to the far corner where his tub once sat, Jake was speechless as he saw a new jet tub big enough for two.
Turning to Brooke, he pointed out there was a jet tub big enough for two.
Nodding, Brooke beamed.
“I always
wanted a jet tub,” he whispered, turning to her.
“I know,” she asserted. “That’s all you talk about after you take a bath. Now here it is.”
Clasping her face in his hands, Jake looked very excited and thankful.
“Thank you,” he said and hugged her.
“I had to put in something for you,” she laughed, hugging him back. Squeezing her eyes tight, Brooke was almost angry. When Jake reacted to the new tub, Brooke saw flashes of Matthew and how he would have reacted and it angered her.
Taking a deep breath, she let out a moan.
“I’m hungry,” she declared.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked.
Looking confused, Brooke answered as if he didn’t understand.
“I’ve got a brand new kitchen,” she explained.
Jake kissed her and laughed.
“I know, I’m just teasing,” he said and Brooke couldn’t hide the anguish in her face. Matthew would have said the exact same thing. Jake hugged her.
“It’s not my fault, Brooke,” he whispered and she caught her breath as she melted into his pleading embrace.
“I get angry sometimes because he’s not here to enjoy these moments,” she said. “This is something we dreamed about.”
“And you’re stuck with me,” he said.
Reassuring him with a hug, Brooke sighed.
“I am scared that someday I won’t see him in you anymore,” she explained. “I am holding on so tight. I’m afraid to let go. I feel like I’m betraying his memory.”
“I don’t blame you, Brooke,” he whispered. “If Jenny called right now, I honestly don’t know what I would do and I’m ashamed about that.”
Brooke pulled away and looked into his frightened eyes for answers.
“I know, Jake,” she asserted. “You’ll go, you’ll run into her arms and may not look back. I would. Right now I would. But that’s a fact no matter what for any married couple. When that time comes I’ll let you make that choice. I think at that point we’ll both know. Breaking up doesn’t scare me, indecision does. At some point you’re going to have to make a choice. And the only promise I want from you is that you make it from the heart and not because of any obligation to me. Remember, you can buy me off, I just don’t want you to make your choice based on any sort of guilt.”
Jake lifted his head to hold back the tears threatening to spill and gasped.
Wiping away the tears, he made her a promise more important than their vows.
“I won’t,” he said. “I never want to hurt you and the minute I know, it will be from my heart.”
Hugging tightly, Brooke gritted her teeth.
When the time came and he told her his choice would be Jenny, Brooke only hoped for the strength to start over again. Until that day, this was her home and she really wanted to try and build a new family.
Chapter 23
The day Brooke brought her mother into her home was one of the happiest moments in her life.
Senility had crossed from vague moments of forgetfulness to times of heightened confusion. A nurse helped out during the day and was on call for evenings when Brooke needed extra support.
MJ loved having his grandmother nearby and would just talk and talk while she watched him play or sat in the backyard just staring at the sky.
Jake’s mother enjoyed Brooke’s mother’s company and on good days they got together for tea.
Sitting in Jake’s mother’s living room, the women were having a discussion about dealing with the loss of their husbands when her mother suddenly became very wistful. Brooke sat in silence as she talked about her father.
“I met him while I was working at this woman’s house in Clareford,” she said, staring off into the distance. “He came over to visit the woman’s daughter who was in college. I accidentally bumped into him while washing her floors. That was it. One look and we fell in love. I was wearing this handkerchief to cover my hair and I was dirty from cleaning the floor, but our eyes met and that was it. We got married a year later.”
Breathing steadily, Brooke didn’t want to break the moment. She knew her mother always got very sad remembering her father.
“What happened to him,” Jake’s mother asked softly while drinking her tea.
“Just died,” she said. “Doctors didn’t know if it was a heart problem or disease or stroke. They didn’t have testing back then. Nearly killed me. Lost our baby. But I had to get up every day because I had our little girl to take care of,” she said and Brooke knew she had drifted off into another reality.
Hot tears burned her cheeks. Brooke never knew the extent of her mother’s loss.
Excusing herself, Brooke stumbled to the bathroom, turned on the faucet water and cried silently.
She had never heard her mother speak so plainly about what happened to the man Brooke had forgotten, her father. Never knew the love they shared and the loss that took her mother’s spirit.
Shaking, Brooke wanted to hug her mother and console her, but she wasn’t really cognizant of the present reality anymore.
If her mother couldn’t handle the devastating loss, how was Brooke supposed to move on?
Realizing what she would be missing, Brooke wiped her tears and washed her face. Staring at the angry and sad woman in the mirror, she saw traces of her mother that became more pronounced the older she got.
At what point do you cross over and can’t turn back? she wondered. Had her mother tried so hard to look back that she lost herself?
When she returned, Jake’s mother was talking about how she got her tea set and nodded at Brooke.
“It’s time for dinner, mom,” Brooke said, but there was no acknowledgment from her mother. Leaning down, Brooke looked directly into her mother’s eyes and they didn’t recognize her.
“It’s time for dinner,” she said softly. Her mother nodded and Jake’s mother helped Brooke lead her mother back to her room.
“I’ll be back,” Brooke said and her mother just nodded.
In the kitchen, Brooke started making dinner preparations while MJ played in the backyard. Shaking, Brooke tried several times to open a container. Frustrated, she threw it in the sink. Sobbing silently, she jerked when she felt Jake’s mother’s hands on her arms.
Turning, Brooke grasped the woman and wept for her mother, herself and the future.
“You’re not your mother,” Jake’s mother whispered. “I know she would never want you to feel this way.”
Brooke nodded and groaned.
“Thank you,” she said, wiping her tears and pulling away.
Making sure Brooke understood, Jake’s mother’s eyes darted around her face and then she smiled.
“We’ve got dinner to make,” she announced. Brooke laughed and sniffled as they made dinner together.
Two days later, Brooke felt inspiration and went to her studio while everyone was sleeping. For hours she jotted down creative ideas and started to piece together her ideas on paper. When MJ called for her, she realized she had been working for hours and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Getting MJ off to school, Brooke checked in with her mother, discussed a few things with the caretaker and headed off to her studio.
For two weeks nothing else mattered. Jake came home and she made time for him, but the moment she could she was in her studio working again. Jake joined her and worked at the computer center, but she wouldn’t let him see her work and he didn’t insist after she said it was a private endeavor.
One day, her mother came in and sat down to watch her work.
“I remember you always wanted to color when you were a kid,” her mother reminisced and Brooke became tense. She wanted to give her mother her total attention so she would tell Brooke a story about their life.
“I bought you coloring books and paint,” she smiled, looking somewhere over Brooke. Fighting off the urge to see what imaginary image her mother was channeling, Brooke just sat and listened.
“I made sure you had everyt
hing you wanted,” she continued. “I didn’t have any parents. I had to work before I finished school, but I made sure my daughter didn’t have to work cleaning floors,” she asserted. “You didn’t have all those clothes and things the other kids had, but you had an education. That was all that mattered. I figured if you had an education you would never have to struggle, never scrub floors or wait on other people.”
Brooke held her head in shame. If only her mother knew what she did to make sure she had the best care.
“Mom,” Brooke heard from the living room coming toward them. The moment was broken. Brooke rose to greet her son and asked the caretaker to bring her mother to the kitchen.
Making a snack for her son, Brooke thought about her mother’s resolve and knew they had that in common.
More inspiration came to Brooke and by the end of the week, she had finished.
Stepping back, Brooke made a few adjustments. Grabbing her camera, she took a few photos and sat down. Sighing, she was relieved to have put on canvas the deepest feelings that she needed to release from her soul.
Chapter 24
Jake was surprised when Brooke met him in the city one day to take him to lunch. In the past few weeks she had been obsessed with something she was working on, but now she was relaxed and enjoyed taking a walk to a new restaurant she wanted to try out.
“How long are you here for?” he asked, wanting to spend more time with her.
“If you like I can stay tonight,” she suggested and Jake eagerly agreed. Kissing her behind the ear, Jake gave her a playful lick and she laughed.
“Not fair,” she said.
“You two look cozy,” a familiar voice joked.
“Melinda!” Brooke said, offering her friend a chair. Jake greeted Melinda and they sat and talked about the wedding plans.
Jake knew that Melinda was enjoying the fact he and Brooke had come to some sort of appreciation and fondness for one another. Looking from Brooke to Jake, she scrutinized their reactions as they talked and joked.
