by R. A. Lee
Looking at the two of them standing side-by-side, Jake got a glimpse of Brooke’s past. At one time, she belonged to another and this was her home. At one time in her life she was the most special person in another man’s life.
It wasn’t Brooke who was going to settle.
“Jake,” she whispered. “Give us a minute,” she said to Michael and he stepped back.
“Hold on,” she said and went back into the house. Jake could no longer say what he had come to tell her. Turning, he started toward his car.
“Wait!” Brooke called, running down the stairs. “What’s the matter?”
Jake stopped but he didn’t turn. The air was cold, but he was burning inside.
“Just came to see how you were doing,” he lied. What he wanted no longer mattered.
“Come inside, then,” she insisted. “Come and meet Michael.”
“I don’t want to disturb you,” he said and started walking again. He needed some air, some time to think through this new twist in their lives.
“What’s on your mind, Jake,” she asked, angrily standing her ground. “What have you come to tell me?”
“Nothing,” he snapped and regretted it. He didn’t want her to know how much it bothered him, seeing Michael at her door.
“Fine,” she said and he could feel her shrugging him off. Jake heard her turn. “Just go, Jake,” she sighed. “I’m tired of trying to figure you out.”
Her words stopped him and he turned.
“Trying to figure me out?” he said incredulously. Turning, Brooke was ready to meet his challenge.
Walking a few steps toward her, Jake stopped.
“You are the single most frustrating person I’ve ever met in my life,” he said exasperated.
“Then go,” she said simply. “Go find your uncomplicated girlfriend and be happy. I don’t need you anymore.”
“So that’s it,” he said sarcastically. “You get a little taste of success and suddenly you can make it on your own?”
“You had better go, Jake,” she insisted. “Go before you say something you’re going to regret.”
“Have a nice life, Brooke,” he said and turned. Walking as fast as he could to his car, he fumbled with the car lock.
“I know I’m not worth it, Jake, not to you,” she shouted and he was startled as the door clicked open. Looking over, he could see the anger in her under the moonlight. “Do you know how that feels? To know I’m not worth fighting for?”
Turning suddenly, Brooke raced back to the house and slammed the door. Jake was frozen. Regaining his senses, Jake hopped in his car and drove off. Wandering aimlessly, anger and confusion mixed inside until he didn’t know what he was feeling anymore.
Driving past the restaurant he enjoyed going to with Jenny, Jake made a U-turn and pulled up to the valet, tossed his keys to the attendant and headed to the bar. He needed a drink.
One hard drink later, Jake stared, trying to focus on the fight he had with Brooke. He was going to say many things, and she was right. He might have regretted them.
“Jake,” a familiar voice said and he felt Melinda’s comforting hand on his back.
Sitting at the edge of the stool next to him, she gazed at his face and sighed.
“Who was it this time?” she asked.
“I’m fine,” he muttered. “Just having a drink.”
Melinda laughed.
“Dave,” she called to her fiancé. “I’ll get a ride with Jake here,” she said and kissed her fiancé before he left.
Sitting on the stool and making herself comfortable, Melinda ordered two white wines.
“Brooke or Jenny?” she asked. Jake did not want to confide in Brooke’s friend.
“Both,” he said when the bartender brought their drinks.
“Cheers,” she said and clinked his glass.
“I think it’s funny,” she said, not waiting for Jake to confide in her. “When I introduced you to Brooke, she was probably at the lowest in her life. I knew she’d get back up again. I just didn’t know how high.”
“If you knew she’d be able to work things out,” he said incredulously, “why did you introduce her to me?”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Jake?” she asked, staring at him in disbelief. “You just wanted her to be forever stunted. Forever dependent on you?”
It sounded very warped the way Melinda put it. Jake drank his wine. His first drink was already calming and numbing his body. His mind was waiting to be engulfed in its soothing embrace. Melinda threatened his desire to be alone to untangle the mess he hadn’t meant to stumble into. It seemed to happen a lot when he was around Brooke.
Whenever he thought he knew where he was going, she revealed that he was actually on the wrong path, not lost, but misguided and wandering aimlessly.
“Why did you introduce us, Melinda,” he stated. “You knew what I was looking for.”
“You didn’t,” she said bluntly. Startled, Jake looked at Melinda.
“I am so sick of people telling me what’s right for me,” he whispered angrily. “I was perfectly fine…”
“Really, Jake,” she interrupted him. “If you were so fine, why bother with appeasing your mother at all? Why not just continue seeing your lover and living the way you always had?”
Closing his eyes, Jake knew she was right, but he still didn’t know why. It was something deep inside and he had followed his gut, but his mind never understood.
“She doesn’t need me anymore,” he sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“You’re right, Jake,” Melinda agreed. “She doesn’t need you anymore.”
“She’s with someone else anyway,” he shrugged.
“How does that make you feel?” she asked.
“I don’t want to discuss this, Melinda,” he said, pushing his barely touched wine glass away.
“It’s interesting, Jake,” Melinda laughed to herself. “When I introduced the two of you, I thought you were perfect for one another. Both incapable of loving another person, two miserable people just looking for a companion. But now I see Brooke, and I think, what has happened to change her so much? She went from mourning the love of her life to attempting to find some happiness from her pain. You don’t think she struggles with anger and remorse every day?”
Jake had no answer.
“She doesn’t need you, Jake,” Melinda asserted. “I know you two have been trying to make this marriage work, but I only see her trying. You’re still waiting. Do you know how that makes her feel? She has no desire to be the person you settle for, Jake.”
Lowering his head, Jake realized that Melinda was right.
“All the love in the world was hers, Jake,” she said. “Now it’s gone. What’s she left with? Raising the son of the only man she will ever love and a husband who thinks she’s a good second choice. She’s never going to be whole again, and you only reinforce that, Jake. You have an incredible human being who wants to work things out with you and you think you’re settling. If I were her I’d kick your ass out.”
With that, Melinda left disgusted.
No amount of alcohol would be enough to absorb the pain inflicted from her final point.
Jake could no longer take the confusion. He needed to sleep. Offering the valet a large bill, the guy drove him home a few blocks away. Parting, Jake took the elevator to his condo and collapsed on his bed.
Sleep overtook him quickly and he slept peacefully. Waking, Jake couldn’t remember what he was trying to forget, but he saw Brooke’s painting and moaned.
Bright, indirect sunlight gave the painting a warm glow, and he knew he had to figure out why he had gone to Brooke’s house. Taking a long hot shower, Jake made coffee and sat on his couch just thinking.
The clipping Brooke had given him had made him angry. It was the impetus for his decision. He had chosen Brooke. He had chosen Brooke and it was not for the right reasons.
Melinda had been right. He was still settling. He still considered Brooke the
second choice. Everyone knew that except Jake. He never considered that he felt she was inferior and dependent.
An aching head pounded this into his brain. When will I see her for who she is? he wondered.
Sitting up, Jake realized he had. Watching her stand with Michael, Jake had seen her and he had been jealous. The night he saw her kissing Michael he had been jealous as well. He was just never jealous enough to fight for her.
Brooke wanted someone to fight for her, but Jake couldn’t do that. Not as long as he loved Jenny.
There was something he still couldn’t comprehend, though. Why was he jealous? Was it because another man was with his wife? Was it because he wanted to be with Brooke?
Betrayal? She used him and now didn’t need him anymore? Was it more basic and controlling?
When she came to him, Brooke was depressed and angry. Over time, he watched her core become more powerful. Jake did not change. Indecisive. He was unable to make a decision on his life.
Nothing. That’s what he had. The decision had been made for him because he was unable to act.
There was still time, though. He didn’t have to win the war, he just had to fight one battle. Had to see if he had it within him to fight win or lose.
Putting on jeans and a shirt, Jake grabbed his jacket and keys and headed over to Brooke’s place.
Running up the stairs to the porch landing, he knocked on the door.
A few moments later, Brooke peeked out the window. Unlatching the chain, she opened the door and stood with her arms crossed over her bathrobe.
“You’re right,” he said. “I can’t fight for you.”
Tears filled Brooke’s eyes, but they did not fall. She had been prepared.
“I can’t fight for you, but I don’t want to fight for Jenny right now either,” he confessed.
A tear fell down her cheek.
“I know you don’t need me, Brooke,” he said. “I know you can stand on your own. I admire that. I admire so much about you. I just don’t know if it’s going to be enough. I can give you what I have. I have never been here before. I only know I will try. If that’s not enough, then we will have given it everything we have.”
Fighting for his last words, Jake’s throat tightened and he could no longer speak.
Brooke said nothing.
Shaking her head, Brooke only had one simple message for him.
“I’ll see you at home,” she said.
Without ceremony, Jake nodded and she closed the door.
Standing on her front step for a moment, Jake gasped. He had fought. Only breaking up with Jenny had been harder. He had fought for something he didn’t know if he could win in the end, but it didn’t matter. Jake turned and left.
It was one of the hardest decisions he had ever made, but at least he made it. For better or worse, he had finally made a decision.
Chapter 36
In bed with Brooke, Jake could make out her face and reached out to caress her cheeks. Kissing his hand, Brooke was starting to think again.
“You don’t turn off for very long do you?” he asked softly and he knew she was puzzled. He could feel her face move in his palm. He was learning how to read her body in the darkness.
“When we’re done doing whatever you want to call this,” he explained. “You go right back to thinking.”
“I do?” she asked, trying to figure out if she ever stopped thinking.
“When I’m inside you, you may not be with me a hundred percent, but I do know you’re in the moment,” he said, running his palm from her cheek to her neck and down her arm.
Sitting up, Brooke leaned over him and kissed him.
Her thinking was now aimed at him.
“What is it now,” he asked, just trying to enjoy the moment.
“It’s silly,” she said.
“Just tell me,” he sighed.
“Have I ever told you that you have incredible eyes?” she asked and Jake wasn’t expecting such a candid evaluation of himself from Brooke.
“You smell incredible, you’re an incredible lover, and you have a rocking hard body,” she said with a laugh.
“Why is that silly?” he asked in disbelief.
“You probably already know this,” she shrugged and put her head on his chest. He could feel her warm cheeks pressed against his body.
“How would I know this?” he asked.
Lifting her head, she looked at him, puzzled.
“I’m just an inexperienced housewife who has only been with one other man,” she explained. “You’re a bachelor having a fling with some woman everybody considers a goddess.”
Caressing her cheek, Jake wished there were more light in the room.
“You’re an incredible lover as well,” he whispered in confession.
Kissing his chest, she laughed.
“You don’t have to say that just because I said it,” she reprimanded him.
“I mean it,” he said. “How does a woman who’s just been with one man know half what you do in bed?”
She sighed.
“We used to have those sex position books with pictures,” she whispered. “We’d flip through it to see what we were missing. We had such a great time trying some of the crazy stuff, but none of it mattered. We just needed to be close. Nothing else mattered.”
Jake didn’t want her to withdraw into her memory at the moment, and Brooke pulled herself out.
“Plus, I work out,” she joked cheerfully, resurrecting herself from the pain that would have come from remembering making love with Matthew.
Jake flipped her on her back and she laughed until he was laughing with her as well. Sighing, they looked into each other’s eyes.
“Make me stop thinking again,” she teased him.
“My pleasure,” he said, embracing her and kissing her deeply and passionately.
When Brooke started thinking again, Jake pulled her close and they lay together naked and relaxed.
When would the distance between them grow closer? He knew a part of her was always thinking about Matthew. A part of him was always thinking about Jenny. They were trying so hard to connect on that level. On everything else they were compatible, but each of them held a part of themselves at a distance.
Brooke was his friend, his lover, and someday he hoped she would be the mother of his children, but a part of him still yearned for Jenny.
Would he always yearn for her? Was there a possibility he wasn’t going to find complete fulfillment from either woman?
Did they just need time?
Jake was willing to give it time. He had a promise from Brooke stronger than their marriage agreement.
There was the promise they would put everything they had into their marriage and when either one didn’t think it would succeed, they would part ways.
So far, neither one had reached that point.
He knew Brooke would never consider starting a family with him unless she had a full commitment from Jake.
Jake was willing to consider that a possibility. He was no longer afraid of becoming a father and a husband. He was tired of waiting for his life to start.
“Now you’re thinking,” Brooke joked.
“I am?” he asked, kissing her on the forehead.
“Go to sleep,” she groaned. “I don’t have anything left,” she joked and rolled over. Jake followed and hugged her from behind.
Falling asleep, Jake still kept on thinking until peaceful dreams washed away his fears.
This is how their life went for so long that Jake felt the distance between them getting shorter and shorter.
That was until he received an unexpected visitor at his front door.
Eating and talking about their day, Jake enjoyed dinner with his family. When the doorbell rang, they had just finished dinner, and Brooke asked him to get it. They had all stared at each other when they heard the doorbell ring. The front door was rarely ever used. Only strangers used the front door.
Jake got up and headed out to the livin
g room and opened the door.
A very surprised and stunned Jenny looked at the address then at Jake.
“I was here to see Brooke, the artist,” she said confused.
Every muscle in Jake’s body tensed up and he froze. Brooke came into the room and stopped the moment she saw Jenny. Nobody said anything until Jenny realized she had got the right house.
“I didn’t know you two were seeing each other,” Jenny said, pointing back and forth from Brooke to Jake.
“We’re not seeing each other,” Jake explained. “This is my wife, Jenny,” he said, not taking his eyes off the woman he loved standing at his doorstep.
“I came by to talk to Brooke,” she explained, stunned by Jake’s revelation.
Brooke walked up to them.
“Please come in,” she said like a good host.
Pushing Jake away gently, Brooke made way for a very confused Jenny to enter. Looking around the room, she complimented Brooke on her taste.
“It was a present from Jake,” she said. Jake could not detect anything but civility in Brooke’s voice.
“Please have a seat,” Brooke suggested.
Sitting on the sofa, Jenny looked at each of them. Jake sat on the edge of an armchair between Jenny and Brooke.
His lover and his wife were in the same room again, and his lover had come to see his wife. She did not intend to see Jake. A part of him was pained by this revelation.
“Jake, would you help me in the kitchen for a moment?” Brooke said. Without taking his eyes off Jenny, Jake stood, then turned and followed Brooke to the kitchen.
MJ was watching TV.
“We’re going to grandma’s,” she called to MJ. “Go and run ahead of me.”
Turning off the TV, MJ got up, pulled open the kitchen door and left it open behind him as he ran to his grandma’s for dessert.
Turning, Brooke stopped Jake by placing her hands on his chest. There was nothing but resolve in her eyes.
Taking off her ring, Brooke held it up for Jake to see.
“Tonight, I am not your wife,” she said. Tucking her wedding band into his shirt pocket, Brooke patted the ring and commanded his gaze.
Brown eyes resolute, Brooke released him of all obligations.
“Accept nothing less than everything,” she demanded. “You owe it to yourself, don’t accept anything less.” With one more pat on his chest to let him know what was at stake, Brooke headed out of the house and to his mother’s.
