by Lake, Brair
The closer we approached the prison, the more my head would spin. Since leaving Comfort Springs, my nails, which I had had painted, were now chipped at the tip, from where I had chewed them. My hands and the backs of my knees were clammy, and for the umpteenth time, I reached for the deodorant, and sprayed the car.
“Really, Emily, are you trying to gas me.”
“Sorry.”
I was not sorry, I just wanted Tabby to be quiet. I loved Tabby and I loved my nephew, but he was an old man. What would he know of passion? Ugh, the thought of Tabby and Rayven churned my stomach.
As we approached the prison, the massive gates came closer, and I became aware of how beige and barren the landscape is. The parking lot was packed with vehicles of all descriptions. As Tabby guided me through security, he kept his body close to mine. Before we reached the main building, we had to take a further small bus journey and go through another security check, where we were sniffed by dogs. I would have been surprised, if the dogs were able to smell anything, with the amount of deodorant I had used. Finally, we were led to the communal area, which was packed with prisoners and their families. The room reminded me of the school cafeteria, and again the walls were bare.
Quickly I scanned the room and found Crabby. His hair was shaved close to his head, his long locks long gone. The left cheek was discolored and his eye was slightly swollen. At my hesitation, Tabby gave me a gentle push in my back. I had made it this far, I could make it the rest of the way.
No one had told me, that at sixteen, love could hurt like this. As if a vice was holding on to the part of me that gave me breath. Rayven would say, that I was infatuated with Crabby’s bad boy persona. That I was not in love. That I was too young, to know what love was. She was wrong. For me, Crabby was everything.
“Hi”
“Hi.”
I had to swallow the saliva, which was gathering in my mouth. My fingers twisting, because I was unsure what to do with them. I wanted to throw my arms around Crabby. To press my body close to his. But I could not. Tabby had forbidden any contact. And if I wanted to see Crabby again, I had to follow his rules. If I did not, Tabby would not hesitate to cut our visit short. Time with Crabby was too precious for me to ruin it. When Crabby pointed to the bench behind the table, I sat down and stared at him.
I was here in person. In the flesh, and for the first time in my life, I was tongue tied. While I sat and gawked at the man I loved. Tabby spoke to Crabby in a low tone. I made no attempt to listen to the conversation, as club business held no interest to me. Besides, I knew better than to eves drop when club matters were being discussed.
Bored with the conversation, which was going on, I gave a throaty cough to gain Crabby’s attention. A tactic which worked when Crabby turned his gaze to me. The hard look, which had been present when we arrived, softening, as the flesh crinkled around his eyes, as his smile broke, causing my toes to curl. Come on girl, get a grip and stop acting like a fool.
“Hi.”
Tabby’s stare took in the both of us, and his body came in a little closer to mine. Unhappy with how close, Tabby had placed himself, I inched away, putting a small gap between our bodies.
Nerves had me wetting my lips, and as Crabby continued to stare, my stomach began to churn, sending waves of giddiness through me.
“What happened to your face?”
I wanted to reach out and stroke the bruises, and before I knew what I was doing, my hand, was stretched out across the table. A quiet cough to my right, and a hand grabbing my wrist, brought me back to reality, and quickly I dropped my arm down to my leg, linking my fingers together under the table.
Crabby’s fingers reached up to his face and paused over the cut and swelling.
“A little altercation Apple-Pie. Nothing for you to be concerned about.”
Indignant anger surged through me. How dare he talk to me as if I am a child.
“Of course I’m concerned Crabby. They could have cancelled the visit.”
“Only they didn’t.”
About to open my mouth, I changed my mind. I was not going to let Crabby spoil my first visit, by having a fight with him. It was bad enough that Tabby was tagging along, and had not moved from my side, when all I wanted was some alone time with Crabby.
“You need to look after yourself Crabby. You’ve lost weight.”
“I needed to lose a couple of pounds’ babe.”
“Don’t call me babe.”
Babe made me sound like one of his other women. And I was not. I wanted to be someone special to him, and when he called me Apple-Pie, I knew I meant something to him.
Crabby, flashed his smile at me again. The one, which made me clench parts of my body, which were being assaulted with foreign sensations.
“Sorry Emily, I’ll not do it again.”
“Apple-Pie.” I whispered.
“What?”
“Call me Apple-Pie.”
Tabby’s shuffling body and cough, reminded me that we were not alone. Annoyed with Tabby’s attitude, I scowled at him, which only appeared to make him laugh.
“Apple-Pie, it is then.”
My visit with Crabby, was coming to an end and I hadn’t said much. A majority of the time I had simply stared at Crabby, craving to touch his body. To feel his flesh. Is his skin soft or coarse? Unable to hold back any longer, I dropped my gaze to his hands. Crabby had large hands. His nails were short, barely coming to the tip of his fingers. The skin on his knuckles, was broken from the fight he had been in. I knew if I asked about the fight, he would not divulge what had happened.
“Tommy’s taking me to the cinema this weekend. It was Tabby’s idea.”
Tabby’s body went stiff next to mine as Crabby raised his eyebrow, an indulgent smile spreading across his face. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting, or wanted. I wanted Crabby to be jealous. For him to know that I had a life. That I could manage without him.
“I’m sure you’ll have a good time.”
“Does it not bother you that I’m going out with someone? That your brothers, want me to date other boys”
“You’re still a child Emily. Free to do, whatever you desire. I haven’t asked you to wait for me. Have I?”
Why was Crabby being like this, especially in front of Tabby? I had to beg Tabby, to let me come on this visit. Was that not one of the reasons, for this stupid date with Tommy? Another one of Tabby’s stipulations, I had to bow down too, to come on this visit. Doesn’t Crabby realize, how many sacrifices I have made?
I was not going to cry, blinking back the tears, which were building up in my throat, I took a deep swallow and released my breath.
“Don’t you care about me Crabby?”
“Em”
“Shut up Tabby. This is between Crabby and me.”
I knew without Tabby having to say anything, that I was going to have to pay for my behavior on the way home. However, I refused to apologize. This visit was not going how I had anticipated. I had not expected declarations of love from Crabby. I am not sure what I had expected, now that I thought about it. Maybe if Tabby had left us to be on our own, the visit would have been successful.
“Emily, I do care about you. Shit, Apple-Pie, I’m stuck in here for the next three years and you. Well, you’re outside, growing up. Try your wings Apple-Pie, and fly. No regrets.”
Apple-Pie, I was Apple-Pie again, and I could forgive Crabby anything, when he called me Apple-Pie.
“I only want to fly for you Crabby. And I don’t care what anybody thinks, says or does. I’ll always be here for you.’’
I had made a mistake. Prison was no place for a young girl. When Emily had first appeared in the doorway, the frightened look, as fleeting as it had been, had made me regret my decision to invite her here. For two years, I had waited for this moment. It had not been easy to ignore her pleas to come and visit, but I had managed. And here she was.
The last time I had seen Emily she had been a child. Until her appearance today. I hadn’t r
ealized how much of a child she had been. Tabby should have made her wear different clothing. The black denims, were too tight and too low on her hips. The T-shirt she wore, rode up when she moved, flashing the flat stomach. I had sat in my place and watched as every pervert in the room had looked at her. The guards hadn’t been any better, following her pert ass as she sauntered over to me.
I had wanted to shout. To tell them all that she was mine. But I could not. Not for another year, could I claim Emily as mine. Time was slow in here, and as I waited for Emily to grow, I was becoming impatient to put my mark on her.
When it came to women, I had been a late developer, and when I joined Devils Comforts, they had been in abundance for my use. I had indulged and made a glutton of myself on the available pussy, at the club and at Tie Me Down.
Emily’s brilliant blue eyes gazed at me, all eager and hope shone from them. In her innocence, she had not hidden, her infatuation for me. Emily said she loved me, but did she know what passion was. She was just becoming a woman, discovering who she was, and I have to let her free.
As soon as she had smiled, my resolve had melted. Tabby had sent his warning. I still bore the marks of that meeting on my stomach, where Emily would not be able to see them. Tabby’s new attitude amused me. Before Rayven had come into his life, he had been a player, living up to his name. As Tabby reached over to greet me, the hug and handshake, were firmer than they needed to be.
“Is this place treating you well Crabby?”
With a slight bob of my head, I let Tabby know that everything was fine. Over his shoulder, I took in another look of Emily, as she sat on the bench. Her fingers twiddling as she laced and unlaced them.
“I mean it Apple – Pie. Go out there and live. A great deal can happen in three years.”
My head is pounding. I did not want to tell Emily to go and find a boyfriend. I wanted her to go home, to lock herself in her room and throw away the key, till I was free to claim what was mine. Tabby’s eyes have never moved from me, and under the table, his foot was pressed against mine. Occasionally, there would be a slight tap on my ankle. Tabby the Biker was keeping me in check and I couldn’t do anything, but defer to him.
Twelve months, I repeated to myself. That’s all I had to wait. Twelve months I could verbally claim what is mine. In thirty-six months I would be a free man to claim what was mine and mark her.
Emily was talking about school and her upcoming prom. When she mentioned Sundance’s name I froze.
“Sundance is doing what?”
“He’s taking me to my prom.”
My hand curled under the table. I wanted to knock of the smug look on Tabby’s face. Why I felt this twinge of jealousy I don’t know. Because I sure as hell, bet that Sundance had been put through the same ringer as me.
Was Emily aware that Sundance was drawn to her? Sundance is my brother.
The Visit 2
You really did lose the sense of time when you’re stuck inside four walls. With nothing but the same view to break the monotony. Take this morning, for instance. While I was lying on the bunk, a spider had joined me and for the next twenty minutes, I watched it as it skittered across the dirty paintwork. Thinking how its life was moving faster than mine.
There was nothing impressive about the spider; it was just your regular eight legged arachnids. Yet it had the one thing I didn’t. Freedom. The opportunity to do what it wanted in its short life. And why the fuck, has it chosen to spend that freedom in my cell.
Freedom, will be mine in thirty-four weeks, then I can return to my brothers Devil’s Comfort and to my girl, Apple-Pie. Thinking of Apple-Pie brings a smile to my face and a reminder as to why I was restless today. This afternoon, my Sweet Apple-Pie was coming for a visit.
Sweet Apple=Pie who was attempting to rebel against her family and failing. Thinking of Apple-Pie soon produced her sweet image before me. With her unruly black as coal hair, declaring more about her than, than her badass attitude.
A smile flickers across my face, as I reflect how I’ll be celebrating my first day of freedom. With Apple-Pie, who I haven’t kissed yet. Shit, I need to drop this fantasy now. From girl to woman, she has grown in front of me, albeit by letters and the occasional visit. There have never been enough visits. Having a Devil’s Comfort Biker as a brother-in-law was playing hell with my courtship of my own sweet devil.
“Theriot, your visitors have arrived, get a move on.”
With a deep breath, I threw my body off the bunk and followed the correctional officer. When we arrived at the visitor’s room, it was to find Apple-Pie and Sundance seated at one of the tables.
She was beautiful and as I watch her laugh with Sundance, my heart jerks. Were they always like this, laughing and touching? Silently I watch them from the doorway. How many times have I told Apple-Pie to go and find someone else? And how many times as she told me there wasn’t anyone but me.
With a determined shake of my body, I pull myself up to my full height and strut over to where Apple-Pie and Sundance are sat.
“Hi Apple-Pie, Sundance.”
“Crabby.”
Sundance’s greeting was laid back as he smiled and raised his body to give me a body slap. Yet my gaze never left Apple-Pie who was wearing a pink blush across her cheeks and shit, it was doing things to my body.
“Hi Crabby.”
Apple-Pie’s greeting was a whisper and I craved to lean into her and kiss her. However, I wouldn’t embarrass her in here. We have time I tell myself.
“Why so shy Apple-Pie. Is it because Sundance is here. Should I send him away?”
On my teasing, Apple-Pie’s blush turned from pink to scarlet and I know I should let the matter drop, yet something inside me was daring me to push her as far as I could.
Silently I watch Sundance as he rises, and mutters something about needing a drink. As he passes me, he delivers a thump to my upper arm and whispers.
“Don’t be crass.”
When Sundance is out of my vision, I turn my attention back to Apple-Pie.
“What did you tell your family?”
Apple-Pie’s sweet laughter fills the room and the blood in my body begins to thud. Again, she watches Sundance as he saunters across the room. And as I watch her, my stomach lurches. Is there something going on between them. Does she watch other men in the same way?
“Apple-Pie.”
My tone is louder than I had expected, and guiltily Apple-Pie turns to look at me. Her eyes sparkling with fire. Not wanting to hear her harsh voice, I grab hold of her hand. The flesh is smooth and I wonder if the rest of her is just as soft. Soon I’ll be free of here and Apple-Pie will be mine and there’ll be no reason for her to look at anyone else.
“I miss you Apple-Pie.”
“I miss you too Crabby.”
Reluctantly, I let go of Apple-Pie’s hand, holding her was not doing my body any favors.
“So what did you tell your family?”
“I didn’t tell them anything Crabby. They think I’m staying with friends.”
“And Sundance?”
“He understands.”
“He could get into trouble with the club for bringing you here.”
“If all you want to do is argue, I’m leaving.”
“Don’t be like that Apple-Pie.”
“I got the forms Crabby.”
My heart stopped. I knew what forms Apple-Pie was on about. We had talked about it when I had rung her.
The Visit 3
The drive has taken longer than I anticipated, yet with all of the delays; I still managed to arrive at the prison in time for my visit. Going through security was just as slow and then the bus to take us across to the visitor’s center arrived late, losing me precious time with Crabby.
Although the visitor’s room was full, it was easy to spot Crabby with his dirty cropped blonde hair. When he glanced in my direction, his eyes found mine unerringly and the pale blue eyes came to life, especially when he smiled. A smile, which has my heart jerking
and my knees buckling and for what appeared like an infinity, I was unable to move. Vehemently I prayed for my feet to take me across the room without stumbling, and when I arrive at Crabby’s table, I flop into the chair opposite him. I knew without looking in a mirror that my smile matched his and the heat from my cheeks confirmed I was blushing like a schoolgirl.
“Hi.”
“Hi Apple Pie.”
With my tongue tied, Crabby winked at me as his hand came across the table, his thumb rubbing the flesh over the top of my hand.
“You made it.”
“Yeah. Wow, I’ve never driven so far by myself before Crabby”
Shit, I planned to act like a woman and all I’ve done since arriving, is behave like a young girl.
“You’ll get used to it.”
After a quick scan of the room, I returned my gaze to Crabby.
“You’ll be out of here before I get used to this place.”
Crabby’s fingers pushed the hair away from my face and the gentle touch of his hand triggered a shiver to run through my body. Naturally, I leant into his hand and my tongue tasted his skin. Crabby’s eyes darkened from my touch and inside I smiled, thrilled he was as affected by my touch as I was by his.
“I will Apple Pie and what’s the first thing you want to do when I get out?”
I felt the heat rush up my neck and I swiftly closed my eyes to hide my emotions, but I couldn’t prevent my tongue from running over my lips or my hands from becoming damp as pure and simple lust invaded my body. I am eighteen and I have waited, yearned for Crabby’s touch. I knew what I wanted.
“A kiss. Not one of those pecks you give me, or the slight brush of your lips over my hands. I want your mouth against mine. Your tongue in my mouth. I want to taste you. To savor everything that you are.”
“Kick your shoe off and pass me your foot.”
