by Cerys du Lys
I checked and my cat is a girl. I've named her Cinnamon-Raisin, or Cinna for short.
Cinna gets antsy inside of the litter box and scratches at the sides. I shush her and keep walking down the street. Hurrying, feet scrambling faster than I usually go, we move quick to the outskirts of town. I hit a small hole in the road and the cart bumps up. Cinna meows, scared.
No one is around me but someone ahead of me and to the side sees me. They glance at me, brows wrinkled, looking strange.
We're all crazy, I think. I know I walk the streets sometimes thinking I need to go to the doctor's, even though I don't. My doctor doesn't exist anymore, nor does my manager. I don't need to leave a note to explain that I have a doctor's appointment next week, but sometimes I think it. I forget; I don't remember.
We're all crazy and I meow. I howl out some simulation of a cat in heat, mewing my frustration at the world. I meow and hiss and act aggrieved.
I'm crazy and this is normal and the man who started looking at me funny accepts this and turns away. He goes back to being crazy in his own way, too. I rush out of town, run back to the safety of my woods. Now I remember the way to the house I've claimed as mine and Cinna and I go, cart and all, back to my home.
...
"Whoa," Desiree said. "How'd you find this?"
"It's hard to explain," Evan said. "It'll be easier if I introduce you to Sadie first."
"Sadie?"
"Yeah, she's—"
"Oh. You found a survivor, I guess? Is it safe here, though? Is that... Evan, is that why you've been acting so distant for awhile? Um, are you guys dating? I mean, I guess that makes sense. You wanted to come out here to see her, right? Sorry about before. I was just kind of happy, even though I know we were sort of acting. I won't do anything around her, though. I promise."
"Yeah, um." He didn't know how to explain this. He needed to explain it, and soon, because they were standing in the driveway of Sadie's home, but he didn't know what to say.
Also, if he'd been acting distant for awhile (which he would admit was a possibility), it couldn't have been because of Sadie. He'd only just met her yesterday. He didn't think he was acting too distant, either, but maybe Desiree saw it more. Maybe she understood him more and so it seemed more pronounced to her.
At the end of the long, winding driveway he saw Sadie coming home. She had what looked like a shopping cart, pushing it in front of her, and... a dome? A litter box?
"Hey," he said. "Desiree? Wait here for a second, alright? There she is."
Desiree looked up, saw the girl with the grocery store shopping cart. "What the hell is she doing?"
"I don't know. Just wait here, alright? I'll introduce you two, but please don't... just please don't do anything. Just listen to what I have to say first, alright?"
He hadn't told her about Sadie and her sickness. He hadn't told her much of anything except that he needed to go somewhere outside of the camp and he needed a reason to leave. He should have said something as they walked since it took close to an hour to get here, but he didn't. He didn't know what to say and he didn't want to startle her and scare her off.
...
I saw Evan at the end of my driveway before he jogged up to greet me. He hurried to me and I reached out for him, touching him, smiling at him. As soon as I did, as soon as we touched, I felt so nice.
He hugged me and held me close, warming me up. His hands roamed across my bare arms and he nuzzled his cheek against mine. I went to him, pressed against him, wanted to feel him.
"Evan," I said. "You're here."
He smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead, leaving a light print of heat where his lips pressed against my skin. "Are you alright?" he asked. "I was worried, but you look fine. You look nice, Sadie."
"I found a kitten."
"What?" he asked, scrunching up his face.
"I found a kitten. She's in there." I pointed to the blocked off litter box and Evan poked at the cat food bag and litter bag covering the entrance. "Careful!" I said, pulling his hand away. "We need to get her inside. She was all alone, but I thought I could take her back here and then she and I could be alone together."
Evan smiled and kissed my nose. "You aren't alone, Sadie."
He joined me in pushing the shopping cart. My left hand held the left side of the pushbar while his right hand took the right, and our free hands pushed on the middle, together and close. We pushed the shopping cart down the driveway and towards a beautiful girl with deep, brown hair and a pretty face.
"Who's that?" I asked, freezing up. I'd seen her standing near Evan before, but it only just dawned on me that she was here and real.
"Sadie, this is—"
"What the fuck, Evan? A zombie? What are you doing? Get away from her! You're going to get hurt!"
The woman screamed at Evan and I shied away from her, pulling the shopping cart back just a little bit. Evan left me, his heat and warmth trickling away as he rushed towards the angry woman. I stood there, quiet and alone. From inside the litter box, Cinna scratched and mewed and pleaded with me to let her out.
"Desiree, calm down. Look. This is her. This is Sadie. This is her house. She's fine. There's nothing wrong with her. She's sick but that's it. She's not going to hurt anyone."
Desiree screamed and yelled something about Alex and the camp and how I was a danger to everyone. I understood what she meant and I somewhat agreed. If I were her—or even if I was Evan—I would be scared. It was good to be scared because the others were dangerous. I'd seen them more than a few times after they caught someone. I remembered the sounds of screaming and the sickening cracks and ripping sounds I never looked, though. I never saw exactly what happened and I hoped I never would.
"Look," Evan said. "She's not even dead, Desiree. None of them are dead. She has a pulse."
"What do you mean she's not dead?" the girl, Desiree, asked. "I thought we all knew they were."
"We thought they were, or some people did because we wanted to, but they aren't. I don't know what it is, but their pulse—Sadie's pulse—is lower. She's just cold and that's why they look so pale. I think... I mean, I don't know yet, but I think that's a big part of it."
Desiree calmed down for a second and peered at me over Evan's shoulder. "So you're studying her?" she asked.
"Yes," I said. "Evan's helping me." I thought it sounded best and I didn't want to cause trouble for him.
"No," Evan said, voice firm. "I asked Sadie if she'd go on a date with me."
Desiree stared at him, eyes blinking fast, lips parted and dry. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Evan," I said. "You don't have to do this. You shouldn't."
He left Desiree and came to me. Evan wrapped his arm around me and I leaned into him instinctively. Even above his shirt, his heat was so soft and desirable. I laid my cheek on the top of his chest by his shoulder and breathed in deep. I felt relaxed and nice, like I'd just taken a hot shower.
"I met Sadie yesterday and I really like her," Evan said. "I don't expect you to understand exactly, Desiree, but... I thought I could trust you. We're friends, right?"
Desiree glared at him, looking as if she wanted to spit something at him. In the end, she simply said, "It's a good thing she's got wine in that cart because I'm going to need some."
"I have mead, too," I offered.
Desiree looked at me. She hadn't looked at me before, not right at me, instead acting like I didn't really exist. "What's mead?"
"I don't know," I said. "It's supposed to be like wine, though. It looked nice."
Hidden in my shopping cart, Cinna meowed.
"You have a cat?" Desiree asked. "You trapped a cat? Are you going to eat it?" She stared at me, curious, waiting for my answer.
"Are you seriously going to be like this?" Evan asked.
"Look, Evan. I'm the one who helped you come here in the first place. Do you remember that? Pardon me for asking questions about the zombie girl."
He tried to remain calm. I knew he did
, and he did a good job of looking calmer than he felt, but with my head near his chest and his arm held tight around me, I could feel his annoyance. His grip tightened just a little bit and I saw his jaw tense, clamping down. I could hear his heart, too. A gentle thump, but a little faster now, quicker.
"Her name is Cinna," I said. "It's short for Cinnamon-Raisin. I just thought she'd be safer here. I brought her food. See? I'm not going to eat her. I want to keep her safe."
"Sure," Desiree said. She walked in a circle, fretting, then came up and reached for the bottle of Riesling. "This is the weirdest thing I've ever gone through, I want you both to know that. You're dating a zombie girl who's decided to take care of a cat. Your zombie has a pet cat. Do you know how weird this is, Evan?"
"It's only weird because you're making it weird, Desiree," he said. "Let's get this stuff inside and then we can all sit down and talk, alright?"
Desiree agreed. I wanted to agree, too, to say something and confirm that everything was fine and normal, but I knew it wasn't. Desiree had some good points and I didn't hate her for thinking them, nor saying them aloud.
Reluctant, forcing myself to move away from Evan, I grabbed the bottles of mead and the oatmeal packet. I tried to grab more but Evan stopped me.
"It's alright, Sadie," he said with a smile. "I'll get the rest." He glanced at the litter box; Cinna was scratching faster now, meowing for freedom.
"She's scared," I said. "Be careful."
"I'll bring the whole cart inside, how about that?" he said.
Evan took hold of the cart and pushed it forward. To get to my front door he needed to take a flight of stairs up a hill, but he couldn't with the cart. Instead, struggling alongside the stairs, shoving the cart up the hill but being careful of my cat, he trudged forward. Desiree stood nearby me, watching him, too.
"He'd never do that for me," she said; to me, or herself, or no one.
"I'll get the door," I said.
Evan's heat was still with me, soft and warm. I felt tingles on my cheeks and my fingers and watching him help me, knowing he'd stood up for me, the warmth seemed to linger longer. I thought maybe that part was in my mind, but it was a nice feeling still.
...
Inside my house, everything settled down a little more. Not quite, and I'd never had real guests over (except for yesterday with Evan), but things seemed calmer. As soon as we closed the door and Evan moved the bags of cat supplies blocking her way, Cinna hopped out of the litter box . The little kitten stared at us, stared at the cart, eyed the unopened food bag and cans of food, then swaggered off to do her own thing.
Her tail flitted back and forth as she walked away, like some fancy woman's dress train. "I hope she likes it here," I said.
Desiree didn't care about the cat or me or anything. "I thought all zombies attacked people on sight?" she said.
"Can you stop saying that word?" Evan said. "They aren't zombies. Sadie isn't a zombie. It's some kind of sickness, that's all. There's nothing wrong with any of them."
"Right," Desiree said. "Whatever. Alright, so these sick people... I thought they attacked us on sight? Haven't we heard the reports of them eating anyone they catch? What makes this girl so different?"
Evan didn't answer. I don't know if he knew the answer, either. I wasn't sure if I knew it, myself.
"They do," I said softly. "I haven't seen the others eat anyone, but I know they do."
Desiree nodded, agreeing with me. "So then why aren't you trying to attack us? Besides the fact that Evan and I are stronger than you, of course. And what's with the full-blown conversations here? Do you two have to act so cuddly, by the way?"
Evan had taken up a seat on the couch in the living room and invited me to sit next to him when everything was settled with Cinna. I did, gladly, but Desiree never joined us. There was a perfectly nice recliner nearby that she could take for her own, but she stood in the open, adjoining dining room instead, leaning against the dinner table.
"It's the warmth, right?" Evan asked me. "You can probably explain it better than me."
"Yes," I said, nodding. "I don't know for sure why the others attack people, but I think it's because of the warmth. I... when Evan is close to me and we touch, I feel better. It's nice and cozy." I smiled at him and he kissed my cheek. "Whenever I'm not touching anyone else, I feel really lost and confused, though. Not right away, but after awhile. I'm colder and it's hard to think and move sometimes."
"Sure. Let's go with that. But why do they eat people, then? If it's just warmth then why aren't all the zom—" Desiree paused, but not for any particular dislike of the term; Evan was glaring at her, brow furrowed. "The others like Sadie, alright? Why don't they just go around asking for hugs? Seems like a better idea than eating people, don't you think?"
Evan didn't want to say anything, but I could tell he was thinking about it. Why didn't we? I knew, though. I understood why.
"If we eat something warm," I said, "it keeps us warmer for awhile. We don't have to touch anything then. That's what I do sometimes. I heat up a can of soup or beans or whatever I can find and I eat as much as I can and then I feel nice for half an hour or an hour or so. We... I can't eat too much, though. I get full a lot faster now. I don't know why."
"You heat up beans?" Desiree asked. "If you're so cold and you can start a fire, why don't you just do that all the time?"
"It's not a fire," Evan said. "This house has a generator. She fills it with gas and turns it on to use the microwave."
"Not too much," I added. "I just use it for that. I don't want it to run out."
Desiree listened closely. While she listened to both of us explain, her eyes widened a little bit. She glanced between Evan and I, a smile forming on her face, lips curling into a grin.
"This is perfect!" she said. "This is a fairly big house. There's a basement too, is there? Who knows how big that is, but I bet between the actual bedrooms and the basement we could find a place in here for most everyone back at camp for the winter. I think this is just the type of spot Alex would approve of, don't you, Evan?"
"Who's Alex?" I asked. What was the camp? Evan had mentioned something about that to me, but I didn't really understand. Was it a lot of people? Who were they?
Evan shook his head. "We can't, Desiree. Alex can't find out about this. We need to keep it a secret."
"What do you mean we need to keep it a secret? We can't! Winter's coming. It's not so bad now, but what do you expect us to do when it starts getting colder out. What do we do when it starts snowing? I don't know about these sick people of yours, but they're alright cold, right? We can't live like that, though. Maybe that's what caused it. They can survive in the snow, I bet. Maybe..."
Evan interrupted her. "No. It's not a bad idea, but what about Sadie? Do you think I can explain this to Alex? Do you think he'll listen to me? You're the only one I trust enough to tell. We can't tell Alex."
Desiree glared at him. She didn't say anything in particular, but I imagined her eyes said everything for her. Evan looked at her, quiet and helpless, but trying to remain firm. He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed me tight, protective.
"Please, Desiree?" he asked. "Alex can find something else. I'll help him. Once... once everything's all set and we've helped the camp figure out a plan for the winter, maybe we can..."
"What?" Desiree asked. "Maybe we can what?"
She seemed to have some idea of what he wanted to say. Personally, I had no clue what it was.
"Maybe you and I can leave. And come here. I don't belong there and you know it. It's too different. Everyone there hates what's happened and they'd just as gladly kill the people they think are zombies as much as help them. I just can't stay around people like that for much longer."
"What makes you think I don't agree with them?" Desiree asked, emotionless. "What makes you think I agree with you? You've found one zombie girl who isn't trying to eat anyone, supposedly, but how do you know? What if she has before? What if she will again in the
future? You don't know, Evan." She swallowed hard before continuing. "What if you can't find a cure, either? What if there is no cure? What then?"
...
"Can I speak with you alone, Sadie?" Evan asked.
We were at somewhat of a stalemate. I didn't quite understand everything that was going on, since I never had to deal with their side of the situation, but I got the impression that things were rough. I had a house, though I didn't use most of it, and Evan and Desiree had tents. When it rained, what happened then? They dealt with it as best they could and that was it.
I never said this to either of them, but when it rained for us—me and the others like me—we sought shelter, too. Not in tents, no, but anywhere away from the rain. Every drop, every sheet of water beating down against us, felt like shards of ice ripping through our flesh. We didn't feel pain regularly most times, but rain hurt. Drinking water was fine and most of the others did that from what I knew, but otherwise we avoided it.
I smiled at Evan, trying not to think about that, about the rain, about anything painful and bad. "In the bedroom?" I asked.
He nodded.
To Desiree, I added, "There's chips and crackers in the cupboards if you want anything. I don't know if they're good still and they might be stale. I'm not sure. You're welcome to check if you want, though."
She gave me a cock-eyed glare then huffed and went to search through the cupboards.
Evan and I went to the bedroom. He held me close and kept me steadied, though it was easy to walk now with him nearby. I didn't necessarily find it hard any other time, but it was hard to think about it; hard to remember to keep moving, hard to regain my balance if I stumbled.
Inside the master bedroom, Evan closed the door and we went to the bed. I sat on it, prim and proper, folding my hands in my lap, waiting for him to join me. Instead of doing that, Evan flopped onto the blankets and stretched his arms above his head, sighing.
