by Cerys du Lys
Tom sat up on the couch and leaned forward. Steepling his fingers and pressing them against his lips, furrowing his brow, he contemplated the offer. Desiree watched him and waited, afraid to say anything in case she scared him away from the idea.
"Yeah," Tom said, regular. Then, "Yeah!" with more enthusiasm. "I deserve it, don't I. You want to join me, Desiree? I won't tell. The zombie chick doesn't look like she's going anywhere anyways."
"I shouldn't," Desiree said. "Just in case, you know? Alex will freak if something happens and he finds out both of us were in here watching something on TV. If I stay outside and keep an eye on her, it'll work out better."
"I suppose so," Tom said with a shrug. "Well, thanks. Can you start the generator on your own? I'll check out what DVDs they left laying around. This place is pretty fancy, huh?"
"Yeah," she said. "It's a nice place. A little cluttered, but you can tell she really cared about it."
She, Desiree said, not they. Tom and the others considered it the previous owner's house, not Sadie's. It wouldn't matter whose house it was for long, though. Once she powered up the generator and kept Tom distracted, she'd have ample time to get Sadie out of there.
And then what? She had no idea.
...
The rain beats down on me like wet, razor sharp splinters and I wait. It seems like Desiree left me ages ago, in another time and place entirely. The agonizing pain drums through my body, shaking me side to side, forever. I shiver beneath it, cold. My body feels so alive with sensation, but it isn't a good kind.
I struggle with the thoughts in my mind, trying to reign them in. Some part of me thinks I should try to wrench my way through the hole behind me. It's no wider than my head and half of my shoulders and I know there's no way I can get through it without hurting myself, but the safety and security of the dry tent behind me acts like a temptress's allure, urging me to try anyways.
I will bleed, though, I tell myself. I know Desiree cut the thin bars of the pen as well as she could, but nothing is perfect. Pieces stick out and I can feel them on my back, pressing against me. If I try to move through the too-small hole, I'll snag on them and hurt myself. It will be nothing compared to the torment of the rain, but the rain doesn't leave any lasting mark of my inhumanity.
I won't feel the bleeding, nor the cuts and rakes in my flesh, but I'll see it later. Scars and scabs and hurt. The rain hurts, but I've forced myself to wash when I can and I know it doesn't last. It hurts more than anything else, but it will end. As soon as the rain stops, as soon as...
The thrumming sound of the generator outside flares to life. I jolt, startled, and look over at it. There's Desiree, powering it on. I catch a glimpse of the man inside poking through a movie rack.
Desiree rushes over carrying a raincoat with her. It's wet now, but I stare at it with longing. I don't know why because even if I wear it I'll still be wet, but perhaps a constant wet pain is better than the incessant strikes from the rain.
"Don't worry," Desiree says. "Give me a minute and I'll have this hole big enough for you to get through."
I nod and shiver and hurt.
Desiree cuts away my confines. Inside the house I spot the light from the large TV flickering, playing some unknown movie.
The bars are gone now. Desiree presses gently against my back, keeping me propped upright and leaning so I don't fall through accidentally. With effort, at her urging, I turn around. On hands and knees, I crawl through the hole and into the safety of the tent.
The rain stops. Not for everyone else, but for me. Above us, splattering on the tent, aggressively trying to attack me, it strikes, but it can't hit me.
Desiree hugs me and holds me and I don't know why. She wraps her arms around me, tight, and pulls me close. She's warm, so warm, and I close my eyes, wanting to fall asleep and dream.
...
When I opened my eyes, I felt better. Not entirely, but anything was better than the rain. I'd never experienced anything like that before, and honestly I hoped to never experience it again, either. Desiree and I lay on the wrinkled plastic floor of the tent, huddled tight together.
My face was near her shoulder and I could see her exposed neck. It attracted me and called to me and the pulsing warmth of her body made me acutely aware of how much heat she had. I hated her, I thought, or at least I had reasons to hate her. She was the reason they trapped me, the reason why I suffered. If I attacked her, was it wrong?
Or maybe it was wrong not to attack her? Retribution, divine right, and justice all baked into one. She deserved punishment and I, as the person aggrieved, should dole it out.
Except I didn't want to. I thought this was dumb reasoning on my part, but then I also thought it was the best reason. Why should I do something if I didn't want to? I shouldn't, really. I had no reason to. This wasn't some orderly world where people needed to do everything they should. No, it was lawless and chaotic. I could do what I wished, and no one could stop me, and I didn't want to hurt Desiree.
Maybe I should have wanted to, but I didn't.
She held me tight in her arms, crying. I rested my cheek against hers and laughed.
"Why are you crying?" I asked. "I don't understand."
"Are you warm?" she asked me. "Sadie, are you warmer? You feel so cold and I don't want to let you go until you're warm. I won't. I know how it is."
She said this and I appreciated the sentiment, but I didn't think she ever really could know how it was. She was human and I wasn't anymore. She surprised me, though.
"It's probably different," she said softly. "I don't know for sure. Whenever I looked at Evan, I always felt so cold and alone. I just wanted him to hold me and hug me and kiss me, but he never did. I know it's not the same for you, but I think I can understand a little."
I gazed at her, unsure. It's exactly like that, I thought. I felt this way, alone and confused, and I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. With Evan, the both of us together, I felt better and alive and happier. Not just because it was Evan, either, but because of the emotion behind it.
When the men grabbed me last night and forced me into that cage, it hurt. Their heat burned, fierce and unpleasant, not happy like Evan. Desiree's heat warmed me like Evan's, but not as passionate or sensual. More of a soft, cozy heat, like huddling in front of a fireplace with a friend on a snowy day while toasting thick marshmallows on a stick.
Squeezing her tight, I basked in her constant fire. "We need to go," I said.
"Yes, but, are you warm? Are you alright?" she asked.
"I think if I wear the raincoat I'll be fine."
She helped me dress in it, placing it with the utmost care over my delicate, rain-torn body. The overlarge coat hung loose on me, making me look like some blue plastic ghost.
"I have an idea," Desiree said. "If we set a trap for them on the way back, we can figure out a way to ambush them and then run away with Evan. I don't know if it'll work, but it's the only thing I can think of."
Kneeling in the tent, we looked at each other for confirmation. I had no idea if her plan would work, or how to do it, but it sounded like as good a plan as any.
"Were you in the military before this all happened?" I asked. "Are you good with plans like this?"
She gave me a curious glance, then shrugged. "No. I was a home decorator. I've dealt with plenty of homes that started out as fashion traps, so I figure I can do the same now, but in reverse. What do you think?"
"We can clutter the living room and put up drapes that don't match?" I offered.
Desiree smirked. "Yeah, maybe something like that."
"Desiree," I said, becoming completely serious all of a sudden. This, in my mind, was of dire importance. "Where's Cinna?"
She scrunched up her brow, thinking. "She must be hiding. I don't know for sure."
"We need to get her. She's scared and we need to get her."
"Sadie, we don't have anything to put her in. I know she's your cat, but we can't. How? Sh
e's not going to want to go out in the rain and we need to leave. I... when I come back after you and Evan are gone, I'll take care of her, alright? I promise."
I shook my head, no. "We can't. I need to get her."
We stared at each other, neither willing to give. I knew I shouldn't care, that I should give up, but I couldn't. Maybe I didn't need Cinna, but Cinna needed me.
"Fine," Desiree said finally. "Fine. Just, um, let me go find her, alright? I should grab Evan's things, too. This isn't going to work and it's a terrible idea and... I'll do it, but..."
"Thank you," I said, smiling. "Thank you very much. I really appreciate it."
...
Desiree found Cinna and we escaped. It was easy to escape since the man inside never bothered to get up from the couch, but everything after that was tough. I had my arms pulled into the raincoat and I held Cinna tight against my chest. Still, she mewed out her fear and clung tight to me as if I were her mother. She hadn't scratched me yet, but I knew it was probably just a matter of time.
But I'd hold her and keep her safe no matter what. If I needed to endure scratches and forever after see the marks from Cinna's claws on my body, I would.
Desiree suggested I put Cinna in Evan's duffel bag, but I didn't want to do that. The bag was stuffed as it was; Evan and Desiree's clothes and a laptop and some plastic she'd wrapped the computer in to keep it safe. A few more things, too, but now wasn't the time to take inventory. Cinna wasn't inventory, she was my pet. Desiree kept the bag tucked under her arm while I kept Cinna.
We trudged through the rain. Every now and then I felt a splash hit my cheeks from inside the hooded raincoat, but one splash was nothing compared to the torture from before. Neither of us could afford to care about anything like that, either. Evan and Alex and James, the other man, would return soon, and we needed to figure out a way to remove Evan from that group.
Desiree wanted to set a trap and she kept babbling about ideas, but most of them involved far more elaborate set ups than we had time or equipment for. Mostly, we had access to trees and rain and mud, plus me, her, and a cat. If necessary, I supposed we had a raincoat and clothes, but what good would those do us?
"I think here's good," Desiree said, stopping at a turn in the road and hiding Evan's bag near the edge. "If we set something up here, we can surprise them when they come around the corner and..."
And here they came, coming around the corner.
Alex led the group, marching along with two large, red canisters of gas in his hands. James followed alongside him and a little behind. Then, a few steps behind both of them, was Evan.
Evan saw us first and paused. None of the men recognized me in my raincoat, but they all knew Desiree.
"Desiree?" Alex asked. "What are you doing here? Did something happen?"
She panicked, but apparently she was good at thinking on her feet.
"Sadie escaped," she said. "We're trying to find her. I don't know how she got out. It's almost like she was a ghost or something. She was inside the cage and then the next thing I knew... poof."
And I was a ghost, somewhat. My blue, overlarge raincoat puffed up and billowed in the slight wind and rain.
Whatever Desiree said, Evan understood it, thank God.
While Alex faltered, staring at me, confused, Evan dropped his two cans of gas and hooked his arm around James's neck. The man sputtered, dropping his canisters in the process, and in no time at all his face turned an angry red color.
"Who's that with you?" Alex asked. "That's not Tom..." And then he noticed Evan keeping James in a chokehold and sprang into action.
Alex tossed his gas canisters aside and slipped a knife out of a holder on his belt. Wielding it expertly, he backed away from Evan, Desiree, and I, sizing up the situation. Caught in the middle of all this, overpowered into submission, James grew lax in Evan's arms, unconscious. Evan dragged the man to the side of the road and left him laying on the wet street.
"What do you think you're doing, Desiree?" Alex asked. "You're the one who told me about this in the first place. You know how dangerous she is, don't you? What did she tell you? What did Evan tell you? You can't trust either of them."
"Shut up, Alex," she said. "I overheard you last night when you were talking to Evan. Evan told me after, too, but I heard parts. And I know Sadie isn't dangerous. I made a mistake telling you everything. I shouldn't have and..."
Alex didn't let her finish. He dashed forward while she admitted her wrongdoing and tried to slash at me. Clutching Cinna close to my body, finding courage from needing to protect the huddled ball of heat and fear that was my kitten, I managed to move aside. Alex didn't expect that, never expected me to move so well. The others like me moved slower, blocky, and I usually did but not now.
I had warmth and security, reassurance and happiness. I had Evan, and Cinna, and even Desiree a little bit. Not a lot, just a little, but enough. Maybe I was one of them, like the others that everyone despised, but not entirely. I was me, Sadie, and I didn't have to be something I didn't want to be. No one could make me into it.
Evan bullrushed Alex and slammed into his shoulder. Surprised, first from me and now from Evan, Alex dropped his knife and tumbled towards the ground. The blade clattered against the concrete, but the sound of it got lost in the thick sheets of rain blaring down from the dark grey clouds above.
Alex fell, but not far. Rebounding off the street, he threw himself at Evan. Both men toppled, landing hard on the slick asphalt. They grappled, assaulting one another, and with their rain-soaked bodies they looked like sweat-drenched ancient Olympian wrestlers; muscle and power seeking to overcome their opponent.
I backed away, scared, unable to think of anything to do. I didn't know how to stop them and I couldn't, either. Alex broke free from Evan and stumbled to his feet. Desiree rushed forward to keep him away from me, but Alex sidearmed her and threw her aside like some useless piece of trash. His hand slammed into the side of her head with a loud thud, boxing her ear hard, and she crumpled to the ground, letting out a sharp cry.
And then he came towards me. He made it one step before Evan grabbed his feet and pulled hard, grounding him. Alex kicked at Evan, trying to break free, but to no avail.
I stared at the two men fighting. In my raincoat, Cinna meowed and fidgeted, confused at the sounds outside. She didn't like it here and I didn't, either.
Desiree rolled into a ball on the ground, hurt. I couldn't see her well through the pounding rain. The growing throb of anger building in my temples, giving me an aggressive headache, didn't help either.
Alex fought Evan and Evan fought Alex and Desiree was hurt, thrown aside, treated as if she were useless, unimportant.
I lost Cinna. I let her go. I started to shake, furious, and I didn't understand this. Why? Why were they fighting? Why did this happen? Why did everyone hate each other? Alex hated me, I knew, but why? I never hurt him, never did anything to him. And because Evan liked me, Alex disliked him. Now, added to that, was Desiree. Alex abused her, flung her aside, hurt her.
I didn't want anyone to be hurt, but I didn't have a choice in the matter anymore.
Briefly, I contemplated myself and the others and Evan and them. When Evan touched me, I felt warm, but I didn't feel that way with everyone. When Desiree touched me, I felt soft and nice. The other men from Evan's camp made me burn harshly.
But what happened if I touched someone? When I touched Evan, what did he feel? And Desiree? Those men? When the others grabbed someone, ripped them open, gorged on their bodies, why didn't the people run away? I knew that sometimes they couldn't, but I didn't know if this happened all the time. I didn't think it did, because I'd seen situations where someone should've been able to overpower the scant few others chasing them, but they didn't.
They froze at the last second, caught by a hand that should've been too weak to hold onto them properly. I never saw what happened after that, always turned away and hurried off, but now that I thought about it I wondered why it happen
ed.
Maybe, in my mind, I knew a little of the reason.
I went forth, angered and enraged, monstrous. I was a monster now, one of them, the others, a zombie, dead. I used to be human and I wanted to be again, but that didn't mean I should ignore what I was. I had wanted to, but I couldn't anymore.
Evan and Alex fought, clutching at each other's bodies and trying to rip each other into inhuman, unrecognizable shreds. Through the rain and the haze of pain that it brought to my now exposed hand, I grabbed Alex's forearm right before he went to punch Evan in the throat.
My cold, harsh anger brought the ex-military man to a halt. As soon as I wrapped my fingers around the soft, warm flesh of his arm, he froze, startled, and then fell over. Screaming in agony at the biting chill from my hand, he fell away from Evan and thumped against the ground. I reached for his throat, clenching it tight in both hands, staring at him with icy malice in my eyes.
Why? Why are you doing this? I wanted to ask him, to scream at him, but I couldn't find the words. My fingers dug into his flesh, ignoring the heat and burn on my fingertips, and I clutched his throat, squeezing. Just a little more, tight, and then... rip! If I did that, if I killed Alex, then everything would return to normal. Everything would be fine. Everything would...
Evan stopped me. Alex lay beneath me, still, having gone into shock from the numb, frozen feel of my hands. He breathed, shallow, and every time he exhaled, a hint of frosted fog drifted up into the rain-soaked air. His wispy gasps vanished soon enough, destroyed by the rain, but I still saw it every time he breathed.
"Sadie," Evan said. His touch was quiet and compassionate, a gentle tingle of love to bring me back from my infuriated state. "It's alright, Sadie. We can leave now."
I let go of Alex and panicked. Spinning around, oblivious of the rain splashing against my hands and hitting my face, I searched for Cinna. I'd let her go, distracted by my need to finish this fight once and for all, but I needed her back. She was alone and lost and stuck in the rain and I needed to find her.
