by Oakes, Tara
I was already pretty damn turned on, but I knew she would enjoy it much more than me. She just needed a little motivation. I could hear a faint zipping sound and her weight around me shifted as she settled herself in a comfortable position. I closed my eyes and concentrated on what I was feeling. I could tell when she slowed down just the slightest that she was exploring herself and even when she felt a surge of pleasure by how she breathed and gasped around my dick.
This was too much, this was too fucking hot. My baby getting herself off while getting me off at the same time. I needed to feel her, I wanted to be the one making her squirm. I growled at myself when I lifted Lil's up from her knees away from my swollen unfinished member and quickly pulled her shorts off completely. She was stunned, shocked. I'm sure she was in the middle of a pretty fuckin' good time herself when I rudely interrupted her. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to follow me down to the blanket. She tried to inch herself down to my legs to resume her special skills when I grabbed her hips and swung them over me so that she was sitting reverse cowgirl on my face.
We had never tried this, and Lil's was trying to gather her bearings from being tossed around. There were so many things we hadn't tried yet, but after last night the flood gates had been opened. I wanted to teach Lil's everything I knew, wanted her to feel everything that I could do to her.
She was moaning pretty damn loudly and I was grateful we were in a secluded area. She was starting to go a little wild. I smoothed my hand up her back and gently pressed her forward, bending her to meet my aching cock while pinning her to me around her waist. She took my dick immediately and followed the rhythm I set on her own opening. I controlled how fast or slow she assaulted me by how I tended to her.
Her juices were so sweet, I could practically taste the want and need oozing from her. I couldn't last much longer and she still hadn't come, so I reached around her and slid my fingers down the front of her slit until I found the tiny little bunch of nerves, massaging my way to her orgasm. She doubled her efforts on me, ferocious in her need to come. I got her there shortly and followed immediately after, unable to give her any warning of my own.
She held on to me, practically deep throating as she took every bit of what I had given her, before releasing my shrinking dick to spring down to its resting place. I could feel the pulsing from deep within her, as I moved my mouth to her inner thighs and massaged them with my lips. She was spent, completely wiped out and laying limp over me.
We managed to compose ourselves enough to eat a bit of lunch and then pack it up and hit the road. Lil's fell asleep for the remainder of the ride with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face and practically purring like a kitten.
NOW
These were the things I needed to think of now. Happy memories. Good times. How she makes me feel. I needed to hold onto these thoughts because they're what's going to get me through this. I needed to see her, feel her, touch her, even if it could only be when I closed my eyes. If I let myself feel her absence, the void left behind while she's still out there alone, I can't even predict the amount of damage it's going to do to my soul.
CHAPTER FOUR
The clubhouse was overflowing, and way past its maximum occupancy. Almost all of the extra muscle was here, with only a few stragglers left to arrive. It was good to see these guys again, and it felt real damn good to know they had my back.
Ma had set up a cookout in the main lot to feed the ever-growing crowd and several kegs had been brought in. Under normal circumstances a crowd like this would be ready to tear shit up and party, but tonight it was solemn and laid back. We were all on high alert, tense, waiting for the slightest signal to fall out and get this shit going.
Ma was a great cook and the food looked amazing, but I was in no mood to eat. If I tried to force anything I knew it wouldn't stay down long. There would be plenty of time to eat when this nightmare was over. I hope Lil's is given food. She is a picky eater and not one to remember to eat when she's stressed out. When she was thirteen and Butch was doing some light time for forgery, she and Tiny stayed with us for a month or so. The kid was so worked up about her pop, ma had to practically beg Lil's to eat. I was never a huge fan of spicy food but Mexican food and Tex- mex was the only thing that Lil's would eat without fail. Ma ordered it at least a few times a week for Lil's, so Tiny and I started calling her “Mamacita”.
I swear I will take Lil's out for Mexican food as soon as I get her back. I wonder if it's safe for pregnant women to eat that stuff? God, I hope the baby doesn't inherit her taste in food.
“I'm not gonna ask how you're holding up. Hell... you'd probably just lie to me anyway.” Ma sat next to me and handed me a bottle of water. I had always been closer to her than pop. She understood the life and knew pretty well how to raise a kid in the midst of it. I smiled at her and nodded.
She took that as a sign of encouragement and put her arm around me. “Did I ever tell you about the time you took off from your teacher on a school trip to the zoo in first grade?”
I had heard the story more than once growing up. Something about wanting to see the monkeys and taking off from my group during snack time. Ma and pop found me sleeping under some bench near the monkey habitat a few hours later.
“No... I've never heard it before.” I rolled my eyes to her and smiled slightly, clearly in no mood for stories, although I appreciated the effort.
“Your dad and I tore that zoo apart looking for you. We looked everywhere we could think of and your dad and Chaps were getting ready to climb into the Lion Den to see of you'd fallen over the rail into it.” She spoke softly, but carried on with her recount. “The staff told us they would clear out the animals and search the area themselves but needed some time. Your pop was hearing none of it. He wasn't gonna risk you being down there and needing him, maybe hurt, scared, or worse waiting for some asshole to give him clearance to find out. They were getting ready to lower your dad in, when I found you asleep near the monkeys. You had such a thing for the damned monkeys. Even ate only bananas for a while trying to become a one.”
I laughed. “Curious George.” My mom paused her story and looked confused. “The monkey... I used to watch “Curious George” and wanted to become a monkey,” I explained to her.
She nodded, finally having an explanation for some long, unsolved mystery. “Your dad wasn't about to let anything get in his way to get to you, even if it meant throwing himself, literally, to the lions. I know this is hard for you and I know you're butting heads with your pop. He's older now, wiser maybe.” She sighed. “But, he's lost that edge that comes along with being young and reckless, throwing all caution to the wind.”
I looked at my mom. She surprised me sometimes.
“You do what you need to, when you need to. No parent wants to feel what I felt that day, but we all do at some point. You, son, you just get to feel it before you even get to meet your child.”
I swallowed hard. Ma was the only other person who knew about the baby, finding the pregnancy test first. We agreed to keep it quiet for now. It wasn't our place to tell anyone. This was Lil's news and she was going to get to tell everyone when she wanted to. I was going to make sure of it.
“Thanks, ma...” I kissed her cheek.
She blushed and smiled to me. “That's what parents are for, kiddo.”
******
The night dragged on, with many of my out-of-town brothers offering support or attempting to distract Butch and me. Ma had seen that Vicky was fed and taken care of. The safest place for her to be right now was holed up in the clubhouse away from these guys. This was a family 'party' tonight and not a club one, so the club mamas and sweet butts were making themselves scarce. If Vicky strolled out here, the boys would pounce like dogs in heat and the ol' ladies would finish the job that Lil's had started.
Leo, the young prospect came running out toward Butch and me in our little circle around a fire pit. “Jay!” He was almost breathless. “Jay, you need to come quick. Shade called Vince... he's
got demands.”
Fuck... this is it. Butch was in his fifties but managed to keep pace as I raced to the clubhouse, with many heads turning to watch the sudden motion. Pops was in the boardroom sitting at the head of the table in his designated seat. The room was empty, and had a different vibe than the earlier meeting. Pops gestured for Butch and me to sit near him. Butch collapsed, staring at the cell phone on the table as if it were Lil's herself. I stood. Pop nodded to Leo and the double doors closed behind us. We all shared a look.
“OK.. let's hear it, Shade.” Pop was all business, cold, lethal. The speaker slightly crackled. We had men working on tracing Shade's cell, but it came to a dead end. The number we had used to contact him after Lil's bar fight was disconnected. If they were anything like us, the Slayers would be using pre-paid, throwaway phones, less chance of being traced or recorded.
“So eager to please, Vince... I like it. Pretty big change since the last time we talked about boundaries, hmm?” I was clenching my jaw hard to enough to break glass as I listened to the motherfucker.
Pop was not an extremely patient man. He doesn't play games. “Get on with it.”
Laughter vibrated through the receiver. “I want everything west of, and including, the industrial park. Any businesses you got in that part of town... they're mine. The pawn shop, the check cashing spot, the strip club.... mine.”
Butch leaned forward, “Fine... they're yours. Where the fuck is my daughter, you son of a bitch?”
Vince held up his hand to Butch, “I'll see what I can do on that front. Those are club businesses... we need to take a vote.” Pop paused, “But, before I even bring that to the table I need reassurances, Shade.”
I propped myself forward on the table, bracing my weight on my arms waiting for the man to speak. “Seems my guest isn't much in the mood for talking.”
That was it. I had heard enough. I pushed through the two men flanking me and grabbed the phone. “You piece of shit... I swear if you so much as touch her I'm gonna beat you within an inch of your life before I finally take you out of your fucking misery.”
“Well, well, well... I'm not quite sure threats are conducive to these little negotiations..” He was a dead man.
I inhaled sharply, pushing down hard on my hatred, focussing on the bigger picture.
“I need to know she's okay before we take anything you say seriously.” It pained me to even speak to this animal when all I wanted to do was slowly torture him, break every bone one at a time.
Silence. Butch and Vince stared at the phone in my hand, waiting for it to show some sign of life. “Jay?” We all breathed our relief at the sound of her voice. I took the phone off speaker mode and held it to my ear, collapsing into the chair closest to me and closed my eyes.
“Baby... it's me.. I'm here. Lil's are you OK? Are you hurt in ANY way?” I bit my tongue awaiting her answer. I know that she must be in close proximity to Shade, eavesdropping on our conversation and wouldn't be able to tell me if she was really physically fine, but I needed to ask. I needed her to hear me ask.
“Jay... how's Em? She... they... shot...” Her words were shaky, chopping off of one another. She was messed up, I could tell this was too much for her.
I opened my eyes and carried on, Vince and Butch's eyes boring into me. “Lil's... you need to know that we are all here.. we're working this shit out with Shade. It's going to be fine, baby. I swear to you nothing else is going to happen. It's almost over, Lil's.”
She was sniffling up her tears on the other end. What the hell had she been through? God, I hope she didn't see them take out that girl, whoever she was. “Baby... I need to know that you hear me.”
She was gulping through her suppressed cries. “I'm so sorry. It's all my fault... She... I...”
Fuck. She had seen it. I rubbed my hand down my face. This was not good for her to have on her head, especially now. Shit, stress like this could do a number on the strongest of people. In her condition, it could be catastrophic.
I softened my voice as much as I could, trying to soothe her in whatever small way I could from afar. “Baby, listen, I know you ran to help her. You did everything you could. I.. I saw what a hurry you must've been in when you left..”
I needed to be as indirect as I could about this. The last thing I need right now is for things to get even more escalated by throwing another chip on Shade's pile of leverage. “I saw the package you left open on the counter... the order we placed. Remember?”
My girl was making tiny sounds of confusion. Come on, Lil's, I need you to read between the lines. She quickly breathed sharp. “Oh my God... I forgot. It.. is it... did it get ordered?”
There's my girl. Wait, how could she ask me if it got ordered? Shit. She doesn't know. “Lil's, baby... it's fine. You're fine.. relax. We have plenty of time. It's on back order. Won't arrive till later this year.” She breathed deep, and then again. Ok.. she was settling into this. Now she knows. “I need you to make sure you take care of yourself, OK? Try not to get too worked up, we're gonna get you home the second we can, OK? I love you, Lil's.”
“OK... OK... I... I love you too, Jay. Tell Pops and Tiny I'm OK. It's alright. I can do this.” Click.
That was it. That was all we had of Lil's. I threw the phone as hard as I could against the far wall, shattering the plastic shell into dozens of pieces. Pop slammed his fist down on the worn heavy oak meeting table. “Calm down! We got what we needed. We know she's OK.. we have a direction to work toward now.”
I exploded. “SHE'S OK?! She's not fucking OK. She's being held by a fucking maniac and probably saw some girl have her fucking brains blown out in front of her. Glad you think she's OK, Pop!”
Dad took my words hard, but kept his cool. He and I had only come to blows once before and we both recognized that we were dangerously close to a repeat. “You know what I mean, son. We wait for Tiny and Clink to get back in the morning. Church first thing and we get the vote out of the way. No one's gonna object, you know that. We'll have her back by tomorrow night, the latest.”
Butch glared at his old friend before pushing back hard out of his chair and storming out slamming the door behind him.
Pop turned to me again, “Jay... I know you love her. Hell, I love her like she was my own... but we gotta do this right, son, can't make this worse than it already is.”
“She's pregnant.” I spat at him, my eyes unrelenting on his. He inhaled and sat back. I could see him start to say something more than once but stop himself before he did. Instead, he nodded to me and stood putting his hand on my shoulder. When he saw that I didn't reject it, he pulled me in fast, holding onto me, letting me hold onto him.
Neither one of us spoke. There was nothing to say. What could he say to me at this moment? And anything I wanted to say to him would just turn this from bad to worse.
“Get some sleep, son, you're gonna need it.” He gripped my arm one last time before he left me alone in the boardroom.
******
The clubhouse was dark and quiet, almost completely foreign to me as I navigated my way through the sleeping bodies and beer bottles. This building had a life of its own, witnessing the evolution of the club through the years. I've known every nook and cranny, every alcove, but found no peace within these walls tonight. I needed to get out, get fresh air before I suffocated, lying in my old bed staring at the fucking clock waiting for the minutes to change.
Today was going to be a turning point, I could feel it in my bones. The full weight of things started to bear down on me. Lil's was going to need me to be on top of my game, too much depended on it. The rooftop beckoned me... a safe place to be alone, to sit and prepare. This was where I go to clear my head, to put myself in the mental space I needed to be in to do the things I've had to do in my life, for my club. This is where I've come after those things were done to find the solitude that was necessary to process my actions, what I was capable of and then burying them away before they crept out.
Lil's had rarely seen th
e side of me that I came here to deal with. That part of me was hardened, cruel, unforgiving and ruthless. She knew the deal, she knew in very broad terms the things I must be able to do. She had grown up around those things, seen the consequences for them every time her pop got jammed up and sent away, or the brothers we had to bury and mourn. She had loved me regardless once. I was hoping she could still love me now, after all this time, after all that I had done. I wasn't concerned for myself, my own soul... that had been condemned long ago. There had been a time shortly after Lil's had left when I was reckless, not caring if I lived or died. Now I had a reason to live again, two reasons, and I couldn't fail either one of them today.
Deep breath after deep breath escaped my lungs. I once had read about breathing techniques and meditation styles the Samurai had once used before battle. These things calmed me, helped me to think in a way that connected my mind and my instincts. Both of them needed to serve me well in what was about to go down.
Pops was foolishly optimistic if he believed we would simply be able to hand over deeds and ownership to Shade in return for Lil's. I had known since I heard her voice on the phone yesterday that there was no way he was going to let her go. She had seen too much, been too affected by it. She would be a liability to him, and no man in a position like Shade would jeopardize himself by letting a loose end like that simply walk away.
I knew that she would be safe until the transfer was finalized, Shade's personal little insurance policy. But once everything was handed over all bets were off, and I would need to get to her first.
The orange casting in the sky was spreading and deepening as the early sun slowly lifted itself. I had seen the morning dawn dozens of times from this rooftop. When Lil's left me I had come up here, facing the darkest moments of my life, seething anger at myself and certain I had somehow let those deep secrets, the horrible things I had done, leak out to make her finally see the part of me that I kept hidden, the part of me that didn't deserve her love.
