by Conn, Claudy
“But why did you come?” I throw my arms up, incredulously.
“I wanted to see you. We left on a bad note, and I think we need to talk.”
Wringing my hands while on the verge of a verbal assault on him, I blurt out, “Dave, I can’t do this right now. You need to leave.”
He takes me into his arms, when suddenly from the corner of my eye, I see a black convertible pull up. Leon gets out, casually playing with his keys, and walks through the door. The look on his face is stunned as I pull away from Dave. I look at both of them, and then walk over to Leon, who has his hands on his hips. “Noel? What’s going on?” he asks with concern. He looks as if all the air has just been sucked out of him, and I feel the same.
Perplexed, I attempt an explanation when Dave confidently walks over to us, extending his hand to Leon. “Dave Calabrese. And you are?”
“Leon Hallas,” he says, politely.
Dave, possessively, puts his arm around me, which infuriates me. Leon turns, points, and says, nonchalantly, “Nice meeting you, Dave.” He then smiles, looking at me. “Noel, see you around.”
He turns, walks out the door, calmly gets in his car, and drives out of the parking lot.
I scream at Dave, “You son of a bitch! I hate you!”
With a snarky look on his face, he takes my arm. “Was that your boyfriend?”
“Fuck you, Dave. I want you to leave, now.”
The desk clerk notices the commotion and asks politely, “Everything okay ma’am?”
I nod, and sling my purse over my shoulder, walking briskly into the bar. Dave follows me, and I point my finger in his face, gritting my teeth. “Look, I don’t know what you don’t understand about leave now, but I’m giving you one last chance before I ask security to escort you out.” I throw up my hands, fighting tears. “Haven’t you fucked my life up enough?”
He looks at me, defeated, leaning on the barstool with his head in his hand and whispers, “I need you, Noel, that’s why I came.”
I laugh, sarcastically. “You need me? How dare you!” My hand stings as I slap him across the face, hard. People are watching, but I don’t care.
Embarrassed, he turns to leave, and smiles contritely. “Okay. If that’s what you want, Noel, I’ll leave. I just wanted to explain—”
I cut him off mid-sentence. “Don’t want to hear it. What you’ve done to me this past year was worse than your cheating. You’re despicable.” My hands are flailing in the air as I vent my feelings. “I put my whole life on hold for you, Dave, thinking you had a terminal disease. I turned away clients and my company suffered for it, all because you are a controlling, no good, son of a bitch. I’m so over you, Dave.” Several people at the bar stare at him, as he ducks out the door. I hold my head up, pull out a bar stool, and order myself a drink. The bartender smiles and gives a thumbs up.
I take a deep, cleansing breath as I reach in my purse, fumbling around to find my phone. I can feel my heart beating inside my chest, and my hands are shaking as I dial Leon’s number. On the first ring, it goes straight to voicemail, so I send a text. “Please, come back. It isn’t what you think. Please.”
He doesn’t answer, and there’s not a damn thing I can do. My mind is tired from thinking, and this feeling of despair is driving me wild. I surmise that he’s gone back to his brother’s house, but then again, what do I know? Maybe he’s gone to a bar or to see Tony. Why the hell isn’t he answering me? I’m relatively confident Dave has left, which gives me some sense of peace, so I decide to sit in the bar where I’ll drown my sorrows. I’ll worry about this shit tomorrow.
#
I wake to the sound of my phone ringing at two in the morning. Squinting to see the screen, I see it’s Leon, and I quickly answer, “I had no idea he was coming. I know it looked bad, but let me explain. I—”
He interrupts me, in a matter-of-fact voice, softly saying, “Noel, look, don’t worry about it. I don’t do casual fucks, and I don’t share. I don’t do drama either. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell.”
His tone is unsettling, and I try to explain the best way I can, but I break down in tears. Unable to speak, I sit silently while trying to gain my composure. I can feel the disappointment in his tone, and it cuts to my soul. “Noel, when I first laid eyes on you, I swear to God I was trying to come up with a way I could get to meet you. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had feelings for a woman like I do for you. That first night I saw you, I thought to myself, gold mine! Instead, I stepped into a land mine, and I don’t do those.”
I plead with him, “Will you at least come see me, or tell me where you are? I’ll come to you.”
With a broken voice, he whispers, “I can’t, Noel. Besides, it’s late. Look, I shouldn’t have even called. I was returning your call.”
Clinging to my pillow, I rock back and forth, wiping my tears with what’s left of the Kleenex in my hand. “So, I’ll see you in the morning?”
He responds with two curt words. “Good night.”
Chapter 11
Precisely at seven AM, my alarm goes off, startling me. I go into the bathroom, look at my eyes that are swollen from crying, and wash my face with a cool washcloth. Looking into the mirror, I start to cry again, feeling so alone. Just when I thought I’d found a reason to be happy, it’s swept out from under my feet. I pound my fist on the counter, causing a bruise on my hand. “Way to go, Noel, your right hand. Bravo,” my inner goddess remarks.
I look through the few clothes I had brought to find something to wear. I decide to try and make myself look ... well, nicer today. Instead of throwing my hair up in a knot, I decide to blow dry and style it. I even apply more makeup than usual. As I stand at the mirror, staring at myself, I wonder why it is I feel the need to impress Leon today. I’m pissed beyond belief at Dave, foremost for coming to California, and I’m angry that Leon just left like he did. What a chicken shit thing to do. I opened my soul to him and he just … fucking left? I’m beginning to think all men are worthless pieces of shit. My better judgment tells me I should be worrying about getting my life back together and not about a man I’ve known for less than a month who fucked me, made assumptions, and then took the easy way out.
I punctually arrive at our morning meeting, and as I walk through the door, my heart is racing. I’m still angry, feeling betrayed, but I take a deep breath and hope I can disguise my hurt. Looking around the room, I wave and cordially say good morning while all eyes are on me. The guys do their catcalls, whistling while commenting how good I look today, which is a huge ego boost. Catcalls aren’t usually on my list of favorite things, but today, I need it. I smile in anticipation of seeing Leon, hoping we can put this setback behind us. I stare out over the room, setting my briefcase down and place my leather notebook on the table. Taking out my pen, I look to the left, thinking I’ll see Leon. I’m shocked to find another man sitting in his spot, smiling cordially, holding up two fingers. Where is Leon?
Tony taps his pen on the side of his coffee mug. “Folks, let’s get started. With any luck, we can finish up today, and you can all be on your way back home to your families. It’s Christmas time, for God’s sake.” Staring down at the stranger sitting in Leon’s chair, Tony politely motions. “Geez, where are my manners? I totally forgot to mention, and introduce, our newest member. Leon got called out of town last night, so in his place we have his brother, Phillip.” He gestures toward Phillip who waves and looks directly at me.
My heart sinks, and I wonder why Leon didn’t mention he was leaving when we talked. My mind drifts in and out of the meeting, and right now, I just want to go home and forget I ever met Leon Hallas.
During the break, I go into the bathroom and check my phone for texts and messages. The only messages are from Paige, letting me know things at the office are status quo. There are a few phone calls she says I need to return, but no rush. No messages from Leon. I decide to call, and it goes straight to voicemail. The sound of his voice makes me feel so alone, and I miss him
so much. I leave a really stupid message and wrestle with my inner self after ending the call. How could someone you just met do this to you? For the last week, I’ve felt alive. I finally feel attractive. I’ve had mind-blowing sex, and I was just starting to feel like my life was coming back around. Hell, I even bought a Christmas ornament.
Coming out of the restroom, I nearly run into Phillip, who is sitting by the water fountain in his wheelchair. He touches my arm, startling me. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even …”
He wheels out of the way and waves his hand, laughing. “Not a problem. I always seem to be in someone’s way.”
I can definitely see the family resemblance. Phillip has light blonde hair, cut very short, and has the same, square-cut jawline and piercing eyes as Leon. His smile is welcoming. “My brother told me about you. He said he had met someone really special.” Acting as though he doesn’t know the gist of what happened between us, I smile cordially. “Your brother is a wonderful guy, Phillip. He told me good things about you. So he had business elsewhere?” I ask, prodding him for more information.
“Yeah, it seems something came up in New York, so he flew out early this morning. He called me late last night and asked me to sit in for the rest of the meetings, so I guess that means he won’t be back. He has a club in New York, but you must already know that.”
Looking to the side, I smile, feeling like a fool for being duped into baring my soul. And people wonder why I am insecure. This is why.
My better judgment weighs in. “Don’t complain. You got your lights fucked out. It was number four on your list, and it got bumped to number one. Snap out of it!”
I place my arm on Phillip’s and smile. “Well, I’m glad you could sit in for him. We’ll miss Leon, but I hear you’re the rock star.”
My interest in today’s meeting has gone by the wayside. Oblivious to what’s being discussed, Tony looks down the table at me, somewhat irked. “Noel, you care to comment?”
Damn! I have no idea what I need to comment on, because I haven’t been paying attention. Embarrassed, I clear my throat. “Umm, what was that again? Sorry, I was taking notes on my implementation plan.”
“We were taking a poll on the grand opening party. What are your thoughts? We need to go national with this. This is where you come in, Noel.”
I make some stupid comment, which placates everyone, and we move on to the next item at hand. I look at today’s meeting notes, and next on the agenda is announcing the winning name for the new facility.
Tony flips the remote control, and the large big screen adorning the conference room wall comes on. I’m looking down at my notes, when I hear the familiar, sexy, deep voice belonging to Leon. My heart is beating ninety-to-nothing as I look up to see they’ve streamed him in. Jesus, he looks gorgeous. He’s wearing a dark grey suit that looks like it has been tailor-made for him. Sitting casually on the corner of his desk, he waves and then smiles.
“Sorry I had to leave, but New York called. Tony and I have gone over all the naming suggestions, and I’m happy to announce that our baby has a name. Tony, would you do the honors?” He motions from his desk, and my heart sinks as I see a beautiful woman standing behind Leon. She is grinning from ear to ear, and a shot of jealousy pangs my heart. Who the hell is she? His girlfriend? His secretary? I throw my head back and exhale.
The Asian guy next to me notices and touches my arm. “You okay? You look like you’re gonna pass out.”
Laughing nervously, I touch his hand, while fanning myself with my legal pad. “I’m fine. It’s kinda warm in here.” I stretch the neck of my sweater and breathe out, shaking my head. “Really, I’m fine.”
He turns in his chair and motions to one of the guys close to the door. “Can you turn the air up a bit, please? It is kinda stuffy in here.”
I nod in appreciation, and Tony looks at me. “You okay, kiddo?” I nod and wave, hoping Leon doesn’t see what a wreck I am. Just let me get through this, I say to myself, repeatedly. My leg is shaking nervously under the table as I place my hand on my thigh.
Excitedly, Tony places both hands on the table. “Okay folks. Like Leon said, we’ve gone through all the awesome suggestions for names, and the one we’ve chosen is … Drum roll please.” He makes the sound of a drum on the table. “The name of this state-of-the-art facility will be, “The Quad.” The room erupts with applause, and I gasp, holding my chest.
“So, anyone wanna know who the winner is?” Leon asks from his remote location.
Pointing at me with his head cocked to the side, he makes a clicking sound with his mouth. “Noel, you’re the winner of the ten grand, and your name is perfect for our vision. We’re pretty pumped.”
I bow my head and place my hand on my forehead as tears fall from my eyes. I can’t look up at the screen and face Leon. Tony wheels his chair over to me and takes my arm. “Congratulations. Why the tears?”
I sniffle and look up at everyone. “I’m sorry. I just … This is such a surprise. I never thought …”
Tony laughs. “So, now you gotta stand up and tell us what made you come up with The Quad.”
Embarrassed, I wring my hands, take a deep breath and stand, hoping I won’t break down and cry in this room full of testosterone. “Well, I know how passionate you are about helping kids with spinal cord injuries. I also knew of Leon’s passion to help our soldiers who so bravely served our country.” Emotion overcomes me as I begin sobbing uncontrollably. “Sorry, I swore I wasn’t gonna do this if I won.” One of the guys slides a Kleenex box down the table, and it lands in my lap. Laughing, I thank him and grab a handful. “Phew. Okay, so I also know Leon has a passion for his gyms.” I sit and cross my arms across my body, wanting the attention to be directed anywhere but on me.
The guy next to me comments, “So … That’s only three things. Quad is four. What’s the fourth?”
I look up towards the ceiling, inhale, and smile. “The fourth thing is that I’ve found something to be passionate about as well. I feel like this is a venture I can invest my time and talents into, and well, I guess that’s the fourth thing … corny as it sounds. That’s pretty much how I came up with it.”
Leon remarks, “So, Noel, you’re the winner of ten grand. Tony has cash to give you, so you don’t have to report and pay taxes on it.” He laughs. “Merry Christmas, Noel Calabrese, and we’re thrilled with the name. To The Quad.” He holds up his coffee cup in a toasting gesture.
Hearing his voice, I suddenly feel the need to leave the room. The intensity of the moment has overtaken me, and I stand. “Excuse me, please.”
I run to the restroom, and once safely inside the confines of the stall, I sit on the commode with my head in my hands and hyperventilate. Running my hands through my hair, I tell myself to get a grip. Why does Leon do this to me? Why?
I’ve just won a contest. I have ten thousand dollars, in cash, yet I’m so alone and missing this man.
I hear the door to the bathroom open, and a female voice calls out, “Ms. Calabrese? Are you okay? Mr. Tolbert sent me to check on you.”
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand while sniffing. “I’m fine, thanks. I’ll be right out.”
I walk back into the room, and all eyes are on me. I hold my head up before sitting down, and smile. I look out and hold my hands up in an attempt to lighten the mood of my female moment to this room of men. “What? A girl can’t go pee?”
Laughter breaks out, and I look to Tony, and then up at Leon on the big screen. “Thanks so much. I’m honored that you’ve chosen my suggestion, and I’d like to donate the money to Tony’s foundation.”
Tony looks at me, shocked. “Noel, are you serious?”
I point at him, grinning with my head cocked to the side. “Tony, we’ve known each other a long time, and yes, I’m dead serious.”
When the meeting adjourns, I drive back to my hotel. I check my phone and am disappointed to find there are no texts from Leon or any missed calls. I actually thought he’d call�
��fool that I am. I opt to stay in my room and drink the full bottle of wine I picked up on the way back. I fully intend on getting trashed and drowning my sorrows, yet again.
I wake early the next morning, pack my things, and head back to Texas. On the plane, I reach into my purse for my glasses, and my hand feels the round shape of the Christmas ornament I bought when shopping with Leon. I pull it from my purse and look at it, remembering that night that is now only a memory.
Over the course of the next week, I opt to stay in a hotel and resolve myself to find a place after the holidays. I’ve closed the office until after New Year’s, so my staff is happy. Financially, the company did very well this year—much better than I expected—so I was able to pay it forward to my employees in the way of bonuses, which Paige prepared for me. At least everyone else will have a nice holiday.
Chapter 12
I go into CVS to pick up a prescription refill. While waiting, I walk around the store, listening to the Christmas music, and spot a little, cheesy Charlie Brown-looking, artificial tree. I laugh to myself and decide to put it in my cart for shits and giggles and take it home. At least I have one ornament to hang on it.
I assemble the tree and hang my Leon ornament on it. Plugging it in, I turn off the lamps and watch the multi-color lights flash. The slow, rhythmic blinking seems to be saying, “You are alone. You are alone.” I drift off to sleep and wake with a hell of a stiff neck. That’s what I get for sleeping in a chair. I move to the bed, where I find my phone flashing, signaling a text message. I unlock the screen and open the messages. My heart skips over seeing it’s from Leon. “Just wanted to wish you an early Merry Christmas.”
I stare at the text, pondering my response. Do I respond? Should I delete his text? Part of me wants to call him, but my pride gets in the way. I type three texts, one castigating him for leaving, another a conciliatory, formal text, and a third, simply saying, “I miss you,” before finally giving up and erasing them all. Rationalizing that less is more, I opt to simply respond, “I got a tree. Thanks for checking on me.” I take a picture of my little tree and include it with the text.
