by Brook Wilder
Hunter went to sleep half an hour later. I had said my goodbyes after reading him a story and getting him ready for bed. It was something strange, but I was eager to learn. Liz had stood back watching in amusement as I handled my first diaper change. Thankfully, Hunter was an amiable little boy and it wasn’t as tough as I thought.
But leaving him and Liz, and going back to the annex; that was tough. I didn’t think I could take it much longer. I knew things were different—hell, I was certainly different—but I wished things were back to normal. My relationship with Liz had been good, albeit fiery, but I had liked that. Liz was one of those people you knew not to let go of.
And it felt like I had let go, albeit unknowingly. Our relationship was new, strange. And I didn’t know how to negotiate it.
Unwilling to go back to the annex, I rode my Harley to the common down the street and parked on the curb. Then I sat on the bench at the edge of the expanse of grass and watched Liz’s house, which was in full view of the common. It had once been our house, a place I could certainly call home. Now it didn’t look like home. It felt like it, but I couldn’t get myself settled.
I felt like an interloper in my own house.
I sat there as the sun started going down and the streetlights came on. I knew I stood out like a sore thumb, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Not now. Not with Liz and Hunter needing my protection. Even if Liz believed she didn’t need me, I knew they did. And I wasn’t about to walk away now just because Liz was pushing me.
If anything happened to Liz and Hunter, I knew I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Liz’s family certainly wouldn’t.
As the day faded completely into night, I heard the sound of a motorcycle engine. A bike turned into the street and pulled up smoothly behind my bike. I watched as Mason climbed off the bike and took off his sunglasses, tucking them into his pocket as he strolled over to me.
“I thought you’d be at the annex getting some sleep. You start your new job tomorrow.”
“That can wait.” I was still staring at Liz’s home. The lights in the front room were on but the curtains were drawn. “That used to be my home, Mason. But it doesn’t feel like it right now. Liz has made it hers. Hers and Hunter’s. I don’t seem to be a part of it.”
Mason sat beside me, stretching his huge legs in front of him.
“Things aren’t going as well as you thought they would? I thought they were.”
“Not really. I thought we could pick up where we left off, that things would be okay.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “And I come home to find that I have a son I didn’t know I had and Liz is hiding something from me. She goes hot and cold on me so much I don’t know how to keep up. She’s not the same person.”
Mason sighed and tugged his bandanna off, leisurely undoing the knot.
“Do you still love her?” he asked.
I didn’t know how to answer that. I thought I did but the stirrings I had whenever I looked at Liz were pure, baseless lust. It didn’t seem to be any deeper. Had I ruined myself by being stuck behind bars for so long? I hung my head.
“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”
“You must know you feel something or you wouldn’t be here.”
I felt like a fool admitting all of this. I gestured at Liz’s home.
“I’m keeping watch over my son. Liz wants space and I’m letting her have it. But I don’t trust her family. Her mother keeps calling Hunter ‘my baby’. I don’t like it at all.”
“Well, Gloria Fisher has always been a strange one, from what I remember,” Mason chuckled. “I’m glad she’s not my mother-in-law.”
“I wish she wasn’t mine. At least Liz is on my side regarding her.”
“But things are still not good?” Mason arched his eyebrows, an amused smile curving at his mouth. “From the noises coming from my office earlier, I thought things were back on track.”
I winced. I felt my face going red.
“We got… carried away.”
“So I heard. And the rest of the annex. At least you didn’t make a mess anywhere, although I won’t be able to look at my desk the same way again.” Mason’s smile faded, and he shook his head. “Listen, Noah, you can’t work like this.”
“Like what?”
“With your head all over the place. This is getting ridiculous. You need to sort out your personal life or it’s going to affect everything around you.”
I bristled. I felt like a child being scolded by my father.
“You think I don’t know that? I don’t know how to adjust to normal life anymore. I feel like I’m from another planet now. And I don’t know how to talk to Liz without her turning away from me whenever it gets too personal.”
Mason was silent for so long I thought I was talking to myself. But he was focusing on doing up the knot on his bandanna, tugging it back over his head. Mason gave me a look that said he knew what I was thinking.
“You think you don’t deserve her?”
The man knew me too well. I shook my head.
“No, I don’t.”
“Look, get yourself sorted out. That’s an order.” Mason tugged me to my feet by the arm. “And it’s also an order to come away. Liz said to tell you there’s nothing to worry about. Nobody’s getting her or Hunter.”
“She called you, huh?”
“She wanted you to take care of yourself before you focused on anyone else. And she’s right.” Mason winked. “It shows she does care on some level for you still. You’ve just spent two years in prison. That’s tough on anyone. Get yourself sorted and then focus on everything else.”
“Is that another order?”
“Damn right. I’m sure Liz would appreciate seeing the old Noah back. Hell, so would I.”
I wished my boss wasn’t right. But my head wasn’t with it. Maybe a night’s sleep would help me see things in a different perspective in the morning. It was only my second day as a free man. Sighing heavily, I headed towards my bike.
“I’ll go back to the annex.”
Before Mason could answer, I jumped on my bike and revved it up. Then I did a U-turn and started down the road, slowing as I passed Liz’s house. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw the curtains twitch. Then I gunned it and sped away.
Chapter 12
Liz
Hunter built five blocks on top of each other before they fell over. He burst out laughing and clapped his hands.
“Again!” he declared before he started building again.
I smiled. He had been doing this for the past half-an-hour and he was loving it. I loved to see him smile and laugh like this. I settled back on the couch and grinned at the woman on the cushions beside me.
“Thanks for the building blocks, Cassie. Hunter loves them.”
“I’m glad.” Cassie brushed her hair behind her shoulders and beamed. “I don’t know much about children this age, but I do know about boys with building blocks. I’m glad I could find something he enjoys.”
“That you did.” I laughed as Hunter built six blocks on top of each other and then forcefully knocked them down with a squeal of laugher. “He’s going to be playing with those for hours now.” I grimaced. “And my feet will be sore from treading on them.”
Cassie laughed.
“Come on, Liz, your place is spotless. If Hunter wasn’t in front of me, I’d say I wouldn’t believe a child lived here.”
I grunted.
“That’s because I’m terrible at cleaning and I sweep the toys under the couch. I daren’t go under there without backup.”
“What about the vacuum cleaner?”
“That would probably run away shrieking as well.”
Cassie shuddered.
“As long as you don’t ask me to help.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll get Noah to do it. He’ll be eager to sort something out for Hunter.”
That felt a bit mean, doing that to Noah, making him go on his belly to reach for all the various toys covered in dust under the couch, but I wanted to se
e the big man actually do something that required him to be out of his comfort zone. And collecting baby’s toys would class as that.
I reminded myself to make sure I was recording at the time.
“Speaking of Noah…” Cassie shifted to tuck a leg underneath her, sipping at her coffee, “Have you heard from him?”
I hesitated. It had been three days since I had last seen Noah, when Noah had told me he wanted his brother and sister-in-law as Hunter’s guardians. I was shocked Noah would even suggest it but, deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do. While I knew Hunter was in good hands with Gloria when she had limited access, I shuddered to think what would happen if Gloria got her hands on Hunter for longer. I always felt unsettled letting my son stay with my mother but, often, there was no one else around. Even if Gloria was unreliable on everything else.
I briefly closed my eyes, cupping my hands around my steaming mug.
“No, I haven’t. I’ve asked him if he can leave me be for now. Things are still up in the air between us and I… I can’t concentrate when he’s around.”
That had been bottled up in me for a while now. I couldn’t talk to Amy about it because she would tell me to get away from Noah as fast as possible. Gloria was refusing to talk to me and had me on a forced timeout, which I was fine with. Cassie was practically my only human contact other than my son.
That made me realize how sad my life had become, how I no longer went out to see people now I was a mother.
“I’m sorry, honey.” Cassie did look genuinely sorry. “From what I heard, you and Noah were a solid couple before he went inside.”
“I thought so, too. But ever since he came out of prison he’s… I don’t know… different.” I swallowed. This was hard to admit. “There’s something about him that I can’t put my finger on. It scares me a little.”
“He did get locked up for two years. It’s going to take a while before he gets back to relative normal.”
“I know. But there’s something else. He’s just… harder inside.” He was harder all over, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud. “There are more demons inside him than I thought possible. And I don’t know if I like it.”
Cassie looked sympathetic. Of all the people I knew around me now, Cassie would understand me the most. She had been through a tough time with Mason before they married and now it looked like they were solid. Fiery but solid. I could appreciate that.
Cassie squeezed my shoulder.
“It’ll come,” she assured me. “Noah will come back.”
“I’m glad you have more faith than I do right now.”
“That’s me. Ever the optimist.”
“Since when?”
Cassie laughed. “When I find out, I’ll let you know.”
Then I heard my cell phone buzzing. It was charging in the kitchen. Standing, I went across to the kitchenette and picked it up. My heart was wishing it was Noah. But it sank when it saw the name flashing up.
“Shit, it’s Nate.”
“I thought you blocked his number.”
“I thought I did too.” I groaned. “Ugh.”
Cassie stood and approached the counter, leaning on the far side.
“Answer it and put it on loudspeaker.”
I would rather not hear the man again. He was relentless, even though he had not called me for three days. I had been beginning to think he had got the message.
Far from it.
Huffing, I answered the call, putting loudspeaker on. “What do you want, Nate?”
“Is that how you answer the phone now?”
“Only when it’s you,” I shot back. I put my coffee mug down, knowing that, if I was still holding it, I would be throwing it. “If you’re going to ask me out again, forget it. I’m not going on a date with you.”
“Just because your baby daddy is home?”
“Noah has nothing to do with it. I don’t even like you. I would’ve thought you’d have figured that out by now.”
Nate sighed. He sounded like he was talking to a child.
“Come on, Liz. When are you finally going to admit it? Wait, Noah isn’t monitoring your calls, is he?”
“Of course he isn’t. And finally admit what?”
“That you want to leave him.”
I could see Cassie giving the phone a look as if she thought Nate was from another planet.
“I never said I wanted to leave him.” I didn’t even know if we were together, but there was no point splitting hairs.
“I spoke to your mother earlier.”
“Why the fuck are you speaking to my Mom?”
“She called me and said she was concerned. She told me you really wanted to date me, but you were too scared of Noah’s reaction when he found out. She said to keep trying and stay strong. You know, everything just takes a bit of God’s sweet time.”
I exchanged an incredulous look with Cassie. Cassie then burst out laughing.
“Who’s there with you, Liz?”
“My friend, Cassie. And her reaction would be mine if I wasn’t so shocked.” I gripped the edge of the counter. “Did you really believe that bullshit? Nate, you know not to believe a word of what my Mom says. She’s always hated Noah because she can’t stand the thought of a man she didn’t choose for me actually making me happy.”
Did Noah make me happy? Before, yes. I wasn’t going to untangle that now. Nate still sounded skeptical.
“Is that really you talking, Liz? C’mon, you can be honest with me.”
I growled.
“Go the fuck away. Call me again and I’m filing a police report for harassment.”
Then I hung up, resisting the urge to throw something. Cassie was still giggling, covering her mouth to stop the laughter.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing. But I couldn’t believe how ridiculous he sounded.” She shook her head. “He really is persistent.”
“Sadly.” I rubbed at my eyes. “I wish I could beat the shit out of him.”
“Get me the tickets when you do. I want to watch that.”
“With pleasure.”
Chapter 13
Liz
I was struggling to sleep. I tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. Everything from the past week was coming back to me and I couldn’t process it all.
When I had been a little girl, I had thought I would find a handsome prince who would sweep me off my feet and give me a family with a white picket fence. There was no white picket fence. There was a handsome man, but he was no prince. And he wasn’t like the prince I had first known.
I didn’t ask to be part of this. I had fallen in with the bikers because they gave me a sense of security, a sense of family. Unlike my own family—cold and judgmental—Noah had been a safe haven for me. Now, I didn’t know what he was.
I did still love him, on some level. But it wasn’t the same intense love we had experienced years ago. Lust was definitely there but I couldn’t open myself up for more heartbreak. Not if the new Noah broke me even more.
Things were hell. The cartel was lingering just out of sight, I was a single mother and my own mother was going to come back with a vengeance after giving me the silent treatment for three days, three blissful days. From the text and the screaming voicemail, she had left earlier, Gloria was going to come down fighting and she would take Hunter with her.
If Noah hadn’t made the decision to put Harry as Hunter’s guardian, I would have asked. Now I was beginning to really distrust my mother. It was like she was coming unglued now Noah was back on the scene.
Noah had a way of knocking everyone out of shape. God only knew he had done that to me, but I wasn’t sure if it was in a good way.
Sleep was tugging at me and I finally let it take control. Just as I was completely succumbing to sleep, there was the sound of breaking glass. Then there was screaming.
A baby screaming.
Fully awake now, I was leaping out for bed, my legs tangling with her duvet and almost sending me
careering into the dresser. I grabbed onto it and steadied myself, snatching up the baseball bat behind the door.
“Hunter!”
If someone was trying to grab Hunter, I was going to make sure the bastards knew it was the worst move possible. I ran down the hall to Hunter’s room and burst in. Hunter was standing in his crib screaming. There was a cold gust of wind from the window and the moonlight showed something on the ground. I flicked the light on and saw the jagged hole in the window, glass scattered across the carpet. Half of a brick was in the middle of the mess. Hunter’s crib was away from the line of fire, but his little red face was streaked with tears.
