by Brook Wilder
“Thanks for coming.”
“I couldn’t say no. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Cassie held up her arms full of bags and parcels. “Can I put these in the kitchen?”
“Sure. Come on through.”
I led her into the kitchen, which was much larger than my own kitchenette. Hunter was on the floor playing with a wooden train set, pushing the trains along the track. He looked up and gave Cassie a big grin, waving at her.
“Hey, little man.” Cassie blew him a kiss. “You’re looking handsome today.”
“He’s been in a good mood, thankfully.” I flicked the kettle on and helped Cassie put the bags on the counter. “At least he’s good as gold.”
“That’s something.” Cassie went to Hunter and kissed his head, settling to sit down cross-legged beside him. “I’m glad you said you wanted me to come over. I’ve missed seeing you every other day.”
“Noah saw I had cabin fever and I needed a friend.” I sat on Hunter’s other side, stroking my son’s head as he used the magnets on the trucks to put them together in a line. “You were the obvious choice.”
“I’m flattered.”
“I mean, I can’t tell Mom or Amy where I am and they’re getting annoying, asking where I’ve gone when I do call them. Mom is sure Noah’s kidnapped me and Amy’s threatening to call the police.”
I wouldn’t have called them at all except my cell phone kept on lighting up like a Christmas tree until I answered. Finally, I had turned my phone off. But the shrieks from my mother and sister were still burning in my ears.
“Do you want me to have a word with them?” Cassie asked.
“No. You’re part of the same crowd. They’d probably try throw holy water on you.”
Cassie burst out laughing. “Holy water? I’m a nurse, honey. I get a lot worse thrown at me.”
“I know, it’s stupid. I think Mom believes that, if you’re treated like vampires, you’ll be vanquished like vampires.”
“Has she got a screw loose?”
“More than a few, I think all-but-one is missing and even the one left is wobbly.” I rubbed at my eyes. I was exhausted, especially after the last argument I’d had with Gloria. “She’s out of her mind that I’ve taken Hunter with me. She’s determined that he’s going to live with her, that I can’t take care of him at all if I’m running from trouble.” I shook her head. “She’s planning on going to the courts for custody.”
“She’s what?” Cassie barked out a laugh. “She’s going to be laughed out of court. Hunter has both his parents, who are clearly providing for him, and even then grandparents rights don’t exist here.”
“She’s got the loving grandma routine down pat, though.”
“So did Caroline Duncan. She murdered her kids to keep them together.” Cassie squeezed my shoulder. “It won’t happen. And speaking of custody, did you get that guardianship stuff sorted? You mentioned that Noah had spoken about it.”
“We did. Two days ago. Mason’s lawyer came over to go over the paperwork. It’s all signed and sealed.”
That did give me some relief. If Noah and I were to be, god forbid, dead; then Hunter would be in safe hands. The stipulation was that Gloria, if she wished contact, would have it supervised and limited. If she contested that, she would have nothing. Noah was hoping Gloria would contest it immediately. If I was honest, I was silent hoping so as well.
“Hunter will be going to Harry and Julie, won’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Have they met him?”
“Yes. Noah snuck us out to have dinner at Harry’s place.” I smiled as I remembered that night. “They adore Hunter. Hunter thinks they’re amazing. He loves his cousins. I do feel bad for not telling them about him earlier, though.”
“Hey, you did what you thought was right.”
At least someone had faith in my actions. My family certainly didn’t. The kettle boiled, and I stood, heading into the kitchen.
“So,” Cassie said as she helped Noah build a new part of the track. “Are things back on track with you and Noah?”
“What?” I was so startled I almost poured boiling water onto my hand. I directed the water towards the cups and filled them, only to realize I had forgotten the coffee. “What are you talking about, Cassie?”
“He’s staying here as well, isn’t he? I thought that meant you’re back together now.”
I sighed. Far from it. I reached for the coffee.
“No. We’re not. He sleeps in the guest room and I sleep in the room next to Hunter.” And it had stayed that way, despite me wanting otherwise. But Noah had withdrawn again. I didn’t want to push it. “He’s just protecting his son.”
“And the woman he loves.”
I snorted, stirring the coffee into the water.
“Noah doesn’t love me. I don’t think he knows how to love anymore. That part of him isn’t there.”
“What do you mean?”
Cassie had stood and was coming around the counter, taking the cup off me.
“He’s different, Cassie. I don’t recognize the new Noah.” I leant against the counter, wrapping my arms around my body. “There’s some of the old Noah there and the new Noah is… alluring in his own way. But what I mostly feel when he’s around is fear. I don’t think I can fall in love with the new Noah.”
That hurt the most to say. I could feel my throat tightening. Cassie looked like she was about to cry.
“Oh, Liz. He’s still the man you loved. He took two years hard. It’s going to change anybody. It will be a while before he’s back to how he was.” Cassie swallowed and managed a smile. “But, I can tell you this, he does care a great deal about you. He may not know how to love anymore but he knows how to care about someone.”
“You think?”
“I know.” Cassie winked. “The way he looks at you says he does care.” She giggled. “And from what Mason said, the sex is still good. He’s still having trouble looking at his desk.”
I groaned. I could feel my face going red.
“I wish Noah hadn’t made me do that.”
“He didn’t make you do anything. No one makes Liz Fisher do anything.” Cassie sipped her coffee. “Noah cares and he wants to protect the two of you. He wouldn’t have put you in a safe house if he didn’t care.”
I hoped she was right. I didn’t want to go through this and find out the hard way.
Chapter 17
Liz
The next two weeks, to me, crawled by. Hunter and I were trapped in the house with all the toys Hunter could believe, a huge television with a wide array of choices for both of us. All the food and other groceries were ordered online and delivered, and yet I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I had never felt claustrophobic before, but I was feeling it now.
However, I couldn’t show Noah and Hunter that I was unsettled by the situation. I knew Noah would give me another lecture about how it was for our own safety and he was there to protect us. Hunter didn’t need to see me distressed. It was fine for them; Hunter was still a baby and wouldn’t really understand what was going on beyond thinking we were having an extended vacation while something was happening with our house, and Noah could come and go as he pleased. He stayed over, albeit in the guest room, but he was able to leave the house whenever he wanted. I couldn’t.
But Hunter was happy, and I needed to focus on that. He was still smiling and had adjusted to a new routine pretty well. I was in the process of getting him to potty-train properly and there were a few days when it slipped, and he was having accidents. But I persevered, showing Noah what he needed to do to help, and Hunter got it without any problems. Now we were down to just having diapers at night, which was a relief. Diapers were not cheap.
Noah was still having a few teething troubles regarding being a father—I could see him hesitating, unsure on what to do when Hunter was having a tantrum—but he soon settled into his new role. I had never seen him smile so much since before he he’d gone to prison. That gorge
ous smile of his which could light up an entire room was back, even though it wasn’t directed at me. But Hunter lapped up his attention.
To him, it was like Daddy had never been away for most of his life.
Trying to keep myself busy wasn’t easy but I did what I could. Noah had let me take my laptop and I busied myself around the house, scrubbing the whole place top to bottom. Even then it didn’t help.
I loved my son and would do anything for him. But before we’d entered the safe house, I had been allowed to have a few hours to myself without needing to worry about Hunter as he had someone else looking after him. It was what I needed to keep myself sane. And that wasn’t happening. My post-natal depression was coming back and I was struggling to hide it.
As I made lunch for the three of us one Saturday morning, I decided to bring it up with Noah. He would have to give me some time away from the house. If he stopped focusing so much on Hunter and saw the way I was now, he would see that I needed it.
The man could be dense, but he had always taken good care of me. I could only hope he would do so now.
I finished making the pasta bolognaise and brought the three bowls to the dining table, which was already laid out.
“Hunter, Noah! Lunch is ready!” I looked up at the ceiling, expecting to hear thundering footsteps as Hunter ran towards the stairs. “Hunter?”
Then I heard a scream. A very high scream coming from outside. My heart stopped, and I charged towards the back door.
“Hunter!”
I ran out into the back garden, stopping short when I saw Hunter with Noah, Noah spinning Hunter around as if he was an airplane, making plane noises. Hunter was squealing his head off.
Then I remembered. I had forgotten that Hunter had gone outside with Noah. Noah was giving in and opening up the back yard. We were in the middle of nowhere, so it shouldn’t have been a problem at the start. But I had been so engrossed, trying to find something to do while Noah played with his son, that I had forgotten they had gone into the garden.
Noah turned and stopped spinning when he saw me. His laughter faded with his smile and he put Hunter down on his feet.
“Liz?” He hurried over to me. “What is it, Liz?”
“I…” I realized I was staring at him like I had never seen him before. I took a deep breath and tried to slow my racing heart. “I thought something was happening to Hunter. I heard screaming.”
“Sorry, that was me,” Noah grunted as Hunter ran into his leg. “I was showing Hunter what it felt like to fly.”
“Flying’s fun, Mommy!” Hunter declared.
I let out a heavy breath, pressing a hand to my chest.
“As long as you don’t let go, that’s fine.”
Noah frowned.
“I’m not going to throw him across the garden, am I? I’m not that stupid.”
“You could’ve fooled me.”
“Hey!”
I slapped his chest.
“You walked into it. Not my fault.” I turned towards the house, aware that my face was going red. I shouldn’t have touched him. “Lunch is ready. Are you two going to eat?”
“Sure.” Noah nudged Hunter towards the door. “Come on, Hunter. Lunch.”
“No!” Hunter whined, tugging at his father’s hand. “I want to play more!”
Here we went again. Hunter had taken to having tantrums lately and they were draining. I knew it was due to his age, but it made my head hurt a lot. Whenever he didn’t get his own way, Hunter started to throw a fit.
It seemed to coincide with Noah’s return. He thought he could get away with anything with his father.
“Hunter, come inside.”
“No!” Hunter yelled. “Daddy, make me fly!”
Noah glanced at me and I stepped back, raising my hands to say this wasn’t my fight. He sighed and knelt before Hunter, hands on Hunter’s arms as Hunter scowled.
“Listen, buddy, we can do that after we’ve eaten. Okay? Let’s get Daddy fed so I have enough energy to take you flying.”
“Okay.”
Hunter still looked unhappy, but he did as he was told. I led him inside and got him to go to the toilet and wash his hands before he sat down at the table. Noah pulled my chair out for me and helped me to sit, which almost had me sitting on the floor. I had never had Noah pull my chair out before. Where was this coming from?
I stared at him as he sat opposite, picking up his fork while he reached for the tin of parmesan cheese.
“This looks delicious, Liz.” He winked at me. “Cheers.”
I said nothing as he sprinkled the cheese on the pasta before putting a bit on Hunter’s. Then the two of them attacked their meals with gusto. I picked at my food, my stomach churning as the aroma of the pasta filled my nostrils. This was my favorite meal and yet I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. The thought of food made me feel sick.
My depression was really creeping up on me. I needed to say something now or I was going to explode. Noah had seen me have an outburst and even he had ducked away from it.
“Liz?” Noah was now staring at me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not eating.”
“Really, I’m fine.” I sighed and put my fork down. “Is there a chance I can go out, Noah?”
Noah frowned, reaching for his glass of water.
“Why do you want to do that?” he asked.
“Because I need to get a few things. Mainly clothes for Hunter.” I indicated our son, who had almost cleared half his plate, bolognaise sauce smeared around his face. “He’s growing out of what he has, so I need to get some more.”
“I can get them.” Noah sipped his water and put the glass back down. “Just let me know what size and I can go to the store.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. He didn’t seem to notice what I was going through. I gritted my teeth and pushed my bowl away in case I got the urge to throw it at him. I wasn’t about to show violence to Noah in front of our son.
“Noah, this is more than getting Hunter new clothes. I’m going stir crazy in here. You may have let us go into the garden, but I need to get out. Mothers can still get post-natal depression years after the birth.”
Noah frowned. He was clearly not happy.
“You know what will happen. Ruiz will want to target you and Hunter.”
I rolled my eyes.
“It’s what might happen, not what will actually happen. You can’t keep me in a gilded cage for the rest of my life, Noah.”
“I’m not trying to. I’m trying to keep you safe.”
“And I appreciate that, but I need some time to myself. That I’m not getting.” I clenched my hands on the tabletop, aware that Hunter was watching our exchange. “And I’m so close to snapping. Please, Noah, even if it’s just to go down the street to the clothing store. Time to myself would do me wonders.”
I could see Noah wavering. Just a little. And I could see he was trying not to start a major argument in front of Hunter. He sat back and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I don’t know, Liz. What happens if Ruiz goes after you?”
“Then ask one of the guys to shadow me. As long as I don’t feel like a prisoner in what’s supposed to be a temporary home, I don’t care.” I sat forward, reaching for Noah’s hand. “Please, Noah? Please?”
Noah was swaying even more. For just a moment I thought he was going to refuse. But then he sighed and nodded, turning his hand and squeezing mine.
“I’ll speak to Mason about borrowing one of the guys for a couple of hours. You can do some shopping, pamper yourself, as long as you get back at a time I set.”
“That’s all I’m asking for.” I would jump through walls of fire naked if it meant I could get some time out of the safe house. I gave Noah a grateful smile. “Thank you.”
Noah returned my smile.
“As long as it can make you smile again, that’s enough for me.”
Something passed between us. I wasn’t entirely sure
what it was, but it sent hot shivers along my arm. My breasts tingled, and my pussy was throbbing against the fabric of the chair. If Hunter hadn’t been there, I would have been throwing myself across the table and into Noah’s lap.
“Mommy?” Hunter was staring at me with a scared look. “Are you sad, Mommy?”
It was then I realized I was crying. I swiped at my eyes with my sleeve and smiled at my son.
“No, honey. I’m happy.” I turned my smile to Noah. “Very happy.”
