by Rosie Scott
“So they decided to have me assassinated,” I said.
“Well, yes, but given your position in Sera, that is harder to do than they anticipated. They sent messengers to Sera, warning Sirius that if he didn't kill you, he would incur the wrath of the gods.”
My heart skipped a beat. “My father Sirius?”
“Yes, dear. So when you were sixteen, Sirius hired the Alderi to assassinate you.”
Time seemed to slow. My heart pounded so hard that it throbbed in my ears, feeling as if it was rattling my head. In my brain, I was connecting dots, following timelines. I turned to Nyx, who looked just as shocked as I. “My father hired you.”
Nyx looked taken aback. “Your father hired the Alderi, Kai. They just picked me for the job. I had no idea. They never told us the client. Only the target.”
Nanya's eyebrows were raised when I turned back to her. “My, my. You keep odd company.”
Nyx told my mother of our connection, before turning back to me, noticing I was still quiet. “Kai, if I knew your father was the one who put the hit on your head, I would have said something. You know how much I hate him.”
“I don't doubt you, Nyx. It is my...” I trailed off. I had almost said father, but given the new information, that left a sour taste in my mouth. “It's Sirius's actions that have me quiet.” My friend visibly exhaled with relief beside me, having been distraught by thoughts of me loathing her. I tried to focus back on my mother. “I don't understand, though. When Nyx failed to assassinate me, he threw her in prison and hired Silas as my bodyguard. Why would he do that, if he wanted me dead?”
“He wanted you dead for a time,” Nanya replied. “I don't know everything about your adoptive father save for what I have been told by those who have come across him. What I do know is that the attempt failed, obviously, and Sirius was angry at the loss of gold. Either he told the other gods to do it themselves, or he told them to fuck themselves, because I haven't heard him attempt to hire anyone again. Rumors say he uses you as a bargaining chip for Sera, however.”
I frowned. “How so?”
“You were the most powerful weapon in his arsenal, my dear, and one that cannot be replicated. In Chairel's talks with the other countries, your name has been thrown around as a benefit to allies, among other things. Since you were fourteen, Sirius has risen to be Queen Edrys's favorite regent, and simply because he has you.”
“Had,” I corrected, in anger.
“Yes, well...” Nanya trailed off, and then narrowed her eyes. “What did you tell him about your coming here?”
“I told him nothing. I just left. He would have eventually found out where I was headed, because I told my brother.” Terran. My heart ached with longing. How I missed him, and how I wished I could give him the information I had now.
“Be careful, daughter. I do not know whether Sirius would look to capture you or kill you, but I do know he would want to be in control of the situation either way.”
I nodded. It seemed like my quest to find a loving parent had only made me realize the parental figures in my life were all terrible. Except for Arturian, I thought. But he was dead.
“Tell me what I need to know about having your blood,” I said, next. Now that I knew the truth about my background and the man I'd always called father, I needed to know what I was capable of if I was going to do anything about it.
“Ah. Well, given you are a half-breed of the type which has never been seen before, I don't know for certain. I do know you will have a much longer life than any human, but as you do have half human blood, you won't live nearly as long as the gods. I already know that by looking at you.”
“I think I look twenty-one,” I replied, because that was how old I was. Nanya was making it seem like I looked older for my age.
“Yes, you look it. I am six hundred and two, child, and it took me sixty years just to look fully grown.” Nanya hesitated. “Of course, elves come to maturity within twenty or so years like humans, and have longer lifespans. I guess we never know, do we?”
“How old do you expect me to reach before old age?” I asked her.
“I would guess six hundred or so. I expect to reach nearly two thousand years old, and it looks like you're aging at three times my rate. Like I said, though, a guess.” Nanya shrugged.
Six hundred. The possibilities that came to my mind then with all of the time I hadn't known I had were varied and exciting. It should have occurred to me the day before that my lifespan had to have been longer, given my mother's youth, but maybe it was just too much for my brain to handle, considering all of the life changes I was going through. A burden the size of Arrayis seemed to lift off of my shoulders. I didn't have to worry anymore about which day would be my last, simply for living normally and doing my job.
“There is one last thing I think we should discuss, daughter,” Nanya went on, when I had been too lost in my thoughts. “I feel I already may know your answer, but in my letter I mentioned that you had possibilities open to you.”
I nodded, though the letter was so vague in my memories now. I did remember that most of the letter dealt with my powers, and not with the fact that we were mother and daughter separated by distance. The tone of it made sense, now. I was sitting right next to my mother, but the distance between us didn't seem to be any shorter.
“You have the abilities of a god, Kai. You may have human blood, but you also have mine.” She looked over me for a moment. “You have my eyes...the eyes of a god. For all I know, you are but a mistake of nature from two vastly different races, but it matters not, because you are here, and there is only one like you. As far as I am concerned, you are a god. I say that not because you are my daughter, but because I know of your powers.”
I stayed quiet, waiting for her to finish. I had no doubt I was more than human now, but I did not place such importance on my bloodline. I was used to wielding the six elements; it wasn't like knowing why would suddenly change how I thought of myself or my powers.
“Because you are a half-breed, the other gods want you eradicated. What you are and what you signify defies one of the greatest laws of our kind. I have faith, however, that they may yet be reasoned with.”
“What are you suggesting?” I asked, because I certainly had no idea how to reason with gods. It was hard enough to find one, let alone tell them apart from the crowd.
“I am suggesting that you join us, child,” Nanya replied, as if it were obvious. “Together, we could perhaps convince them to leave you be.”
“How can I join you? I am already one of you, by your own words.”
“You have our blood running through your veins, nothing more. I do not pretend to know what you intend to do with your life, but anything more than a quiet and peaceful life will anger the gods. We do not live like mortals. If you were to live with me, here, or even create your own home somewhere peaceful, perhaps they will see that effort as making amends.”
I couldn't help but feel a little insulted. “I have no need to make amends. I have done nothing to them. If they are angry with me for simply existing, they can come down from their high horses and fight me themselves.”
Nanya sighed. “Were you named Kai for your ability to wield fire or your disposition? All you think of is fighting.”
“No, I simply accept it as a necessity in this world. If the gods were arrogant enough to sit comfortably at home while convincing the man who raised me to attempt to assassinate me, I am not the one who needs to make amends. If they were to ever try to come and finish the job, I will defend myself. Something tells me they will be too lazy to do anything about it.”
“Think twice. There are gods who live secretly among the mortals and would come for you in a heartbeat.”
“That's fine. Let them.”
Nanya looked away, back toward the mid-morning sky. “As you wish. You won't be staying here, then, I imagine. Tell me: what is it that you will do now?”
I watched my mother's face with an even stare. “Whatever it is I
wish to,” I replied. “I won't go into details with you, for I know if the gods want me dead and blame you for my existence, you have the incentive to help them find me.”
Nanya turned to face me once more, a smile pulling up one side of her sultry lips. “You have come to know me so quickly, daughter.”
Seventeen
After two nights in the village that rivaled the skies, we were headed back the way we had come. The others had been updated on what information I had found out from Nanya on our first morning in Whispermere, since none of them were there to hear it other than Nyx. For the most part, they listened and offered their support. There was nothing any of them could do to ease my disappointment over learning my true parentage. There was nothing they could do to erase the anger I felt toward Sirius for raising me as his for a number of years, just to try to have me killed. The only positive thing that had come of the whole experience was learning my lifespan was not as finite as I had originally thought.
My twenty-second birthday came and went midway through our trek back down the mountain, which was quite the experience. Occurring close to the end of High Star, I was used to celebrating it in the blistering heat of Sera, during peak festival season. This year, it was spent fighting to breathe as a blizzard wind refused to stop blasting me in the face with snow chunks so frigid and biting they nearly tricked our brains into thinking they were hot. I was sure that if we'd been able to hear each other over the weather, Nyx would have been lamenting the lack of festivities. She had always treated me to a night on the town in Sera, which was probably as much of a present to herself as it was to me.
By the time we finally reached the warmer embrace of the Seran Forest, it was early Red Moon. The trees were slowly getting sleepy with the cooler weather, injecting their leaves with spouts of reds, oranges, and yellows. Even the long grasses had a yellowish hue. Gray skies, thick clouds, and stormy weather became the norm. Other than having to sleep in the rain, I loved the cooler, stormier weather. Red Moon had always been my favorite season. Not only were the colors so vibrant, but the fierce storms of Chairel were abundant with energy for mages.
The group of us had followed along the edge of the Seran Forest, using the same route back toward Sera as we had taken to get to Whispermere. It was here that I finally decided to break the ice when it came to my plans. I'd had an idea swimming around my head since that second and last talk with my mother, and so far, I'd been pretty vague with my friends on what I felt the future held for us. As far as they knew, my personal mission was over, and we were about to embark on the mercenary life once we broke free of the forests and could find work. It was part of the reason I hadn't wanted to bring up my idea. It was yet another personal mission, and they had already done so much for me.
We were sitting around a campfire, eating. It seemed like the most talking we ever did as a group was during these times. There was a break in conversation, a comfortable silence. I decided to blurt it out to get it over with.
“I'd like to return to Sera.”
I received four intense stares, three of which stated I was crazy, and one of which was Theron, who seemed intrigued to know my reasons why. Cerin seemed most upset, which I could understand, though it pained me to see the look in his eyes turn to an angered disbelief when he looked at me. While we talked often, he was always reserved, despite seeming to want to befriend me at the very least. He was constantly internally torn between trusting me or not. And now, here I was, suggesting we do the very same thing I said I'd never do.
“I am not returning to Sera,” he finally spoke, his voice heightened with panic. “You said you never wanted to go back.”
“I don't want to go back, but I feel I need to,” I replied, having a hard time keeping eye contact with him out of shame.
“For what? Your funeral? Mine?”
“I left two men I love in Sera who both unwittingly do the bidding of a man who tried to have me assassinated,” I said, my voice teetering on the edge of a plea. “I want to take them with us. Or, at the very least, inform them.”
Cerin didn't reply. In our talks, I had mentioned Bjorn many times. He knew what the man meant to me. He also knew Terran from his time at the university. Anyone who had seen my brother and I together had to know I adored him. Perhaps my brother's work ethic left much to be desired, but he had forever been a welcome reprieve from Sirius's scorn.
“Kai, you have to know neither will come with us,” Silas said from across the fire, his voice lacking energy. He had been quieter than ever since Whispermere, looking as if he were always treading a fine line between feeling depressed or conflicted. “Bjorn has worked for your father for forty years. He is human and fast approaching sixty. The last thing he needs to do is go on a trek with us avoiding your father's armies, which he will send.”
“Sirius knows how much I love Bjorn. For all I know, he could have found out that Bjorn knew of me leaving or even that he is the one who allowed the messenger from Whispermere to meet me.” I frowned at Silas, desperate. “He could have thrown him in the Seran prisons, or worse. This is the man who tried to assassinate me, Silas!”
“And he is the same man who hired me, is he not?” Silas retorted. “You are assuming that everything your mother told you is correct. Why would he have gone to such precautions to prevent further assassination attempts if he had tried it himself? Why would he have let Nyx live after hiring her? For all we know, Nanya may be trying to get you to pick a fight with Sera.”
“Sirius knew I didn't know he was the client, you idiot,” Nyx spoke up in my defense. “It would have been incredibly stupid of me to befriend Kai rather than kill her if I knew her father had hired me. And besides, Sirius is no stranger to the Alderi ways.”
“How would you know that, if you never know the client?” Silas mocked in return.
“Because it was after I escaped the underground that I started noticing certain people popping up dead, all of which would have been convenient for him. Do you remember Dali Miri? The protester who was always parading around in Comercio's square four years ago yelling about how her child died of a simple wound because they couldn't afford a healer from Sera?”
I stared into the campfire before me, remembering that woman's story all too well. “She managed to get an activism group started calling for affordable healing services and lower restrictions on magic licenses,” I said, softly.
“Yes, she did. Her main target was Sirius. Called him out for things time and time again. Held him responsible. Spread the message. Then—” Nyx swiped a deep purple hand across her throat. “And by an Alderi blade, no less. And I could go on with others, Silas, but that's not really the point, is it? Kai's mother was many things, but she was not a liar. She admitted to throwing her daughter out to the wild for the fun of it and to the possibility of helping the other gods come find her in the future. She admitted to not knowing why Sirius tried to get Kai killed before simply using her as a pawn. She admitted when she didn't have the answers. But that was one answer she gave, and it was one of the things she said that was easiest to believe.” Nyx squinted her black eyes at Silas. “Perhaps if you didn't have your Celdic nose shoved so far up his ass you would see that.”
There was silence, then, and my heart was beating so hard I was sure the others could hear it. Nyx and Silas had always had their differences, and sometimes they'd argued, but Nyx had never gone this far. Perhaps she was fed up with him hurting me, no matter how unintentional it was. She had been angry with him for his words to me in the wyvern's lair all that time ago, that I had told her about after the fact and made her promise not to mention. Maybe not mentioning it had allowed that anger to boil over.
“Your undying loyalty blinds you,” Silas finally retorted, his voice shaky with held back anger.
“My loyalty to who?” Nyx asked, genuinely confused.
“Kai.” When he said my name, I felt my heart drop. There was pain in his voice...along with regret, and rage.
“If you are not loyal to he
r, maybe you need to move the fuck on,” Nyx seethed.
Silas hesitated a moment, thinking through his words before saying them even when this angry. “You are helping her go down a dark path, Nyx, and you will come to regret it. Kai's decisions will get you killed. She is now a practicing necromancer and going back to Sera is a death sentence. For all of us.” His intense green eyes moved to mine. “You used to want to help people, Kai. I don't know when you strayed so far from the path of righteousness.”
Now it was my turn to be angry. “How dare you suggest I have changed, and all for practicing necromancy! It is for the sole purpose of helping those I love that I want to go back to Sera! Don't you think I'm aware we could be caught? Is it not a selfless act to risk my own well-being to go back? Your opinion of me must be so low as to suggest I'm on a dark path, Silas. Well, let me tell you what I think of you.” I hesitated, before standing. My anger was getting the best of me, and the tinges of my vision were stained a blood red. “You are a pretentious coward who is more concerned with telling me how to live my life than supporting me. I do not ask for your agreement. I ask for your support. It sickens me that you are so concerned for yourself that you would leave Bjorn and Terran to whatever fate Sirius has decided for them.”
I walked off, then, into the night, leaving the silence behind me. I needed to breathe. I needed to figure out what the hell was going on in my life. Just a year ago, Silas was one of my closest friends and was a staunch supporter of me. Life, then, seemed so much simpler. Maybe I hadn't known just how good I'd had it. Perhaps I had been in fear of an early death, and avoided dealing with Sirius. But at least I was basked in ignorance to his true intentions, and I wasn't losing friends, and I could continue fantasizing about how great the mother I'd never met could be. Right now, that seemed like the better alternative.
