Fearful and brave and vulnerable.
For the first time in forever, I wanted to feel that way.
I needed to remember what living felt like.
Whatever hid within this boy compelled me to trust.
Dark eyes glinted like black diamonds, as if they could cut through my hardened exterior and find the girl hiding beneath.
As if he could reach out and touch her.
I grappled for an answer.
“I’m getting to know my new friend,” I whispered, voice shallow and hoarse.
I watched him vacillate in indecision, watched the thick bob of his tattooed throat as he swallowed, before he brought his thumb up to trace my bottom lip. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Those intense eyes were transfixed on the motion, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.
He seemed torn as he leaned in, body rigid, simmering in doubt and uncertainty and the same insane attraction that refused to let us go. Tension wrapped us, filling the air, covering and coaxing and begging.
That dark, dark pull beckoned me closer.
Lyrik West was going to kiss me.
And God, I was out of my mind, because I was going to let him.
I whimpered when instead he dipped his thumb inside my mouth.
Lust—this hunger that’d simmered since the moment he’d first walked through Charlie’s doors—flamed through me like a flash fire, twisting my stomach and throbbing between my legs.
Fueling my fears.
Feeding my desire.
He pressed against my tongue, and I knew exactly how giving in to him would taste. The sweet, sweet seduction. The danger. The promise of the most mind-blowing bliss.
Scariest of all was I could already feel the throb of the wounds he would leave behind.
This boy was nothing more than a wicked dream.
“We’re not really friends, now are we, Red?”
With his head cocked to the side, he murmured the warning up close to my face. “You and I both know better than that.”
He dragged his thumb free and trailed it down my neck.
My chin lifted and my stomach quivered as he headed toward my chest.
The callused pad of his thumb ran a path over the distorted heart tattoo that peeked out between the top buttons left undone on my shirt. He traced the inscription on the tattered ribbon that wrapped around the heart as if he were reading Braille.
Ante omnia cor tuum custodi.
Deciphering the words.
As if he could possibly understand my meaning behind it.
Guard your heart.
He suddenly stepped away. “Go home, Red.”
My body slumped forward at the loss of his, and I gasped.
Disoriented.
Rattled.
Mortified.
Anger and humiliation engulfed me, and I fumbled to gather my bearings as I staggered into blinding afternoon light. Inside, I begged for the walls to come up. For the mask to hide the hurt on my face.
What the hell just happened? What did I just allow to happen? Again.
I turned to glare back at him. “You’re such an asshole.”
He laughed this horrible, cutting sound.
“I think we’ve already established that.”
My body was on fire and my mind was reeling with the memory of how the crude, simple bear had felt in my hand. I was engulfed in emotion—hate and want and a crazy drive to know a man I didn’t come close to understanding.
Was I stupid for wanting to?
My chin lifted and I forced any connection I thought we shared aside.
Drawing blood, I bit at my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “It’s a good thing your apologies are rare…because they don’t mean anything anyway.”
“WELL, DAMN.” ON AN exaggerated sigh, Ash plopped down into his chair between April, Shea’s long-time best friend, and me.
Twinkle lights were strung through the trees above. They draped across the space to create the illusion of an outdoor ceiling over a clearing in the wooded area behind the church where the ceremony had been held. Round tables were set up along the perimeter, making a horseshoe around the dance floor and stage that had been constructed in the center.
A cool breeze blew through the night. It rustled the leaves, mixing up the voices and laughter from the reception with the faint trickle that could be heard from the stream running in the distance.
The scene was breathtaking.
It was no wonder Shea had chosen this spot.
“Damn what?” Anthony lifted his drink, eyeing Ash with a grin from across the table where he sat beside his wife. Anthony was Sunder’s long-time manager, but I knew he was more of a friend to all the guys than simply a business partner.
Next to him on the other side, almost lost in the shadows, was Lyrik. Sable eyes severe. Dark and confusing and twisting me up just a little tighter. Right into that knot that’d refused to leave my stomach since he’d been so kind to make a fool out of me in his apartment two days ago.
But what did I expect? I knew the games those kinds of boys liked to play. And I’d willingly stepped right into the ring.
I wouldn’t be making that mistake again.
Ash huffed in astounded frustration. “I thought weddings were supposed to be all about the hooking up? Lovely ladies for miles. A buffet. A smorgasbord. Only single women here?”
He hooked his thumb over his shoulder toward a table on the other side of the dance floor. “Three chicks I already bagged back in L.A. So that leaves April and my Tam Tam.”
He waggled his brows between us. “Which of you knockouts wants dibs? One night with a rock legend.” He stretched his arms out to the sides, offering that overabundance of cockiness, dimples lighting up in his cheeks. “All-access pass.”
April curled her nose in disgust. “Ew, no…just no.”
He turned to me, blue eyes gleaming. “Guess it’s just you and me, then, Tam Tam. Only thing I ask is that you not chop my dick off in the middle of the night.” He grinned. “You kinda scare me, but I’m willing to take the risk.”
I lifted a teasing brow, playing along. Funny how I could spar with Ash without qualms or sweaty palms or fear slicking down my spine. “Feeling awfully brave, now, aren’t we?”
Leaning on his forearms, he spun the heel of his half-empty rocks glass on the table. “Brave?” He acted as if he were in deep contemplation. “No…No…I believe the correct description would be horny. Yes, yes, that’s it.”
“Ew,” April said again with a shake of her head and shove on his shoulder. He jostled into me and I pushed him back.
“What, can a man get no love around here? Does only Baz get this privilege, the lucky bastard? This is just not damned fair. Someone help a man out here.”
I laughed. “Looks like you’re going to have to help yourself out tonight, buddy, because it’s sure not going to be me.”
“Sounds like someone else I know…taking matters into their own hands.” That dark, smooth voice cut through the air.
My eyes flew Lyrik’s way.
Was he really going to go there?
My stare narrowed in warning and hatred and a flash of hurt I just couldn’t keep at bay. I knew what he was implying. Going back to that night when he’d backed me into a corner in the storage room. When I’d turned him down then days later he’d turned around and done the same to me.
I thought both of us would finally have had enough and thrown in the towel, giving up this stupid, futile game. Quit hurting each other for sport.
Because neither of us were going to win.
But, no.
He just kept right on like he wanted to go another round. Watching me as if he couldn’t stop.
Big question?
Why?
Why wouldn’t he give this up?
That fierce gaze shifted between hunger and remorse and an apology I didn’t want him to speak.
Not that I’d be foolish enough to fall for it again.
&nbs
p; Casually, he sat rocked back in his chair, as if he were just another person in the small group gathered at Shea and Sebastian’s wedding reception.
As if he wasn’t single-handedly setting fire to my safe little world.
Lights from above glowed against his face.
Like a halo bestowed on a dark angel.
Under his scrutiny, I felt as if he was slowly killing me. Piece by piece. Thought by thought.
I could feel him sinking in. Slipping deeper. That disease taking hold.
How could it feel as if this dangerous boy was becoming my last dying wish?
Shadows played across the defined cut of his cheeks, accentuating the sharp angle of his jaw, his tie loosened as he kicked back in that delicious suit the man should have been forbidden to wear.
Because on him it was nothing but an irresistible snare.
Potent and provocative.
My insides quivered and shook.
Did he have no shame?
I lifted my chin. “Maybe some people choose to go at it alone because they don’t need the added disappointment. They’ve had enough of it already.”
His brow rose. “Maybe they’re looking in the wrong places.”
“Oh, I have no doubt they’re looking in the wrong places. And then in a weak moment they think maybe…just maybe they found something they wanted, that maybe they were looking in the right place after all, and the next second they’re shown their instincts were right all along.”
If I wasn’t locked in this stare down, I might have missed the way he winced at the jab I threw.
We both knew my thoughts had gone right back to his apartment, where I’d sought him out and ended up against his wall. Where I’d so stupidly been giving in.
Succumbing.
Falling right into that trap.
Silence stole over the table, and everyone looked between us. They weren’t fools to the discomfort.
Ash tsked, a smirk stealing onto one side of his mouth. “Oh come now, you two, this is a wedding. It’s supposed to be all about the lovin’, and here you are, fighting like cats and dogs.”
Ash let his eyes trail over me, over the gorgeous dress that was pretty, sweet, and delicate up against my hard, rigid armor.
“Considering our Tam Tam here is nothing but a sex kitten…”
He turned and widened his eyes at Lyrik. “And you, my friend, are nothin’ but a dog, we know you two can’t help yourselves. But before you go ripping each other to shreds…or more likely, each other’s clothes to shreds…let’s have some respect for the sanctity of the evening, shall we?”
He glanced between us, smirking wide.
A scowl gathered on Lyrik’s face—attention still directed at me—before he grinned at Ash. “Just makin’ sure these ladies know all their options.”
He looked back at me. “Wouldn’t want them missing out on the good things in life.”
Ash chuckled quietly. “Sure you are, my friend, sure you are.”
Some weird moment transpired between them, Ash’s chin tilting up and to the side. Lyrik gave a short shake of his head.
Just awesome. Now I was a part of some silent manwhore conversation. It made me itch in discomfort. Shift on my seat.
Had Lyrik been talking about me?
Kallie, Shea’s little girl, suddenly came flying in from across the dance floor, screaming, “Uncle Ash!” with her hands thrown in the air.
Thank God for small miracles.
Ash turned and swooped her up just as she flung herself into his arms. He propped her on the table facing him while he squeezed her, tossing an exaggerated wink out to everyone watching. “Now this here’s my real date.” He smiled back at her. “Little miss maid of honor.”
“Today I’m a butterfly princess,” she said with a resolute nod.
He poked at her belly and she giggled, trying to catch his finger. “Stop it, Uncle Ash. That tickles way, way, way bad!”
“Well, that’s what tickle monsters do…they tickle.” He tickled her more, lightly, before he touched her nose. “Are you saving your first dance for me?”
“Yep, yep, yep! Just like we practiced.”
“Good girl.”
He set her on her feet, and she kept moving. She pushed up on her toes to press a kiss to my cheek. Warmth spread through me.
The child was so sweet.
She rounded back to kiss April, doing the same to Anthony and his wife Angie, before she made it to Lyrik.
Only he didn’t lean down to accept her kiss.
No.
Instead, he pulled her onto his lap.
Pulled her onto his lap.
Hugged her and whispered words I couldn’t hear but made her giggle and pressed gentle kisses into the wild curls on top of her head.
Who was this man?
I took a big, steeling gulp of wine and tried not to watch them. Tried to pretend I wasn’t witness to something so sweet and soft. Tried to convince myself I wasn’t witnessing this convoluted, wicked man caring.
God, he made me insane.
He looked up at me from over the top of her head. He held me in the grips of his stare while he held the precious little girl in the safety of his arms.
The air trembled and shook.
No. No. No.
This jerk would wreck me. I could feel it in my bones. In my marrow. In that hollow space inside that no matter how hard I fought it, just kept aching to be filled.
Every part of me was at war. Hate and fear up against the need to be touched. To feel a part of something. Of someone.
I craved it.
Missed it so much it hurt.
Loneliness was a bitch.
But loneliness was safe.
And there was nothing safe about Lyrik West.
Hand in hand, Shea and Sebastian worked their way back over to the wedding party table after making their rounds personally thanking their guests for coming.
Ash raised his voice in a tease as they approached. “Ahh…it’s Baz, the man of the hour, going and stealing my Beautiful Shea away.”
“Damn right.” Sebastian grinned.
“Just how many girls are you going to claim?” April asked with a laugh.
“As many as will have me, of course.”
Shea stepped forward and dropped an affectionate kiss to Ash’s head. “One of these days a girl’s going to steal your wild heart and you aren’t going to know what to do with yourself.”
“Not a chance, darlin’.”
“God, please let someone do it.” Zee walked up, breaking away from the conversation he was having at another table.
“I’m not sure how much longer I can handle the likes of him with the endless string of girls parading in and out of the house. Woke up with a girl curled up next to me this morning…one I never touched, mind you…she just forgot which bedroom she’d come out of when she’d gone to the kitchen to get a drink of water.”
Ash howled and pointed at him. “Hey, man, you’re welcome for that.”
Zee just shook his head and muttered, “Asshole,” under his breath.
Lyrik chuckled in that low mysterious way, the sound wrapping me whole.
Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look, I chanted in my head.
Right now what I needed was to shield and protect and fortify. Reinforce the steel barricade guarding my heart.
Yet I held no power to stop myself.
How could I?
Not when I heard Kallie giggle again.
Warily, my gaze flitted their direction, and that wicked, menacing, malicious man was bouncing that angel on his knee.
Dark and light. Corrupt and pure.
My heart clenched in the center of my chest and I could feel those rumbles under my feet, could feel it in the air when that murky gaze locked on me.
I desperately tried to pretend as if he had no effect.
No control.
No intrigue.
All the while that overwhelming awareness spun around me with the force of
a windstorm.
Winding and twisting and whirling.
Catching me up in a cyclone of energy.
In his intensity.
In those eyes that saw too much.
He tore his gaze away and looked at Shea, full lips tweaking in affection. “I think there might be someone here who is ready for cake.”
“Me, me, me!” Kallie yelled, as if everyone didn’t know he was talking about her.
“Really? Are you sure you’re ready for cake?” he said while peppering a bunch of loud kisses to the side of her face.
Oh God.
Why? Why? Why?
Sebastian swooped her up and tossed her into the air. She squealed. “Then I think it’s time to get my Little Bug some cake.”
He glanced around at everyone. “You all ready to get this party started?”
“Hell, yeah,” Ash said.
I rolled my eyes at him. Was anyone surprised?
Ash pushed to his feet, lifting his chin to the band who had been playing quietly during dinner. The song they played trickled out and he bounded up the three steps and onto the stage, accepting the offered mic.
Shea stepped behind me, leaned down, put us cheek to cheek. Her voice was a whisper. “Thank you so much for being a part of it. Of this day. I know it’s not your thing.”
I blinked hard.
Because this totally was my thing.
Back before I was who I was today.
“I wouldn’t have missed it,” I promised, my words a little clogged.
As foolish as taking part in this wedding was, it was true.
I wouldn’t have missed this.
Not for old insecurities.
Not for stolen dreams and not for undying fears.
Not for a boy who had me so spun up I was having a hard time recognizing who I was supposed to be.
Ash’s voice rang from the speakers, and everyone turned to face him. “How did everyone enjoy their dinner? Delicious, right?”
A murmur of approval rippled over the exclusive crowd of Shea and Sebastian’s friends and family. No question, the wedding was small. They had kept the event secret, away from all the prying eyes of Hollywood and the paparazzi that would all too happily wreak a little more turmoil on their lives.
I had to admit, if our roles were reversed, I’d absolutely hate it. Constantly looking over my shoulder. Worried someone was watching me.
Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3) Page 7
