I shot it at him like a teasing taunt, a single eyebrow arching right along with the arch of my upper lip.
A smile flickered beneath his scraggly beard, though his brown eyes remained soft. “Well…I guess since you’ve got it all under control, I’d better make myself busy.”
Under control.
Right.
“You sure you don’t need anything?” he added.
I shooed him. “Go on…I’ve got it handled. The last thing I need is you slowing me down. You know I live for the hustle.”
Backing away, he held his hands up in surrender. “All right, all right. Message received. Tamar is just fine…all on her own.”
I scowled in his direction. I knew what he was doing. What he was implying. The way his tone went fatherly and his words filled with concern.
“Yep. I’m perfectly fine. On my own,” I emphasized.
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, sugar. Just know you aren’t foolin’ anyone but yourself. But I’d bet you aren’t even managing that.”
Charlie gave me a pointed stare before he turned and headed over to check on Nathan, and I forced my attention back on my job.
And I did just that.
Tried to pretend everything was fine.
To pretend I wasn’t falling apart.
Rending.
Splitting.
Crumbling.
Tried to pretend I didn’t have the sensation of being fractured in two.
Sophie, one of the weekend waitresses, set her tray down on the bar and leaned over it.
“How’s that order coming?” she asked. “Table nineteen is about to lose their shit.” She sighed dramatically. “Sometimes I wish the frat boys wouldn’t come out to play.”
It seemed a miracle, but low laughter rolled from my tongue. I gave her an amused shake of my head. “You and me both. Just give me…two…seconds…” I drew out as I finished pouring tequila across three shot glasses.
I slid the drinks to her. “There you go, gorgeous. Don’t let those boys get to you. Not any of them are worth it.”
None of them. Not for a second.
“Thank you.” She situated them on her tray, shot me a smile, calling over her shoulder as she walked away, “Wish me luck.”
“Good lu—” The words locked in my throat when the front doors swung open, which they’d been doing all night. But this time…this time they stopped me in my tracks.
Awareness spread.
Tension wound.
Tighter and harder and faster.
Gaining speed as it barreled forward like a speeding train.
Malicious and dark and foreboding.
My heart stalled before it took off at a sprint. Wild and offbeat.
Ash strode in like he owned the place, his dimpled grin and hungry gaze taking in the churning mayhem dancing within the old walls. It was clear he was all too keen to add to it.
Two steps behind was Zee.
But it was the boy who followed them who might as well have stood out in front.
Eclipsing all.
Like shattering, splintering light.
That sinister man rode in on all his raving intensity. His body was rigid, as if that wild energy was condensed and compounded. Gathering to a pinpoint.
Set to fire.
Cutting down anyone and anything in its path like the devastating shockwave of an atom bomb.
The buzz before the strike.
But this time, the strike just might prove fatal.
How sick was it I still wanted him? That after seeing that photo and hearing his words, I still clung to the moments we’d shared as if they’d somehow counted. When he’d laid them all to waste.
Two weeks. Two weeks of silence. Silence in the shape of loud, thrashing, violent music through the walls. After all we’d shared physically, emotionally, he’d simply let go. Let me go. Not a word. Not an explanation. As if he owed me nothing.
Why did I always want the things that would harm me most?
Furtively, I cut my eyes his way, hoping he wouldn’t notice but needing one last image to keep for when he was gone.
Memorizing.
It wasn’t so hard. There was no chance I could forget. Tonight he wore a tight white V-neck tee. The tattoos I’d come to know so well vibrated beneath bunched muscle, as if every fiber of him seethed with his own anger.
Emotion burned behind my traitorous eyes, and just as fast as I’d looked, I turned my back before he could catch the anguish I was certain painted every inch of my expression.
For the second time that day, my hands shot forward to keep myself standing, my body jerking as I clutched the edge of the bar and tried to prepare myself to again come face to face with Lyrik West. I tried to find safety behind the walls I had built. To gain solid ground. To fortify and protect.
Never again would I allow him to control me.
With my head dropped, my lips moved soundlessly, as if I were sending up a silent prayer. Reaching for a buoy. A petition to find truth in the words that would allow me to remain afloat.
You are strong. You are nobody’s slave. He only has power and effect if you give it to him. And you won’t let him have it.
Blowing out a breath, I donned that stoic, lofty mask, lifted my chin, and went back to work. The whole time I pretended as if I wasn’t painfully aware of him standing there in the haze of light suspended above him. As if I didn’t feel the heat of his unfaltering gaze searing into me.
Stark, disbelieving laughter shook my throbbing chest. For a fleeting second, my armor dropped, leaving me vulnerable to his sharp stare.
Why now? Why after two weeks would he show his face when I’d caught nothing more than a glimpse of the back of his head in all that time? It had been as if he’d calculated his every move, ensuring he’d evaded, avoided, and eluded any sight of me.
So easily forgotten.
Dirty.
I could feel the break in the air, the shift, and I knew he’d followed Ash and Zee over to the secluded booth where they liked to hide out. Away from prying eyes and their rock-star fame. Although truthfully, they really didn’t seem to have that many issues around here. Most of the locals’ tastes slanted country, and they came to the bar in droves on the nights the more popular country bands played.
But that didn’t mean the guys didn’t garner attention on their appearance alone.
Girls out looking for a good time couldn’t resist these boys who looked so bad.
Trouble and disorder and a mind-blowing good time.
Pain stabbed at my stomach as I pictured Lyrik leaving here with one of them. Or more likely, with two. That always seemed to be his style. Images of the side of the boy I really didn’t know flashed through my mind, the lusty gleam in his sinful eyes as he was draped in all-too willing women.
I couldn’t shake the fear he was out for one last hurrah in the tiny city of Savannah before he left it all behind.
Before he left me behind.
He’d promised he would.
But I’d never imagined it’d be on these terms.
“Hey, Tamar.” Sophie broke into my tortured thoughts when she called to me from the other side of the bar. She craned her head back in the direction of the isolated booth. “Your friends are here.”
As if I hadn’t noticed.
“The cute blond one is insisting you take care of them. He said something about it being an emergency. Of course he did it with a smile on his face, so I’m not so sure what could be so urgent, but I figured you wouldn’t mind all that much considering you normally go running that direction the second they step through the door.”
Running?
Had it really been that way in those weeks when things were so easy between Lyrik and me? Had I really gone to him so readily?
Just another ignorant lamb willingly led off to the slaughter.
God, I was stupid.
No more.
Strutting across to the boundless array of liquor lined up on the back bar, I grabb
ed a bottle of vodka. I barely glanced over my shoulder to respond. “Well, I do mind.”
She hiked both her shoulders to her ears and began to back away. “Sorry…too late…I told him you’d be happy to.”
“Well, then go tell them I’m not happy to.”
Nervously, she shuffled on her feet and bit at her bottom lip, so transparent and full of guilt. “The blond one kinda sorta invited me back to his place after work tonight if I delivered the message.”
Exasperated and fighting the rumbles of fear, I rubbed at my forehead.
She had to be kidding me.
I turned back to her. “Thank you for throwing me under the bus. And in case you wanted to know, the cute blond one is Ash.”
There was no missing the bite to my words. But come on. Selling me out for a night with a rock star? Not cool.
She gave me a pleading look. “I’m sorry, Tamar. Really. But he was so insistent.”
I guess I had to give her a break. She’d only been working here for a month. And even I knew those dimples were deadly. The guy could probably talk a vegetarian into joining the steak of the month club.
I heaved out a breath. “Fine. I’ll take care of them.”
An apology crinkled her brow. “Thank you. And for the record, I thought I was doing you a favor.”
I scowled. “Please don’t do me any more of them.”
So maybe I was being a bitch. But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help the way agitation churned in my gut and skimmed across my skin, bristling against the raw, potent energy already saturating the thick air.
Stealing myself, I strode to the end of the bar and slipped out into the main room, strutting across the wooden floorboards on my super-high heels. The vibration sent a rush of shivers up the backs of my legs, like a steady boom, boom, boom pulsing through my body.
The sound only increased the closer I got, that energy going wild as my heart hammered and my stomach both lifted and fell.
Those foolish childhood butterflies decided it was the perfect time to take flight when Lyrik’s steely gaze landed on me.
Those sinful eyes seemed to flicker between lust and regret. The spark of need in the flare of his nose and the distress in the pinch of his brow. As if it hurt to look at me.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
This was not okay.
I refused to fall prey to it again.
I knew his games.
Cruel and unjust.
I plastered the old sneer on my face. Tonight, it wasn’t so hard to find. Because the truth of it? I was still hurt and angered by his callous words. Betrayed in the way he’d cast me aside. In the way he’d let me walk out his door when really he’d been the one pushing me out it.
What I’d done was wrong. I knew that. I knew I shouldn’t have snooped. I shouldn’t have let the compulsion to know him, to get closer to him—to understand his reservations and sorrow—cloud the respect I had for him. I shouldn’t have demanded answers he didn’t want to give. Especially when my own jealousy had been the driving force.
But just as strongly, he should have respected me.
Asked me to put it down.
To let it go.
Instead, he’d gone straight for the jugular.
Slicing and cutting me with those deplorable words.
That sneer turned into a perfect, sexy smirk, and I jutted out my hip. “Welcome to Charlie’s. What brings y’all in tonight?”
I played it off as if I didn’t recognize them at all—as if unaffected—while it seemed I was the only thing Lyrik could see.
So maybe a part of me took a little too much pleasure in the way his stare turned greedy.
You threw me away.
Maybe it was wrong I was thanking my stars I’d dressed the way I’d done tonight.
Maybe he’d feel a taste of the hurt he’d left me wallowing in. A taste of that hollow ache amplified by his presence.
But the better part of me—the part he’d resurrected—wanted to touch his cheek, to feel the thready beat of his heart, to tell him I’d take away some of his pain if he promised to take away mine.
If he’d just let me in.
But that was the fool talking.
Ash fumbled out an awkward laugh. “Ahhh…Tam Tam…don’t go breaking my heart by pretending you aren’t happy to see me. I know you have to have been missing me, because there’s no chance these walls are the same without a little Ash. I figured before we packed it up and left for L.A. tomorrow, we’d better get over here and sprinkle a little rock ‘n’ roll flavor on the place before we have to go.”
The look he shot Lyrik belied the statement he made, the way Lyrik grimaced, cringed, and glanced toward the wall.
A new kind of pain cut me open at the realization Lyrik really didn’t want to be here. At the realization he’d been dragged through the doors, probably coaxed and prodded and teased by Ash until he gave in, only here to prove he really didn’t want me.
God.
Insane. Completely, utterly insane. That was me. Because I suddenly recognized the niggling hope I’d had that he’d been here for me. That he’d been here to apologize or maybe to tell me goodbye.
At least something.
I’d lost my damned mind.
Right along with my heart.
I forced myself to let my eyes jump around to all three of them, refusing to cower or flinch when it landed on Lyrik.
Red. Red. Red.
I held onto her like a lifeline.
My smirk spread, as forced as it was. “Well, since you’re here to spread a little rock ‘n’ roll cheer, and y’all know exactly how much I like my boys tattooed and screaming…” I glanced down at Lyrik as if it didn’t bother me at all. “I’ll be happy to help a man out,” I continued. “What can I get for you?”
Ash grinned and shot me a wink. “I’ll take my regular, darlin’.”
My eyes narrowed at him. He was so up to something.
Zee’s voice was quiet. “Just a Coke for me. I have to drive these assholes around.”
With that sneer firmly set in place, I looked back at Lyrik. “How about you…do you want me to whip you up something extra special?”
The words came out spiteful, though they ached in my throat like some kind of betrayal.
Ash spoke up. “I think our boy here would like a little taste of whatever it is you have to offer. Just as long as you don’t make him choke on it. He seems to be a bit out of sorts lately.”
God, Ash. As much as I liked the guy, he needed to stop.
“Sure thing,” I drawled out, making sure to give Lyrik a good sway of my hips in his face as I turned to leave.
Could anyone blame me?
I was the one pushed up against a wall. Nailed to it, really.
A flash fire of heat jetted up my arm when I felt Lyrik’s big hand wrap around my wrist.
Shackling.
Restraining.
An iron fetter I felt around my heart.
Panicked, I jerked to look back at him, my eyes wide and shocked.
I forced myself to narrow them into a glare.
Did he really have the audacity to touch me?
“What?” I spat the word as I yanked my arm free.
Reluctantly, he let me go. His mouth coiled in some sort of misery, and those obsidian eyes flashed. “Blue.”
Damn him. Playing games. Winding me up. Watching me spin and spin and spin. I wouldn’t let him do this to me again.
Defiance and my last shred of self-preservation squared my jaw. “Sorry, but I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
Spinning on my heel, I was quick to seek refuge behind the bar. It had to be by some miracle I managed to keep my head held high while I filled their drinks.
I poured Lyrik the same tumbler of Jager as Ash.
He didn’t get the best of me. Not anymore. He didn’t get what was sacred and special and had only been offered to him. He didn’t get my joy or my belief or my hope.
With their drinks arra
nged on a tray, I headed their way. I stumbled to a stop when I saw Ash walking back to their table.
Three girls in tow.
My stomach plummeted.
No. No. No.
Why would Ash do this to me?
This I could not handle. This I could not face. A curl of jealousy twisted through me like a nasty viper. Fangs impaling my skin and sinking into my flesh. Pumping me full of poison.
Poison hurt, didn’t it?
Burned and stung as it sped through your veins, setting every cell to decay?
Sophie smiled as she passed by. I shoved the tray at her. “Here, take this to my friends. Just a warning…it looks like you might have lost your date for the night.”
Or maybe Lyrik would take all three of them home.
Shit.
If it wasn’t so late, I’d ask Shea if I could come crash at her place.
No way could I stomach stumbling into them at my apartment tonight.
Sophie’s attention darted that direction. Her face fell. “What an asshole,” she muttered under her breath.
Yeah. What an asshole. I just wasn’t entirely sure who I was talking about.
She headed that way carrying about as much spite in her swagger as I’d approached them with ten minutes ago, all the while I struggled not to look that way. Struggled not to care. Struggled to maintain who I’d been before Lyrik had first walked through Charlie’s door more than a year ago.
But I wasn’t sure I knew her anymore.
Wasn’t sure which of us was real.
Sophie delivered the drinks, paused as Ash tugged her down so he could whisper something in her ear. She was almost at a sprint when she danced back wearing a smile that couldn’t have been pried from her face.
“It’s totally still on,” she gushed, completely clueless to my torment.
“That’s great.” I barely managed to voice it without it being loaded down by sarcasm.
“He’s really cute,” she added.
“Yeah, he is,” I agreed, because I totally got Ash’s charm, although I seemed to be wholly immune to it considering Lyrik was the only one who held the power to make me feel.
“Who’s cute?”
I glanced up to find the source of the voice. A man who was nothing more than a boy rested his forearms on the bar top, leaning across it toward me. He couldn’t have been a day older than twenty-one, his collar popped, one of those preppy, pretty boys who made their way into the bar from time to time.
Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3) Page 21
