But it was the one thing I needed to know. If I was laying it all on the line. If I was letting this go beyond this night.
I needed to know.
I could feel it trembling. Pulsing in the air. The stir of energy.
Grief struck in his expression, and he cupped the side of my face. “She is the culmination of every mistake I ever made. My every regret. Everything I’ll never forget.”
Like a fool, I nodded as if I could accept it, as if that alone wouldn’t crush me, and let him wrap me in the comfort of his arms, my face pressed into the inked skin of his neck.
Our hearts matched pace, the beating slow as we drifted in the false calm.
He pressed his mouth to the top of my head, the words muted and slurred as he neared sleep. But still, they cut me straight through.
“If my heart was mine to give, I’d give it to you.”
“ARE YOU SURE YOU’LL be okay?” I clutched the phone to my ear where I sat on the edge of my bed. Just the haze of morning teased at the windows, and Charlie’s voice was groggy with the sleep my call had pulled him from.
“Come on, sugar. You really think I’m that helpless?” he teased, and I could almost see him on his back in his bed, tugging at the end of his ratty beard, looking to the ceiling with a smile. Wouldn’t be all that surprised if five seconds from now he showed up at my door to help me pack my bags.
“I just don’t like the thought of leaving you in the lurch. You know that’s not my style.”
“Yeah…know exactly what your style is. Holing up behind my bar, pretending like you’re happy there. Like you belong there. When you and I both know that’s the farthest from the truth.”
“Charlie…” I begged. A shiver raced down the skin of my bare back, chasing after Lyrik’s callused fingertip that traced my spine.
“Go, Tamar,” Charlie urged quietly. “Haven’t ever seen you light up the way you do around him. Not ever. Not once. Not gonna act like I know all the details of your story, sugar. Your secrets. But I’m no fool, and I know they’re there. Also know when that one’s around, suddenly it doesn’t seem all that important for you to hide behind them anymore. Go. Find out if he’s the one you’ve been looking for.”
Gratitude became one with the lingering fear concealed beneath my ribs. “Thank you.”
“Family first, Tamar.”
Did Charlie have the first clue what his words did to me? The way they made my insides leap and soar, memories abounding in my mind, spurring me forward.
Toward home.
God, I missed them. Missed their faces and their laughter. The way my mother would look at me as if she already knew what I was thinking before I ever said a word. As if she understood what was happening inside me before I recognized it myself.
The need to be brave had grown so acute, I could feel the faint grasp of the hands of time dragging me back. But once where I’d feared they would hold me down, I now somehow knew they would set me free.
But it was taking the first step that was the hardest.
It was the idea of standing in front of Cameron again that had me drowning in a spiraling wave of panic.
Swiveling, I looked over my shoulder at Lyrik. The gorgeous man was on his back.
In my bed.
That shock of black hair was unruly and wild where he rested on my pillow. My sheets were a jumble of twists and knots where we’d been tangled for the couple hours of sleep we’d managed throughout the night.
Now, in the early morning light, they barely covered his slim waist, revealing his torso and arms and neck where bold ink scripted his fathomless story.
And I wondered…I wondered if there was room for more.
If he had a waiting, unmarked space for me or if all his pages had already been written.
Because I ached to fill him the way he had filled me.
“Is it weird we’re doing this?” I asked.
Shifting, Lyrik curled his arms around my waist and brushed a kiss to my hip, before he turned that haunted gaze up at me. “Weird? No. Stupid? Yeah.”
I blinked through a new onslaught of confusion. “Stupid?”
He hugged me tighter. “Blue…being with you…it’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve done in a long, long time. Reckless. Just begging for trouble. So fucking selfish. Taking more of you when both of us know I can’t keep you. But right now, I don’t know how to stop.”
I moved to straddle him, my hands on his shoulders, our bodies aligned.
Lyrik grunted and gripped me by the hips as he guided me onto him.
“I don’t want you to stop,” I whispered down to him.
Never, never stop.
Even if it was stupid.
Because love makes you do stupid things.
An hour and a half later, the car pulled up to the private terminal at Hilton Head Airport. The sun climbed the eastern horizon, rays stretching out to embrace the top of the lush copse of trees outlining the area, the green leaves dusted with dew sparkling like Christmas lights.
Everyone else was already there, gathered around the small chartered jet waiting on us.
I pushed out a nervous breath and glanced at the dark, foreboding man sitting at my side, that delicious mouth quirked up in a knowing smirk, before returning my gaze to the ridiculous show of money flaunted in front of us.
Butterflies assaulted my stomach.
I got the distinct feeling I was about to enter the world of Lyrik I knew nothing about, other than those few glances I’d been granted. The few fans who’d recognized him at the bar. Anthony’s beachside mansion. The magazine stories I’d read and the entertainment headlines that had caught my eye.
“Do you guys always go overboard like this?”
Lyrik laughed lightly. “Nah…but it sure is nice when we do.”
I looked at him, feigned, wide innocent eyes. “It must be so rough when you subject yourself to commercial first-class instead. The atrocity.”
This time it was a thick roll of laughter that left him, before he edged forward and gripped my chin to keep me looking at him. He pressed his nose to mine. “You gonna sit over there and give me a hard time when I was so kind to invite you along? Spoil you with a bit of luxury? Get you backstage to a show?”
Those dark eyes flashed with mischief, a toying threat that sent those butterflies scattering. “I mean, we do know how you like your boys tattooed and screaming, don’t we?”
His lips touched mine. Briefly. Wickedly.
I struggled for a breath.
He leaned back, raked his teeth over his bottom lip.
On all things holy. No man should look that good or have the power to effect women that way.
He cocked his head. “Now are you comin’ or stayin’?”
Gone were the shadows that’d haunted his eyes last night. In their place was the ruthless man edged with this boyish excitement that skimmed the expression on his face. I couldn’t help but feel that way, too.
“Oh, I’m definitely coming.”
Chuckling, he shook his head and unlatched his door. “That’s what I thought.”
Lyrik unloaded our bags from the trunk, grabbing hold of his guitar case and passing me my camera bag. I slung it over my shoulder and followed close behind as he wheeled our suitcases toward our friends.
Shea was grinning when I approached. Her baby belly had grown huge, and she glowed with joy.
I itched to capture the moment, that old need flooding me like a sea cave swilling with the rising tide.
“I can’t believe you’re coming with us,” she squealed as she rushed forward and threw her arms around me. She rocked me in a hug as if she hadn’t seen me for ages. She suddenly leaned in close and spoke so no one else could hear. “It’s so good to have you back.”
Was it possible she read me that easily? That she saw right through the stony façade?
She released me just as quickly. Her words increased in volume as if she were speaking to the entire crowd. “This is going to be the best w
eekend ever. I always get stuck with all you boys. About time there’s another girl there to keep me company.”
“Don’t get any ideas, Shea.” I could feel Lyrik’s presence invading me from behind. “Blue here? She’s on board for a weekend with me. Not you.”
Over my shoulder, I tossed Lyrik a bewildered look. “What are you talking about? You told me Shea was coming. That’s the only reason I agreed.”
Lyrik wrapped me in his arms, his front to my back. “Is that so?” he questioned, pressing himself a little closer. Teasing me with that body he knew left me defenseless.
“Well…I guess I don’t mind spending a little bit of time with you, too.”
By the hand, he spun me around. The entirety of that pretty face lifted in a smirk. “Don’t mind, huh? You sure didn’t seem to mind all that much last night.” He edged closer, voice dropping. “Or this mornin’, for that matter.”
I giggled.
Giggled.
Oh. God.
Undone.
That’s the way he’d left me.
He swatted my butt. “Now get that sweet ass on the plane.”
With a tiny yelp, I jumped right into his arms. A tumble of excited and joyous nerves skated through my body. Then Lyrik slowed, cupped my cheek as he gazed down at me, then kissed me gently.
Moments like these? They were the ones that left me a mixed-up, muddled mess.
Because they were the times when it felt like more.
“Come on,” he whispered. Turning, he led me by the hand toward the stairs the rest of the guys and Shea were already climbing.
Well, except for Ash.
He leaned up against the bottom of the railing, arms crossed over his wide chest.
Lyrik passed him, started up the stairs.
Ash gave us a look that was both mocking and sincere.
How the hell did the guy manage that?
“I trust the two of you had a pleasurable evening last night?” he asked. His grin grew in time with the lift of his brow.
Lyrik threw him a look riddled with daggers and knives. “Don’t fucking start, man.”
Ash smiled, shrugged innocently. “Not starting anything. The two of you just look a little cozier than you did last night, that’s all. Can’t a guy make an observation?”
“Not that kind, he can’t,” Lyrik warned, but it was lighter than I expected, his voice carrying as he climbed higher, hauling me up behind him.
Low laughter rolled from Ash as he took to the steps behind us. “I’m just not the type of guy who goes burying his head in the sand. Not fool enough to miss what’s right in front of me.”
Lyrik didn’t look back, just clenched my hand a little tighter in his hold.
Warily, I glanced back at Ash with a scowl. To ask him once to lay off the ribbing.
I was feeling protective of the shaky relationship Lyrik and I had, if you could call it that at all. I sure as hell had no idea what to label this.
One minute I’d accepted I would never touch him again and the next I was boarding a plane to spend the weekend in L.A. with him, visiting his family of all things.
But more than that? I was feeling protective of Lyrik.
It was difficult enough for us to maneuver it, wading through uncharted territory. I got the feeling neither of us were sure when one step would be the wrong one. The one that would backfire and incite a chain reaction leading to the end.
Or maybe like that picture, it’d be one disastrous explosion.
But Ash’s expression was so much different than I expected. His smile soft. Kind as his attention drifted to the back of Lyrik’s head, steady as it latched back on me.
Telling.
He needs you as much as you need him.
Do you see?
Don’t give up. Don’t let go.
I guess it was the knowledge I wouldn’t be the one making that decision that caused the throbbing ache to flare in my gut.
So I was no money-grubbing whore, but I’d be lying if I said flying across country in a private jet wasn’t the way to go. The flight was filled with laughter and chatter and unending mimosas, the time so comfortable and natural it was easy to convince myself this was where I belonged.
The guys had jumped into what amounted to an acoustic practice session, running through the set they would play tonight. We stopped for the fastest layover in history to refuel before we were back in the air, then what felt like moments later we were descending yet again.
Los Angeles.
I wrung my hands as I was hit with a rush of jitters.
How crazy, this was supposed to be my home. The place where I’d led everyone to believe I grew up, because it’d been the first city that’d come to mind when Charlie had asked where I was from. It was a familiar place because my family had visited many times for vacations—only an eight-hour drive from the desert city I’d fled four years ago.
I gazed out the small jet window at the jungle of buildings and roads that quickened to meet us from below.
“Are you going to visit any of your family while you’re back in town?”
Shea’s question pulled me from my trance, and I jerked her direction. Her brown eyes were curious. As if she’d plucked the guilty thoughts right from my head and pointed to my past that got harder and harder to escape the closer I came.
Lyrik looked over at me, too.
Expectantly.
As if maybe since I was going to visit his family, it would only make sense he go to visit mine, too.
Shit. What had I gotten myself into? But I’d known it was coming all along.
The decision.
Run or confront.
But right then I didn’t have the strength to step from this limbo, so instead I shook off the haze. Forced a smile and cleared my throat.
“No.” I tilted my head at Lyrik. “The trip is short and Lyrik and I are going to visit his family before the show tonight. I doubt there’s time.”
That in itself should have been enough to make me rethink this whole thing. Label it a really freaking bad idea. The thought of showing up at Lyrik’s childhood home without a clue about them or who they were. Being in the dark, not privy or partner to the events that haunted Lyrik, a stranger to what had bred his impervious heart.
A heavy sigh pushed from my lungs. I needed to stop this train of thought before I made more out of this weekend than there actually was.
Lyrik frowned. “We haven’t gotten you a ticket to go home yet. We can make time for you to visit your family if you want.”
But his words were laden with caution, because only this boy had been allowed to peek over the walls I’d surrounded myself with. Into the place where I harbored my secrets. Now he held the key to completely expose them.
My forced smile trembled, and it was as if he knew. As if he could read me. It simmered around us. The trust that bound us so blatantly clear.
With that deadly smile, he looked at Shea. His words slid out in obvious innuendo. “Pretty sure I’m going to be keeping our girl Tamar here busy all weekend.”
But that smile was so utterly soft when he turned it back on me.
Sebastian curled his arms around his wife and whispered something in her ear.
Swiveling into his hold, Shea kissed him.
And that was it, topic diverted.
I was saved.
We landed and debarked. An extra-long, black SUV was waiting to pick us up. Lyrik and I crawled into the very back seat, and he wound me in his arms, our sides pressed together as I rested my head on his shoulder. As if we’d done it a thousand times and I was his and he was mine and this was the way it was always going to be.
Under the blue California sky, grayed at the distant horizon with smog, we headed in the direction of the Sunder house.
It was surreal, to say the least.
The number of times I’d listened to their songs, the number of times I’d escaped into the sanctuary of Lyrik’s voice as it played from my speakers, while I’d listened and d
reamed he were the one person in the world with the ability to understand me.
Crazy how it turned out he was.
Fate.
God.
I was such a fool. A complete, utter fool. Because that’s what I wanted it to be.
The city flashed by in a blur of freeways and buildings and stop-and-go traffic, dotted with landmarks that became more and more familiar the closer we came to The Hills. The driver finally exited the freeway and drove us through West Hollywood.
My face was nearly plastered to the side window to take in the scenery.
I cringed. I probably looked like some kind of fangirl, overeager to catch one glimpse of the glitter and limelight that went hand in hand with this city.
But this was me. The old me. The little girl who’d watched the world with wide, innocent eyes. In anticipation and wonder before she found so much of it was actually filled with horror.
I felt his warmth close over me, and from behind, Lyrik slid his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. He spoke so low, no one else in the car could hear. “Seems to me, for someone coming home, you’re awfully awed by your surroundings.”
A soft gasp fell from me, and I turned to look at him, at the intuition glinting in the gold flecks of his eyes.
This boy who knew me like no one else.
Slowly, I shook my head.
No.
I wasn’t home.
But I could be.
He exhaled as if releasing some of his reservations, or maybe in acceptance. Then he slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against his solid chest and the steady beat of his heart.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
I’d once thought it a stampede of destruction.
But no.
It was a chant of safety and security and perfection.
The driver took the winding road leading up into The Hills. It was a place only familiar in movies and in pictures conjured in my mind.
I could only imagine who and what was stowed away behind the rock walls and iron gates, nestled behind the garage faces that seemed so innocuous where they’d been constructed close to the road, camouflaging the homes built on the other side.
Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3) Page 24
