It was a murmur. Deep and reverent.
That’s what tonight felt like, as we lay curled up in the quiet darkness on our bed.
Knew the day had been both exciting and exhausting for Kenz. We’d had the baby shower my mom, sister, and Kenzie’s mom had thrown together. Kind of liked it that the guys had been included, because I didn’t want to miss out on watching her open her gifts.
Especially the one I’d made for our son.
She clutched the lanky bear, holding it close to her huge belly where Brendon grew. Her tank top was pushed up so that big bump was bare, her skin pulled taut, rivers of stretch marks forever signed on her skin. I was lying just a little lower than her, arms wrapped around both of them.
“Make it if you want it to matter.” I chuckled softly as I repeated my mom’s mantra. Kenzie did the same, those brown eyes warm and contented.
I ran my fingertips over the bear. It was an inconsistent pattern of blues, deep navy all the way down to ghost white. It was sewn with sapphire yarn, the pattern a little off because my hands could never quite get it right. Not the way my mother had mastered.
“It’s not very pretty, but they’re supposed to represent a family being stitched together by a new birth. Each piece of fabric represents the people who make up that family, the yarn the love that binds it all together. Mom says they’re good luck.”
Mom had always been a little out there. Subscribing to a kind of faith I wasn’t sure I could ever have. But I sure couldn’t disagree with her on this.
Kenzie whispered, “Your mom’s amazing.”
“She loves you,” I told her.
Fingertips brushed down my face. “Because I love you.”
Brendon kicked against my hand, and I couldn’t contain the force of my smile as I pressed my mouth to her belly, the crazy amount of love palpitating within my heart. Shaking me all the way through. Seemed impossible to love someone I hadn’t even met. Not the way I loved him.
Less than two months and he’d be here.
God, I couldn’t wait.
“Come on, man, it’s a one-time thing. Once. It’s not gonna hurt anything.”
I slid out from under the car I was working on. Ash sat above me on a stool, grinning with those dimples like I was some chick who couldn’t resist his charm.
Idiot.
Still, I smiled, shaking my head. Because hell, I’d missed him. Had missed them all, that piece of my family that no longer quite fit.
“No can do, my friend. I’ve got a shit-ton to do and…well…”
Didn’t finish up the rest.
Didn’t need to.
All of them knew why I had to keep my distance.
Ash rubbed his hand over his face. “Listen, man, I totally get your reservations, but Justin totally bailed. We’ve gone through like five guitarists since you. And this show is big. Word is, house is gonna be crawling with labels and agents. We need you.”
I wiped my hands with a greasy rag, feeling bad, knowing I’d left them in a jam.
“Five hundred bucks, Lyrik. Five hundred bucks for one night and you can walk. You know there’s not a soul who’s ever gonna fill your shoes. But I promise, we’ll figure our shit out from there. We just can’t miss out on this chance.”
Five hundred dollars.
I could get that crib for Kenz, the one she’d been eyeing, the one we sure as shit couldn’t afford. She’d settled on the bassinet my mom had given us. It’d work fine. For now.
Ash could sense my interest, my slow surrender, and he jumped on it. “One night,” he promised.
I pinned him with a glare. “One night.”
Sebastian clapped me on the back before he pulled me into a hug. “Lyrik…holy shit, man, I’ve missed the hell outta you.”
“Shit, I’ve missed you, too,” I said, grinning wide as I stepped back to take in the venue. It was bigger than anything we’d ever played, backstage set up like we were royalty, dressing rooms, bottled water, and a bar full of booze.
Okay, so maybe not royalty.
But sure as shit better than the holes we’d been playing the last three years.
The vibe was intense. I watched a little wide-eyed as roadies ran around to get things set up for the headlining band. A band I’d actually learned to play my guitar to when I was thirteen, sitting in my room and picking out the chords to some of their songs.
Never in a million years would I have imagined one day we’d be opening for them.
Loud music pumped from the speakers, people rushing this way and that.
Muted light seem to thrum with the beat.
My heart latched on to it, this awesome feeling spreading fast.
This had to be one of the coolest things to ever happen in my life.
Totally fucking surreal.
Ash was right.
This was an opportunity that couldn’t be missed.
I shucked off the guilt trying to gain its voice, that little white lie sitting like a rock in the pit of my stomach. One I’d told Kenzie so I could get out of the apartment tonight, not to mention the fact I’d had to sneak my guitar into the trunk of my car while she’d been taking a nap.
My little sister needs me, baby. She’s been having a rough time at school. Gonna hang with her a bit. One on one.
I just didn’t want her to worry, and if she knew where I really was, she would.
Ash was jumping around, completely stoked. “Everyone ready to go on?”
“Hell yeah,” Baz replied, slanting me a glance. “Feels like a reunion…way it’s supposed to be…with Lyrik here.”
And it did.
It felt fucking right, and when I stepped on that stage, I was feeling so damned high. Floating on those old dreams that I’d had to let go. But for one night, I was going to cling to them. Live them. I could only hope this would give something good back to the guys when I was the one who’d bailed.
The crowd was absolutely wild. Eating us up. Their bodies a living, breathing pulse where they thrashed on the floor in front of us.
It felt so good.
So right.
I played so hard it felt like my fingers would bleed—so out of practice—sang until my throat was raw and my spirit was soaring. The place was completely lit by the time we wrapped the last song on our set.
We all fumbled off the stage, high fives going up, everyone backstage telling us the show was as kickass as it felt.
Shots were passed around.
I hesitated with the tiny glass clasped in my hand.
“To the future,” Ash said as he lifted his, and Sebastian and Mark repeated the same. I lifted mine. All four of us clinked them in the middle.
What the hell? It was tradition.
I tossed it back.
It burned sliding down my throat, pooled like fire in the welcoming well of my stomach.
I heaved a harsh breath through my nose.
Damn.
That tasted good.
And I didn’t have a fucking clue why, but I was throwing back another. Then another. I found myself in a room backstage. The headlining band had just gone on, but the after-party was already in full swing.
I fucking twitched at the sight of the pile of coke Adrian was cutting on the table. Had known him for years, and the kid was nothing but a straight punk, following the hardcore scene, party to party, club to club, always at the ready with a supply.
He’d even been back at the house I’d shared with the guys a few times, more there for a delivery, though he played it off like it was his job to have a good time.
Didn’t trust him.
Not at all.
But that didn’t mean my mouth wasn’t watering. That I didn’t itch.
I forced my attention away, back to Sebastian who was talking to some agent. He’d introduced him as Anthony, and I struggled to engage in their small talk, doing my best to focus on anything but Adrian.
But there was no stopping it, the way my gaze kept getting drawn, my mind already there, kneelin
g at the table.
What could one little hit hurt?
I crossed the space, fisting my hands as I stared down at Adrian where he sat on the sofa.
Looking up, he grinned. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the infamous Lyrik West. Thought you’d gone and decided you were too good for us.”
I wanted to tell him to fuck off.
Instead, I dropped to my knees. No different than a cheap whore, taking the rolled up bill and the proffered line.
But that was all it took for everything in my world to come into sharp focus. Tonight had to be right. My conscious sprinted ahead of the nagging wrong. The show. That fucking amazing show. Right here was where I belonged.
The rest of my crew joined in, the party raging on, growing by the minute. Between the four of us, we spent everything laid out on the table.
“What do you got?” Sebastian asked, swiping under his nose as he lifted his chin at Adrian, asking for more.
Adrian clucked. “You’re at five hundred bucks, bro. Gotta see some cash.”
Sebastian’s eyes flashed. “What the fuck, man? You trying to rip us off now?” He flung his hand at the table. “That was like…two hundred…max.”
“You still owe me from back at Benny’s a couple of weeks ago.”
“Paid you for that.”
Adrian sneered. “What? You’re calling me a liar now?”
Faster than anyone could make sense of it, Sebastian shoved the table forward. Adrian howled like a bitch when it rammed his shins. “Fuck yeah, I am.”
Weren’t usually a whole lot of people dumb enough to go up against us, but this asshole climbed to his feet, glaring down like he was all too happy to take us on. He spat in Baz’s direction. “Promise you, you don’t want to start thinking you’re gonna cut me short. That’s a story that’s not gonna end well.”
Anger radiated from Sebastian. Seeping out. This diseased venom he’d caught the day one of his brother’s had died.
Contagious.
Because I could feel those fangs sinking into me. It’d always been like that between us. Me and Sebastian feeding off the other, taking it out on whatever asshole got in our way.
Tonight it was Adrian.
Sebastian slowly stood, rising to the full height of his hulking mass.
“And just what exactly do you think you’re going to do about it?”
I pushed to my feet beside him.
Aggression curled through my muscles, twisting and twisting until I was wound tight. That old feeling I hadn’t felt in so damned long took me over. Something powerful and big. Bigger than life. Heart pounding wild, heavy in my hands and heavy in my fists.
Ash was suddenly a sensation in my periphery, everything else zeroed in on Adrian. His words just barely cut through the violence skimming beneath my skin. “Go home, Lyrik. You’ve got a baby coming. This night wasn’t supposed to go down this way. You know you don’t want this.”
Kenzie.
Brendon.
Thoughts of them tried to break through to my rationale. Screaming at me to step back. But Adrian smirked, a looked so self-satisfied, nausea curled in my stomach. “Heard you knocked up that Sunder slut.”
The scowl screwing up my face was almost painful, and I edged forward, pushing off Ash who tried to get in my way. “What did you say?”
Adrian laughed. “What…tell me you all didn’t pass her around first. Bet you all still are. We all know how things roll with girls like that.”
He smirked a little wider. “Know what…forget what you owe me…I’ll head over to your place and collect from her.”
It was like getting struck by an inciting fire, a bolt of energy that snapped you in half.
Because that’s exactly what I did.
I snapped.
I had the bastard by the throat, pinned against the wall, squeezing like I didn’t give two shits about his no-good life.
Deadbeat.
Sounded about right to me.
He was gasping, writhing at the wall, tips of his toes barely brushing the floor.
Sebastian landed three quick punches to his side.
I could feel the muscles in his neck rippling as he tried to catch a breath through the pain.
Ash got between us and pushed me back.
Scumbag slid to the floor, and Sebastian was on him, patting him down, pulling the bags filled with powder from his jacket pockets.
Figured it wouldn’t hurt to grab a couple myself. I shoved three in my front pocket, shot the bastard my own smug grin. “You can count that as my payment. Think you’re gonna say something about my girl? Think again.”
I slanted one last kick to his stomach. A gurgled moan wept from his mouth, dude a balled-up sack on the grimy floor.
“Goddamn it.” Ash dragged both his hands through his hair, eyes completely wild, rolling with fear as he looked at the crowd who’d gathered.
It was just then I noticed the entire room was watching us in horror. Like they’d just gotten a front-row seat to the freak show.
What have you done?
A voice pushed into my racing mind as my high started to ebb. I took a single step back with the shot of anxiety that hit me. Sebastian squeezed my shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”
We started for the side door. Something like remorse and regret tickled through my senses, the bags in my pocket burning like guilt. The mistakes I’d been making all night long started to run through my mind as if on a reel. Mistakes I’d been making since the second I’d agreed to coming tonight.
What have you done?
A voice shouted out behind us, and I froze at the words, choppy as he coughed, but clear as day. “You better run, assholes, because you aren’t getting away with this. You fucked with the wrong guy.”
For a beat, I mashed my eyes closed, before Ash grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out, swearing under his breath. We stumbled into the late, late night. Cool air flashed against my sweat-slicked skin.
Jarring.
A waking slap to the face.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ash demanded as he shoved me away from him. He paced, huffed, brow curled up when he looked between me and Baz. “Taking his shit? You got some kind of death wish? Because I sure as hell don’t.”
Sebastian threw out a sound of scorn. “Guy’s nothin’ but a pussy. He’s not going to do anything.”
“Yeah,” Ash shot back, “what about Benny? You really think he’s just gonna sit tight after you ripped him off? This is stupid, man. Don’t act like it wasn’t. And in front of all those agents. I’m done with this bullshit.”
Ash was done?
Agitation was setting in, and I dragged my hands over my head. “Gonna go get Kenz. Take her to her parents’ for the night.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I walked a couple circles as reality came sinking in. Was that what I was really going to do? Drag my pregnant girl out in the middle of the night?
“Said he’s just a pussy, man,” Sebastian tossed out, all nonchalant, leaning back on my car and shoving his hands in his pockets like he didn’t have a damned care in the world.
“Not taking that chance with her.”
“Go with him, Baz.” Ash gestured to my car. “I’m gonna take Mark home. Dude can barely stand.”
Sebastian shrugged. “All right then.”
He climbed into my car and I sped the short distance back to my apartment building. Dread sloshed through me, sure and thick.
Fuck.
What have you done?
I hopped out and bounded upstairs, let myself into the quiet darkness of the apartment. This tiny home we had made that was supposed to be protected. Safe.
I slipped into our room and stuffed a couple things into a bag. Kenzie was asleep on her side, and I nudged her hip. “Kenz, baby, wake up.”
She stirred just a little, squinting, before she smiled that soft smile. “Hey, you’re home.”
Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.
I swallowed a
round it. “Come on, baby, need to get you out of here.”
Confused, she shook her head. “What are you talking about?”
“Come on. Please…just…trust me.”
Trust me.
I bit back the cynical laughter, and instead focused on helping her out of bed, her belly so swollen it was amazing she could stand. She only had four weeks left and I wasn’t sure how her tiny body could get any bigger. She wobbled, and I steadied her, trying to keep my cool, that frantic edge that nipped at my nerves as I helped her slip on a shoe.
“Tell me what’s happening.” She whispered her growing fear into the darkness. I could feel it. The tremble that rolled through her as she clung to my shoulders while I slipped on the second shoe.
I didn’t respond, just grabbed her hand and started to haul her out of the house.
“Is Mia hurt?” She asked it as if the thought drew torment, this girl always thinking of someone else.
I wanted to say something. To come up with an excuse or another lie that would make this okay, but I was pulling her out into the deepest night, that quiet hour when the air held still in anticipation of the breaking day.
We started down the concrete exterior steps.
“Lyrik, please,” she begged, but stumbled a step when she saw Baz climbing out the front passenger and moving into the back seat.
A surprised breath left her, and she was shaking her head and tugging against me as I towed her toward the car.
“Why’s Sebastian here?” Her voice was quiet but tinged with accusation.
Didn’t answer. Just jerked open the front passenger door and got her in, buckled her as fast as I could, tossed her bag on the floorboards at her feet.
I rounded the front of the car and climbed into the driver’s seat. Engine still idling, I threw it in reverse. I was just short of peeling out of the parking lot as we flew out onto the road.
A bottled silence suffocated the air, like a carbonated toxin, shaken and shaken and shaken. Ready to explode.
Kenzie stared at me from the side, twisted with her back pressed to the door as if she could read me, her breaths sharp and barely controlled. “Lyrik, look at me.”
Knuckles white, I gripped the steering wheel tighter, keeping my attention trained ahead.
“I said look at me,” she demanded harder.
Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3) Page 32
