by Adam Moon
"And if you're lying to me about being God then I'm also taking away your game and TV privileges because your imagination is going haywire. I sure hope it's just your overactive imagination Jessie or you're never getting any of this stuff back."
Jessie simply nodded and smiled as she closed the door for the last time.
Unrequited Desires
Lucifer had made a quick run to the nearest gas station to pick up some grub for his captive. He'd warmed up a frozen burrito and a cheeseburger in the microwave in the church break room.
He didn't know what she liked so he'd grabbed a little of everything. It only dawned on him as he made his way downstairs that he hadn't considered whether she was a vegetarian or not. Maybe she had allergies?
Why was he so worried about whether she'd like it or not? He only had to keep her alive long enough to attract a stray angel or two and then, once the angel took the bait, she would be useless to him.
But the thought of disposing of her upset him. Only then did he realize that he was being influenced by God's stupid fucking prophecy. But he wasn't going into a rape rage simply because he hadn't been a real angel in a very long time. No, she was affecting him on a more subtle level.
He'd planned on taking the food inside the locked bathroom and sitting down to speak with the girl, maybe find out a little more about her, or about Jack, but this new epiphany scared him enough that he simply shoved the food across the floor, yelled, "Eat up girl," and quickly slammed the door shut.
He couldn't let his newfound lust or cravings or even fledgling love sidetrack him. He just knew he was close to getting what he wanted and he'd be damned if some dumbassed prophecy derailed him now that he was almost at the payoff end of all of his scheming and manipulating.
He caught himself standing at the door trying to listen for movement from within and he had to force himself to walk away.
He had to get ready for some serious sermons over the next few days. He hoped it wouldn't end up being a marathon but he was ready for it if that was the case. There was just no way to know when the angels would come for the girl but he knew he had to be in the middle of a sermon when it happened.
Pigs Fly
The pig was shivering but Jack couldn't wait for him to warm up. He needed to know right away whether the mission was a success.
The bat-mobiles all lit up like road flares. They burned with an unreal intensity for several seconds and when the light from each went out, the bats were gone. Jack knew that could only mean one thing, the bats had served their purpose. They'd done what they were meant to do and now they'd returned to hell. That sent a surge of euphoria through him. If they'd done what they were here to do then the mission was fruitful.
The pig explained as much in his grunting, snorting way.
Jack discovered where Lucifer had taken Shelly and he was a little surprised that he'd taken her to a church. Was Lucifer working with God now? No way. Lucifer had relayed his hatred for God to Jack right before Jack released him from hell, and although Lucifer had proven he could not be trusted since then, Jack felt the fallen angels fury when he spoke of his Father. It must be a trick then? But what?
Jack bent down and kissed the pig on top of its pink head. The pig snorted and then it was engulfed in the same blinding light that had taken the bats. In a second, it was over and the pig was no more.
Jack considered the possibilities and then threw them away as inconsequential. Fuck the worrying, he thought, I've got an angel to kill.
Dick-eyes climbed up on his head and awaited orders.
Jack said, "Get that fucking Goatraffe and find Mr. Pickles. Also, let the tiger out of the bathroom. Then let everyone know that the time is now.
Dick-eyes jumped to the floor and scurried off excitedly.
Jack picked up his shredded, discarded pants and rifled through the pockets. He came out with the shiny metal death ball.
He let it float an inch above his hand. He willed it to move about like an angry hornet, careening this way and that. It's real power was still somewhat dormant so he could only hope he found a way to unlock it's full potential by the time he faced Lucifer. He'd need all the help he could get.
The Payoff
Lucifer addressed his flock. They faced, him mesmerized, like adolescents hearing their first campfire tale.
"It is upon us right fucking now. The horses are being bridled and shoed by their four horsemen as we speak. For those not chosen, fire will consume them all. And that's only the beginning of the torments that await. You can easily escape even the most excruciating pain in life by simply dying, but in the afterlife, there is no getting away from it."
There was a crashing noise as the twin doors to the church were thrown open. A sex starved angel burst through and looked around, wild eyed.
He didn't recognize Lucifer and he didn't seem to notice the hundreds of sets of eyes upon him at first.
He dashed forward and bumped into a parishioner. His eyes came into focus and he looked around with clarity for the first time. He mumbled an apology and sniffed the air just to be sure he was in the right place. Then he took a seat to try and blend in.
Lucifer knew he was only playing along until all of the parishioners cleared out. Then he would resume his hunt for Shelly.
Lucifer's heart thundered within the confines of his chest. He would love nothing more than to take the angel apart, piece by wet piece, but he had to restrain himself.
The angel was his unwitting ally. He tried his hardest not to smile as he spoke.
He said loudly, "Welcome brother. I know why you are so frantic. The apocalypse is cresting the horizon as we speak and we are here to make ready for it."
The angel looked at Lucifer, still failing to recognize the grandest of all God's creations, and smirked.
He said, "I think I would know if the apocalypse was triggered. What makes you think you know more than me?"
"I have heard it from the source."
"God does not speak to you. You are misguided and foolish."
An audible gasp reverberated around the cavernous room but Lucifer held his hands up to instill quiet among his followers.
"I did not hear it from God. I heard it from the enemy."
The angel gave a muted snort of derision.
Lucifer continued, "The enemy has taken the throne. He has lost all patience. The apocalypse is his birthright and he now knows it. Doom upon those who pay no heed."
The angel stood and glared after Lucifer. "The throne remains vacant. The enemy still cowers. You know not what you speak."
Lucifer knew there was no way for the angel to know what was happening in hell, so he was only guessing.
He said firmly, "The enemy cowers no more. He tires of scheming and waiting. He thirsts for pain and revenge against his father. The power shift will be swift and unforgiving to those who have chosen the wrong allegiances."
He knew that last part would pique the angels curiosity. The angels had always been ambiguous about their allegiances. They were a fearful bunch, afraid of backing the wrong horse or stepping the wrong way.
The angel said, "If the enemy has spoken to you, tell me what he calls himself."
"He is ruler of hell, the king of all angels and now the king of all the fallen."
The angel whispered, "Shit."
Lucifer laid it on thicker. "He amasses his army as we speak. We can hope only for the Rapture to save the souls of those undeserving of his torments."
The angel didn't reply or even acknowledge what was said. He had a faraway look in his eyes.
Finally he said absently, "We knew there would be a messenger, but we thought it would be a messenger sent from God, not the other guy. This is bad. What is your name sir?"
"The messenger has no name of consequence." Lucifer made this part up on the spot, hoping it sounded as ominous to the angel as it did to him.
"Yes. Of course. Thank you."
The angel turned on his heals and walked to the doors. He sniffed
the air one last time for his quarry but he knew his true mission now was to inform God of the approaching apocalypse.
Lucifer prayed he could find God and he prayed God would listen.
Dick-eyes is Awesome
Jack studied his minions. How the fuck was he going to take out the mightiest creature ever created with this ragtag gathering of dumbass misfits?
He sighed and shook his head. He turned the death ball about in his large hand but the ball's true power hid from him still.
Dick-eyes must have sensed his frustrations because he separated from the group. He looked up at Jack with his soulful eyes and then he started to quiver. Before long he was shaking uncontrollably at Jack's hooves.
Jack took a step back to better witness what was going on with his faithful servant. The spider had many tricks up its sleeve but Jack wasn't remotely prepared for this latest one.
Dick-eyes' exoskeleton cracked at the seems and fell away in large, black chunks. Beneath was a red arachnid, shiny with pus and blood.
Then the spider did two things at once. It grew exponentially in size as its shape morphed. Two of its front legs snapped upwards and flattened out against its abdomen. It's spider's snub-mouth elongated into a snout. Its course hairs fell to the floor, shed like a dog's winter coat.
Still it quaked as it grew. Scales formed upon the surface of its raw skin and hardened before Jack's eyes.
It continued to grow despite the fact that the room and its occupants were getting more and more cramped.
The other creatures had backed up but there was no more room for them so they'd decided to go into the kitchen.
The Goatraffe spat on the floor disgustedly. God, Jack hated that motherfucker.
Dick-eyes was at least five times the size of Jack by the time he realized what it was morphing into. Only then did he understand that Dick-eyes would need more room to grow.
Jack started to take the room apart with his bare hands to make space. He crashed into the walls to take them down. He smashed the doorframes to pieces with deft swings of his fists. He stamped the floor with his immense hooves.
The floor finally gave out and they both fell into the basement. Dick-eyes oversized mass cracked the cement floor of the basement where he landed.
Jack jumped to his feet and took out each wall in the basement in quick succession.
He didn't know if any of it was necessary, if the constriction would limit or even hurt his friend, but it was the logical thing to do to maximize growth while ensuring Dick-eyes' safety.
Finally he used his horns to destroy the outer cinderblock walls. He was barely working up a head of steam when it was all over.
The creature that used to be his small weird spider buddy was now a behemoth of hellish proportions. The creature still had those soulful eyes but the dick had vanished. It was unlike a dragon only in the conventional sense.
It wasn't majestic or beautiful but Jack felt its newfound power electrify the room. It was mottled black and a deep crimson, just like Jack. Its wings were thick and rubbery. Its feet were each as long as a man and webbed for some stupid reason, maybe to help it steer in the air, like a rudder. Its scales were large and metallic looking.
It was a sight to behold and Jack's breath caught in his throat.
But then Dick-eyes did something he hadn't expected. He looked at Jack, winked knowingly, and then blasted him with flaming dragon breath.
Jack tried to run but there was nowhere to go. The heat felt like it was burning off his very soul. The agony was so much worse than anything he'd ever felt before.
But that wasn't right. The agony reminded him of hell. The dragon was scorching him with hellfire.
Jack's agonized brain had no more time for conjecture, he just had to get away before the fire destroyed him.
He scrambled towards the remnants of the staircase but the dragon stepped on him and held him to the ground with its huge foot. Jack was helpless against its might. The dragon burned him for what seemed like an eternity.
Jack's thoughts slipped in and out of reality. His soul longed for the sweet release of death but it didn't arrive.
Escape Plan
Shelly had a plan. It wasn't much of a plan but she had little to work with so it would have to do. There were no windows to escape through. The door was pretty impenetrable. So she had only one way out. Lure Lucifer inside, then somehow get past him before he knew what was happening. She knew it was destined for failure but she wasn't about to just quit.
She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the dirty floor. She unclasped her bra and let it join the shirt. She pulled her shoes off and then her pants. She was now naked and cold but that was the point.
She called out as loudly as she could and waited for the sound of approaching footsteps. When none came she called out again. Still nothing. She went into a stall and banged the toilet seat up and down. She yelled as loud as her hoarse voice would allow.
Finally she heard a door slam shut and sensed someone getting closer.
A voice from the other side of the doorway said angrily, "What the hell do you want?"
"I need to see you."
"Say what you have to say through the door. I don't have time for this."
"Please. I need to see you."
She heard Lucifer mumble, "Jesus fucking Christ," right before he opened the door.
Shelly had never seduced a man before so she simply tried her best not to come off as clumsy or desperate. She was leaning against a cold sink, chest pushed out, hips cocked to the left, as Lucifer popped his head through to see what all the commotion was about.
If she could just get him to walk towards her, she could use the element of surprise and get away. She just had to be quicker than he was. When she felt his magnificent presence, she knew her plan would fail. But she had to try anyway.
Taken by Surprise
Lucifer wasn't expecting the girl to be nude when he opened the door. He shut his eyes against the glory of her flesh but he couldn't maintain such enormous control over his urges.
He threw the door wide and strode towards her. She was everything he wanted in life, and then some. Just as he was within a foot of her he noticed the fear hiding within her expression. He didn't want this girl to fear him. That wasn't the plan.
He embraced her in a hug. She was cold to the touch and trembling. She started to cry in his arms.
He whispered, "Put your clothes back on. You're free to go."
She looked into his eyes and he felt his heart ache. Then she began kissing him. He couldn't help himself anymore. He took her head in his hands and kissed back. His senses reached their limit and he could control himself no more.
Prophecy Fulfilled
Shelly thought, well that wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity: To Lucifer on a cold bathroom floor in a church.
And yet it was so much better than anything she'd ever imagined for herself.
The initial plan had gone to shit immediately and then an unnatural urge propelled her into his embrace. She no longer thought of escape. If anything, she now wanted the opposite: To never have to leave his side.
She knew there was a bigger picture, that something immense was pulling her strings but it didn't matter now.
She thought, does this mean I'm pregnant now? Am I carrying the child of Lucifer.
Rather than dread, a feeling of completeness enveloped her. She not only felt overjoyed, she felt a sense of purpose in life that had evaded her for so long.
Tempered
Jack whimpered like a baby. The fire brought back memories of hell. It was like he was reliving the past year of torment but all at once. It was too much to bear.
He begged, "Please Dick-eyes, stop," but the fire kept rushing him, crashing into and through his very soul.
And then, all at once he felt a calm wash away all his fears. The fire became familiar, like stumbling upon a long lost teddy bear in a box in the attic or reuniting with a childhood sweetheart.
&
nbsp; He stood up as wave after wave of flame hit him with increasing ferocity. He turned to face the flame and welcome it. He felt home here.
Just as he was hoping it would never end, it of course did.
He instantly felt the cold air tickle his skin, but it was different than before. He could feel it, but it didn't affect him in any way.
He watched as his mottled red and black skin crackled and hardened into something resembling cooled lava. His eyesight was going out but then he realized it wasn't that; the remains of the broken house were in flames. The smoke billowed thickly and made it impossible to discern anything more than a few feet away.
Dick-eyes moved his huge head towards Jack but Jack was neither afraid nor angry. He knew now what had to be done. Dick-eyes had hardened him for battle by reminding him of what Lucifer had forced him to endure for the past year.
It was an obscene form of tough love but Jack appreciated it.
Torn
There was a very real part of Lucifer that wanted nothing more than to say fuck the apocalypse. He desperately wanted to run off with Shelly and forget all of his old hatred and vendettas.
But at the same time, he knew it was a trick. God's prophecies had a way of making something fated seem like an act of pure, luck driven chance. And the very notion made Lucifer sick to his stomach.
He thought he'd managed to escape the influence of God, but now he'd allowed himself to get reeled right back in.
He was torn so he did the only thing he could think of doing. He locked Shelly back up in the bathroom. He had to get his head back in the game and the girl was an unwanted distraction. But that wasn't exactly true: He did want her. He wanted her again, right now.
