His jaw ticks as he turns his head, staring absently into space, and just as I’m climbing down from the truck, his fist slams down into the dash. Fuck him.
As I cross the yard back to our house, I put my momma hat back on. I’m not the fragile little girl I was back then. Being a mother has toughened me up in a way that I don’t think anything else could. Where I may not have been able to find the strength to hold myself together for me, I have an endless reserve when it comes to my boys.
With my cheeks still sticky with dried tears, I creep into the room where Landon and Lake are asleep, and for a moment, I stand in the doorway, watching the steady rise and fall of their chests. I listen to the gentle hum of their breaths and I wonder when my little babies started to turn into men. And I pray. I pray that my boys will be good men. That they will know how to treat the women in their lives, and more than anything, I pray to God that they will be good fathers, despite the fact that they’ve had no one to show them how.
I walk over to Lake, placing a kiss on his forehead, and then move to Landon’s bed and do the same.
His eyes pop open, and he smiles a dreamy smile. “’Night, Mom. Love you.”
That strength I spoke of earlier? Yeah, it’s gone. These boys are the ones with the power to bring me to my knees. Suddenly, I’m sniveling like a fool.
Landon sits up in bed. “Are you okay, Mom?”
I wrap him in my arms. “I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have hit you earlier.” I haven’t had a chance to apologize to him yet, and it’s been eating me alive.
My baby hugs me back, his chest vibrating with tears. “I’m sorry, too, Mom.”
“It’ll be okay,” I assure him as I rub my hand in circles on his back. Somehow, it soothes the ache in my own chest as well.
I feel him swallow and nod his head. “I know.”
I tuck Landon in, just like I used to when he was little, and leave his room feeling ten pounds lighter. I peek in on Kyle sleeping soundly in his crib and make my way to my old room.
Immediately, I strip out of my clothes, bra, panties and all. I can’t stand the smoky smell imbedded in them from the bar. Grabbing fresh underclothes, a camisole, and sleep shorts, I make my way into the adjoining bathroom and take the world’s fastest shower.
When I return to my room, I pick up my phone from the side table. There are messages waiting from a number I don’t recognize.
Unknown: I’m sorry for what I said. I’d really like to meet your kids.
Me: You met them already. And how did you get my number?
Unknown: I mean really meet them. Get to know them. I called myself from your phone when you were busy gossiping with Josie. I’m not sorry for that.
Me: You don’t even like kids.
Asshole: I never said I didn’t like kids. I said I didn’t want any and they made me uncomfortable. That’s not the same thing.
Me: Don’t try to lawyer me, Coop. Why the sudden interest?
Asshole: They’re part of you...and you’re important to me.
Oh, my heart.
Me: We’ll see.
Asshole: Okay. ’Night, Princess. See you tomorrow.
Me: ’Night, Coop.
Asshole: BTW, thanks for the strip tease. Forgot to close your curtains.;)
I roll over, and sure enough, the curtains are wide open.
Me: Did your “thing” jump?
Asshole: Like a dick in the box.
Me: You are so corny.
Asshole: Get it? Like a jack in the box, but it’s a dick in the box? BTW, I think you typed C by accident when you really meant H.
Me: Yeah...I got it. Thanks. Now you’ve got me corny with an H, too, picturing JT with his dick in a box. MMMM.
Asshole: I’ve got a package you are more than welcome to unwrap. Let me take care of you, baby. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Me: I’m an independent woman, Coop. I’ve gotten really good at taking care of myself. ;)
Asshole: Nothing’s as good as the real thing.
Me: I don’t know. Fabio is ginormous and thick. He has five settings and NO SPERM. #winning.
Asshole: But can he suck those beautiful tits of yours, Princess? Does he fuck your mouth with his tongue? Make your heart feel like it’s going to explode in your chest? Does he make you cry out when you cum the way half the town heard you scream for me tonight?
Holy fuck. I’m panting. Shaking. Aching. He’s a man, Spencer. Another fucking man who doesn’t do kids. Remember that.
Me: No. But, he won’t break my heart, either. He’s safe. You’re a lesson I’ve already learned, and one I don’t care to repeat. Goodnight, Cooper.
Cooper
I’m up before the sun, staring at the last text I received from Spence before finally drifting off into a few hours of restless sleep. Talk about a punch in the gut. “He’s safe...” I tsk, slamming the phone face down on the bed. It’s a sad day when you’re playing second fiddle to a fucking vibrator.
There is nothing I regret more in this life than letting that woman go. I should’ve gone after her when I’d heard that she and that douche she was married to had split. But, I’d allowed misplaced pride and hurt to get in the way. She was supposed to marry me. Her children were supposed to be mine...ours. Blue eyed, raven haired, little babies. They’d have her dimples and my cleft chin. They’d be the perfect blend of two parents who’d loved each other their entire lives.
As hard as it is to admit it to myself, I fucked up all those years ago. I set all of this into motion. I can’t go back. I can’t change any of it, no matter how badly I want to. I know that I don’t stand a chance in hell of getting Spencer back if I can’t accept her kids. And how long will she be content with just fucking? I can’t risk another asshole coming along and stealing her heart. So that’s the challenge I have to overcome, and as hard as it is to look at those children whose features are a mix of the woman I love and the men who’s arms I pushed her in to, I’ll have to give it an honest shot. Because I don’t think I’ll survive losing Spencer a second time.
After a quick shower, I head down to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee before going out to the front porch to watch the sun rise.
The screen door squeaks as I push it open, stepping out into the cool morning air. Immediately, my eyes wander to Spencer’s bedroom window. I feel a pang of disappointment when I see that the pink frilly curtains are shut tight. Message received.
“You’re up early,” Momma chirps from behind me. My body jerks with surprise, splashing hot coffee onto my hand.
“Jeez, Mom! You scared the shit out of me.” I move the cup of joe to my other hand and shake most of the liquid off, wiping the rest on the fabric of my jeans.
Momma’s eyes are narrowed and shooting daggers my way, her arms crossed on her chest. She doesn’t even offer an apology to her baby boy, which is really unlike my mother. I must’ve fucked up bad.
I comb my fingers nervously through my hair, looking around to be sure that there’s not someone else behind me, but nope. Those eyes are definitely intended for me. I’m not sure what I did to piss her off, but I try my best to flatter my way out of it. “Mornin’, Momma,” I say with a megawatt smile. “Is that a new dress? Looks good on you.”
Her dark brown eyes, identical to mine, roll back in her head. “Oh, cut the shit, Cooper, and sit down.” She points to one of the old, wooden rockers, and I take my thirty-three year-old ass and park it right where she’s pointing. Mom nods her head as if to say “Yeah, you better sit.” It makes me smile on the inside. Not where she can see it. I don’t have a death wish.
I sit quietly while she works out whatever it is she wants to say in her head, and I scramble around in my own thoughts, trying to figure out what I’ve done that could possibly warrant the ugly looks crossing her face as she glares in my direction. I can’t come up with a thing.
Finally, she throws her hands into the air and whisper-shouts, “In the fucking bathroom, Cooper? What the hell were you thinking? Huh?
”
“I, uh—” How the hell does she know about that already?
“You weren’t. You. Weren’t. Thinking.” She paces around in front of me in an exasperated manner that I haven’t witnessed from her in years.
“Momma, I—” Each time I open my mouth, she cuts me off.
“Do you honestly think you’re gonna win that girl’s heart by screwing her in a public restroom, Cooper James? I mean, I can’t even fathom what goes through that dense head of yours son. You’re gonna screw this all up.”
I feel my hackles rising and try to tamp down my anger, knowing better than to blow up at my momma. But I’m close. “How’d you—”
“How’d I find out? Seriously? Did you forget where we live? I just got off the phone with Earline.” Josie’s momma. “And she filled me in on your disgusting behavior. As if that sham of a marriage and divorce aren’t enough of an embarrassment. The whole town knows!” Her hands once again are over her head, waving around like a psychopath.
I grit my teeth. No one else would get away with talking to me this way.
“Well,” she says expectantly, “don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”
I shrug. “That depends. You gonna stop yelling long enough for me to talk?”
Her mouth falls open in a gasp. “Don’t you sass me, young man. I’m still your momma, and you will respect me in my house.” She looks around before adding, “And outside of my house.”
I bring my fingers to the bridge of my nose, pinching and releasing to try to relieve the tension.
“Well?” She crosses her arms as her foot taps a steady rhythm on the wood beneath her feet.
“It just happened,” I mumble.
If smoke could shoot out of her ears, she’d have two chimney stacks on the sides of her head. “Sex doesn’t just happen, Cooper. I’m gonna need better than that.”
I cannot believe I am having this discussion with my mother. “I am not talking about what happened between Spencer and me. We are adults, and what we do is none of yours or anyone else’s business.” I press my hands to the arms of the rocking chair and start to rise then swiftly fall right back into my seat when I see the tears filling my momma’s eyes.
Shit.
“Excuse me for caring, son. Excuse me for wanting my only child to find some happiness in his life.” She sniffles as the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. “Excuse me for wanting to be a grandmother someday.”
There she goes again with the grandchildren. Her tears make me feel like utter and complete shit.
I clear the lump from my throat. “Sorry, Momma. I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have treated her that way. But, you need to understand something. I don’t know whether Spencer and I will end up together or not, and you need to be prepared for this to go either way.”
“You l-l-love her.”
I nod. “I do. But it’s not that simple. We’re not kids anymore, and it’s not just me and Spence.”
“Those children are beautiful, Cooper. We could love them. You...you could love them.” She nods, wiping her leaky nose on the sleeve of her pretty blue dress.
I feel my own eyes start to burn as I shout, “They. Aren’t. Mine!”
“And whose fault is that? Huh?”
It feels as if my head is about to implode. “Don’t you think I know that, Mother?” I swallow hard. “I don’t need you to tell me how badly I’ve fucked everything up, because I already know. But, just because I know it, doesn’t change the facts. And the fact is that I just don’t know if I can accept...truly accept someone else’s children as my own, and Spencer would accept nothing less...and she shouldn’t!”
“It ain’t those children’s fault.”
I sigh. “I know.”
“And it ain’t Spencer’s fault, neither.”
“I know.”
She swipes her fingers beneath her eyes, swatting away tears. “Just so you know,” she says on a nod.
I gulp. “I do.”
“All right, then.” She steps around me, pulling the screen door open. “I’m not gonna lay into you for your filthy mouth or the way you just spoke to me, because I know you’re upset with yourself right now and have every right to be.”
I suck in my lips, trying not to smile.
She puts one foot in the door before turning back with her finger pointed at my face. “Fix it, son.” The door slams shut behind her, rattling the rickety old porch.
Before I can get up from my chair, my father comes through the door, coffee in hand and a smile in his eyes. This ought to be interesting. Round two.
“Mornin’, Pops.” I nod and force the best smile I can manage.
He laughs a little under his breath as he bends to sit in the chair beside me. He glances in my direction and completely loses it.
“Glad to see you find all of this so funny,” I say, fighting a smile at how very different my parents are.
He coughs as his laughter fizzles out. “Oh no, son. I don’t find all of it funny, only the ass chewing your momma just gave you.”
I shake my head. “Happy to amuse.”
“So the bathroom, huh?” He nods his head as if to answer his own question.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
The old man lights a cigarette and takes a long pull, holding it in for a few seconds before slowly blowing it back out. “Heard you two put on quite the show.” His laughter vibrates the porch.
“Can we not?”
“My boy,” he mutters to himself with pride.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, Dad puffing away and me silently praying that he will just let this go.
“So...how you gonna fix this—” he waves his hand back and forth between our two houses “—situation, you’ve gotten yourself into here, son?”
“I don’t know that it can be fixed, Dad. But, I’m gonna try.”
His eyes get serious as he says, “Try real hard, boy. You’re not gonna get another chance to fuck this up again.”
“I’m aware.”
“Probably shouldn’t screw her in anymore bathrooms, either.”
Shoot me. “Noted.”
“And, uh...try to be a little...you know, charming.”
I take a deep breath and release it. “Will do it.”
“The kids,” he says, pursing his lips and nodding. “You gotta win her heart through those boys, Cooper. That’s your ticket.”
The kids. It all starts and ends with those kids. “I don’t know if I can. Y’all make it sound so easy, but, Dad...I can’t just forget that they aren’t mine. She should’ve had my kids. They should be ours, not hers.”
“Ya know, Cooper, you need to stop dwelling on the things you can’t change. Stop focusing so much on the fact that they’re not yours and remember that they’re hers. Those boys are a part of the woman you love and that alone should make them worthy.” He nods in agreement with himself. “Elaine’s confided in your momma a lot over the years, and those boys’ fathers aren’t worth a damn. That girl’s been raising them practically on her own. You could change their lives, son. You could change all of our lives.” He slowly pushes himself up from the rocker, and as he walks toward the door, turns back to add, “You let that marinate for a bit.”
And I do. For over an hour, I think about how I can go about winning those kids over. But if I get the chance to fuck my girl in another bathroom...I’m sure as shit takin’ it.
I check the time on my phone. It’s 7:30. Spence has a baby. I deduce from that fact that she’s probably an early riser and tap out a text while yelling through the screen door, “Hey, Dad, I might take the boat out today, if that’s all right.”
Momma’s head appears in the window of the door. “You planning on taking Spencer out?”
Her nosiness knows no bounds. “I’m planning to extend the invitation,” I say, raising my brows.
She smiles from ear to ear. “Take it. Just be back in time for dinner. I just invited the whole gang over for a crawfish boil!” I watch her
pump her fist in the air as she walks toward the kitchen. That freaking woman. She means well.
Me: Good morning, beautiful. Hope you slept well. I must say that I’m a bit disappointed to see you shut the curtains. :p
Her reply is almost immediate.
Princess: Yeah, well, you never know what pervert might be lurking around getting his rocks off.
I choke.
Me: There aren’t any other perverts around for miles.
Princess: Exactly.
Me: Ouch.
Princess: No freebies, “friend.”
Oh yeah, she wants me.
Me: Understood. Hey, I wanted to see if you and the kids wanted to come out in the boat with me today. It’s gorgeous out.
Princess: You don’t have to try so hard, Coop. I just said be nice to them. You don’t need to force yourself into their lives just to fuck me. I’ve already told you I wanted it, too. No strings. Stop trying to make strings.
Me: No agenda, babe. I just really want to spend time with you, and I think your boys would enjoy it. If you don’t wanna come, just say no.
About ten full minutes pass before she finally responds.
Princess: You can’t so much as touch me in front of my children, Cooper. No lingering looks or innuendoes. Lake and Landon will catch on, and I don’t want them thinking I’m some kind of whore.
Me: Whore? Jeez, Spence. A bit much? I promise to behave.
Princess: Okay.
Me: Okay?
Princess: We’ll come. Thank you for inviting us.
Spencer
“Okay, so...make sure you’re nice to the boy, Spence. You can’t keep holding all Coop’s past mistakes against him.” Momma offers her unsolicited advice as she packs a backpack with toys for Savage.
“I’m not going so I can make the man miserable, Mom,” I retort as I throw in a few extra pull-ups and changes of clothes for Kyle.
She tilts her head to the side, offering me a soft smile. “I know, baby. I’m just nervous, is all.”
“Don’t be,” I say, shoving the sunscreen in with Kyle’s things. “We’re just going out in the boat, Momma. With the kids. I don’t know what you think’s gonna happen.”
Boomerangers Page 6
