The plump man was panting with exertion. “We have people looking for you, my lady. Mrs. Thompson thinks you had better come.”
Tom hurried over to us I put a hand up to my heart. “What is it? Can I help?”
Barraclough managed to recover some of his breath. “His lordship has gone home but Mrs. Thompson thinks he shouldn’t be on his own. She had some news for him he has found”—he glanced at Tom—“disturbing.”
“What news?”
The man was obviously ill at ease. “I’m not at liberty to say, my lady but Mrs. Thompson thinks you should perhaps return home to meet him.”
“How long have you been looking for me?”
Barraclough took out a large, practical silver pocket watch and flipped open the lid. “She sent people out to find you as soon as he left, my lady. He mentioned you were shopping, so we knew where to look. I suppose it has been…twenty minutes.”
I didn’t know what it was but if Alicia had sent out messengers to find me, it must be serious indeed. I beckoned to Nichols, who had been standing a little apart. She lifted her skirts and, moving quickly despite not seeming to, she went to fetch the chairmen.
“Would you like me to come with you?” Tom asked in concern.
“Yes, no—I don’t know,” I said, distracted. I looked at Barraclough and he shook his head imperceptibly. “No. Thank you, Tom. I’m sure it will be all right.” I put my hand on his sleeve and smiled, reflecting that I was getting as good at hiding my emotions as Richard. “It’s probably nothing.”
I let Tom hand me into the chair and I urged the chairmen to make haste but we met with a delay on Piccadilly. A carriage had overturned and two irate drivers were coming to blows in the middle of the road. The resulting fracas threatened to spread to the other drivers and loiterers and it took some time for my chairmen to turn and hurry off in the opposite direction, trying to find another way through. Consequently it took half an hour to get home and as I hurried through the front door, the first person I saw was Brangwyn. I slowed down and removed my gloves in a leisurely way while Nichols took my cloak and hat and passed them to a waiting footman. “Good afternoon, Brangwyn,” I said, it being close on one o’clock.
He smiled, seemingly delighted to see me. “Good afternoon, my lady. Do you attend the Queensberry ball tonight?” He was, as usual, holding his little notebook and he opened it as he spoke.
“I’m not sure yet,” I told him, trying to think of some way of getting rid of him. There was no need; he was on an errand of his own as it turned out. He picked up his hat from the chair where it was lying and excused himself. “If you have no need of my services at present, milady, I have an errand to run for his lordship. He is in the library.”
“Really?” I said, feigning indifference. We were still estranged in the eyes of the world. “I’ve come home to rest for an hour. Nichols.” Nichols glanced at Brangwyn and followed me upstairs. We heard the door close and I nodded to her and went back downstairs, hurrying into the small library at the back of the house and closing the door firmly behind me.
What I saw gave me deep disquiet. Richard sat, his back to me, staring into the fire. He didn’t look around when I came in and he was hunched up, not his usual pose.
I crossed the room and lightly put my hands on his shoulders. One of his hands immediately came up to cover mine and without looking around he spoke. “She’s mine, Rose. Susan is mine.”
I LET MY HANDS REST on his shoulders, forcing myself not to grip. All I could sense was the soft figured velvet of his dark green coat, all I saw was the fire, blazing reds and oranges on its bed of black coals. His hand on mine was steady.
I gently slid my hands from his shoulders and went around to the front of the sofa, so I could see his face, then sat on a chair next to the sofa, rather than next to him. His eyes were brilliant, sapphire blue in a cold face as hard as stone. I felt as intimidated, as I had the first day I met him and terrified.
The knowledge that Susan was his daughter hadn’t come as a complete surprise. I had considered it as a possibility in my own mind but kept it to myself. I had no proof, no evidence. Only something about the way she held her head, something about the shape of the face had reminded me, a distant echo of the man I loved. I was horrified to discover my suspicions hardened into fact.
I daren’t even take his hand now I’d seen his face. His expression didn’t soften at all when he turned his head to look at me. I thought I’d done something, displeased him in some way and I was afraid, not of what he might do but of what I stood to lose. But I realised he wasn’t seeing me, he was looking through me at something else and I knew why Alicia Thompson had sent for me. Only I could get him through this with the least possible damage.
As surely as I knew my husband was sitting in front of me, I knew Carier waited upstairs, in case he was needed. He had looked after Richard since he was eighteen, the only person who had seen anything of the man inside the brilliant shell until Gervase had come back. I wished Gervase was here, then I knew that for the cowardice it was. I had to help him.
I moved so that I was sitting next to him and still fearful of rejection, I took his hand. He let it lie there, unresisting, unresponsive but I held it still. “Richard. Richard, my love, can you tell me some of what Alicia said?”
He was silent for a while and I didn’t know if he had heard me, then he turned and caught my gaze with his. “Can you bear this?” he asked, his voice hard and steady. I knew he was holding himself together with every sinew he possessed, every ounce of willpower.
“I can bear it.”
He seemed to notice that he had his hand in mine then and he pressed it and looked down at it, at the rings he had put on my left hand that had made me his in the eyes of the law. The great ruby winked expressionlessly at him. Then he looked back up at my face. I agonised at what I saw there.
“Alicia found a servant who had known them in the country, and another to confirm and extend the story. The twins were brought up in the country as the children of the gamekeeper Lucy married. They took his name, Forder. There is a boy and a girl but we haven’t yet found the boy.” The staccato sentences followed each other as though he were relating something that happened to somebody else, not to him. “The girl followed her mother into service, then to London but she didn’t find her at first, so she obtained a position in your aunt’s service. That was the only true coincidence in all of this. Lucy was working as a housemaid from Black’s, working for several great households and plying her other trade.” He studied me, nothingness evening out his face, making it into an icon. But still the face of the man I loved. “We can’t know if she did it for herself, or for her children but she made a lot of money doing it. Now for the other side of things.” He drew a deep breath and something came alive in his eyes but only for a fleeting moment. “Do you remember, at Hareton Abbey, when I accused Drury of chasing anything in a skirt?”
I nodded.
“That was true, not just a ploy to get him away from our affair. Gervase and I had both seen him with what maids there were in that benighted house and he seemed as insatiable as I used to be but with less discretion. Didn’t you know?”
“I had no idea.” I was trying to say as little as possible, because I didn’t want to stop his narrative. Knowing what I knew now about Steven, it didn’t surprise me unduly but it would have at one time.
He kept his hand in mine. “As soon as Drury came up to Town, he joined some of the less reputable clubs. It was inevitable that he would eventually become aware of the existence of Lucy Forder. She was highly active amongst that circle and members passed her name and direction was passed by word of mouth. She’s even in the guidebooks.” I must have showed some of my surprise. “There are such things, my sweet. Guides to the best whores in London.” I saw the ghost of a frown but it went as soon as it had come. “Apparently she offered particular services that appealed to Drury.” With an inner jolt, I remembered when Steven had tried to rape me. He seemed to belie
ve the violence was what I wanted and he became more aroused the more I struggled. I shuddered, despite my determination to be strong.
When he felt me shudder, Richard came back to me. He moved towards me and his eyes held real concern at last. He took me into his arms and soothed me. My thought had been momentary, my shudder an involuntary action soon over but I let him hold me and murmur soothing words, realising that was my way in to him, to let him care for me. The words were as much for him as for me and when I lifted my head to look at him, I saw him and I smiled. His eyes were filled with the warmth I was used to seeing, his arms the loving care I craved.
“I have you now and he can’t touch me any more.” I was far from believing that but I knew Richard wanted to hear it.
“I don’t want him anywhere near you. It was a mistake ever to let the Drurys back into our lives.”
“No, we wouldn’t have found out what we have, we wouldn’t be able to act, if we hadn’t dealt with them,” I protested. “And they still don’t know, they still think we’re ignorant of all this. We can beat them, I know we can.”
“Now they have Susan. They have my daughter. I have to get her away.”
“Of course you do.” My heart sank. To have his child by someone else close every day would be hard. I would do it for him. I’d been happy when he told me he knew of no by-blows from his years of bed-hopping; I thought I would be the only woman who would give him children. But it was only my pride that was hurt. Richard’s devastation went far deeper. “I think I should deal with it for a while. They’ve hurt you and we don’t want them to see it. They can play on you, make it worse and we can’t let them, can we?”
He shook his head. “We can’t let them see any weakness.”
“I don’t see it as a weakness. That you can care for your children is a strength, will help to give them strength as they grow. You’re right though, the Drurys will seek to use it. But Julia trusts you and I don’t suppose she likes me any better than she ever did. Can you deal with her still, knowing what you know?”
He took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh as he gazed at me. “Probably. If I have you.” He pushed a loose strand of hair back from my face. “That’s what they want; power. I come from a family used to taking its place in the world. Julia’s father is wealthy, but his influence is limited, and Julia isn’t happy about that. She wants her place, and when she was betrothed to me she was sure she had it. Then she took Steven, a puppet of her very own, and made her plans.” His expression turned grimmer. “She doesn’t care who she uses. We must find out for sure if they know who Susan is. They would only know if Lucy had told them or if Susan knows and told them. She might think she’s the child of a gamekeeper. One of the worst things is that I don’t know.” He looked so tired.
I reached up and kissed him. “I love you.” He seemed to need it and was rewarded by his answering smile. “We shouldn’t think about it any more tonight. I’m going to bed for my rest and I’d love it if you’d join me.”
I stood, keeping hold of his hand and he let me pull him to his feet. “Brangwyn is out but I don’t care any more. Come to bed with me, my love.”
He came to bed. Knowing him as I did, I let him undress me as he loved to do, then I loved him, giving him the release he needed. He’d been wounded and he needed healing, some rest from thought.
I took his hand and put it on my breast and kissed him, caressed him, tried to soothe him without fuss. If he wanted to hold me, sleep for an hour or two, I would be happy with that, knowing I could bring him some rest. But his hand moved on my breast, took the nipple between his thumb and finger, rolled it until it hardened for him. He caressed me and let me touch him in return. We didn’t say much, but I whispered “I love you” against his body, so my words touched his skin, heated him. I slipped down, kissing the hollow inside his hip, rejoicing when his stomach muscles tightened in response, and took his shaft into my mouth. He tasted salty, musky. He tasted of the man I loved. I had learned what he liked and I used all the expertise I possessed now, kissing the tip, tasting, and then sliding him into my mouth to suck harder, stroke my tongue around the ridge of flesh under the head. I cupped his sac in one hand, massaged. I would have stayed there until he exploded and counted myself happy to have given him this, but he sat up, slipped his hands under my armpits and pulled me up to lie under him.
He pushed into me, pausing only to test that I was ready for him, and drove me hard, relentlessly giving me no quarter. He set an aggressive, hammering rhythm, pounding into me with an intensity that echoed his desperation. But I had no intention of taking it and giving nothing back. I pushed against him, fighting him for control and with a low chuckle he responded, holding me down, his hands pressing my shoulders into the mattress as he ploughed into me with hard, deep thrusts.
I couldn’t move, except to lift my knees to bring my body closer to his, to stare up at him, making him look back. Through gritted teeth I demanded, “Who am I?”
“Rose. My wife, my partner, the woman I thought I’d never meet.” His words were punctuated by grunts as he drove deep and hard, forging inside me. His next words held an edge of desperation. “Never leave me, Rose. Promise me!”
I didn’t hesitate in my answer. “Never. I swear!” My last word ended in a strangled shriek as he took one hand off my shoulder to push it between us, fumbling then finding the hard nub of flesh between my legs. He used his expertise to drive me insane, until I cried his name, over and over.
He needed this release, needed this edgy, violent lovemaking. We moved toward one climax that hit us both at the same time, cleansing and cauterising in its flood.
It would be some time before he recovered from this shock, if he ever did but I could start the healing process, as well as remind him that I was always there and always would be.
He fell asleep in my arms, the deep, dreamless sleep that comes after making love and I lay watching him until I too slept. We should have gone out to dinner but when Nichols came to remind me, I put a finger to my lips to hush her and sent her away. I knew she would have the necessary messages sent.
Richard didn’t wake up until an hour later and when he did, he lay for a long time looking at me before he took me into his arms again. “Without you, I might have found Drury and killed him. You’ve saved me from that, Rose.”
“You’ll give him up to justice?” I was relieved to hear his voice had regained its low, soft timbre, losing the harsh edge I’d heard in it earlier.
“If he did it. It was murder and murderers must pay.” He sounded much calmer, much more himself. “What’s the time?”
“Nearly five. I’ve sent our apologies to Bedford Square.”
I smiled and he laughed. “So we’ve officially reconciled?”
“It would seem so.”
He kissed me soundly. “You are good for me,” he said, his tones much lighter than before. “I love you so much.” A shadow of concern crossed his face. “Did I hurt you? Did I hurt—” He caressed my stomach with his palm.
I shook my head. “No.” I felt the flush rising to my cheeks but I didn’t look away. “It was wonderful, Richard.”
He smiled. “No. You’re wonderful.”
It was all the reward I needed. It was tempting to leave the matter there but I knew if we did, it would eat away at him and he might well try to act on his own, in a misguided attempt to protect me in my present condition. As far as I knew, pregnancy didn’t affect the brain and I determined not to let it.
I lifted myself on one elbow, watching him closely. “I sent a message earlier today, asking your mother to send the Drurys cards for the ball at Southwood House tomorrow. I don’t mind them being there and it might prove useful.”
He was still smiling. “And they can see your triumph. I’ll make sure it is. I know you dislike being the centre of attention, my love, but I’m determined upon it. No one will ever ignore you again.” Only Richard knew how much that had hurt me in the past, as I had pretended not to care at th
e time.
He put his arms around my waist and swung me on top of him, making me laugh and call him a fool. “Not at all. You’re elegant, graceful and beautiful and I’m determined that the world shall know it.” If I’d still been by myself, I would have sought the anonymity of the wall and the card room but Richard gave me the courage to face it and the confidence, too. Or maybe, as he always told me, he was merely the wall I knew was behind me while I found my true self under the layers I’d hidden it in for so long.
“We should get up. We’re supposed to go to the Queensberrys later this evening and heaven knows how many visitors we’ve had turned away.”
“Damn them.” he said, holding me tight. “We’ll see them all soon enough and we have more important things to think about. I can think better and the solution is straightforward enough.”
“What solution? Tell me, love.” He seemed to be taking a better view of things but his next statement disappointed me. “We must take Susan away from the Drurys, by force if we have to.”
“We can’t do that!” The notion appalled me. “What if she doesn’t want to go? What if she enjoys the attention she’s receiving?”
“She’s my daughter.”
“She’s Forder’s daughter as well. Whoever he was and for whatever reason, he brought her up, gave her his name. You gave her life but he gave her everything else. I know it’s hard and it wasn’t your fault but that’s the way it happened and we must face it.”
He didn’t say anything but gazed at me steadily. I met his translucent azure gaze and waited for him, lying still, holding me close. “You’re right,” he said eventually. “She should decide for herself. We can only give her the chance and let her choose. But I am determined she will have that choice.” He sighed, so I let myself sink down against him so that my cheek lay against his and he didn’t have to look at me. He ran his hand down my back and back up again, finally coming to rest on my hair.
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