Jackson glanced over at him with grudging approval. “Good idea.”
The footprint looked appallingly small, Jesse thought moments later as he stared down into the red dust. Way too small to belong to a child alone in the wilderness at night.
Guilt stabbed at him again, and he grabbed Shea’s hand. “Let’s go,” he said brusquely.
Shea pulled her hand away from him, but she saw the determination on Jesse’s face and noticed the guilt that lingered in his eyes. Good, she thought grimly to herself. She was glad he felt responsible for the fact that Rafael had run away.
But her conscience wouldn’t get away with blaming Jesse for the loss of Rafael. She knew it was far more likely that he’d run away because he’d heard her and Miguel fighting about whether or not to send him back to San Rafael.
They stopped at the truck to pick up their packs and hadn’t yet reached the lake when she said in a low voice, “It’s not your fault, you know.”
He shot her a startled glance. “What’s not my fault?” “Rafael running away. I can see that you’re blaming yourself. Don’t.”
“It is my fault,” he said, and she heard the bitterness in his voice. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it for me.”
“I don’t think it is. I think he ran away because he heard Miguel and I fighting about him. I think he realized that Miguel wanted to take him back and I wanted him to stay, and that’s why he ran.”
Jesse didn’t say anything for a while. Finally he said in an odd voice, “Why are you trying to protect me, Shea? That’s the last thing you should want to do.”
“I’m not trying to protect you. You have plenty of things to feel guilty about.” Her anger flashed again, and she tried to smother it. Anger at Jesse wouldn’t help find Rafael any more quickly. “Rafael just isn’t one of them.”
“We have no idea why the boy ran away,” he said quietly. “There’s probably plenty of blame to go around. If I promise not to feel guilty, will you do the same?”
“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “He’s so small, and so alone. And this is not a forgiving place to be lost.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and in spite of the pain in her heart, she couldn’t move away from the warmth of his embrace. As they walked along, she told herself that Jesse’s touch didn’t move her anymore. He was only offering impersonal comfort, and that’s all she was accepting.
But her body clearly didn’t understand the difference. A wave of heat grew inside her, sweeping over her until she no longer needed his shut to stay warm. She didn’t give it up, though. She burrowed into the soft flannel and luxuriated in the scent of Jesse that surrounded her.
“Do you want to call for him? He might not answer to me,” Jesse asked in a low voice, jerking her out of the bubble of sensuality that had surrounded her for a moment.
Shea felt like he’d tossed a bucket of cold water over her. She’d almost forgotten why they were here. And she’d almost forgotten what Jesse had done to her.
Almost, but not quite.
“Let’s stop for a moment.” She moved away from him, refusing to allow herself to feel bereft without the weight of his arm on her shoulder and the warmth of his body burning into her.
She waited until there was no sound, until even their breathing was muffled. Then she called, “Rafael? If you can hear me, please say so.”
Nothing.
The night remained silent. She called again, just to be sure, but there was no answer.
“He’s not here,” Jesse said quietly.
“No, he’s not.” A ball of fear grew in her throat again. For a while, she’d forgotten about Rafael, forgotten about everything but her own need. Need for a man who’d betrayed her, she reminded herself harshly.
Moving two steps away from Jesse, she said, “I’m sure he got farther away from the cabin than this. It’ll probably be a while until we find him.” She tried to make her voice sound positive.
“Probably,” Jesse answered, his voice objective. “If he was scared, he’d probably run for a long time So he’s not going to be close to the cabin.”
“You’re right,” she said, grateful for his steadiness.
“I still think you should call for him, though.” She could feel Jesse’s gaze on her in the darkness “I don’t want to take a chance on passing him up.”
So she called Rafael’s name every minute or so, but there was no answer. They curled around the lake, reaching the other end, and she looked back at the cabin on the other side. The lights in the windows were beacons, and she desperately hoped they would lead Rafael back to safety.
“He’s not here,” Jesse said gently, after a minute.
“I know.” Furiously she blinked back the tears. “I was just hoping that he sees the lights in the windows of the cabin and is able to get back there.”
“I hope so, too,” he answered, but from the lack of inflection in his voice, she knew Jesse didn’t think he would.
“Jackson wanted us to head over toward the cliffs,” he said. “Are there places a kid could hide?”
“There are about a million of them.” She scanned the irregular faces of the cliffs, dark and mysterious at night. “The whole area is riddled with caves hidden in the rock. Maybe he’s found shelter there.”
“Let’s take a look, then.” She could feel Jesse’s gaze on her again “Do you want me to carry that pack for you?”
“I’m all right.” Once again, her voice was too brusque, but she refused to let Jesse see how his consideration affected her She still cared about him, even after what he’d done to her, and she called herself a fool. But she couldn’t stop her heart from yearning for him.
By the time they reached the cliffs, the moon was high in the sky and they hardly needed the flashlight to study the rocks in front of them. But they stopped regularly so Jesse could turn on the flashlight and study the ground. Each time he shook his head and stood up again.
Finally her curiosity couldn’t be contained. Even after telling herself that she didn’t want to hear any details of Jesse’s real job, she asked, “How much training do you have in tracking?”
“Not much,” he answered, still looking at the ground. “Just enough to know to leave it to the experts. But I do know what to look for on the ground. And there are no signs that Rafael has been this way.”
“Should we go back toward the other side of the lake?”
“No.” His answer was sharp. “That’s probably where Jackson will find him. And the last thing he needs is for us to mess up his prints and add more of our own. That’ll just make his job ten times harder.” He glanced over at Shea, and she could see the wry set to his mouth. “Your buddy sent us over here to keep you out of his way, Shea. He doesn’t expect us to find anything. And if we do find any evidence that Rafael came this way, we need to stop and let Jackson know.”
“You’re both treating me like a child,” she said, her voice hot She welcomed the anger that swept over her. It was far better that the guilt and fear that coiled inside her
Jesse stopped and turned to face her. He reached out slowly for her, and she told herself to move away. But she didn’t. When he pulled her into his arms, she couldn’t stop the surge of pleasure that made her heart begin to pound.
“We’re not trying to treat you like a child,” he said, his voice muffled against her hair. “Jackson knew you had to help, and so did I. But the deputy is the expert. He knows what he’s doing, and you and I both would only be in his way. He knew you couldn’t just sit and wait, and that’s why he suggested we look over here.”
“I’m not even sure Rafael would answer me if he heard me,” she whispered. It was her deepest fear, the dread that had been growing inside her since they set off from the cabin.
“Of course he would.” His answer was instantaneous. “I saw you with him. He thrusts you, Shea.”
He moved his hand up and down her back, in what she was sure was supposed to be a soothing gesture. Instead of soothing her, his tou
ch made hot sparks of need flare to life inside her.
When she realized she was pressing closer to Jesse she jumped away from him. He stepped back immediately, but she saw his eyes glittering in the moonlight and knew that he was as aroused as she.
“Let’s take a look at those cliffs,” she said, turning away from him, confused by her response to him. Jesse had betrayed her in the most despicable way possible. How could she still want him?
After they’d walked for a few more minutes, he turned on the flashlight once more and studied the ground. “Nothing,” he said, looking up at her. She saw the sympathy in his gaze and looked away. She didn’t want anything from Jesse, she told herself fiercely. Not even his sympathy.
Hours later Jesse finally stopped and put his flashlight into his pack. “You’re exhausted,” he said. “We need to stop.”
“I can’t stop now,” she cried. “He might be around the next corner.
“Shea, you can hardly put one foot in front of the other,” he said, but his voice was gentle. “You’re not going to be much help to Rafael if you get hurt because you were too tired to pay attention.”
“What if he comes this way, but we’re gone because we went back to the house to sleep? We might miss him in the morning.”
“I doubt that’s going to happen,” Jesse said patiently. “But our search will go more quickly in the morning. If he’s been this way, we’ll be able to see his tracks in the daylight. We can’t see anything now. And the moon is going to set behind the cliffs in a few minutes. Then we won’t have any light.”
“I can’t just abandon him out here,” she whispered.
Jesse took her arms and swung her around to face him. “Shea, I saw you stumble over that rock a few minutes ago. And I saw the time you stumbled before that, and the time before that. You can’t go on. You have to rest.”
“I don’t want to go back to the house,” she insisted. A part of her knew Jesse was right, knew she was being irrational, but her fear for Rafael couldn’t be submerged.
“All right,” he said after a moment. “We won’t go back to the house. We’ll spend the night out here. Then at first light, we’ll be ready to go again.”
“How can we spend the night up here? I already drank all my water and we don’t have shelter.”
“I do.” Jesse gave her a grim smile. “I’m prepared for anything. I’m an FBI agent, remember?”
Chapter 15
“I haven’t forgotten anything,” she retorted. “So what do you have in that pack of yours, FBI agent?”
He dropped it on the ground and pulled out two bottles of water. He handed one to her, and opened the second himself.
The water wasn’t cold, but it felt wonderful sliding down her throat. “I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was,” she admitted.
“I know. You were too focused on our search to think about it.” He replaced the top on his bottle of water and put it into his pack. “Let’s look around for a place to spend the night.” He glanced over at her. “There aren’t any more cabins up here that you haven’t told me about, are there?”
“No.” She looked at the cliffs above her with uncertainty. “We could try and find a cave.”
“I’d rather stay at ground level. That way, if Rafael does come this way, we have a better chance of hearing him.”
“You’re right.” She couldn’t suppress a shiver. “It’s going to be a chilly night, though. It gets cold this high in the mountains.”
“We’ll keep each other warm.”
He bent down to retrieve his flashlight, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that we’re going to have to share our body heat.” He straightened up, but didn’t look at her. He was too busy scanning the rocks at the base of the cliffs. “It’s simple, Shea. We can either shiver separately, or stay warm together. Which is it going to be?”
“Together, I suppose,” she said after a long silence.
“Think of it as survival training,” he said. “It’ll be completely impersonal.”
Sleeping next to Jesse would never be impersonal, she thought with a flash of heat. But she would die before she let him see that. “There’s a spot that’s protected from the wind,” she said, aiming her flashlight at a small depression in the rock partially sheltered by a boulder. “How about that?”
“Looks good.” Jesse tossed his pack behind the boulder, then picked hers up. “Did you bring any extra clothes?”
“Just a shirt and long johns. I wasn’t thinking about spending the night up here when I packed it.”
“I know.” He glanced over at her, and she thought his face softened for a moment. “I have a survival blanket. If we stay close, it should be enough to keep both of us warm.”
He pulled out a fist-sized packet from his pack and opened it to reveal a shiny, metallic piece of what looked like plastic. “Come on over,” he said as he slid into the basin in the rock. “Make yourself at home.”
Her heart pounded as she climbed into the hollow next to him. At this rate, she wouldn’t need the survival blanket, she thought, scowling. The blood pounding through her veins was doing a fine job keeping her warm.
Jesse had set their backpacks at head level to act as pillows. When Shea eased herself down onto the rock, he curled his arm behind her and pulled her against him.
“There’s no reason both of us have to sleep on the rocks,” he said gruffly. “You can use me for a cushion.”
She wanted to relax against him far too much. She fit perfectly into the curve of his arm, and her body moved instinclively to meld with his. A sense of tightness crept over her, a feeling she thought had vanished forever earlier that day in the dining room of her house. She couldn’t allow herself to feel that way, she thought frantically. Pulling away and turning her back to him, she lay stiffly against the cold ground, feeling his heat surrounding her, unable to relax.
“I won’t bite, Shea,” he finally said.
“I hope not.” Her voice was tart. “I haven’t had my shots this year.”
His chuckle rippled over her, sounding more relaxed than he had any right to be. “I was beginning to worry about you. But it sounds like you’ve recovered. You’re back to my smart-mouthed Shea.”
“I’m not ‘your’ anything, Jesse.” Her chin trembled, and she tucked it furiously into the stiff, crackly blanket. The last thing she would ever do is let Jesse catch her crying.
He pulled her against him. She tried to resist, but he was too strong for her. When she was tucked against him, spoon-style, he wrapped his arm around her and held her close.
“You’ll always be a part of me,” he said, his voice so low that she wondered if she’d really heard him, or just imagined the words.
She wanted to argue, to tell him that there was no connection between them, but she was afraid that if she spoke, her voice would break. So she took a deep, trembling breath and tried to wipe her mind clean. She couldn’t bear to think about Jesse, not while she was blanketed against him, not while his scent filled her head, not while she ached to feel his hands on her.
The night was a clear one, and millions of stars covered the sky. The glow from the moon filled the sky to the west of them, but above them there was nothing but tiny points of light. She stared at the sky and tried to pretend that she was out here by herself.
It didn’t work. Jesse was a warm, reassuring presence beside her, and she knew she wouldn’t have felt nearly as safe without his arm curled around her. Far off, a coyote howled, and Jesse tightened his hold on her. “He sounds too far away to be a problem.”
“The coyotes won’t hurt us,” she replied. “They’re more interested in rabbits and mice.”
The low rumble of his laugh vibrated against her “I thought I needed to reassure you.” The laughing stopped, and after a moment he said, “But you don’t need me at all, do you, Shea?”
Oh, yes I do, she cried to herself. You don’t know how much I need you. But she
said instead, “I’m the one who grew up around here. I know the Red Rock like other people know their backyards. A pack of coyotes isn’t going to scare me.”
“I guess I should have realized by now that nothing scares you. You’re the most fearless person I know.”
There was plenty that scared her, and most of it involved her feelings for him. “Not finding Rafael. That scares me.”
“We’ll find him. Or Jackson will. He struck me as a man who knows what he’s doing.” He skimmed his hand along her arm, and she knew it was supposed to be a reassuring gesture. But his touch made her burn with need.
“Ben is a great tracker,” she said, and her voice was low and strained. She hoped he assumed it was anxiety about Rafael. “When my sister-in-law, Carly, was kidnapped, he’s the one who found her tracks.”
“And he’ll find Rafael, too.” His arm tightened around her. “Now go to sleep, Shea. It’ll be daylight before we know it, and we’ve got a lot of walking ahead of us tomorrow.”
She didn’t want to fall asleep in his arms. She refused to be that vulnerable to him. Stubbornly, she tried to keep her eyes open, but she felt safe and secure and warm, and finally her eyes drifted shut. Just before she fell asleep, she turned her head so that her cheek rested on his arm.
She awoke the next morning to the sound of birds twittering above her and a gentle breeze ruffling her hair. Jesse’s heart beat steadily below her cheek, and his arms were wrapped tightly around her. Her face was tucked into his chest.
Smiling, she burrowed against him and his arms tightened around her. But when she shifted to get closer to him, something hard and sharp gouged into her hip.
When she reached down to pull it out of her mattress, her hand encountered rock. With her fingers splayed against the cold, gramy surface of the rock, the day before came flooding back, and she remembered everything that had happened. Jesse’s betrayal. The confrontation in the cabin. And Rafael running away.
Abruptly she realized how intimately she was entwined with Jesse. Sometime during the night she’d turned around, and now not only was her face buried in his chest, but one of her legs was wedged between his thighs. Her hand rested against his chest, and his hand cupped her buttocks.
The Fugitive Bride Page 21
