by Roxy Sloane
Who do I want to be? What kind of life should I choose? The shiny dream of happily-ever-after—dressing up, and choosing my words, and always playing pretend?
Or something real. Something true.
Like it could be with Jase . . .
I take a deep breath. Somehow, I’ve wound up at Miss Kay’s dance studio. I don’t have any classes scheduled, but I let myself in and climb the rickety staircase, hearing music coming from down the hall. I follow the sound to a studio where Kay is teaching a couple of intermediate ballet dancers, turning pirouettes in the middle of the room.
I watch them from the doorway, running over everything in my mind.
Jase told me once my body can’t lie. There’s an irony to that. As a dancer, you have to trust your body more than anything. You train and work, learning steps by heart until they’re automatic. No thought involved. I always loved throwing myself into the movement, rehearsing day and night until I knew that if I leapt into the most challenging, risky sequences, my body would still carry me safely through the routine. My feet knew the right steps, my legs had the strength to send me soaring, and my limbs all moved in perfect unison to the music, no room for doubt left in my mind.
My body knows what it wants, it has done from the start. I want Jase—and not just my body, but my heart wants him, too. Still, I’m holding back, scared to make that leap.
When did I stop trusting my instincts?
When they left your dreams in pieces, the answer comes.
“Beautiful, girls. We’ll pick up next week!” Kay finishes with a clap, and I’m jolted back to reality as the dancers pack up to leave. “Chloe, darling.” She sees me loitering and comes to greet me with a kiss. “What a lovely surprise.”
“I was in the neighborhood . . .” I make a vague excuse, but Kay doesn’t seem to notice.
“Come join me for tea,” she says, smiling. “One of the students brought me the most divine chocolates, and you need to save me before I eat them all!”
She bustles me down the hallway and up another flight of stairs to the small apartment she keeps in the attic. I always love it here—it’s crammed with books, and curios from all her travels. There are hats piled on a dressmaker’s bust, and the walls are covered in old photographs showing Kay dancing all over the world.
Kay goes to the tiny galley kitchen and puts the tea kettle on the stove. She sets out mismatched china and the box of chocolates.
I take a seat at the worn wooden table, pushing some ballet shoes out of the way. I can’t help comparing this to the tea I had with Sylvia at the Mainwaring mansion: stiff and icy, it couldn’t be more different to this warm, affectionate clutter and the caring smile on Kay’s face when she looks over.
“Let me guess,” she says with a note of sadness in her voice. “You’ve come to tell me you can’t teach anymore.”
“What? No!” I blink in surprise. “I would never quit. You know I love it here.”
Kay looks pleased. “Oh, I am glad. I was worried all your new commitments with your fiancé would get in the way.”
“No.” I shake my head firmly. “Even if Max was due to meet the Queen, I wouldn’t miss out on class.”
Kay laughs. “You don’t need to go that far. I can find a substitute if you need.” She pauses. “I know he has . . . expectations for you.”
I look at her, realizing something for the first time. “You don’t like him, do you?”
Kay busies herself pouring our tea. She brings it over and joins me at the table. “I worry that he doesn’t appreciate you,” she finally says, like she’s carefully selecting her words.
“Max is good to me,” I say, trying to defend him. “He treats me very well.”
Kay nods. “I know, but that’s not what I mean. It’s not about pretty words, or expensive gifts. To appreciate someone, you have to know them. You have to see them for everything they are, and value them beyond all riches. Is that how Maxwell knows you?”
Something catches in my throat. “I feel like I try so hard with him,” I admit in a rush, tears stinging in my eyes. “Trying to be the woman who belongs in the fairytale with him. The perfect bride.”
“Oh, darling.” Kay takes my hand. “You don’t need to be perfect to deserve a man’s love. That’s no way to live. Haven’t you learned that by now?”
I meet her eyes. There’s no hiding from her. Kay knows me better than anyone—even the mistakes I wish I could forget.
“You mean Aleksander,” I say softly, thinking of the man who changed my life forever, in all the wrong ways.
He was an instructor at the ballet school. Fifteen years older than me, brilliant, demanding, and utterly magnetic. He’d been a famous dancer in his day, and now he worked as a choreographer for the ballet company and taught classes with us all. I was sixteen when I first laid eyes on him, and from that very first day, I fell hopelessly in love.
Even now, I can’t describe the hold he had over me, or how desperately I worked to win his attention. One word of praise could make my whole week—and a scornful remark sent me spiraling, staying late every night drilling steps in the practice studio so I would never be the subject of his disapproval again. He was everything to me: ballet and love and naïve sexual obsession, all bound up in one commanding form.
For years, I trained with him. Adored him. Savored every touch and lingering look. And when finally I graduated to the performing company and our relationship turned sexual, I thought all my dreams were coming true.
I didn’t know I was already living a nightmare, I just hadn’t realized it yet.
I take another shaky breath. Sometimes I wonder if that old scar will ever heal. I’ve put years and hundreds of miles between me and that dark chapter in my life, but still, I don’t trust myself yet.
“It still hurts to think about,” I admit. “I thought I was following my heart, my passion, and it brought me nothing but pain. What if I make the same mistake again?”
Kay just smiles back at me. “What if you don’t even try? There are fates worse than taking a risk, you know. ”
I think about that couple I saw today, living out a marriage of harsh convenience. I don’t want to make the safe move, the sure bet, and live to regret it. I’ve been ignoring my instincts for so long, like that’s how I’m going to make this fresh start I want so badly, but now I realize: if I let what happened in the past drive me into a miserable future, then I’m letting one mistake define my whole life.
I don’t want to be scared of my own desire anymore.
Something clicks into place, and suddenly, it all seems crystal clear. I’ve been running in circles for weeks now, but when I look at it again, it’s simple.
I know what I want. Who I want. I just have to trust myself enough to go and take it.
“I’m sorry, Kay, I have to be somewhere.” I leap up.
She gives me a knowing smile. “Trust your instincts, darling. You know the right thing to do.”
I hurry out, down the stairs and onto the street. My instincts are screaming at me to go straight to Jase, but she spoke the truth. I have to do the right thing first.
I pull out my phone before I can change my mind. I dial Max’s number, but the call goes straight to voicemail. Damn! I need to do this now. I don’t want to waste another precious moment living a lie.
“Max?” I start my message. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t marry you. I know I should be doing this in person, but you’re in New York, and I can’t wait. If you think about it, you’ll see I’m not the woman you want, either. I can’t make you happy, and you deserve that, you really do. I’m sorry.”
I hang up. My heart is pounding, I can’t believe I just did that! But I’m not scared anymore. For the first time in a long time, I know I’m doing the right thing.
I get up and hurry back towards the street. There’s a cab passing, and I flag it down, tumbling into the backseat. I give the driver the address, and watch the city fly past. My nerves grow now, but with exc
itement, not fear.
Jase.
I’ve wanted him for too long. I can’t imagine how good he’ll feel.
I make it to his place in a blur and press the buzzer. A couple of minutes, and there he is in the doorway, looking surprised to see me.
“That didn’t take you long,” he smirks. “Couldn’t get me out of your dirty little mind?”
The old Chloe would have blushed and denied it. The old Chloe would have pretended that just the sight of him—tall and broad and dangerously sexy—didn’t make my heart pound and my legs go weak. But I’m not pretending, not anymore.
I look him dead in the eyes and take a deep breath. “You made me a promise. A pleasure like no other. And now I’m here to collect.”
15.
JASE
A gorgeous woman begging for my cock is nothing new. I get it all the time. Slipping me her number at the bar. Naked on my doorstep in just a trench coat and heels. On her knees in a bathroom stall, trying to muffle the sound of her moaning with my dick jammed hard down her throat.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I never look a gift fuck in the mouth. But any man will tell you the conquest you have to work for is always twice as sweet.
And this prize, right here? I’ve been waiting on this one a long time.
Victory pounds through me, but I still have to check Chloe’s left hand before I can believe those sweet, filthy words.
It’s empty. No ring.
She’s mine.
I grab her arm and yank her inside before she can say another word. “You kept me waiting,” I growl, lust already crashing through me. I shove her back into the elevator and kiss her hard until she’s panting. The beast in me wants to fuck her here, right now. Just shove her skirt and panties aside and take her like an animal, screwing on all fours in the dirt. But I’ve been fantasizing about her for too long to blow my load so soon.
No, this one I’m going to make last all night.
“I’m sorry,” Chloe gasps when I finally let her come up for air. She looks dizzy, her ripe lips parted, already bruised. “I needed time. I had to decide what I want.”
I stroke her mouth possessively. “And did you?”
“Yes. I want you.”
I’ve heard those words a hundred times over, but they’ve never sounded this sweet.
The elevator stops, and I half carry her to my apartment. I slam the door behind us and push her back against the wall. Fuck, her body is incredible. Arching up to me, eager to be touched. I smile, savoring the moment.
She tried to resist me. She failed.
“You knew from the moment we met,” I growl, “you’d be spread and naked and screaming for me.”
“Yes.” Chloe’s answer is direct. She looks me in the eye with a dirty grin. “I knew.”
I don’t know where this new, decisive woman came from, but fuck, she’s hot. I spin her around, pushing her face-first against the wall.
“I could have had you then.” I slide my hands around to those sweet, juicy tits. Stroking. Caressing. Feeling her nipples stiffen and ache. “Up against the wall at that open house, all your clients right down the hall.”
Chloe moans, sinking back against me. I squeeze and roll the pebbled tips and she trembles. “Yes . . .”
“I could have fucked you at the gala, too. Damn, you wanted it, right there in the courtyard. That silky dress was made to be ripped clean apart.”
I stroke lower, down between her thighs. Even through her skirt I can feel the heat of her, damp and swollen for my touch. Chloe lets out a mewling noise as I circle and rub her clit. Fuck, she’s driving me crazy. Every noise from her mouth goes like a bulls-eye heading straight to my cock.
“Every time, I could have taken you,” I growl. She thrusts against my hand, needy now. “Every time, I could have fucked you any way I pleased.”
I yank up her skirt suddenly and land a sharp slap on her ass.
Chloe gasps.
“Because you’re mine, isn’t that right, love?”
I spank her again, and this time she squeals at the impact—and the pleasure of my hand, rubbing over her tender skin.
“These breasts belong to me. This ass belongs to me. And you better believe that sweet, luscious pussy is my fucking property now.”
I give her one more possessive stroke, then I step back and turn her to face me again. Fuck. Her eyes are glazed with lust, and she’s so goddamn beautiful it takes my breath away.
I want to see that face as she comes apart. Yeah, I’m going to be watching as she discovers what it feels like to be fucked right for the very first time.
Every last inch.
“No, you’re not the one who’s going to be collecting tonight.” I allow myself a smile, pulling myself back under control. “I’m the one who’s going to take what’s mine.”
I point to the middle of the living room. “Take it off.”
Chloe’s eyes flare with shock. It’s broad daylight in the middle of the afternoon, and the wall of windows doesn’t hide anything from the buildings across the way.
I smile. Some lucky office worker is about get one hell of a show.
“I want to see you,” I order her. “Take it all off.”
Chloe gulps, but she follows my command. She walks across the room, more graceful than anything I’ve seen. Her body is a miracle, and soon, I’m going to find out just how well she moves. But for now, I need to see her. All of her, displayed to me like the prize she is.
She comes to a stop in front of the windows and turns to face me again. Shyness skitters across her face, but she doesn’t hold back. Slowly, she eases one strap from her shoulder, then the other. She reaches around and pulls her zipper down, then peels her dress away. It falls to the floor.
Fuck me now.
She’s gorgeous. Pert breasts teasing me behind a lacy white bra. Smooth skin leading down to that scrap of silk between her thighs. Long, lithe legs leading to heaven and back.
I smile my approval. “Good girl. Now, show me how much you want me. Touch yourself.”
Chloe inhales in a shudder. Tentatively, she grazes one hand over her chest. She looks away, self-conscious.
“No,” I scold her gently. “Look at me. Look at me while you touch yourself. I want to see what that sweet body needs.”
She looks back at me, and tries again, bolder this time. Her fingertips toy with those rosy nipples, and the other hand glides down her stomach and creeps under the waistband of those skimpy panties. Lower. Yeah, that’s the spot.
“That’s right.” I sink down onto the couch and undo my pants. Not breaking stare, I pull out my already-stiff cock and start to stroke myself. “Show me how you get off.”
Chloe flushes at my brazen move. Fuck, those wet lips are tempting. I fist around myself, jacking off to the sight of her with her hand stuffed down her panties.
“Don’t stop,” I order her, watching her fingers move. “You need it, don’t you? I bet that sweet cunt of yours is drenched right now. You’re wound so tight, wanting me inside.”
Chloe lets out a little moan. Her fingers are working faster now, rubbing that perky clit. Her eyes glaze over, she starts to pant, close to the edge. Fuck, I’m getting close too, tugging my cock harder, ready to explode.
But where’s the fun in that?
“Stop,” I command softly. Chloe’s eyes fly open.
“But . . .” she gasps, protesting.
“But what? You want it?”
She nods.
“Tell me.”
“I want you . . .” Chloe whispers. Even after everything, she’s still shy. Self-conscious about owning her desire. It’s downright adorable—and damn, am I going to enjoy fucking it right out of her.
“Where do you want me?” I ask, pushing her.
She bites her lip. “Inside me.”
I smirk. “You’re going to have to get more specific than that, love. I could fuck your pussy . . .” I muse, watching her color rise. “Or that tight little vir
gin asshole . . .” She swallows, shocked.
Definitely a virgin asshole.
“Or maybe you want me in that sweet mouth,” I continue. Her eyes drop to my lap again, and I see it all over her face. “You like that, huh?” I grin. “Well, it’s your lucky day. Come here and show me how you want to suck my cock.”
I snap my fingers and point to the floor, and just like that, she drops to her knees in front of me.
“Obedient girl, aren’t you?” I feel another surge of lust. Fuck, how much more perfect could she get? “We’re going to have some fun with that.”
I tug my pants down further, and my cock rears up—fully erect and straining for release. Chloe’s eyes widen, her face just inches away. I chuckle at the surprise on her face—and the telltale hunger in her eyes.
I guess Max’s wallet was fatter than his cock.
“It’s all yours, baby.” I sit back. “Show me what you can do.”
Chloe pauses, then leans in and runs her tongue up the shaft, all the way to the tip.
I groan. Goddamn if that isn’t the finest view on earth. The globes of her ass straining at those lacy panties, the swell of her breasts, and fuck, the eager look in her eyes as she sucks me all the way into her mouth.
I sink into the wetness, God, she feels so good. Chloe finds her rhythm now, bobbing over my stiff rod. I fist her hair, tugging faster, just the way I like. I thrust up, deeper, and she lets out another moan of pleasure.
“Are you getting wet for me, baby?” I tease. “Let me see it.”
I take one of her hands and guide it down between her legs. When I pull it back, it’s glistening with her desire.
I lick her fingers clean, loving the taste. Chloe looks up at me wildly, my cock thrusting deeper between her pink lips. She moans again, her throat vibrating against me, and fuck, I have to shove it all the way into that tight, clenching passage.
Chloe just sucks harder. Dirty, dirty girl.
“That’s right, love,” I groan. “Take it all.”
