by L A Cotton
“You think she’s worth it? Worth losing everything over? What do you think’s going to happen? That you pick her and live happily ever after in Chastity Falls. My town? Never gonna happen. The bitch’s life won’t be worth living, you hear me, Pierce. You’ll be unable to protect her from the shit storm that I’ll rain down on her.” Braiden turned to me and narrowed his eyes. “No one will miss her. We can make it look like she tried to off herself. Again. Isn’t that right, bitch? We can make it look like you lost your shit again.” My whole body slumped back in defeat. He knew. Braiden knew, and he had just told everyone in the room my darkest secret. “End it. NOW,” Braiden roared and everyone flinched.
Jackson hung his head, and my heart started to crack. He was going to choose—and from the look in his eye, it wasn’t going to be me. He turned to his best friend and said calmly, “I want to talk to you. Alone. Just the two of us.” Braiden considered his request and then nodded, and they walked out of the cabin.
It had seemed like an eternity before they returned. Jackson’s eyes fell straight on me and he rushed to my side, undoing the rope around my waist before scooping me up in his arms. I didn’t know how he found the strength. His body looked weak, but he ignored everyone, never saying a word as he walked out of the cabin and into the forest, with me clinging to him and wondering what in the hell had just happened.
~
My hands refused to stop trembling as I cleaned the last of Jackson’s cuts and threw the cotton pad in the bowl of water. “How are you feeling?”
His hands skimmed up to the curve of my waist and gripped on tight. “I should be asking you that. Ana, I’m so sorry for what they did. I had no fucking idea. You have to believe me, I would have-”
I leaned up to brush my lips over his, murmuring against him, “Stop. I’m just glad it’s over.” My head nestled into the crook of his neck and I breathed him in. He hadn’t said anything about what Braiden revealed. In fact, since we arrived back at my room, he had been lost in his own thoughts. “What did you say to him? To Braiden? What happens now?” Jackson tensed and a pit hollowed in my stomach. “Wh-what’s wrong?”
His eyes looked so sad as he said, “Ana you know how much you mean to me. How much I love you.” The words came out choked. "But- "
I wanted to yell at him to stop. To never let the next words leave his mouth. The words that doomed our relationship before it ever really got started.
"... I just can't see a way to make this work without someone getting hurt. There's too much going on right now. And if what Braiden said is true, if that’s what you’ve been keeping from me…” He hesitated. “I can't let that person be you, Ana. I won't."
I stilled, refusing to believe what it sounded like he was saying. "You're telling me that we can't happen, again? After everything? After what I’ve been through? What we’ve been through?"
His voice cracked, and he wouldn't look me in the eye. "I'm sorry. I have to protect you. This is the only way that I know how. Braiden agreed. Agreed to give you a free pass if I ended things. You get to live a normal life."
How could my life possibly be normal after everything? I wanted to scream the words at him, but the pain from my heart fracturing and then shattering into a million pieces was too overwhelming. I stepped out of his grip, trying to get as far away from him as possible. I needed to get away from him.
"Please, Ana. Try to understand. I'm doing this for you. It's the only way."
I stared at him. Through him. The familiar numbness started to spread up through my body and I welcomed it. I needed it if I was going to survive this.
"Ana..."
Jackson's mouth was moving, but I tuned it out, focusing only on the tingling sensation taking hold. He waited for me to speak, to say something, but when he realized nothing was coming, he dropped his head, sighed, and moved to the window. I didn't let myself watch as he climbed out, a look of desperation on his face. I didn't let myself think about going after him and begging him to change his mind.
I didn’t think at all.
I shut it all out and started to close down.
THE END… for now
Loyalty and Lies Playlist
You can listen to the playlist at http://lacotton.com/chastity-falls-series/1-loyalty-lies/
1 Born to Die - Lana Del Rey
2. Running Up That Hill - Placebo
3. Trouble Town - Jake Bugg
4. Can't Hold Us Down - Macklemore
5. Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
6. Ghost - Ella Henderson
7. Fallen - Thirty Seconds to Mars
8. Creep - Radiohead
9. Lies - Marina and the Diamonds
10. Flaws - Bastille
11. XO - Beyoncé
12. Rolling in the Deep - Boyce Avenue
13. Trouble - Leona Lewis
14. Try - Pink
15. Your Soul - RHODES
16. Strong - London Grammar
17. Skin - Zola Jesus
18. I Forget Where We Were - Ben Howard
19. Say Something - A Great Big World
About the Author
Author of NA Contemporary Romance, L. A. Cotton loves writing about those first looks, first kisses, and happily ever afters.
A wearer-of-many-hats, L.A juggles being a full-time mum to two little people with two part-time jobs and college. In her spare time (and when she’s not camped out in front of the laptop) you’ll most likely find her immersed in a book, escaping the chaos that is life.
Official Website
www.lacotton.com
You can connect with her at:
www.facebook.com/authorlacotton
www.twitter.com/authorlacotton
Or email her at:
[email protected]
Acknowledgments
Where to start...
Firstly, when I dreamed up the premise for this book I thought to myself 'this is either genius or total rubbish'. So I shared it with the person that has fast become my writing buddy: Jenny Siegel. Jenny's words and encouragement spurred me on to write the whole book, and before I knew it I had the first book in the Chastity Falls series.
Jenny, there are not enough thank you’s in the world to express how grateful I am for our late night plot chats and debates. And I'm determined to make 2015 the year we finally meet in person! Watch out... I'm coming for you!
Once I had a story, I knew I needed to get feedback. Amy, Louisa, Shelley, Caroline, Sarah, and Kirsty, your feedback was exactly what I needed and without it Loyalty and Lies would simply not be the story it is here. I can't wait to work with you all on Salvation and Secrets. Thank you!
Little did I realise, this would be the book to propel me onto that next 'author plane'. Advanced copies went out and people started sending me messages, and before I knew it I had an awesome team of ladies spreading the word. To L. A. Cotton's Candy Sparks: you rock, and I can’t thank you enough for all your pimping and promoting!
And then to the two people that made Loyalty Lies into something beautiful, inside and out. Jenny, you make the editing process so easy, and I know, just know, when I open up your edits they are going to improve my story. Natasha, the cover is simply beautiful. I adore it. You took my idea and transformed it into something beyond my dreams. Thank you so much.
I also want to give special mentions to some amazing bloggers I have become friends with over the last few weeks. Nelly over at Romance Bytes, Sarah at Hooks and Books, Kirsty from Sarah and Kirsty's Reviews, Caryn from Watz Books and Teasers, and Jade at A Girl Who Loves Books - your support has been amazing and hugely appreciated. Thank you so much.
I could go on and on, but I’ll wrap things up now. Thank you to everyone that takes a chance on my books, to those of you that send me a message or leave a review, and to my lovely author friends that keep me sane (and grounded). I feel privileged to be a part of the indie world!
Sneak Peek from Salvation and Secrets… coming May 2015
~ CHASTITY FALLS #2 ~
“Pierce, you in here?” Braiden kicked the door open and thundered into my room. Dropping the free weights, I glanced up at him. “Come in why don’t you.”
“That dipshit of a cousin of mine fucked up. Again. Fuck.” Braiden’s fist slammed against the desk and it shook. “I told him to back off Reibeckitt. I need to handle that shit my own way.” He paced up and down, scraping a hand over his squared jaw.
He was pissed. I had seen that look a hundred times before. Wiping the beads of sweat off of my head with the back of my hand, I straightened and said, “Talk to me. How bad is it?”
“Bad. Roman got into it with a couple of Calder’s guys. He smashed up one of them pretty bad, Calder is out for blood. Fuck. Dad is going to lose it. He’s smoothed things over once with Declan, he won’t do it again.”
I pulled out two waters from the cooler and handed one to Braiden, saving one for myself. “Uncle Marcus doesn’t need to know. We can handle it.”
We always did.
I spent the summer handling it. Shit went bad, I handled it. I had been covering Braiden’s tracks since we were just two scrawny kids thinking we could rule the school and get away with anything.
Braiden’s eyes softened as he waited for me to reveal my plan, and I slumped into the lazy boy tucked in the corner of my room. “We reach out to Calder, mayb-”
“No fucking way. He almost killed you. Not happening. I’ll end that bastard myself before reaching out to him. Dad might have smoothed things over with Declan, but things are not okay with us and that fuck! Your plan sucks.” Braiden’s face hardened, the vein in his neck pulsating, and I knew I had lost him.
“Okay, we regroup. Stay alert. Expect payback. I’ll give the guys a heads up.”
Braiden nodded and moved to the door. “Party at Dead Man’s tonight, don’t be late and don’t do anything stupid. Don’t fuck this year up. I’m counting on you, Brother.”
My fists clenched and I felt like the knife was being plunged into me all over again. Only this time, it was by my own family. Braiden Donohue owned me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
~
“I fucking love this shit.” Travis pumped his fist into the night sky, and grinned. “All that freshman pussy for the taking. It’s good to be alive gentleman.” The rest of the guys laughed, but I just nodded. I wasn’t into all that. I had got bigger things to think about.
We rounded the cove and wound our way through the craziness that was the first party of the semester. The music filled the air, but did little to drown out the cheers and applause at our arrival. Gods. That’s how the rest of the college saw us. I don’t know who was the biggest dick—them for believing that, or us for acting like it.
Girls swarmed round us, flashing their fuck-me-eyes, and guys muscled in trying to be one of us. Braiden dropped his arm around me and grinned, but his body told a different story. It was tense and his grip on me a little too tight. “Remember, don’t fuck things up. Family first.”
He didn’t need to say anything else, I knew exactly what he was talking about. After releasing me, he joined the party, but I stalked nearer the bonfire, staring at the flames as they licked the sky. I had never been into the parties or girls. Sure, I hooked up occasionally but that was it. I had witnessed Braiden do some awful things. But he was untouchable. His name meant something in Chastity Falls.
He could do whatever the hell he wanted with little consequence.
"Hey Pierce." A cute blonde approached me, her friends watching through wide eyes as she strolled confidently toward me. Only I saw the slight tremor in her hands, and the way her chest was rising and falling at double speed. She was fucking terrified.
She stood right in front of me, pushing her tits up with her folded arms. Her long blonde hair framing them perfectly. "You want to dance, or go somewhere a little quieter?"
I had to give the girl props, her voice was unwavering as she batted her lashes at me, propositioning me. Raking a hand through my hair, I shook my head. "I don't think so, not tonight.”
Her eyes sparkled and I instantly realized my error. Now she thought there was a glimmer of hope for another time.
Fuck.
"Hey, I mean I'm not interested. Period."
Disappointmemt flooded her face, quickly followed by embarassment, and she turned and hurried back to her friends.
They were so quick to throw themselves at us. It didn't matter if you were short, goofy, or covered in zits like Nicky. If you wore a Fallen jersey you were a prize to be won. Although, the morning after was a different story.
Last year, too many naive freshmen left the basement, or one of the guys rooms with tear stained eyes and the regret of the night before. Things never looked as good in the morning. I hated what went on down there, but what Braiden wanted, Braiden got and most of the team were all too happy to oblige.
The fire hypnotized all of the crap away, leaving me with nothing but empty thoughts and meaningless swirls of color. But then I felt it. That feeling of someone watching you. My body tensed, prepared for a threat. Although Calder would had to have been crazy to retaliate on Chastity soil, we hadn't ruled it out. Braiden had called in a favor, and a couple of patrol cars were on point along the ridge just in case.
Not wanting to out whoever was watching me, I inched my way around the fire, remaining disguised by its blaze. I had probably moved a quarter circle when my eyes found them, their eyes were still trained on my position, only now they would struggle to see me properly through the angry flames. But it gave me perfect vantage and I could see her perfectly.
The alert I had felt only seconds earlier was replaced with longing. I wanted to go to her, to wrap her in my arms and just hold her. It wasn’t the first time I had seen her since semester started. I had been watching her. She never saw me—I made sure of that. I just had to know she was okay. Watching her break in front of me, after I told her we couldn’t carry on seeing each other, was the hardest thing I had ever done. But Braiden owned me, and I knew if I didn’t walk away he would make Ana’s life hell.
Both of our lives.
So I watched from the shadows. The few times I saw her, she was always flanked by Elena, or Manster and that douche Paul. He seemed like an okay guy, but he had a boner for Ana and made no effort to hide it. Even last year, on the odd occasion I hung out with Ana and her friends, he would sit making puppy dog eyes at her, or storm off like a sulky child. The guy had it bad, and I had probably pushed her straight into his fucking arms.
Allowing myself a couple more minutes to watch her before I got made, I memorized everything. The way she tried to mask her feelings, but still had sadness in her eyes. How her hair flicked out at the ends, doing whatever the hell it wanted. Curves that were in all the right places, even though she was skinnier than average. And those her perfectly shaped lips, that were once mine to kiss. She stood rooted to the spot, staring into the flames, swamped in a hoodie that couldn’t possibly belong to her. Just the idea of her being wrapped in another guy’s clothes made my blood boil and I clenched my fist at my side.
“Pierce, get the fuck over here.” Braiden’s voice called, and I flinched.
This was my life.
He was my life.
I had to let her go... for both our sakes.
