He’d heard Jill call me that once and now used it to tease me when he was fishing for a smile.
He got one. “Sure. Just the wrist.” I raised the cast, glad to be out of the sling. It had been awkward.
“You seem quiet. Quieter,” he qualified, and tilted his head to look at me. “I know you’ve got money dramas, but don’t worry about rent. I was paying it fine on my own before you came.”
He couldn’t quite pull off the devil-may-care attitude he was clearly aiming for, but I appreciated the effort, awkward though it was. “Thanks K. But I don’t want to be a burden. I’ll find something. Call center maybe.”
“Well…” He shrugged, looking slightly crestfallen. “I’ve offered.”
Was I being ungrateful? Maybe this wasn’t the time to be proud. “Sorry, you’re right. It would be great to have some help until my finances are sorted.”
His cheeky smile came back. “Very good. Very good,” he said, head-wobbling again, looking so much like my father I wanted to laugh.
Instead, I let myself out of the car and snatched up my overnight bag. “Thanks for the lift.” I was clumsy carrying that and my handbag in one hand, so I ended up using my backside to close the door. Which was embarrassing. But Kamal wouldn’t care. He was late for work, so I wasn’t at all surprised when he took off without looking back.
Half an hour later I was waiting in the boarding lounge, texting Jill to tell her my flight would be on time. She sent back: I hope you brought nanna clothes, because I don’t want Finn looking at you in a bikini. You know how crazy jealous I am about him.
I took a second to check what I was wearing: yellow halter sundress—mid-calf which was respectable, but there was some cleavage showing. I ratted through my overnight bag and found a light sweater in complimentary lime that had a nice high boat neckline. I pulled it over my head, stuffing the cast through a sleeve awkwardly, then pulled it straight.
Better.
I felt justified about texting back: Am wearing baggy clothes. I promise no bikini. I have to keep the cast dry. Even if I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t swan around in front of someone else’s man scantily clad, especially not a new man. I knew how hard it had been for Jill to overcome her trust issues to get into this relationship with Finn, despite the fact that they adored each other. The last thing I wanted was to upset that.
So it was a surprise when I walked off the plane and Finn was waiting for me alone, looking casually gorgeous in cut-off jeans and a white tee-shirt that said Husband in Training with a picture of a puppy and a rolled up newspaper. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and didn’t seem awkward, although we’d only met a handful of times.
He smiled the self-deprecating smile that had won Jill completely and pointed a finger at the tee-shirt. “My cousin Lizzie bought it for me and Jill makes me wear it. They think it’s funny.”
“It is.”
He grinned, all honey-colored hair, deep green eyes and white teeth. Classically handsome. No doubt about it, but luckily for me, there was zero chemistry between us. Which brought me right back to the Am I only attracted to Jack question.
I distracted myself by saying, “Is it okay that I’m here?” I didn’t want to impose.
“Of course.” He shook his head, as if that was a completely crazy question. Then he took my overnight bag out of my good hand and gestured the direction we’d be heading. “She’s making a special lunch so she sent me. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” I mimicked back and he grinned.
“Okay. I deserved that.”
We walked through the terminal in silence then, both smiling, and I realized just how easy he was to be with. No wonder Jill had fallen for him as a friend before they’d become ‘an item’.
When we reached the car, he opened the passenger door for me, then he held my handbag while I got in, and asked if I needed help with the seatbelt. None of it was cheesy or put on. He just seemed genuinely interested that I, and my broken wrist, were okay, which was both sad and sweet, considering how confused I felt about my future as part of ‘a couple’.
On the way to their house he gave me a guided tour of Byron Bay, pointing out various cafes they’d visited. A few locals waved to him and were clearly ‘characters’. One had a beard like Grizzly Adams and a shaggy dog to match. They made me laugh.
Then we drove along the beach front, which was stunning—all white sand and azure blue ocean. I really wanted to relax in his company, but I couldn’t help wondering if Jill was counting the minutes and speculating about where we were. The last thing I wanted was for her to mistrust me. Or her future husband.
When we arrived at their property, we bumped down a long driveway bordered on both sides by fruit orchards. At the end was a rambling timber bungalow. When we pulled up out front, Jill bounded down the short flight of stairs from the veranda in tie-dyed shorts and a matching crop top. She pulled my door open and waited patiently while I levered myself out, then she wrapped me in a careful hug. Her shoulder-length brown hair was sun-bleached and she smelt of sunshine.
“Welcome to the love shack,” she said, and pulled back to grin at me.
I nodded at her attire. “Fritha been dressing you?”
Her teeth flashed white again, and I realized she’d put on a tan. “Nah. Just trying to look like a local. It’s hippy central here on the north coast. You know that.”
“Not like you to conform,” I pointed out.
Finn wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “My fault. If I have to wear this…” He pointed at his offending Tee-shirt again. “She has to wear that.”
Jill shrugged, and their easy intimacy created a bittersweet ache high-up in my throat.
To keep the conversation going, I said, “Fair enough. Am I okay in this?” gesturing to my yellow dress and lime sweater.
“Perfect,” Jill said, with a significant glance.
So, jealousy wasn’t completely off the table. But she grabbed my good hand before I could worry and led me up the stairs and onto the wide wrap-around veranda.
“Come this way,” she said, and walked me along it, past canvas sling chairs and rough timber tables to the back of the house where the ocean—only a hundred yards away across a small lawn and pristine white sand—was framed in palm trees, Norfolk Pine and flowering Frangipani. It was so beautiful I wanted to cry.
I shook my head, trying to pull myself together. “You live here?”
Finn came up beside us and winked at me. “This is where we’re raising babies.”
I completely forgot my own situation then to suck in an excited gasp, but Jill shook her head. “Not yet. One day.” She gave him a we’ve talked about this frown. Then she turned back to me. “He wants babies. I want a year or two of being his wife first.”
Finn shrugged. “I love babies. So sue me.”
Lucky Jill. I was so happy for her, but in equal measure, incredibly unhappy for me. It was impossible to reconcile the two emotions.
Jill took one look at me—she could always read my mood—and pulled me inside the house. “Let’s drink.”
“Good idea.” I’d need to be tipsy to start a conversation about sex. Financial concerns still lurked in the back of my mind, but the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack really worried me. The last thing I needed was to start obsessing. Jill was far more experienced with men so I was hoping she’d offer some perspective.
“The boy is going out.” She shot him a meaningful glance, “So the girls can talk.”
He grinned, completely unperturbed. “I do as I’m told.”
“Outside the bedroom,” Jill added, and something sultry simmered between them for a slow five seconds before he leant in and kissed her.
I had to look away and swallow over the tightness in my throat, taking my time to notice that the interior decor was every bit as rustic as the veranda furniture, probably sourced locally—thick slabs of some sort of dark timber constructed into tables and chairs with overstuffed silk cushions in a range from blue
to green with every aqua tone in between. Pale blue and sand-white rugs scattered around the timber floor made it look like the ocean had somehow crept inside the big open-plan living areas.
It was so unpretentious, I could feel my shoulders relaxing as I gazed around—a million miles from the cluttered Hindu shrine of a home I’d had with Danny, but I could live in a place like this. It was clean and comforting all at once.
“Scat,” Jill said, and as I turned back, she smacked Finn on the backside.
“No respect.” He lifted my overnight bag. “I’ll put this in the guest room on my way out.”
I grinned. “Thanks Finn. And for picking me up.”
“That’s all you pick up, you hear me, mister?” Jill called, before turning to wink at me. Then she raised an eyebrow. “Alcohol?”
“Please.”
I followed her into a big timber kitchen which also had a view of the ocean. “Light or heavy?”
It wasn’t midday yet, so I nodded at the fridge. “Light.”
“Bubbles?”
I shook my head. This wasn’t anything to celebrate.
“Sav Blanc it is.” She grabbed a bottle and two glasses and I followed her back out to the veranda where she set us up at a table overlooking the ocean. When we’d clinked glasses and both taken a sip she said, “Spill.”
Can I get drunk first?
I took another swig of wine and tried to compose my thoughts. Maybe I could start slow, drink fast, and still be tipsy by the time I got to the uncomfortable details.
“Okay.” I nodded. “I met a man.”
Jill instantly leant forward, her eyes lighting up.
“…who I dislike intensely.”
“Good start.” She nodded for me to go on.
“But he’s big and somehow…sexy.” I squirmed. “And I’ve only spent five minutes alone with him. Conscious,” I added.
That made her eyes pop. “You were unconscious?”
“No. He was. Long story.” I took another gulp of wine, willing it to work. “But even though he was crude and had facial hair,” I screwed up my face in disgust. “Somehow he still managed to…”
“You had sex with him?”
“No!” I put down my glass, horrified. “Not…no. We were talking. He was in a hospital bed. I came to visit him. Because we shared an ambulance.”
“From the club where you broke your wrist singing?”
“Yes.” My shoulders relaxed. This was an easier part of the conversation. “Yes. We both needed medical attention, so we shared an ambulance from the club. He was unconscious.” I absolutely wasn’t mentioning the silver shoes, so I hurried on, “While I was waiting for the doctor, a nurse encouraged me to check on him because he was alone—”
“His name?” She was still leaning forward avidly.
“Jack. And he was conscious by then, and mostly naked—”
“And you were sex-starved.”
She was smirking, so I slapped her hand, then took another long swallow of wine before forging ahead. “So anyway, he made a crude suggestion and I stormed out. But before that, when I’d thought he was a decent human being, I’d felt…” I squirmed some more.
“The hots?” She topped up my glass and I imprudently gulped more wine.
“I think so,” I said, frowning. “I think it was desire or passion or…”
“Arousal.” She nodded and leant back in her chair. “So when was the last time you felt that hot, just being near a man? Before you were married?”
Never.
We stared at each other and I simply couldn’t get the word out. Jill, however, had a radar for truth, and I probably had a transparent face.
She put her glass down and said, “What’s going on here?” pinning me with a penetrating glance. “He’s not a decent human being, so I imagine you don’t want to have sex with him. And yet…we’re discussing him. Why?”
Okay. This was the crunch. I needed to admit that meeting Jack had made me face the truth that I’d been faking orgasms all my adult life and was now wondering if I could even have one with a man. And if I could, presumably that would be with a man who turned me on.
Only…Jill was likely to encourage me to try, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted that because it might distract me from the important work of raising babies.
Or at least, that’s what I’d been thinking before I’d arrived on Jill’s doorstep. But she and Finn were clearly hot for each other, and seemed completely relaxed about bringing children into their lives.
So now I was confused. What was my problem?
The alcohol was suddenly a liability.
“Ange?” She’d waited me out, but was frowning now. “I can’t help if I don’t know.”
I shook my head, and said the first thing that popped into my mind. “You’re different to me.”
“Yes. And…?”
“If you tell me what you’d do, that might confuse me more.”
She nodded, but I could see she was struggling with patience, probably thinking Why did you bring this up if you’re not going to blab?
The wine was swirling through my system faster than I’d expected it to, and no sleep last night wasn’t helping.
I put my glass down and Jill picked up the bottle, mistakenly thinking I wanted a top up. I shook my head. “Empty stomach.”
“I’ll make lunch. What do you feel like?” She got up from the table with the wine bottle, but the mention of food triggered a memory.
“Finn told me you were making lunch this morning, and that’s why you sent him.”
She didn’t meet my eyes for a moment, and when she looked up I was surprised to see her blushing. “It was a test.”
“Jinx!” I shook my head. “Who were you testing? Him or me?”
She looked lost for a moment. “Me. I need to trust him around other women, but it’s hard. He’s so goddamn gorgeous.”
“So are you.” She frowned at that, so I added, “You have to get over this, J. It will drive you crazy if you don’t.”
“I know.” She shook her head. “I’m fine with Lizzie. She’s so adorable you can’t be jealous of her. But…”
Lizzie was Finn’s gay foster cousin, all fluffy blonde hair and big blue eyes. She and her wife couldn’t get pregnant through IVF, so they’d asked Finn to ‘help’, and embarrassing thought it had been for both he and Lizzie, his sperm donation had managed to get her pregnant. Lizzie was eternally grateful, but Finn had been completely weirded-out by the experience, although he’d accepted that Lizzie and Sieu didn’t want sperm from a stranger.
The child was to be their child, nothing to do with Finn at his insistence, and the whole thing had happened before he’d met Jill. In fact, the baby was due anytime now. So it was great that Jill had gotten over her angst and was mates with Lizzie, but unfortunate that ‘worst case scenario’ hadn’t cured Jill of her jealousy issues.
I stood and touched her arm. “What will it take for you to trust Finn completely?”
She shook her head. “There’s the million-dollar question.”
“It will come.” I patted her arm. “Time and good behavior will win you over. You did the right thing by trusting him this far.” Her internal struggles had been heroic before she’d succumbed to his steadfast love.
“If I stay in the moment, I’m fine.” She shook her head again. “He’s as good as gold. But if I think about the past…” That was her father who’d run off with another woman when we were all children, and had left her family homeless. “…or the future, I worry.”
I nodded, wishing I could just pull her into a hug and make everything alright for her. “Can I offer you some advice?”
Her cheeky smile broke through. “By all means. Don’t listen to my gems of wisdom, but spout your own.”
I had to laugh at that. But it didn’t stop me saying, “My mother used to say, Most of the things I’ve worried about in my life never came to pass.” I shrugged. “I didn’t want to be like her, worrying all the time, so I trie
d to think good things. I never imagined that Danny would be unfaithful, so I was caught by surprise. That was unfortunate,” I admitted, “But right up until that moment I was happy. I enjoyed our marriage.” Such as it was.
“You were always happy with him, weren’t you? Twit that he was.”
I nodded. “I’m not happy now, of course. But soon I will be again.”
She pulled me into a hug. “You’ll have a whole tribe of well-mannered little minimes, and I’ll end up with Byron Bay ferals underfoot.” I hugged her close with my good arm but Jill was never great with demonstrations of affection so she quickly pulled back. “Okay. Food. Clearly, wine on an empty stomach makes me soppy.”
I followed her to the kitchen and we made delicious lentil burgers on account of her being vegetarian. For a non-domestic goddess, she was a good cook. When the meal was over and we had wine in front of us again, she leant back in her veranda chair and said, “Now it’s my turn to dish out advice. Let’s hear the problem.” She pinned me with a look of expectation I found hard to dismiss.
I decided to ease my way into this. “I want a baby.”
“You have since you were fifteen. That’s twenty years now.”
“But I’m not sure I want a sexual relationship.”
“Okay, that’s new.” She leant forward. “And this Jack. This hot guy. Did he somehow make you not want a sexual relationship? Because getting turned on by someone usually works the other way around.” Was she trying to hide a smirk?
“He’s not ‘sexual relationship’ material,” I said primly.
“He’d be a hell of a one-night-stand.”
I tried not to blush, but failed hopelessly. “Okay. I did fantasize about…something like that.” I wasn’t telling her I’d fantasized about all sorts of things I’d never done before. “But…” I stared into her eyes, knowing I should just blurt out I’m scared I’ll start faking it again.
But I couldn’t. I just let the sentence trail off.
She stood and picked up the wine bottle, shaking her head. “You clearly aren’t drunk enough. I’m coming back with spirits. What’s your poison?”
“No really. I just need to get this out.”
Husband Stay (Husband #2) Page 4
