“I see. And the father of the baby?”
My heart pounded in my chest, but I had to say the words. I had to admit it to myself.
“Gone.”
“Oh.” She nodded, and I could see sympathy brimming in her eyes. How often did they hear stories like this? There was no disapproval on her face, such as I could expect to see from Louella. Collie seemed to be simply offering support, without judgement, and I was immensely grateful for that.
I knew others would find my situation tawdry—my mother included—but a child was such a beautiful beginning, no matter how it was conceived. There could never be anything ugly about that. Babies were perfect. And when I could get past my fear of carrying the responsibility alone, I’d be rejoicing.
Unfortunately, in that moment, I was stuck between shock and fear.
“You look pale,” Collie said. “You’re not going to vomit again?”
I shook my head. “I’m just scared.”
“And pregnant,” she said, surprising me with a smile, her eyes sparkling with what looked like hope. “Not every woman gets to experience that.”
When I’d split up with Danny, I’d started to lose hope. So I nodded with her and then I couldn’t help crying. “I thought I’d never be pregnant.”
“And now you are.” She squeezed my good hand. “Lucky you.”
Lucky me.
I nodded again. “I’m so happy. And so scared.”
She laughed and I had a teary laugh with her. Then she said, “Do you want to ring someone?”
I thought about that while we gazed at each other. “No. My friends are all here. Well, nearby. I’ll wait.”
“Okay.” She let go my hand and then patted it. “I’ll be just back there.” She pointed. “No crying without me.”
We smiled at each other. “Deal.”
“And it goes without saying that you should see your doctor, so you can get started with planning for the birth.”
I nodded again. The birth. It was real. I was going to have a baby.
She seemed happy with that, and left me to the empty waiting room.
But I wasn’t alone. Deep inside me was a microscopic speck of life, wreaking havoc with my hormones. It wouldn’t even be as big as a grain of rice. But it was mine. Forever. I wouldn’t be a lonely old lady. I’d be a mother, until I died. It was humbling and glorious all at the same time.
And Jack had done that. He’d given me that. The tiny cells that would be furiously multiplying were a part of him. And a part of me. If it was a boy, would it look like him?
I suddenly hoped so. I wanted my baby to remind me of Jack, because…I loved him. I could feel that so easily when I remembered lying in his arms, listening to the steady beat of his heart while he slept. That emotion felt like a soft creature stirring inside my chest, purring in fact. It was comfort and happiness rolled up in a blanket of security.
Which was crazy, because he didn’t love me back. Oh, he desired me. But the self-directed anger on his face when he’d said, Only an idiot would spend his time thinking about a woman who isn’t right for him was engraved in my memory. It was obvious that he resented the attraction between us, and as soon as that phone call had come, reminding him of his real life, he’d vanished.
Without a backward glance.
I couldn’t imagine any possible future where he’d be happy to see me, let alone know that I bore his child, so I did my best to let those thoughts go, so I could concentrate on the happiness of being a momma, and I was surprised at just how thrilling that was when I pushed everything else away.
When Sieu rushed past the waiting room, ignoring me completely, I felt nothing but happiness that Lizzie would finally have her wife with her. And when Jill strode into the waiting room an hour later, I was blissed out on feel-good endorphins, and so Zen they could have built a monastery around me.
“It’s a boy!” She was grinning from ear to ear and I couldn’t help being swept up into her excitement as I jumped up to hug her. “Bloody hell, it looked hard, though,” she added, shaking her head. “I’m not signing up for that any time soon. All that screaming and grunting and…”
She shuddered, and I opened my mouth to say I’m already signed up but she rushed on with, “But the best part…” And she grabbed my shoulders for emphasis, “…is that I was thrilled. This is Lizzie and Sieu’s baby. Well, albeit that Sieu is freaked about the idea of two lesbians raising a son. But I wasn’t jealous.”
“I knew you’d lick this.”
“I just did what you said. I just stood there watching, and all I saw was love.” Her eyes were damp. “I’d gone in worried about jealousy or awkwardness or…I don’t even remember now what the other things were. But none of it was there.”
I nodded, wanting to cry again. My emotions were so close to the surface.
“And when they gave Finn the baby to hold—which he deserved after holding Lizzie’s hand through all that screaming—I was only excited for him. I stood there watching him touch those tiny fingers, and…he loves that baby so much.” She started blubbering. “He loves Lizzie, and her baby, and I’m not jealous. I love them too.”
She clung to me and I patted her bare back while she sobbed and sobbed, letting out what felt like a lifetime of anguish. With her history of a deadbeat father who’d run out on them and her mother who’d been so sick she couldn’t care for her daughters properly, there was a lot of grief banked up, and it was good to see her release it.
When Finn came into the waiting room a few minutes later in his beautiful tux, I handed her over and she cried on him, and I think he was crying too. But relieved tears, as if the cyclone he’d feared was just a rain depression.
At last he pulled back and wiped at his eyes, then he smiled at me. “I was hoping to save the tears for the wedding. But clearly it’s an emotional day.”
Tell me about it.
“The wedding?” Jill took Finn’s dress handkerchief out of his suit pocket and blew her nose on it. “Does anyone know where we are?”
Shit. I’d been so wrapped up in my own situation. “I didn’t give it a thought.”
Finn pulled a phone out of his pocket. “I’ll ring Fritha.”
“Where are my shoes?” Jill looked around and I suddenly realized we could be jumping in a car any moment.
So I grabbed her hand. “I have something to tell you.”
She looked at me silently for a second and then said to Finn, “Honey, can you give us a minute?”
Finn nodded and walked down the corridor, talking softly into the phone.
“What?” Jill had me by the shoulders again.
I nodded at the chairs and we sat, then I sucked in a slow, deliberate breath. “I’m pregnant. It’s Jack’s. He doesn’t want a relationship.”
She sat still as stone, staring at me while her mind caught up with the rest. Then, “Are you happy?”
“Delirious,” I replied, and despite what the future may hold, I couldn’t stop myself smiling. “I’m going to be a momma.”
Jill was trying to smile, but, “All the screaming.” She pointed toward the birthing suites. “There’s blood and pain and—”
“A beautiful baby.”
She shook her head but eventually smiled her lopsided smile. “Granted. He is a beautiful boy. Quality construction.”
I had to laugh. “And Jack’s baby will be beautiful too.”
“So, to backtrack,” she said, and held my gaze. “Does Jack know about the baby?”
“No.”
We stared at each other. “Okay…I’m trying to follow this. Your reason for not telling him is?”
“That I’ve only just found out.”
“Oh.” She turned her head to look at me sideways. “So you might tell him.”
“I will tell him,” I declared, only realizing in that moment that I must. “It’s the right thing to do. To be honest about it.” She frowned, so I hurried on. “Danny didn’t tell me about the vasectomy and I’m not doing that to Jack.
Imagine how he’d feel a decade down the track when his son comes looking for him?”
“It’s a boy?” Her eyes lit up, clearly forgetting the whole blood and pain thing.
“No. I don’t know. It’s too early. But are you listening?”
She flapped a hand at me. “I get it. It’s obviously the right thing to do, but the reason people don’t do the right thing, is because it creates drama. What if Jack wants custody?”
“What?” Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around my belly. “Why would he want the baby if he doesn’t want me?”
“I don’t know.” Her frown deepened. “You know me, I’m paranoid about everything.” She watched me for a moment then said, “Look, forget I said that. He might be easy to deal with.”
It was my turn to frown. Jack had never been easy to deal with. But, “I have to do it. I have to tell him. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”
“Of course,” She grabbed my good hand. “And no matter what, I’m here for you. Just don’t…rush into anything.”
Finn walked back into the waiting room then and Jill looked up at him. “We’re fine, babe,” she said, then she glanced at me and I nodded, so she added a grin. “But get ready for more squawking. Angela’s pregnant.”
Finn’s cautious expression morphed into delight, and he held out his arms for a hug, which I jumped up and readily gave. “More babies,” he said, and let me go to smile at me. “Now, if only you can convince Ms I’m not ready yet.” He nodded at Jill. “My life will be complete.”
“Marry her first,” I replied. “It’s confusing if you get it out of sequence.”
I’d tried for a bantering tone, but Finn’s kind eyes gentled in concern. “Is Jack Davenworth the father?”
“How did you know his name?” Why was everyone else more curious about his background than I was?
Finn shrugged. “You girls are family,” and Jill slid in beside him to wrap an arm around his waist. “I wanted to make sure he wasn’t some creep.”
Jill arched a brow. “And you didn’t tell me…?”
“Because you’re a blabbermouth.” He kissed the top of her head.
She grinned at me before saying to him, “Then you’d better marry me, because that blabbermouth gene is rare, and we want to make sure it doesn’t die out.”
Finn blinked in surprise then he pulled her away and his frown was a mix of excitement and uncertainty. “Are you saying…you want babies?”
I felt very much like an intruder then, so I said, “I’ve got someone to say goodbye to,” and I headed to the nurses’ station where Collie and I exchanged phone numbers. I wasn’t sure why, but I wanted to keep in touch.
She was clearly moved by that and came around to give me a hug. Then Jill and Finn and I were on our way back to the wedding where everyone had already eaten. Jill and I had snacks while the resort beautician repaired our tear-smeared makeup, and Finn filled his parents in on Lizzie’s status so they could phone her mother in London and organize to drop off a gift from Lizzie—a lock of baby hair—on their way home to Miami.
When all that was done, finally, finally I could stand with the women who meant more to me than my own family, watching Jill wholeheartedly give herself to Finn—for better or for worse.
I could have felt sorry for myself, or wished that it was Jack and I. But there was no room in my heart for grief. I was too happy. My Jill was finally committing to a man who would be nothing but good for her, and she’d agreed to babies.
It was every wish I’d ever had for her come true. So of course I cried again, but somehow I managed to pull myself together to perform the bridal waltz song. It was Finn’s choice—an Elvis number that had apparently been his own parents’ bridal waltz, and I loved that nostalgia.
Watching them waltz around the floor, gazing into each other’s eyes was a fabulous distraction, and when the bridesmaids and groomsmen joined in, I wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Nick, who scrubbed up nicely in a retro tux, watching Louella and her partner very closely. Definitely something going on there.
Fritha was teamed up with Finn’s very serious cousin Benedict, an academic who’d flown over from England. They were an odd match—he in his ultra-conservative tux and Fritha flouncing about barefoot in her rainbow bridesmaid dress with her red curls miraculously still holding in an updo. What made that pairing very interesting was the dagger eyes Brittany was sending Fritha’s way.
Little-sis was teamed up with a last-minute ring-in—courtesy of her abrupt arrival—Sieu’s younger brother Jai who was struggling to keep his gaze off her breasts which we all hoped wouldn’t pop out of her very low-cut neckline. Brittany, however, appeared to be interested in the bookish Benedict, and looked none too pleased that Fritha was chatting away to him.
That was a surprise. I hadn’t thought of Benedict as someone who would be attractive to a shallow boy-band fan like Brat. Although, he was certainly handsome in an Oxford rowing team, quality-tailoring kind of way. She was eyeing him up as if he was dessert and I couldn’t help thinking that would be an odd match.
When my song finished and the DJ took over, I allowed my own partner to escort me to the dance floor. The cast made me feel awkward, but the worst part was that being held by another man—however impersonally—made it impossible to stop thinking about Jack.
I was booked to stay the weekend with the girls after Jill and Finn headed out for their honeymoon in Finland—Jill wanted to see the Northern Lights, so they were staying in a resort with glass igloos in Finn-Land which she thought was hilarious.
Whether the Aurora appeared or not, I was sure they’d have a good time holed up in their cozy digs. But as the evening drew to a close and we hugged them goodbye, I knew I wasn’t going to stay and socialize. First thing in the morning I wanted to go home and work out a strategy for finding Jack and telling him about the baby.
Before that, I had to tell my girls, so I asked them for a minute in the reception room where we’d been waiting for Jill—before Lizzie’s emergency had interrupted. As soon as we arrived there and I shut the door, Fritha started babbling.
“How totally buff is Bennie? Did you see that upper body? I think it’s all the rowing.” Frith was practically licking her lips, and with a few glasses of wine fueling her, I wondered how I could bring the conversation around to By the way, I’m pregnant.
“Brittany looked interested in him.” Louella took a lipstick out of her purse and touched up her creamy red pout in front of a wall mirror “She’s probably propositioning him as we speak.”
“I tried that.” Fritha flapped a hand. “He’s celibate.”
Louella looked at me in the mirror. We’d all heard about creative thanks but no thanks lines, designed not to hurt anyone’s feelings. But celibacy? That would be a first.
Louella snapped her purse closed and turned to me. “You have something to tell us?”
Fritha snorted. “You in a hurry for something? Is that bodyguard of yours warming the bed?”
Louella gave her a look that would have frozen vodka.
“Then can I have him?” Fritha was oblivious to insult, as usual. “There’s nothing more tragic than a bridesmaid who can’t get a fuck at a wedding.”
Louella sighed and transferred her attention to me. “Angela?”
It was time to fess up.
“I’m pregnant.” And before Fritha could jump into the gap, I added, “And I’m happy.”
“Jack Davenworth?”
“What!” Fritha gasped belatedly, then she launched herself at me like a spindly projectile, enveloping me in a rainbow hug.
“Yes,” I said to Louella, over Fritha’s shoulder. “But he doesn’t know.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Of course she is!” Fritha laughed. “How else can she marry him?” Then she pulled back and grabbed my hands, her expression growing earnest. “You won’t make me wear pink to the wedding? It looks shit with my hair.”
“There is no wedding
.” She frowned immediately and I squeezed her hands to lessen the blow. “He dumped me. I’ll just be letting him know what I’m doing. Then I’m Suzi Solo. Me and my mini-me.”
“But you said…you fucked him yesterday.”
I swallowed down embarrassment, but Louella wasn’t frowning in disapproval. She was pulling a necklace out from beneath the neckline of her gown. It had a pendant on it that she squeezed three times.
“Is that…?” I shook my head.
“A security device,” she confirmed.
Ten seconds later there was a knock at the door.
“Enter,” she said, and when Nick came in, Fritha promptly forgot about who I’d been sleeping with and started working on her own social calendar.
“Hello, Nick,” she cooed, fussing with her updo and managing to get a ring stuck in it.
He didn’t even look at her. His attention was all on Louella who said, “Jack Davenworth. Can you track down his whereabouts?”
Nick nodded and left.
The moment the door was closed, Fritha whined, “Ange?”
I helped her disengage her ring, but a segment of hair came down with it.
I wasn’t sure what to do. “I think it all needs to come down.”
“Letting your hair down,” Louella said quietly. “There’s a metaphor you don’t need.”
“I do need that man.” Fritha scattered hairpins across the reception room floor in her hurry to leave. Then she gave me another too-tight hug, poked her tongue out at Louella—looking remarkably like a rainbow scarecrow—and said, “I’ll be back.”
“I’ll be asleep,” I warned her, but she just waved as she went out the door, probably thinking she’d see me in the morning. If she managed to find a man, however, I doubted she’d surface before noon. And I was certainly hoping she wouldn’t bring him back to the bedroom we were sharing.
With a shudder, I turned to Louella. “I’m tired. It’s been a long night.”
She stepped forward and patted my arm, a rare gesture of affection. “I want you settled, Angela.” She was serious again. “I need you girls living steady lives.”
Husband Stay (Husband #2) Page 25
