* * *
Aly woke up thirty minutes earlier than usual the next morning so she could meditate at the temple. When she sat up, however, she thought she was going to vomit. The first thing that came to mind was the Evaluations. After taking deep breaths, she closed her eyes, crossed her legs, and scooted her feet in, taking a minute to cleanse her thoughts.
Aly gave Shanvi his daily kiss when she walked out of her room fifteen minutes later. She stroked his graying tents before sitting at the table where she usually studied, tapping the floor with her left foot.
“If I may, what did you ask Truth’s Grace for?” Shanvi said. “Apologies. I came upon your room when I noticed you had not emerged, and saw you in the midst of meditation.”
“I asked for everyone’s well-being during the Evaluations, and that I do my best. That be all. Nothing selfish.”
“Good.” Shanvi set a bowl of water in front of Aly and sat across from her. “Yet you still be nervous, yes?”
“Truly, a little.” Aly took a sip. “I have awaited this moment for years and now it is to finally arrive, perhaps too soon.”
“Merely do as I suggested and all shall be well. Do not stay on ground for long, lest you set yourself up for many ambushes. Take the defensive initially, since there shall be plenty of time to eliminate others. Yet beyond all things, be mindful of your mates.
“Be cautious of your mind, Mastra, and the Evaluations shall take care of itself. And even so, this merely be the first, yet not the last, one of its kind. You shall have plenty of other assessments beyond this one, most of them less demanding on the physical note.”
“Yet perhaps this one shall determine the others. Perhaps this alone shall judge my future as a reliable Goolian.”
Shanvi took Aly’s drink when she was finished and set it on the counter. When he turned back around, the Little One had her elbows on the table and her hands on her head.
“Aly,” Shanvi said, rubbing her back. “Truly, there be more important matters in qualifying one’s worth. Do you not aid the tribe in the fields? Do you not make people smile when you sing?”
“If I may, you sound as Catty does.”
“Thus she be a good friend.”
“Yet what if I cannot defend the tribe as well as others?”
“Alytchai, you give yourself needless excuses to worry. Truly, it has thus been centuries since any tribe has tried to compete against our own. We are a unified planetary nation, silly. And I highly doubt the rest of the galaxy shall have a need in pulling us into their affairs as they did with the Cyogen three and a thousand years prior. Such days of galactic conflict ended with their demise.”
Shanvi sat back down and held the Little One’s hands. “I know you have valued this moment greatly, yet you best realize there are greater ways to serve the tribe, even if you are not considered the best at it.”
“Permission to speak freely?”
“You may.”
Aly took a deep breath, nervously twisting a tent around as she thought her words out in her head. Shanvi sat down across from her and she looked him face to face with bright and sad eyes.
“I feel that there is to be more to the Evaluations beyond simply proving my worth, perhaps.”
“Oh? How so?”
“Pappai, surely this one recalls how I was treated when I was little, yes?”
“Truth’s Grace. I would rephrase it as mistreated. Thus I smile everyday in seeing how far you and your classmates have come along since.”
“We have. Even so, with many being nicer to me now, I still find myself being ridiculed.”
Shanvi laughed. “Oh, you do not.”
“Indeed, I do!” Aly covered her mouth when Shanvi gave her a look. “Apologies for my outburst. Yet I grow frustrated in knowing that I perform well in the fields and Lord Quongun commends me of my work. My grades are well established in all subject matters at the learning board. I have been trained in the art of combat since I was but five, and while I cannot control my being, I still manage to be the best in all other aspects of the martial arts.”
Aly paused and examined her palms. “And even then, after all I have done, I have been told to do this: clean up for everyone else since I am the worst.”
Nay, you misread out intentions. It only be because you are a Sungstra. We understand your circumstances, yet you do not. If only Shanvi could say those words. He rubbed his face and begged for mercy, fighting off the temptation to just tell Aly the truth. Year after year, it got more difficult to bear.
Over time, Shanvi’s mind-conditioned itself to shut down the second an opportune moment came for him to break the secret. And with every passing season, the toil of bearing it broke his heart. What harm could there be in her knowing?
Aly got up from her seat and looked out the window, since Shanvi looked to be at a loss for words. Younger children were hurrying off to school with their friends, and that made Shanvi realize how much his child’s priorities had changed over the years.
“Your only concern is to be the best you can be,” Shanvi insisted. “The tribe shall never ask for more.”
“Then I shall do so on my own merit, since the tribe does not.” Aly turned and set her hands down on the table. “I wish to be the best for the tribe, as we have been taught. Yet, while others are considered to succeed in the form of combat, what if the one thing I lack marks me as being two-thirds true Goolian?”
Shanvi popped Aly’s hands, not enough to hurt, but just enough to make a point. “Do not ever say such foolishness, Alytchai. You are of equal worth, as any other soul here. And if that not be enough, then you are surely more precious than any other being to me.”
Shanvi could tell that didn’t really matter to Aly anymore, thanks to her turned lip. When did it ever?
“This one has struggled in being accepted more than most,” he added. “And for unjust reasons, I know. Yet now, you seem to become one with your own and your peers have come to accept you as you be. And even so, you still long for more?”
Aly sat back down and rubbed her forehead.
“You long to see more of the world, to be the best in all that you do, and be accepted by all.” Shanvi sighed and placed a hand on the table. “Yet I have tragic news for you, dearest. Such desires are not possible.
“Even if you were to travel the stars as other sentient beings do, you shall then desire to see other galaxies. You may perhaps be the best in all your skills, yet someone shall eventually come along and naturally be better, sooner or later. And even if you are as kind and gentle to every person you meet, there shall be one who despises you for no logical reason. Apologies, yet that be the way of things.”
“Then, if I may, Pappai.”
“You may.”
“Truly, that is not fair.”
Shanvi placed a hand on one of Aly’s and patted it. “Sadly, such is life. It be cruel at times, yet hope still remains within you. Just be happy with yourself, Aly.”
Shanvi hadn’t been Aly’s age for decades, so he couldn’t understand. The thought of being content and just settling for whatever life decided to offer her sounded repulsive. As far as she was concerned, that was what older folk told younger people whenever they weren’t able to make it as far in life as they had even hoped. However, she still had time. She still had a chance to rebel against the enemy known as “fate” and direct her own path.
“Nay. Not good enough.” Aly pulled her hand away. “I-if I may, I do not think I can settle for less.”
Shanvi froze. “Then I suggest that you best wise up, Little One. If not, you shall bring upon your own demise. Even so, I cannot show you this. You shall have to suffer your fate alone.”
“Very good, Pappai,” Aly said, as if programmed over the years to say so. She scooted back from her chair and went out the door, tearing Shanvi into pieces without even realizing it. “I am to be late for the temple. May I be pardoned?”
Shanvi waved her off. He thought of something more insightful to say as he got
out of his seat and watched her go down the street, but in the end, he was out of words. Shanvi headed to the counter and wiped it a little. Scrub, and scrub some more, but the damage was already done. He flung the tile he was using across the room and just sat in the hut alone, with the torment from his thoughts to keep him company.
Evaluations of the Tribe - Prossia Book 0 : A Coming of Age Space Opera Page 23
