by Dee Bridle
“Creeps doesn’t even begin to describe it,” I mumbled.
He frowned.
“So, the creep who hurt you, does he live far away like you do?”
I shrugged, and said, “I don’t know. He said he was coming back for me so I’ll ask him when I see him next.”
He put his coffee down and looked at me in disbelief.
“How can you be like that? The fucker hurt you, and you’re joking about him?”
The next words were torn out of me.
“If I don’t joke, I will just give it all up, Noah. So, excuse me if I try to make light of the fucked up life I have.”
“Tell me where I can find him, and I will fix this for you,” he demanded, stepping closer to me.
“Heroes only exist in fucking fairytales,” I muttered, looking away from him and putting my coffee down.
“Tell me,” he demanded again, standing in front of me now.
I shook my head and said, “It’s no use, even if I knew where he lived, the other two guys with him will come back.”
“There were three of them?” he asked in quiet disbelief, his fingers lightly touching my bruised cheek.
I wanted to close my eyes at his touch. Feeling him this close made things stir inside me. He was like a soothing balm to a festering sore, and I knew I wanted more. Who would ever deny a moment with this powerful and incredible guy? He was angry for me, not at me. And the irony wasn’t lost on me. I had been treated badly from most guys in my life, and the one who was different was too far away from me. Every broken piece of me wanted to know more of him, but I knew I couldn’t. This could not go anywhere.
His hand slowly moved to my neck, touching the bruises there as well. His touch was gentle and soothing, everything that I had never had.
“I can help you, Ivy,” he whispered to me.
I felt the warmth from his body and the words from his lips that were close to my face. I wanted him to help me and make it all better. But I hadn’t survived this long to give it all up to a guy who could have the ability to crush me.
“Don’t,” I said stepping away from his warm body and soothing fingers.
His hand dropped back to his side.
“I need to get back to class.”
“What else did they do to you?” he demanded.
“Nothing. I want to leave, Noah,” I said with frustration, as I headed over to the front door and opened it.
“Ivy, wait,” he said.
“I need to go,” I said, heading outside and down the steps.
He followed me without another word, closing the door and heading to the car. We were silent in the car as he drove us back to college. I knew he was angry with me, and it was an emotion I knew well. I could deal with him no longer liking me and being angry. He should never have even cared to begin with.
As we reached the college car park and parked again, I got out, but didn’t look at him.
“Thanks for today and thank your mum again for me.”
He didn’t answer me as he opened the back door to get my bag. Before I had realized what he was doing, he went to take my hand instead of passing the bag.
“I get that you’re angry with your world. But just so we’re clear, I can help you. If you ever need it, I’ll be there,” he said letting my hand go and passing the bag to me again.
Closing the door, he strode away from me, locking the car with a press of a button. It sounded final to my ears, and it was what I had wanted. But as he walked across the grounds trying to get as far away from me as he could, I just felt wretched.
Noah
I punched the bag hard, zoning out the noise behind me. There was a fight going on in the ring and a small crowd of fight junkies had started to become rowdy. As each hit made the bag swing, I aimed to release my pent up anger and confusion. It usually helped. The ache in my knuckles after a while usually made me slow down, but tonight I kept going.
I was angry over Ivy and her situation. Without her opening up to me, I couldn’t help her. She was a closed book that didn’t want to be read, and I hated it. I didn’t do this type of thing. These stirring emotions were usually not part of the deal. I slept around and enjoyed girls like any normal hot-blooded guy, but this one had me in knots, and I hadn’t even touched her.
I could see she had trust issues. I knew it was hopeless at the moment to make her see that I could help her and not fucking hurt her. I didn’t like seeing that mistrust in her eyes with every word she spoke to me.
Will told me I needed to get laid to get my head back. I screwed library girl hard the other night. It hadn’t helped.
After my shower at the gym, I checked my phone to see I had a message from my mum. I listened to the voicemail as I made my way out, waving goodbye to Harry.
“Sweetheart, it’s your mum. Your father will be accepting an important award at a lawyers association ball next week, and he would like both of his sons to attend. Call me back and we can discuss a time for a suit fitting. Its…really important to him, and it would be nice to present a united family front. Talk later.”
I let out a deep sigh as I got into my car. My brother would have already been going, since he was so integrated into the family business. I would have been, of course, an afterthought. It was probably my mum’s idea. I hated this type of thing. My father would want me to cover every inch of tattooed skin and he’d try his hardest to introduce me to the players, to my so-called gold plated future.
I wasn’t interested in talking about the weather, what teams were doing well in the football league or how the shares were going. I despised the entire thing, but I knew I would probably make the effort for my mum. She was proud of me, regardless of the tattoos and the decisions I had made.
Ivy
My arm sling lasted all of five seconds at work that night. I kept my hand wrapped, but I had to use it, even though it hurt like hell. There was a band on tonight, and the place was busy. I didn’t have time to talk to Glory about getting my pay in advance and winced throughout the night using my left hand every time I pulled a beer.
By midnight, I was exhausted and in a lot of pain and ready to scream. I had forgotten to take the painkillers from Noah and now after this afternoon’s little outburst, I was sure I wouldn’t see him again. I had no money, no phone, and no place to stay. My life was clearly shit.
By 1:00 a.m., the place had emptied and I wiped down the bar and wondered how I was going to mop the floors with my wrist. Glory had disappeared somewhere and I banged my way around, trying to use my one hand for everything. I pushed the mop bucket out with my foot and swore as water splashed out onto my sneakers and the floor.
“Ivy, you have a visitor!” shouted Lou from the main doors.
I stood rigid with fear. Who would be visiting me here at 1:00 a.m. other than Rick and his asshole heavies? Surely, Lou would have checked with me first? I dropped the mop and went to hide around one of the large speakers by the small stage.
“Mopping with one hand?” asked a familiar sexy voice.
I cringed and stepped around the speaker to see Noah standing there, looking his usual hot self.
“Hey.”
“Do they know you can’t use your wrist?” he asked in disbelief. “Where’s your sling?”
I didn’t answer him, trying to concentrate on getting my heart rate back to normal.
“What are you doing here?”
“I come bearing gifts,” he said handing over a black plastic bag.
I didn’t take it, choosing to glare at him instead. This wouldn’t work. Ever. I had to keep my distance, even if it felt really wrong all of a sudden. He wasn’t giving up for some reason.
“I don’t want anything from you,” I said, trying my hardest to be the Ivy who helped me survive.
He looked down at the bag in his hand and frowned, taking a moment.
I ignored the emotion in my chest, knowing that deep down I didn’t want to hurt him, but I probably had.
He stepped away and put
the bag on top of the bar.
Inner turmoil choked me and I suddenly wanted to apologize and run over and see what was inside. But the part of me that kept me alive and working hard for a safer future made me stand there in silence.
Still frowning, he put his hands in his pockets and slowly looked me over with his assessing warm eyes.
“I was going to offer you a lift home.”
No. I didn’t have a home, and he was the last person I wanted to know where I slept. Shame flooded through me and my eyes welled up. His eyes caught mine briefly, and I swallowed down my emotion.
“I’m fine,” I said coolly.
There was silence between us and we stood facing each other.
“Sure?” he finally asked.
No. Take me somewhere other than my reality. Please.
“Yes,” I answered.
“I guess I’ll just go then,” he said with a resigned shrug, before he turned and walked away.
I wanted to call after him, the pain in my chest feeling weird and foreign. I heard him say something to Lou and then the door closed. I shook my head at myself and looked up at the ceiling as I let out a sigh. What was I doing? What was he doing?
“Put your sling back on, girl,” said Glory as she started to mop behind me.
I turned to her and cleared my throat as I picked up the bag Noah had left. My stomach was hurting, but I didn’t know if it was from lack of food or hurting Noah.
“Hurry up, love,” called out Lou. “Get the mopping done, so we can go home.”
“Okay, hold your bloody horses,” said Glory mopping quickly.
“Ivy, you’re upstairs again tonight. Go on and get some rest,” said Lou turning the main lights off.
A little later, I sat on the floor of the upstairs office, looking at the black bag in front of me. I waited for them to leave downstairs and lock up before I attempted to touch it again. I used the small lamp to light the area, throwing the rest of the room into dark shadows.
I waited for silence, with only a siren in the distance before I opened the plastic bag and looked inside. There was an iPhone box and my painkillers from earlier today. I swore under my breath and pulled them both out. I opened the box to see a new iPhone and a public transport card inside. I swore again. I wanted to go and find him and return it, because no one was this thoughtful. Why would he do all this for me? I had nothing. Nothing for him to have in return.
I picked up the phone to see he had put a black cover on it. A skull and crossbones glared back at me on the back and I loved it instantly. I turned it on to see he had set up everything already and the home screen had a photo of a boy band staring back at me. I suddenly laughed a little, my eyes filling with tears. I looked at my Contacts to see his details, along with phone numbers for Zac, Ava, and Will. I went to the Music section to see hundreds of albums that he had loaded on for me, and I bit my bottom lip. My god, this guy was unbelievable.
I let myself cry in the dark silent room. Was this real? Did I have my own bad ass guardian angel? I yearned to let my walls down and enjoy the gift. I didn’t know what it meant right now or what would happen tomorrow, but as I curled up on the couch, I held onto it tightly in my hand.
I sent him a text message.
Thank you
He didn’t respond, but I didn’t expect him to. I held the phone close, feeling a certain warmth for the first time in a long time as I looked out at the stars before I closed my eyes.
Noah
I swigged from my bottle of beer and looked up at the stars as I lounged back on one of the pool deckchairs.
“You need to take a step back now,” said Will next to me. “Sounds like she’s not used to getting gifts.”
“Yeah, I will,” I agreed.
“You need to tread carefully,” said Will knowingly. “Come on too strong, and she’ll be gone.”
I glanced at him, knowing his words were coming from a deep place of sadness and regret.
“Have you heard from her?” I asked.
He shook his head, and said, “Nope, and I don’t expect to for a while.”
“They let you visit. We went the last time she was in there, remember?”
“She’s barred me from visiting,” he said rubbing his hand over his face. “No visitation or phone calls. She obviously wants to wipe her slate clean, with me included.”
“Janey loves you man. She’ll come around. She’s doing what she needs to do to get right,” I said, looking back up at the stars.
“We’ll see,” said Will in resignation.
Chapter Five
Ivy
He left me alone for the next two days. My text had gone unanswered and I knew it was because I had really hurt him. I wasn’t used to this stuff and had no idea if I had royally fucked up. Did I go and find him? What if he didn’t want to talk to me again? What if he wanted his phone back?
Lou demanded that I stay on in the office overnight for the short-term and he tried his hardest to keep me on light duties with my wrist during my shifts. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that maybe Noah had said something to him, but I didn’t want to kid myself with foolish thoughts. But the whole situation left me questioning everything in my own head, and it was slowly driving me mad.
I didn’t know what to do and felt like I was going against my plan, worrying over a guy. He had helped me out with my injuries and had given me a phone. Part of me wondered if I was just a charity case. I couldn’t understand him wanting anything more from me, but a small part of me secretly hoped he did. I was still a girl after all, even though I was in a fucked-up world.
I spent those two days trying to go about my normal business and not looking at my new phone every five minutes with the intention to text him. I had already thanked him. What more could I say?
I looked forward to the one lecture we had together and arrived early to get a seat at the back. It would be up to him if he came and sat beside me. I waited and tried not to focus on the doorway, not believing that I was even doing this in the first place.
I tried not to feel disappointed as the lecture began, and he still hadn’t showed. The seat beside me had now been taken and I was starting to open my notebook when the door opened and he walked in late…with a girl.
She giggled her apology to the lecturer, and they sat in two vacant chairs near the middle of the lecture hall. She was quietly laughing with him about something, and he grinned back. I missed the entire lecture by solely focusing on them and how they whispered intimately together.
My phone was clenched in my hand the entire lecture, my fingers burning with their need to text him. I watched the girl touch his arm and whisper things. Her hair was straight and long, a classic blonde beauty who looked like she came from his side of town. What the hell had I been thinking? I was a charity case. End of story.
I angrily texted him.
Ivy: I want to return your phone
I watched him take his phone out of his pocket and look at the screen.
Noah: Why?
I swallowed, not knowing what to say without sounding like an idiot. He responded again before I could.
Noah: As long as it’s working – use it
I looked down at him in his seat, still looking at his screen. I angrily replied back.
Ivy: I’m not a charity case
Noah: Never said you were
I sighed in frustration and watched the girl lean over to him to see what he was doing. If she read my texts, I would throw my phone at her head.
I watched him put the phone down on the small desk in front of him, face side down and continued to take notes.
I looked down at my empty notebook and realized I had wasted the entire session. Furious with myself, I got up the moment the lecture finished and shoved my way down the steps and out into the hall.
I had to remember who I was and what I was. It didn’t help the confusion and anger inside of me. I would even admit I felt a little hurt, which proved just how ridiculous I was bein
g. I was charity and had stupidly made more out of it than there was. I had fallen straight into the trap I had tried to avoid all of this time. I was a pity project. I was nothing like the girl he had walked in with. I was on the opposite side of the scales—homeless and scum. This was exactly why I didn’t get involved or want to make friends.
Ava was suddenly in front of me with a smile, saying something, and I slowly came out of my tunnel of anger.
“You should come,” she smiled.
“What?” I asked focusing on her.
“To the party Saturday night, with me. We’ll have a drink together,” she continued.
“Oh,” I said as we walked together. “Um, I have to work.”
“Can you finish early?” she asked. “I can pick you up from the bar, if you like.”
I kept walking with her and found myself heading towards the cafeteria. Why was she inviting me to a party? Had all of her other friends been wiped off the planet?
“I can’t really do that.”
“Well, if you change your mind, just text me. The party will still be going after you finish your shift,” she said as we entered the cafeteria together.
“Where is it?” I asked.
“Noah’s place,” she said with a laugh. “Wow, you really were day dreaming just before, weren’t you? About anyone or anything in particular?” she asked with a wink.
“No,” I lied.
“Get a seat. I’ll get you a coffee,” she said heading over to the line.
“That’s okay, I don’t…”
“You can get the next one, tomorrow,” she smiled as she turned to someone in the line and started to talk to them.
Feeling too exhausted to argue, I found an empty table and sat down. I used to wish that I could be like the normal students here, going to parties on the weekend and going wild, but there was never any time or space in my shit life to do those things. I looked down at my wrist, the constant reminder of how my life sucked. I no longer wore the sling, but still kept it wrapped. It seemed to be getting better each day, thanks to Noah.
“I so need this,” said Ava sitting back down and passing me a latte.
