Impostor

by Winnacker, Susanne

• • •

  Ana drove me home that day. She kept throwing worried glances my way and I could practically feel the tension rolling off her.

  I needed an alibi for my meeting with Yates—Linda wouldn’t let me leave without an explanation. But asking Ana would make her even more suspicious. Not that I had many options. “Could you do me a favor?”

  She hesitated. “Sure, what is it?” Her voice was light but her lips thinned out.

  “I need you to cover for me. I’m meeting someone this afternoon and I can’t tell my mom about it. Can I tell her we’re meeting at your house?”

  Ana narrowed her eyes. “Who are you meeting?”

  “Please, Ana, I can’t tell you yet but it’s important. Please.”

  She swallowed twice, thickly, like she was trying to push back the words that threatened to rise into her mouth. “You know, these last few days I’ve been holding myself back, swallowing my feelings, telling myself it would get better, that you needed time to recover. Actually, I’ve been holding back for months, ever since you started keeping secrets from me. But I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of being lied to and left out. I thought we were best friends. I abandoned everyone for you. And now you won’t even let me in.” She took a deep, shaky breath and wiped at her eyes.

  I opened my mouth but closed it again, unsure of how to respond. I agreed with what she’d said. If Holly had kept so many secrets from me, I’d have been just as hurt and angry. But I couldn’t tell Ana the truth now, not even half of it, no matter how much she deserved it.

  “I don’t know why you don’t trust me,” she said. I could feel that I was losing her, that she was pulling back, and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t talk to her about Yates, much less about the rest. But maybe I didn’t need to.

  “I trust you,” I stammered. “It’s just . . . complicated. The new guy, Alec.” I hesitated and looked down at my lap, trying to feign discomfort.

  “What about him?” There was a flicker of excitement in her voice and it was all the encouragement I needed.

  “I’m meeting him this afternoon.”

  “Like, a date?” Ana slowed the car until we were crawling along at a snail’s pace.

  I glanced up, hoping I looked appropriately embarrassed and excited. “Kind of. We’re hanging out. I’m not really sure what it is yet.”

  “But when did that happen? I’ve never even seen you guys talk!” Every bit of resentment and disappointment I’d seen on her face earlier seemed to evaporate.

  I thought about the times I could have spoken to Alec in school without Ana’s noticing and there weren’t many; she and Devon seemed to be glued to my sides. “Actually, I met him right after I was released from the hospital. I went for a walk around the neighborhood to get some fresh air.”

  “Your parents let you out alone?”

  Shit. “No, I snuck out once, so please don’t mention it around anyone.” I waited for her to nod before I continued my tale. “Alec was jogging near our house and we kind of just started talking. And during lunch break today, I met him in the parking lot and he asked me out.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  My mind drew a blank and a panicky feeling wormed its way into my head as I struggled for a semi-intelligent reply. “Umm, he’s picking me up in his car and we’re going to drive around a bit and familiarize ourselves with the area. I mean, since he just moved here and I don’t really remember much about it.” Gosh, I was a rambling idiot.

  “Okay, but please be careful. You don’t know him very well. Keep your cell phone in your pocket and call me if he’s acting like a douche. Promise me,” she said. Her brown eyes fixed me with a stare that reminded me of Kate’s when she rummaged in other people’s brains.

  I snorted, unable to help myself. “You sound like my mom.”

  “Maddy, I’m serious.”

  “I know.”

  She relaxed against her seat.

  “Don’t tell your mom we’re meeting at my house. If she calls and my mom picks up the phone, she’ll know it was a lie. Tell her we’re spending the day in Manlow. I wanted to head there anyway to go to the mall,” she said.

  That was one of the moments I wished I were just a normal girl. A girl who could go shopping and hang out with her friends instead of doing the kind of work that would terrify any normal person.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “And don’t think I’ll let you off the hook so easily this time. I want a detailed account of your kind-of-date.”

  “And you’ll get one, I promise. I know I’ve been a bad friend . . . and I’m trying to get better, but I’m still trying to figure things out myself. I don’t even know what my life was like before. I don’t even remember why I broke up with Ryan or why I dated him in the first place. Do you know how hard that is? It’s like living someone else’s life.”

  Guilt filled Ana’s face. “I’m so sorry, Maddy. Sometimes I almost forget what happened. It’s easier that way, you know?”

  “I know but it’s my life. I can’t pretend it hasn’t happened.” I knew I had her. This was my chance to pry more information out of her. “Can’t you just tell me more about Ryan and me? I need to know what’s been going on before I can allow myself to consider dating someone new.” I made a mental note to tell Alec about all this later so our stories would line up.

  Ana bit her lip and nodded. “You’d been dating Ryan for a year and a half and you were the dream couple. And you really were happy, at least from the outside. But then, maybe three months before you and Ryan broke up, something changed. I don’t really know what happened. You never said anything about it, but I could see something wasn’t right.” She glanced at me and I tried to keep a straight face. “I thought you and Ryan were drifting apart. It happens. I mean, we’re only in high school, you know? But then Franny and Kristen told everyone they saw you with another guy at the lake, and it was all downhill from there.”

  “How did Ryan react to the rumors?”

  “It’s actually funny. He should have been furious but he never showed it. I think he didn’t believe it. He’s one of those guys who is so full of himself, it’s like he couldn’t imagine his girlfriend would ever want someone else.”

  I nodded as if I understood. But the truth was, I didn’t know Ryan well enough. I hadn’t even talked to him yet. “Thanks, Ana,” I said. I wondered why Madison had kept her in the dark when she seemed like such a good friend.

  We pulled up to the Chambers’ house, where, just like every other day, Linda was already waiting for me in the front yard. New flowers had been planted in the flower beds—purple geraniums—and the lawn was freshly mowed.

  “Oh, and Ana? Could you please keep my date with Alec to yourself? Devon is uberprotective at the moment. I don’t want him to threaten Alec or something. That would be too embarrassing.”

  “My lips are sealed, don’t worry,” she promised.

  We hugged goodbye and I slipped out of the car. I suspected she wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t tell her every little detail about my date. I would soon have more lies to keep track of.

  Inside, Linda had prepared a tray with three different kinds of sandwiches. I told her about school, editing out my search for info and my talk with Mr. Yates. She listened to me, her eyes practically glued to my lips, that loving look on her face like I could do no wrong. What would she say if she found out about Madison’s affair with her teacher?

  “I told Ana I’d meet up with her again at five,” I said between bites.

  Linda wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Where did you girls want to go?”

  “Just to the mall in Manlow.”

  Linda dropped her sandwich. It fell apart, sending lettuce, bacon, and tomatoes sliding onto the table. Her hands shook as she picked them up. “Don’t you think it’s too dangerous to drive to Manlow all alone? Wouldn’t it be better to stay in Livingston? You could invite Ana here and order a pizza.”

  “Ana will be with me the whole time, and the
mall is full of people. I really want to go out. I can’t hide inside forever.”

  She picked up the phone. “I’ll call Devon. He can join you.”

  That was the last thing I needed.

  “Mom, don’t. He has practice. Don’t make him come home because of me.”

  “He doesn’t mind. He’s as worried about you as I am.” She started dialing but I pried the phone from her hands.

  “Please. I don’t need a babysitter. It’s bad enough that Devon keeps an eye on me at school. Ana and I will be at a crowded public place. There’ll be security cameras and people. Nothing is going to happen.” I touched her hand. “Please.”

  She looked away, her lips trembling. I felt horrible for doing this to her.

  “Take your cell phone and the pepper spray with you. Stay in the mall and don’t let Ana out of your sight. I want you two to stick together. And promise to call me as soon as you get there and again when you leave.”

  I kissed her cheek. “I will.”

  • • •

  At four forty-five I made my way downstairs, trying not to feel guilty at the sight of Linda’s worried face. “Don’t forget to call.” She hugged me goodbye and waited outside until I’d turned the corner. Ana lived well within walking distance, so I didn’t have to come up with an excuse for why I didn’t want Linda to drive me.

  Alec waited for me behind the steering wheel of a black Jeep. I gave a quick glance around before I got in to make sure nobody was watching.

  “I told Ana that I was going on a date with you,” I blurted the moment I got inside.

  “Why?” He didn’t act as surprised as I thought he would.

  “She wanted to know what was going on with me. Apparently, she was sick of Madison lying to her, so I had to come up with something. She’s also my alibi for leaving the house, so this seemed like the easiest explanation. I don’t think she’ll ask, but if she does, just tell her we cruised around in your car.”

  “Wow, what an exciting date. Can I at least add some backseat action?”

  I knew he was trying to be funny, but with everything that had been going on between us lately, the laughter died in my throat. He looked away, jaw locked, and started the car. I was glad when the sound of the engine cut through the thick silence.

  Alec parked a couple blocks away from Mr. Yates’s house, so there was no chance that he’d spot us together.

  “Be careful. And don’t let him feel you up,” he said with his usual professionalism.

  “Jeez, thanks for the advice.” My sarcasm made him scowl, but before he could reply, I got out of the car and jogged toward the house. Though I didn’t look over my shoulder, I knew Alec was following close behind.

  The lawn in Yates’s front yard was neat and freshly cut; there wasn’t a single blade of grass that stood taller than an inch. The mailbox and the shingles framing all the windows glowed white like they’d been painted hours ago, and not a speck of dirt could be seen on the light beige clapboard. From the looks of it, I wouldn’t have guessed that it was the home of a single man.

  As I walked up to the front door, I wiped my sweaty palms on the legs of my jeans. I didn’t really know anything about the guy. Was he married? I hadn’t noticed a ring. Would he be a difficult opponent in a fight? He’d looked like an athlete. Maybe this was it. Maybe I was willingly putting myself alone in a house with a guy who strangled people. I didn’t know if he had a Variation, or if I’d have any chance at defending myself against it. My leg muscles twitched with the impulse to bolt. But I didn’t have a choice. Lives depended on me.

  Squaring my shoulders, I pressed the button beside the door.

  A second later, the door creaked open and Yates stood in front of me. He must have been watching my arrival from a window or waiting in the entrance hall. He ushered me inside, with a quick glance outside, probably making sure that none of his neighbors had seen me. I brushed my palm across the Taser in my bag.

  The hall smelled of chocolate.

  “I made chocolate chip cookies,” he explained as he led me into a big, stainless steel kitchen. A baking sheet with fresh, golden brown discs sat atop the spotlessly clean counter. Why the hell had he baked cookies?

  “They’re your favorite.” He smiled tentatively. Had Madison liked that he took care of her? Sweat glistened on his skin. Was it from nerves or because of the heat streaming out of the oven? He picked up the tray with a dish towel and held it out to me. His hands shook. “They’re still warm. Do you want one?”

  They smelled delicious and looked even better. Would a taste really hurt?

  “No, thank you, I’m not hungry. I just ate a sandwich,” I said. It was the truth.

  His smile disappeared and he returned the baking sheet to the counter.

  Perspiration made my back slick. It was too hot in the kitchen. He rested his eyes on me, not once breaking his stare. “Could we go somewhere else?” I asked, taking a step toward the hall.

  He seemed conflicted. Was it such a difficult request? His eyes flitted around the kitchen, over the still-steaming cookies, the empty coffee cup on the round glass table, and the enormous knife-block resting on the counter. I had to stop myself from touching the A over my rib cage. Had Yates used one of those knives to cut his victims?

  A droplet of sweat trickled down my spine. Alec was outside. He’d come if I screamed. I felt the Taser again through the fabric of my purse.

  I took another step back. Yates shook off whatever stupor he’d been in and walked past me, his shoulder brushing my arm and sending a shiver through me.

  I followed him into the living room, where it was thankfully ten degrees cooler. He looked around before gesturing for me to sit on the sofa. It was soft and I sank down into it. It would be difficult to make a quick escape.

  Yates filled two glasses with water and set them down on round coasters before he sat down beside me, his leg pressing against mine. I inched to the side but the armrest stopped my escape. I could still feel Yates’s warmth seeping through the fabric of my jeans. I rubbed my hands over my legs to chase it away. Yates stared at me, his eyes once again lingering on my scar. It was strange to think that Madison had seen something in him, that she might have welcomed his attention.

  “Did we meet here often?” My voice came out hoarse. I took a sip of water, remembering too late that it might be tainted. Hastily I put the glass down. Yates stared at it for a moment before shifting it slightly so it sat in the middle of the coaster. He wiped a few droplets of water from the wooden table. He was obviously thorough, the kind of person who wouldn’t have any trouble covering his tracks.

  Then he shook his head, looking almost embarrassed. “Only twice. We usually met in Manlow or at the lake.” He flinched, his eyes taking up their dance around the room again like a nervous twitch. Madison had been found on the shore of the lake. He must have seen something flicker on my face because he looked like he was going to be sick.

  “Did we meet at the lake on the day of my attack?”

  He ran his finger over the crease in his pants. “So you really don’t remember anything?” I detected a hint of relief in his voice.

  “No. Now stop avoiding my question.”

  “We were supposed to meet that day,” he said slowly.

  “Before or after the time of the attack?”

  “I-I’m not sure. I was late because my wife and I had a fight and when I arrived at the lake, I didn’t see you anywhere. I thought you’d left. If I’d known you were there waiting for me . . .” He trailed off and inched toward me.

  Wife? I leaned on the armrest to put more space between our bodies. “Did you see anyone?”

  “It was a misty day. Not many people were around.”

  “Was there a reason for our meeting? I mean, it was pretty cold for a date at the lake.”

  Red crawled up his neck. “Why are you asking all these questions? I feel like you’re interrogating me. Do you think I’m the one who attacked you?” He let out a laugh but it sounded fo
rced.

  I shrugged. “It would be bad if people found out about us.”

  Something flickered in his eyes—anger or fear. He put his hand on my knee. “Maddy, maybe we should just forget what happened.”

  Next to the couch there was an end table, with various photos on it. Framed in sterling silver, Yates posed with a tall, curly-haired woman. They looked happy.

  I jerked away from him and stood up, causing his hand to slide off my leg. “Is that your wife?”

  He buried his face in his hands and let out a sigh before he spoke. “Yes.”

  “Did I know about her?”

  “Yes.”

  I didn’t get it. How could Madison have had an affair with him? It was one thing to date your own teacher but a whole different thing to date a teacher who had a wife.

  “My wife and I married too young. We care about each other, but we were never a good match. We have an estranged relationship. We barely talk anymore.”

  I didn’t sit down again and Yates didn’t try to make me. From the corner of my eye, I kept track of his movements while I tried to catch a glimpse of Alec outside. “What happened between us?”

  Yates pressed his head against the backrest, his eyes darting around the room. “I don’t think—”

  “Just tell me.”

  “It . . . it started four months ago.” Four months? Madison had broken up with Ryan only two months ago. Six weeks before the murderer had attacked her.

  “You were one of the few students who showed genuine interest in my class and we often talked afterward about the books we’d covered.”

  I couldn’t look away from the smiling photo showing him with his arm around his wife’s shoulder. When was that picture taken? Had his smile been fake?

  A question rose up in my throat but wouldn’t make it past my lips. It seemed glued to my tongue. I knew I had to ask. I swallowed my reluctance. “Did we . . . did we sleep together?”

  He hesitated. Was he thinking about lying? It was too late for that. His hesitance was all the answer I needed.

  “We did,” I said, leaving no room for protest. Madison was eighteen—only two years older than me—and yet she was so much more experienced. I hadn’t even kissed anyone yet and she’d already slept with this man and probably with Ryan, too.