Trembling under the force of his pleading, I can only whisper, “It’s not real.”
Braden softens his voice, but not so much that it can’t still reach my ear. The silkiness of it leaves a trail of tiny shivers on my skin.
“When I touch you …” His voice practically caresses my cheek, making my chin quiver.
“When I kiss you …” My knee trembles when I remember the feel of his lips on mine.
“When I’m near you, Libby, every cell in my body screams at me that I need you. Not just as a lover, but as a friend, a guide, a partner, a leader. The years I spent alone fade from my mind when I’m around you because I know our futures are intertwined, and that the impact we will have on the world will be worth all the painful nights I’ve spent alone, wishing for someone to stay by my side.”
“Braden, I …” I can feel my tears slowly freezing as they roll down my cheeks. Braden’s fingers tremble with desire to brush them away.
His first two fingers press against his wrist, a renewal of his promise that he loves me. I have to turn away from the reminder. “Let me give you my Oath, Libby. Please,” he asks.
“I can’t, or it will only get worse. Don’t you understand that?” I’m pleading again, but Braden is too absorbed in my question to answer. “If you give me your Oath, everything we’ve been feeling will get ten times stronger. Please don’t do that to me. Please don’t force me to live with that. I can’t handle it.”
Now it is my hands clutched tight against my body so they can’t escape me and grab him, shake him until he gives up. Slowly, Braden says, “For me it will definitely get worse, but for you, nothing will change unless you honestly feel something for me.”
He says it as a statement, but I can easily hear the question in his words. He waits for an answer. My throat constricts at the thought of actually having to give him one. I don’t want to do it. It will only encourage him to push harder, to try and steal me away from Milo.
He’s still waiting. He’ll wait forever. Hoping like a fool that Braden’s stone cold maturity will hold out a little longer, I force myself to answer him.
“It will get worse for me, too, Braden.”
Hope shudders around him, but he quickly stifles it. Or not. Pent up elation knocks me back a step. “Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you right now?” Braden asks.
Uh, yeah. But I put my foot down on that idea. “Don’t you dare!” I purposely look over at Milo then back to him. “If you do anything to clue Milo in about how you feel about me, I swear you will regret it. I’ll give up your help if I have to. Milo means more to me than anything, including the Ciphers.”
“I won’t do anything,” he assures me. His gaze slips past me to where Milo is thankfully still standing. “You really love him?”
“I do. Some of the things you said about me, that’s how I feel about Milo. After my Inquest, everyone in my life abandoned me. Milo was the only one who gave me a chance, who loved me in spite of who I am,” I say, my burning desperation to convince him bubbling to the surface as more tears. I just hope tonight hasn’t ruined things between me and Milo. Braden frowns, but says nothing, so I go on through a bought of sniffling. “If I let you give me your Oath, it may wipe Milo out of my heart completely. I’m willing to risk a lot for the sake of the Ciphers, but not Milo. Please don’t force me to give him up. I’ll be able to trust you completely if you do, but I may never forgive you.”
Pure, unabashed begging fills my eyes as I plead with him, soul to soul. Forget Perception, I can see every emotion that rolls across his face. His fingers twitch, eager to reach his emblem and make the few simple gestures that will bind him to me forever. I squeeze my arms around my body more tightly, my entire body begging for his agreement to this one request.
“I want you to be able to trust me, Libby. I don’t want you to doubt anything I tell you,” he says softly.
“I do trust you.”
“How can you?” he asks.
Lessening my death grip on myself, I say, “It’s enough that you’re offering, for now.”
I truly mean it. Being this close to him, nothing could ever convince me that he would put me in danger. My hands move to reach for him of their own free will, but my brain catches up with them and yanks them back before actually making contact. I can feel his pulse speed up. I also see Milo’s shadow disappear and the door opens a second later. My body starts going into panic mode, while Braden seems completely unaffected. My breathing and pulse are climbing with each of Milo’s steps. I have no desire to hurt Milo any more than I already have tonight by giving him any clue of what this conversation has been about, but I need to say one more thing before Milo gets within ear shot.
“Promise me that you won’t give me your Oath until I ask for it,” I whisper. It’s a miracle if Braden even hears me.
“I promise,” he whispers back, “but only as long as it doesn’t put you in any danger.”
“Fine …” I stop myself before insisting he promise on his emblem. I have to show him that I trust him or this deal won’t last. Milo would never agree with me about trusting Braden, but I swallow the words.
In a normal voice I say, “Now go home and get some sleep. We’ve got a lot of work to do starting tomorrow, and I know you’ve got to be as exhausted as I am.”
Milo pulls up beside me and folds his arms across his chest. “That sounds like a great idea. I think this conversation has lasted longer than it needed to. What was so important?”
“Braden had some questions about his place in our team, and I wanted to make sure he understood exactly what it will cost him to join us,” I say before Braden can respond.
“Death,” Milo says, “or something worse that makes you wish you were dead. That’s the cost if we fail and the Guardians win. Simple as that.”
Seemingly unaffected by Milo’s dire but true statement, Braden says, “Simply winning or losing doesn’t matter. That’s what I wanted to talk to Libby about.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Braden’s gaze leaves Milo and comes back to me. His eyes take me in differently than before. This time it isn’t a sensuous, but a more serious look. “Libby, you know this isn’t going to end with rescuing the Ciphers, right? There’s a lot more to your destiny than raising an army.”
“My destiny? You think you know something about that?”
Braden finally steps back from both of us. He moves to his car door before looking over his shoulder, and saying with absolute honesty, “Yes, I do.”
“What?” I demand. I know he’s not joking or teasing. Milo looks ready to walk over and beat it out of him, but I hold him back. “What do you know, Braden? You have to tell me.”
“If you expect us to trust you, you had better tell us everything you know about Libby,” Milo says seriously.
Braden opens his car door, ready to disappear. “If it were only a matter of trust, I would.”
Chapter 1
8
First Wave
Even attempting to go back to the spirit world after first making contact with the Ciphers was too much stress on my body and spirit. I tried to go back with Casey the next night. As soon as I tried to push my spirit away from my body, I started shaking uncontrollably. Fortunately, Lance was with us. He pulled me back out quickly and started warming me up right away. And then the obnoxious little brat called Braden and told him all about it. Braden pretty much forbade me from going into the spirit world until he deemed me recovered enough to try. Casey went instead and let Saia know what was going on. Saia and I have been patiently waiting for two weeks.
The one good thing about having to wait for Braden’s okay is that it’s given Milo more time to work on his own Spiritualism. As much as I’ve been dying to get back to Saia and the others, having to face Braden and that frightening connection between us has kept me from getting too upset. I still have no idea how to react to that development, or what to think about it. Milo figured out how to reach the spirit
world a few days ago and he’s going to come with us tonight. Which means no Braden, because I’m not going to risk Milo’s figuring out about the whole Companion thing. I am really not up for trying to explain that any time soon.
Casey sits down across from Milo and starts reminding him of the process we’re about to go through. Casey is extremely nice and very compassionate toward just about everyone, but she and I haven’t really clicked in that best friend sort of way. We talk at school and enjoy each other’s company, and we’ve even eaten lunch together on the weekends a few times since she joined our group. It’s just not the same as having someone you can really unload on.
Jen hasn’t spoken to me since my Inquest, but I wish she would. All she’s done so far is write about me on her blog. Thankfully there hasn’t been anything too revealing, other than my rescuing Casey in the hall. Even still, I miss her no-nonsense attitude and die-hard love to gossip and dish. If anyone could help me figure out how to get Braden to stop being in love with me, it would be her.
As I sit down on the floor next to Casey and Milo, ready to get started, a sour taste develops in my mouth after thinking about Jen. Lance promised he would keep an eye on what she’s been doing. When he made the promise, I really hoped it wouldn’t be necessary. I was wrong again, big shocker there. Keeping up with what she writes on her blog is easy enough, but Lance has been digging deeper. He let me know yesterday that Jen has spent some time at my mom’s house since her Inquest. And she isn’t the only one.
Apparently my lovely mother has collected her own little gaggle of talented young adults to do her dirty work. I have no doubt but that once her teaching methods start to pay off, I’ll be the main focus of that work when it comes to Jen. She must see her coverage of me as a way to get noticed. I wouldn’t have thought so unkindly about her once, but knowing that she’s hanging out with my mom, I can’t count on Jen not being influenced by her.
If only I could put Jen’s reporting abilities to use for me, get her to help with the Cipher families and drum up support for what I’m doing. I sigh. If only.
“Ready?” Casey asks me.
I shake off thoughts of Jen and my mom and nod eagerly. Milo looks both nervous and excited. He actually looks at me without any hint of the lingering anger that has been there since I told him about Braden. Milo still sits with me, kisses me, holds my hand whenever we’re together, but I can feel the little bit of extra distance between us that wasn’t there before. It kills me to know it’s my fault. I lied to him, yes, but I honestly felt as if I had to. I don’t know, maybe that’s not a good enough excuse. I have faith he’ll forgive me … eventually.
For now, I’m just going to focus on trying to get back to the spirit world. I’m nervous even to attempt it. I’m all on my own this time. So is Milo, but his excitement to go back seems to be slowly overpowering his anxiety. I wasn’t there, of course, but I guess when he first made it into the spirit world the other day he was nearly swallowed up in their enthusiasm. He hadn’t been expecting that and was caught off guard at first. I take his hand for a moment and squeeze it encouragingly. He smiles back and takes a deep breath. Casey goes into her trance first, then Milo, and finally me, with Lance watching me very closely.
I can’t feel my body once I start pushing my spirit away, but not being yanked back out by Lance right away proves Braden was right that I’m well enough to make an attempt. This trip might not last very long, though, so I push ahead quickly. Or at least I try to. The other two are probably already there, but I can’t seem to find any footing. Getting away from my body is a constant game of tug-of-war. Fear that I won’t make it is defeated by my determination to get there and eventually yanks me forward.
Facing the barrier, I know I’m in for another battle. I shove myself into the barrier and start wading through. What little strength I had left is drained by the time I finally make it past. Casey and Milo are already here. Milo’s celebrity status hasn’t dulled. Dozens of Ciphers are crowding around him, pestering him with questions and asking to see his diktats.
When I first met Milo, he was practically invisible. He was doing it on purpose since he was hiding from the Guardians, but that quiet, unassuming, almost shy person is the one I know best. I was shocked to find out later that before his disastrous Inquest, Milo was a star football player, quarterback even, and extremely popular. I have a hard time imagining that. Not so much the star athlete, since he’s very fit, but the popular and outgoing part. Even now that he doesn’t have to hide he’s pretty reserved, but I guess that’s mainly because me and my little group are social pariahs. None of us could manage popular and outgoing even if we tried.
Despite being outcasts, it seems as if Milo never lost his flair with people. I watch him grin and shake hands, answer questions like a key note speaker, and drink in attention. I don’t think he’s even noticed that I’ve arrived. It’s a strange thing to watch. With Lance around all the time now, Milo is usually glued to my side making sure Lance doesn’t try anything. I feel strange standing in the background with him completely unaware of me.
A slight touch on my shoulder finally pulls my eyes away from him. I turn to find a gleeful Saia standing behind me. I smile right away and happily accept a hug from her.
“Libby,” she says, “I’m so glad you’re finally back. I was worried when Casey said your first trip affected you so badly.”
I try to shrug off her concern. “That’s what I get for ignoring this talent for so long, I guess. I’ll be fine.”
My eyes drift back to Milo, and Saia laughs. “He’s made quite the impression on everyone here. None of the Ciphers can get enough of him.”
“Apparently,” I say.
“Why don’t we leave him to enjoy the attention? We can get started with just us,” she says.
“Alright.”
I follow her away from the congregated Ciphers. She walks with me instead of jumping directly to where she wants to go like other Ciphers do. That’s one of the things I like about Saia. She seems so considerate of other people’s needs, even when they inconvenience her. I’m convinced that if I had met her in the regular world she wouldn’t have despised me for being the Destroyer. I don’t think Saia could ever hate anyone. She looks to be around the same age as my mom, and actually looks somewhat like her with her dark hair and eyes, and golden skin. They’re thankfully nothing like each other, though. I think that’s what I like most about Saia.
We reach an area away from everyone else, and Saia stops. There are no buildings or rooms in the spirit world, only soft ambient light and a mist that somehow either turns into something concrete enough to walk on or simply covers a more stable material. I have no idea how the Ciphers tell one place from another, but somehow they all seem to know exactly where they’re going.
Saia sits down and the lingering mist seems to drift away from her so the air is clear between us. I join her and am welcomed by another warm smile. I’m about to ask her a question when I notice a strange depression in the ground to the right of us. “What’s that?” I ask.
Saia looks at the depression and turns thoughtful. “None of us know. It has always been here since the first Cipher, but it seems to have no purpose other than serving as a marker. This is where we gather together. We call this area the Central Expanse.”
Huh. I stare at the depression a moment longer, wondering about it. The mist that envelops this place seems to be coming from it, but it’s hard to say for sure. It’s an oddity, but I don’t really have time to contemplate it so I turn back to Saia.
“So, Libby, how are you doing? You’ve recovered from the effects of your first trip here?”
Her concern for me makes me smile. I know she’s dying to hear about the escape plan details. “I’m not completely recovered yet, but I’m good enough to come here tonight, although I had a much harder time getting here than I expected.”
“What do you mean?” Saia asks.
“Well, when I came here the first time I was able to push a
way from my body easily, and when I reached the barrier again after breaking my block, all I had to do was walk forward. It was easy, no struggling at all,” I say. “This time, just getting away from my body took all my concentration, and I almost didn’t make it through the barrier. I felt as if I were swimming through quicksand to get here. No matter how hard I pushed forward, something kept pulling me back.”
The kind but amused smile that plays on Saia’s lips makes me wonder if I’ve just shown her how inexperienced I really am at all this. But there’s no judgment in her eyes, just the same look my dad would get when he thought I had said something cute.
“What?” I ask.
“Libby, I won’t claim to know anything about actually using a talent, since I’ve never had the privilege using one, but we Ciphers do spend a lot of our time talking with the Spiritualists that come here. We try to get as much information about talents as we can in hopes that we’ll one day get to use them.”
I nod, hoping their knowledge of talents will give them a boost in our escape plan. But I’m not sure what talents have to do with what I told her. She sees my confusion and continues.
“You came here the first time with Braden, right?” Saia asks.
“Yeah, and he stayed with me the whole time.”
“We also love to learn about Companion links.”
“Oh.” I have the sudden desire to cover my ears, but I don’t.
Saia smiles. “Being with your Companion doesn’t only magnify your talents, it enhances them by sharing knowledge of using the talents as well. It was easy for you to get here with Braden because of his experience gained over years of practice. When you came tonight, you were only functioning on your own knowledge and experience.”
I hadn’t expected an explanation like that. A frustrated frown settles on my lips. This thing with Braden just keeps getting more and more complicated.
“How would that work with other talents, say Perception?” I ask.
Secret of Betrayal: Book Two of The Destroyer Trilogy Page 18
