by CJ Lyons
“Don’t I know it.”
“Maybe he’s such a control freak that he’s obsessed because you escaped him. He knows you even escaped death; it was in the papers. Maybe he sees you as some kind of—” he stopped, frustrated searching for words.
“What? He sees me as having cheated him, defied him? Does that mean that in his mind, I have control over him? Or that he won’t stop until he does kill me?”
Josh wished he had the answer.
CHAPTER 26
Hershey crawled on top of Josh, whining, poking his wet nose against Josh’s face.
“Get off, you went out already,” Josh mumbled, trying to shove the Lab off the bed. Hershey jumped to the floor and ran to the door, scratching at it and whining.
“Why is it always at three am that you want to go out?” Josh got up, wincing as his bare feet hit the cold floor. He opened the door, and Hershey raced out to the stairs.
He followed the dog and almost tripped over her. Kate was huddled at the top of the steps, one hand cradling her bad arm, her head against her knees.
“Kate, what are you doing out here?” he asked in a whisper, sitting down on the step beside her. “Something wrong?”
She shook her head. He could barely make her out in the moonlight streaming through the window above the landing.
“No.” Faint tracks of tears glistened on her cheeks. “I thought I heard something, so I got up. I guess it was too fast, I got dizzy and almost fell down the stairs. Sorry I woke you.”
Then he saw the handgun clenched in her fist. He drew his breath in. The same kind of gun had killed her. Yet she clung to it as if it held some magical protection.
“Were you going to tell me you brought a gun into my house?”
She glanced down at her hand as if she’d forgotten the lethal weapon. “I felt naked without it. If it bothers you—”
The entire concept of a weapon designed to be easily concealed and produced for no other reason than to shoot a human being disturbed him.
“I wished you would have told me.” He paused, but couldn’t stop himself before addressing the real source of his concern. “And I don’t think it’s safe for you to be carrying a gun with the blackouts you’ve been having. Why don’t you let me take you back to Three Rivers for more testing?”
She slowly raised her head and glared at him. Ah, there was the tough lady he knew and admired.
“You know, Lightner, I’m getting tired of your patronizing bedside manner. I want to stop being a patient and get back to being a person living her own life!”
She shrugged his arm away, tried to stand and lost her balance. Josh caught her, saved her from tumbling down the stairs, but not before she banged her left shoulder against the banister. Hershey didn’t help matters by jumping up, pushing them both against the wall.
They stood there, awkwardly balanced on the top step, Kate swearing softly through her tears of pain, Josh trying to ignore the heat radiating from the woman who filled his arms. Finally he carried her into his room and sat her down on the bed.
He turned on the bedside light, took the gun from her hand and placed it on the night stand. Tiny dots of blood seeped through the shoulder of her t-shirt.
“Let me have a look at that,” he told her, supporting her arm as he removed the t-shirt. He hoped she didn’t notice that he was breathing harder. The T-shirt and boxers he’d worn to bed weren’t the best choice to camouflage his other physical responses, either. She’s a patient, he told himself, but with her sitting there half-naked, on his bed, the mantra was fast losing its effectiveness.
The sight of the finely sewn sutures criss-crossing her flesh brought him back to his senses, reminding him how much she had already been through. He couldn’t hurt her, cause her any more pain. Taking advantage of her in this weakened state would do just that. The thought cooled his libido faster than a cold shower.
“That’ll be fine,” he said in his best clinical tone. Too bad his voice kept catching, betraying him. “Just tore a couple of stitches loose. They were almost ready to come out anyway. I’ll bet banging that clavicle hurt like hell, though.”
No reply except for a grudging shrug of her good shoulder. Josh went into the bathroom and returned with materials to re-dress her wound. He worked quickly, ignoring her glare and the stubborn set of her jaw.
Now that he was thinking clearly, he fought to restrain his own anger. Why hadn’t she come to him first? Did she think she had to protect him? That it was better for her to go up against an intruder alone, injured, than both of them together?
“What’s next, a temper tantrum?”
She startled, her eyes wide. “Do you think I like this, being helpless?”
“I think you’re stubborn and used to having things your way and now that isn’t happening, so you’re feeling sorry for yourself and taking it out on me.”
“Give me a break.” She started to get up.
“Sit!” he commanded, surprised when both she and Hershey obeyed. “What’s really going on here, Kate? Is our arguing all night going to solve your problems? Is it going to bring Rob or Sergeant Conrad or Dimeo back or get a killer off the street?”
She looked down and shook her head. “You’re right.”
“I am?”
“I guess I was feeling sorry for myself. And,” she paused, “I’m scared.”
The last came out in a barely audible whisper. He felt certain that it was the first time those words had ever passed her lips.
The thought almost broke his resolve. He wanted to pull her into his arms, promise to protect her, promise her the world. Instead, he took her chin in his hand and brought her face up.
“Listen to me, Kate. It’s okay to be scared. I’d be worried about you if you weren’t in these circumstances. That’s what fear is, a protective reflex. As long as you don’t run away from it, let it push you into foolish heroics.”
She said nothing, but her eyes cleared and her expression relaxed. Josh was desperate to hold her again, kiss away her fears, but he couldn’t allow himself to. His muscles were stiff with the effort it took to keep his hands off her.
“It’s late, we’re both exhausted. Why don’t you curl up here? Hershey and I will keep the bogeymen away.” The words escaped his lips before he could realize the torture he was inviting upon himself. Still, better she was here safe at his side than alone in the dark.
She didn’t respond, merely sat there, hands dangling between her knees as if she’d lost the will to make a decision. Finally he walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers, then clicked off the light when she didn’t move.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked, knowing that some things are better spoken of in darkness.
“No. I’m fine,” came her mumbled reply.
“Is it about your friend, Jenn?”
Silence, except for the sound of her sigh reverberating around the dark room.
“If Turner’s been spouting those lies—what could she be thinking?” Her voice caught. “But how can I face her? Turner’s right about one thing. Rob would still be alive if it weren’t for me. He would have taken that spot on day shift and he’d be home right now…”
Her voice faded away. Josh sat up against his pillows. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he could make out her form. He yearned to draw her near to him, but knew she needed distance, the illusion of being in control.
“Maybe tomorrow we can drive over to see her, you can explain to her,” he suggested.
She remained silent, but she pulled her feet up and drew the covers over her legs as she leaned back against the pillows. Hershey jumped up, snuggling in between the two warm bodies.
“See, you’re safe here,” Josh said. “Even got a chaperone. Hope you don’t mind snoring. I don’t snore, but Hershey does.”
The bed vibrated with her soft chuckle. He stretched his hand out to rest on top of the covers. A few moments later her hand covered his.
“Thanks, Lightner.”<
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CHAPTER 27
Kate woke, and her first thought was of going back to sleep. For another two thousand millennia or so. She remembered dreaming of lullabies and wild flowers and the house with the red shutters. Remembered feeling safe with Lightner’s warm body nestled beside her.
Then she opened her eyes and looked around. Lightner was gone, the comforter on his side of the bed pulled back neatly. She hadn’t dreamt it.
How had she let everything get so complicated? What should she say to him, how should she act? If it had been a simple one-night stand she could handle that, but there was a lot more at stake here.
She smiled as she remembered what a gentleman he had been. She had never met anyone like him. A man who wasn’t thinking only of himself, who put her needs first. This was serious business. She couldn’t risk hurting this man; he’d done too much to help her already.
She showered, her thoughts still on the definitely non-professional aspect of her relationship with Dr. Lightner. Once she had her shoulder immobilizer back in place, the throbbing in her side died down. For the first time in a week she was actually eager to begin the day.
Kate stopped and cursed. She’d been so busy mooning over Lightner, she’d almost forgotten that there was a cop-killer out on the streets. And that she was sidelined from joining in the hunt to find him.
What was she supposed to do? Crochet doilies? Irritation surged through her, wrecking her contented mood. Wasn’t going to happen.
Today was the day she took back her life. She’d go down to the House, have a talk with Carter, convince him to let her go back to her apartment—the one place she knew the killer would be going.
She stopped midway down the stairs, feeling like a voyeur. Intense yearning to find a place in the scene before her collided with reality, leaving her with a clenched stomach and jaw.
Lightner stood at the stove, deftly scrambling eggs in a cast iron skillet with one hand while playing tug-o-war with Hershey with the other.
The dog jerked and pulled, obviously loving every moment while the man cajoled.
“C’mon you old mutt, that the best you have,” Lightner teased the dog, letting loose with a fake growl.
Hershey abruptly dropped his weight, pulling his master off balance, thumping against the floor. Lightner lost his spatula in the eggs and almost toppled a stack of toast before finally surrendering.
“Hey, I want a rematch,” Lightner called as Hershey dragged the pull toy off into the family room.
Sunlight painted the kitchen in broad, bright streaks. Lightner wore jeans and a flannel shirt, his hair still damp. Kate watched him stir the eggs, imagining what it would be like if they had made love last night, if they were together as a couple. She could wake to this everyday. She had the sudden image of Lightner wrapping his arms around her, kissing her tenderly while the eggs burned.
That was is what ordinary people did on Saturday mornings, she thought not a little wistfully. Was this a life she could ever have?
Her elbow banged against the stair rail, the pain jolting her from her idyllic fantasy. So much stood between her and any kind of normalcy it was laughable. She blew out her breath. Lightner deserved better than the chaos and uncertainty that was all Kate had to offer him.
He deserved the perfect life she could only dream of.
The life she may never have. Anger and regret propelled her the rest of the way down the stairs.
“Good morning,” Lightner sang out, his chipper tone fueling her irritation. “Just in time.”
He scooped a pile of eggs onto a plate, added toast and set it on the table, pulling out a chair for her. Kate’s nostrils flared and she yanked the chair from him. “I thought you were going to stop treating me like an invalid.”
He stepped back at the sharp tone of her voice, his mouth twisting. “I wasn’t treating you like a patient, I was treating you like a lady. It’s a little thing called manners. You should try it some time.”
To avoid answering, she shoved a forkful of eggs into her mouth. He fixed a plate for himself and joined her across the table. The eggs were perfect, not too dry, not too soggy. Damn it.
At least he’d burnt the crust on her toast. Guy wasn’t totally perfect after all.
There was silence except her clattering her silverware, not sure where the anger was coming from but happy to give it an outlet, chomping at her food without enjoying it.
Lightner watched her, at first in concern—which really pissed her off—then in amusement. She remembered his comment about tantrums.
Damn the man, did he always have to be right?
She swallowed and took a sip of orange juice. “Thank you. It’s very good.”
It was as close as she’d ever come to an apology—and she wasn’t even sure what the hell she was apologizing for. But he nodded, his smile returning, making it all the way to his eyes when Hershey came up and nudged her thigh with his nose.
“He wants to play. Won’t let up until you do.”
Kate relented. Just because this wasn’t, couldn’t ever be her life, didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy it while she was here. She finished eating and pushed her chair back so that she could grab Hershey’s tug toy without jarring her bad side.
Her enjoyment was short lived. While she and Hershey were playing, the phone rang. Lightner answered, then brought it over to her. “It’s Carter.”
She took the receiver. “Hello?”
“Hey, how’s it going? The patrol units said everything around there was quiet last night.” Carter didn’t wait for her reply. “Can you and the doc come down to the House? The brass called in the feebies and they want to talk to you both.”
“I’ll bet,” she replied dryly. Bringing in outsiders to help solve the murders of their own cops, that rankled. “When and where?”
“They’ve taken over roll call. We’ll be here all day.”
“I’ll be there shortly,” she said and hung up.
Lightner looked up from his plate. “Something happen? Did they catch him?”
“No. Carter wants us to go down to the precinct to talk to some hotshot FBI investigators.”
“How much are you going to tell them?”
She considered that. “I don’t know.”
Josh tried to make conversation as he drove through East Liberty, but Kate was distant, answering with short, clipped sentences. She kept her head tilted to the side, watching the street in front of them as well as what was reflected in the side view mirror. He looked over once and noticed that her gaze seemed constantly shifting—absorbing everything, weighing, assessing, judging. Her eyes had a hard edge to them that he didn’t recognize.
“Son of a bitch!” Her shout made him jerk the wheel. “Pull over, stop the car!”
Josh slammed on the brakes and pulled the sports car into the bus lane. She had the door open before he came to a complete stop. She hauled herself to her feet. He undid his seatbelt and jumped out in time to see her racing across the street toward a group of kids gathered on the street corner. He followed after her, but was stopped by oncoming traffic.
“Kate, wait! What are you doing?” She ignored him, instead chasing after one youth as the remainder of the gang dispersed.
“Damn you, Marcus!” she was yelling as she used her good hand to shove the tall, lanky teenager against a wall. Josh joined her, looking over his shoulder, hoping that the others wouldn’t notice that they were alone.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he said.
She continued to swear at the kid. Josh didn’t know why Marcus, whoever he was, didn’t haul off and belt her—the kid was big enough he could have taken both of them easily. Instead, Marcus just hung his head and assumed a position against the wall. He moaned when Kate awkwardly began to frisk him.
“I ain’t carrying, O’Hern,” he protested.
“You’d damned well better not be, Marcus,” she replied, systematically searching his pockets. “Watch your English. I’m not one of your guttersnip
e friends that you have to put on a show for.” Apparently satisfied that Marcus had no drugs or weapons on him, she pulled at his shoulder, turning him around to face them. Josh was surprised to see that Marcus was smiling.
“Good to see you, O’Hern,” he said. “Grams was upset when she read that you’d been shot.”
“Not half as upset as she’ll be if you lose your ride. Damn it, Marcus, what were you thinking, hanging out with that trash? You know it violates your parole.”
“I have to live in this ‘hood. And when I leave for school, Gram still lives here. I don’t want nobody hassling her.”
“Your grandmother will be fine. I’ll keep an eye out for her, I promise.”
Marcus stared at her for a second, Josh could read the doubt on his face. Finally he nodded and put out a hand. Kate grasped it firmly. “Guess it was a good thing that guy didn’t kill you, O’Hern.”
Kate rolled her eyes and smiled. “Glad you feel that way, Marcus. By the way, meet the man you can blame for that. This is Joshua Lightner, he’s my surgeon.”
Josh couldn’t help but grin at the way she said “my surgeon”, and he took Marcus’ hand. “Pleased to meet you, Marcus.”
“Marcus is going to be a doctor some day. After he finishes school next June, he’ll be starting at Penn State. If he doesn’t blow his scholarship,” she finished firmly.
“Not a chance, O’Hern—not between you and Grams bird-dogging me, anyway. Nice to meet you, doc. I’ve got to get going.”
“Home to study, right?” Kate asked.
Marcus grinned. “Right.” He started down the sidewalk.
“Tell your gram I said hi!” Kate called after him, and he waved his hand in reply.
“Nice kid,” Josh said once they were safely off the street and back in the car.
“Yeah, I only hope he can make it to graduation without screwing up. He’s smart, but it’s tough in this neighborhood. Lots of people here want to see Marcus fall flat on his face. They don’t want his success to remind them what they could’ve had if they didn’t waste their lives smoking rock.”
