I couldn’t let myself think about that now, though.
I’d decided from the first that I wouldn’t get involved with him while I was still married to Sarah, and here I was, just a month later, practically throwing myself at him, ready to break my word if he gave me the chance. I was ashamed of myself, even though an unreasonable part of me insisted that nothing I felt for him—nothing I did with him—could possibly be wrong… but I knew that looking for reasons to justify breaking my promises would start me down a slippery slope. It was a path I’d seen others take, and one that I knew wouldn’t lead anywhere I wanted to go.
“Ball,” Holly said now, picking up my finger and using it to point to the picture while she giggled.
I was on the couch, Holly on my lap, and we were flipping through a brightly colored board book called First 100 Words. I pushed thoughts of a future with Maks aside and let her cheerful enthusiasm ground me in the present.
“What color is it, honey?” I asked her, pushing my glasses up higher on my nose with my free hand and kissing the top of her head.
“Blue!” she said. I loved how she got so excited about everything, and it wasn’t much of an effort at all to give her my full attention. She was exactly the reminder I needed to get my mind back on what was important. We flipped through most of the book, talking animatedly about fish and bears and socks and frogs, but before we got to the end she started to yawn.
“Sleep,” she said, patting my cheek. “Holly go bed.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to look at more pictures?” I asked a little desperately. I knew that getting her to sleep before she got cranky was a good idea, but if I didn’t have her to distract me, I was afraid that my mind would just end up spinning in circles of frustrated wanting for something I couldn’t have. I pointed at another picture in the book, hoping to spark her interest. “Look at the pink flower.”
“No. Sleep,” she insisted, rubbing her eyes.
“I’ll take her, Dev,” Sarah said, yawning herself as she walked into the living room. “Thanks for letting me nap.”
When Sarah took her daughter, I was left alone with my thoughts of Maks. We didn’t always make plans—we hadn’t made any for the next day—but ever since the first time he’d taken me to lunch, we’d spent time together every day. Based on the pattern we’d fallen into over the last few weeks, I trusted that one way or another, Maks would be around tomorrow.
It wasn’t really that late, but I decided to head to bed, too. Sleeping would make the next day arrive faster, and as guilty as I was starting to feel about my weakening resolve, I couldn’t wait to see Maks again.
* * *
It had been four days since I’d seen Maks. The day after we’d gone down to the water park at Great Wolf Lodge, Sunday, he’d called to say he was going to be out of town for a few days. I’d been unreasonably disappointed at the idea of not seeing him.
I hadn’t realized that it also meant I wasn’t going to hear from him.
After a couple of days of my crankiness, Sarah’s patience had been stretched thin, and she’d told me to stop moping and call him. And I had. I’d left a voicemail. And then I’d texted. And then I’d done both of those things again. But now it was Wednesday, and I still hadn’t heard back from him.
“Oh, honey,” Sarah said, slipping onto the couch next to me. “You need to get your mind off of him.”
I couldn’t answer her around the lump in my throat. I’d never felt this badly in my life, but I wasn’t in any position to complain. The love of Sarah’s life had died. Maks—a man I’d only known for a month and had barely even kissed—had simply gotten tired of waiting.
And he’d left me.
Oh, God. I took off my glasses and scrubbed at my eyes. I was Not Going To Cry. It was my own damn fault for not giving in to what we’d both wanted. I really couldn’t blame him. But… it hurt.
Sarah wiped my cheeks and took my chin in her hand, tipping it so that I had to look at her.
“I’ve missed my chance, Sarah,” I said miserably.
“Dev, honestly? I don’t know what’s going on, but Maks was so into you. I really think he’ll be back. And…” She bit her lip, as if she wasn’t sure whether I’d want to hear whatever she’d stopped herself from saying.
“What, Sare?”
“If he does come back, and you want to be with him, I think you should.” She held up her hand to stop me when I tried to say something. “I know you think it could put my insurance at risk, but honey, I wonder if that’s true? I mean, we are legally married. I think that’s all that matters for the benefits to cover Holly and me, regardless of what you do.”
“It’s not just that, Sarah. It’s… I promised. We said vows. I don’t want to break those just because something I want more comes along.” I realized what I’d just said as soon as the words left my mouth, and rushed to try and fix it. “I mean, not more. You know I love you and Holly.”
“I know what you mean, Dev.” She laughed. “It’s fine. Trust me, I love you, too, but if I had the chance to be with Luke again… I know everyone said we were too young, but I loved him. We would have been forever. He was it for me.”
“How do you know?” I asked, the lump back in my throat. I had no right to feel the same way about Maks, but that didn’t stop me from feeling it.
Now she had to wipe at her own eyes. “Oh, honey, it’s going to sound silly. You know, Luke and I used to say that we were destined for each other. From the first time I saw him, that was it. There was no one else. It’s like he was the other half of me, and he felt the same. That’s why… remember when we got the call telling us that he hadn’t made it?”
I nodded, reaching out to squeeze her hand.
“Remember that I refused to believe it? It was because I couldn’t. I still felt him, here.” She put her hand over her heart. “I always thought that if anything ever happened to him, I would know, that it would be like the part my heart that was his was… gone. But even now, I can still feel him. I still love him. It’s like he’ll always be a part of me.
“And, Dev, when Maks looks at you… it’s the same. The same way Luke used to look at me. I know you haven’t known Maks for long, but if it could be like what Luke and I had, I would hate for you to miss out on that. And I would especially hate it if the reason you missed out was because of me.”
I sighed. It would be so easy to agree with her—I wanted to—but Sarah didn’t understand. “Did you know my mother was married three times?” I asked her.
She shook her head.
“Not to my father,” I continued. “He left when I was two, and I don’t even remember him. After that though—before I met you and Luke at school—she was married to this guy Brian. I think I was five or six when they got together. He cheated on her, and they divorced when I was nine. Her second husband was Greg. He wasn’t faithful, either, and that only lasted a year.”
“I remember the guy she was with when we were in high school,” Sarah said. “Jack?”
I nodded. “I don’t even think they ever got divorced. When she got pregnant, he just left. He wasn’t interested in having another mouth to feed.” I frowned, my stomach clenching at the memory. None of those men had stuck by my mother when she needed them. None of them had honored the vows they’d made to her. They had shown me exactly what I never wanted to be.
“You’ve got to know that it’s different with us, right, Dev?” Sarah asked. “You’re not like your mother’s husbands. If you hook up with Maks while we’re still married… or even if it gets serious down the road and you want to divorce me to be with him—or with some other man in the future—it’s still not the same.”
Some other man? “I want Maks. I don’t want anyone else,” I said forcefully, the very thought so wrong. “And, as for the rest, I do know it’s different. I just… didn’t want to let you down.”
She hugged me. “You’ve never let me down, Dev. Don’t miss out on this. When he comes back, I want you to promise me that
you’ll stop worrying about me and go after your own happiness. You deserve it.”
I knew that our situation wasn’t the same as what I’d seen growing up, but I was still afraid to let myself believe that I could really have what I wanted and not turn into the kind of person who always indulged themselves at the expense of others. Who always took the easy way, regardless of who it might hurt.
“Dev, stop it.” Sarah smacked my arm, laughing. “You’re overthinking. Promise me.”
She was right. It wasn’t the same. I could say yes to Maks without letting her down.
I nodded, which made her smile… but even though I’d agreed, I was having trouble returning her smile. I was afraid that my decision was too little, too late. Sarah had said “when” Maks came back, but every day that passed without hearing from him made it more and more likely that his coming back was an “if,” not a “when.”
11
~ Maksim ~
Ty had given me the name of the company that Luke had worked for, and I’d been so eager to do something that would free up my mate that I’d left for Alaska as soon as I’d dropped Devin off on Saturday. I hadn’t told him what I was planning on doing. There wasn’t really any way to explain it until he understood what I was, and what I could do. I was hoping it wouldn’t take long, and thought I might even be back before any explanation was required.
Still, after flying all night I hadn’t been able to resist calling him, mostly just to hear his voice. It hadn’t taken me long to get used to seeing him every day, and even though I knew it was ridiculous to miss him after less than twenty-four hours, I did.
I’d called too early and had woken him up. I’d let him know that I was going to be gone for a couple of days, then caught myself trying to think of things to say that would keep him on the phone. Devin hadn’t seemed to mind, but I’d finally made myself end the call by reminding myself that I had things to do—and that I’d get to be with him all the sooner if I hurried up and got them done.
When I shifted and launched back into the air, I realized that at some point in the night I’d passed out of Dane’s territory and into Anik’s. The red dragon and his son who held the lands to the north were definitely friends, but it was still bad form to enter their territory without permission. Anik and his human mate, Mikkel, made their home far inland, in northern Manitoba. As much as I hated the delay, I knew I’d have to hold off gathering information on Luke until I made contact with them. I veered east.
I had no doubt that they could sense me, just as I’d sensed them when I’d crossed into their territory. I hoped that they would meet me halfway, and I wasn’t disappointed. It was my friend Ben, their son, who found me on my second day away from Devin. We met near a still-frozen lake in a remote part of northern Alberta, and the bright red dragon shifted and smiled as soon as he landed.
“Maks, you didn’t tell us you were coming,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder. “What are you doing so far west?”
“I was heading to Alaska, actually, from Dane’s territory. I’ve got some business there, but I wanted to make sure your family knew I was here.”
“You’re always welcome in our lands, Maks,” he said sincerely. “My father and I agree—we much prefer to have the four of us hold this continent without all the territorial disputes that keep the European dragons at each other’s throats.”
“I appreciate that, Ben, and you know the same is true for you if you ever need to come south.”
He smiled, nodding his appreciation. “What’s your business in Alaska?” he asked.
“I’ve found my mate.”
I couldn’t help grinning as I answered, and if I hadn’t known him so well, I might have missed the look of pain that flashed across Ben’s face. It was gone in an instant, although his voice sounded strained when he spoke again.
“In Alaska? That’s… great, Maks. I’m really happy for you.”
I knew he meant it, but I also understood why it bothered him. Ben had grown up as the child of fated mates. I knew how much he wanted to find what his fathers had, and I also knew that he’d criss-crossed his own territory for centuries looking for it.
“My mate isn’t in Alaska,” I said, hoping that would take a little of the sting out of my news. “But I can’t claim him until I take care of something there.”
I told Ben all of it, and he immediately offered to come with me and see if he could help. He was familiar with much that happened in Alaska, and he confirmed that the company in question was not known for treating its people fairly. Unlike the dragons back in Europe, those of us in North America generally stayed out of human business, but that didn’t mean that we didn’t keep tabs on what happened in our territories. And even though he and his father detested the idea of manipulating humankind with our dragon powers, in this case he had no problem with my plan to compel the fishing company to do the right thing.
* * *
Even though the northern territories were sparsely populated, with Ben’s bright red hide we flew mostly at night to avoid detection. We arrived in Alaska late Wednesday night—four long days since I’d last seen Devin.
My otherself was growing impatient to get back to him. Even though the subtle connection between us didn’t diminish with distance, over the last few days I’d grown increasingly anxious about being apart. I couldn’t tell if it was just because I missed him, or if something was wrong. As soon as Ben and I arrived in Kodiak and shifted back into our human forms, I called him, even though it was the middle of the night.
“Maks?” he answered sleepily.
As soon as I heard his voice something inside me eased. “Sorry it’s so late, baby. This is the first time I’ve had cell service since I left Washington. I…” I paused. I’d obviously woken him up, and I suddenly felt bad about being so impatient that I couldn’t wait until the morning. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” I finished lamely.
“I don’t mind,” he said softly. I heard a rustling sound and a click. Rolling over in bed and turning on a light. I swallowed, wishing I was there. “I’m glad you called,” he added, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “Where are you?”
“Alaska.”
He was quiet for a minute. “Alaska? Wow. That’s… far. Are you going to be there long?”
“I don’t know. I hope not. Do you miss me?”
He laughed, but there was a catch in his voice when he answered. “Yeah, I really do. I wasn’t sure if…”
“If what? Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine. It’s nothing,” he said, and I could tell he wanted me to let it go, so I did. “Tell me about your trip.”
I still wasn’t ready to tell him about my plans, so I told him a bit about Alaska instead, and talked about Ben, and asked about Sarah and Holly and how his week had gone so far. I selfishly wanted to keep him on the phone, but when he started yawning between every other word I knew I had to let him go.
“I’ll call you as soon as I’m back in Washington,” I promised.
“I’d like that,” he said with the smile in his voice again. “And… I’d really like to see you.”
“You can count on it.”
As we hung up a wave of happiness hit me. I couldn’t tell if it had come from Devin, through the connection that always gave me a sense of him, or if it was just me. I hoped the next day would go smoothly so I could hurry back to him.
I already missed him again.
* * *
“Luke Schuster?” the man in front of us repeated, swallowing nervously. His eyes darted toward the still-open door of his office, and I had no doubt that he was wondering why his secretary had let us through.
It had been easy to make our way past the gatekeepers at the fishing company’s corporate offices and find the man we needed to talk to about Luke’s death benefits. Being able to compel others to do our will and forget they’d done so was a heady power, and one that most of our kind saw as their right to use against the humans they felt superior to. It was one
I’d avoided using for much of my life, but I had no qualms about employing it now—especially since Luke’s name had made each person we’d talked to increasingly anxious.
“Tell us what happened to Luke,” I said, letting my otherself speak through me, pushing my will onto the fishing company executive. His eyes glazed over, and he started talking.
The accident Luke had been involved in had been due to the company’s neglect, and letting that information out would have meant losing contracts and paying out of pocket to everyone involved, rather than relying on their insurance policy to foot the bill. In the end, the decisions the company had made—decisions that had affected people I cared about—had come down to profits.
I clenched my fists to keep from throttling the man as I listened to the story, keeping calm only because I knew that Ben and I were going to be able to make it right, now that we knew. And because, as angry as the story made me, what we found out made it worth it. Luke was still alive.
I knew how much that would mean to Devin and Sarah, and even if the rest of it was still difficult to bear, I would do my best to turn the bad news into good before heading back down to Washington.
Luke was in a coma, and because he could implicate the guilty parties, the company had cut him loose. He was currently a “John Doe” at the local hospital, and they had put out the story of his death in the hopes that it would become a reality before he woke up. Compelled to tell me the truth, the executive admitted that they were hoping to avoid both the cost of his care and the ripple effects of admitting their fault for the accident that had hurt him.
Scorch: M/M Gay Shifter Mpreg Romance (Dragon's Destiny: Fated Mates Book 2) Page 7
