by Sara Hess
“She can’t stay at the shelter permanently, what she going to do?”
“She’s finally going to take advantage of her scholarship. The school just needs a couple days to get the paperwork completed. Hell, at least I won’t have to worry about her taking the bus any longer.” I gave a derisive laugh; for all the shit she went through not having to take the bus was the fucking silver lining.
Seth’s gaze flickered behind me alerting me to Carrie’s approach, and by the time she arrived we’d plastered careless expressions on our faces. She gave us both an uncertain look like she wasn’t at all fooled by our masquerade.
I leaned over and gave her a kiss on the mouth. It was quick, not like the one I really wanted to give her. “You look great.” She’d repaired the make-up to her bruises. I hated that she had to wear any.
She smiled shyly and tilted her head forward causing her loose hair to veil her face. Grabbing her fork she shifted her small salad around.
“Richman will be a little more difficult than the Wesleyan’s game.” Seth commented. Picking up his loaded sub he took a bite.
Handling my overflowing sub I grunted. “We’ll kick their asses.”
Carrie picked up her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. One small sandwich and salad; how could she eat so little? “You guys have another game this weekend?” She asked still looking self-conscious.
“Yeah, I was going to ask if you wanted to go again. It’s on a Sunday so you won’t have to worry about work. It is out of town this time, but Richman isn’t very far. Amanda will be going and I’m sure she would love some company for the drive. The team has to drive down on the bus, but we can all ride back together.” I gave her arm a nudge with my elbow.
She didn’t say anything at first and I couldn’t see her expression as her head was tilted down. Seth raised a brow at her silence, and unease settled in my gut. Was she still unsure of me?
Each of us ate more of our food before Carrie finally spoke. “Are you sure she wouldn’t mind me going with her?”
I frowned. I thought she’d gotten pretty close to Amanda last Saturday. Why would she think Amanda would mind?
“I know she wouldn’t mind. She bugged me all day Sunday, wondering when she would see you next.” I answered truthfully. Amanda had been really concerned about Carrie’s reaction that night.
One side of her mouth twisted up, not in a grin but in contemplation. “I’ll have to wait and see right now. I don’t know when I’ll be moving into the new room the school is setting up for me.”
It was a possible explanation for her hesitation, but I felt there was more. “Okay, but I want you to tell me when they set it up for you because I’m going to help you move in.”
A real smile lifted up those lips and her eyes crinkled in amusement. She pointed her fork at me. “What are you going to help me move? Are you going carry my one suitcase or do you want my backpack.
I grimaced at her comment which was stated in modest amusement instead of bitterness at having basically nothing.
“They giving you a bed at least?” Seth grumbled.
She grinned at him. “Yes, the room comes with a bed and a desk. That’s all I need.”
I thought about my room filled with a 52” screen T.V., DVD, computer, and all other forms of the latest electronics. Carrie didn’t even have a cell phone, and she was fine with it. I didn’t like it, and I could handle that she didn’t have all those things since she didn’t seem to care, but the cell phone was a real problem for me. Not being able to get a hold of her whenever I wanted sucked.
“Maybe when you move in we could hit a store and get some things you might need.” I said as artlessly as I could. I knew she would baulk at the thought of me buying things for her, but maybe I could be sneaky about it, and I didn’t feel bad at the idea of that plan at all.
She raised a brow at me, the one with the mole. I loved it when she did that. “Maybe,” she responded suspiciously.
Seth snorted over the last bit of his Mac n’ Cheese. “She’s got your number.”
Carrie grinned. I gave Seth a dirty look. “Shut up.” I muttered irritably, which only made Carrie’s grin morph into a giggle. My heart lightened at the sound.
Chapter Nineteen
Carrie
“What did you make?” I asked in eager curiosity. It was Friday night and Nic had brought me over to his house for dinner and a movie.
The school had informed me just this afternoon that the dorm room was ready for me, but I wouldn’t be able to move in until tomorrow because my stuff was at the shelter and it was too late to move tonight.
Nic had been picking me up and dropping me off at the woman’s shelter for the last week. When I tried to tell him I was fine taking the bus, at least in the mornings, he wouldn’t listen. He would just give me a kiss and drive off telling me he’d be there in the morning.
“It’s a surprise. You’re going to have to wait and see.” Nic stated firmly helping me out of the passenger seat of his truck. He’d given me the evil eye telling me to wait for him to come around to help me out notifying me that this was an official first date and that part of the package was helping the lady from the vehicle.
“You’ve been telling me that the entire ride over, but we’re at your house now.” No one had ever done anything like this for me before and the suspense was killing me. I gripped his arms almost bouncing on my feet. “Please, please, please.” I begged.
Nic laughed. “I’m not spilling, but we’re only fifty feet away from the answer. You can hold out two more minutes.”
His eyes twinkled down at me, but they also held heat, and hands that had been holding me loosely, tightened, pulling me closer. I went willingly, knowing he was going to kiss me. He had been kissing me every morning and night for the last week. Each one left me wanting more.
His hands cupped my cheeks both of which had healed, and then his lips molded over mine. Pushing upward I press harder into his lips loving the feel and taste of his mouth on mine; the way his soft facial hair felt against my skin. I’d at first shied away when his tongue moved past my lips, but I didn’t now. I met it ardently.
He groaned and his arms wrapped around me pulling me tightly to his body, and my breath caught at the hard impact of his solid frame against my softer one. The gentle slow strokes of his lips and tongue become harder and deeper and I couldn’t stop the trembling that shook my limbs.
This was the first time I’d had full contact with his body. He felt so good, but at the same time it was a bit shocking because the hard evidence of his arousal pressed against my belly. An ache formed in my breasts and groin and had the urge to rub against that hardness, but at the same time my mind shrank back from the thought.
We each pulled away from the other simultaneously; me because of excited agitation, and Nic, maybe because he’d felt my agitation. We gazed at each other breathing erratically. Nic’s eyes smoldered down at me.
“I made shrimp scampi as an appetizer, and for dinner there’s beef stir-fry with garlic bread.” Nic breathed huskily.
I stared at him for a second before his words registered. Blinking and taking a deep breath to clear my head I gave him a mock scowl. “You ruined the surprise.” I complained breathlessly.
Nic returned my look with one of mock outraged resignation. “You wrangled it out of me. That was very sneaky of you. That might deserve some retribution on my part.” He bent and nipped my neck.
Tingles raced through my body and my eyes widened as my thoughts ran wild at his words.
Nic growled. “God…that look on your face!” He grabbed my hand pulling me toward the house. “Let’s go eat, I’m starving.”
He led me into the house, and the smell of garlic and seafood permeated the air. It was extremely quiet.
“Is anyone here?” I asked looking around. It looked much cleaner than last Sunday morning when I’d snuck out.
Nic escorted me into the kitchen. “It’s Friday night; everyone’s out.”
&
nbsp; The first thing I saw when we walked into the kitchen was the table. There was a large bouquet of different colored roses positioned in the middle and it was set with two plates. There was also a candle stick situated between the bouquet and plates. My eyes stung with tears that he would go to so much trouble for me.
“It’s beautiful, Nic. Thank you.” I choked out.
Arms wrapped around me from behind and Nic breathed in my ear. “You’re beautiful.” His fingers lifted and combed through my hair. “Thank you for letting your hair down for me.”
My hair had been in a braid all day until Nic had come to pick me up. I’d used the last few minutes of work to change into black yoga pants and an overlong dark green sweater. I had than unbound my hair so it hung down my back in small waves.
I leaned my head back against his shoulder and clasped the arms holding my waist. Inadequacy filled me. “You do so many nice things for me, I wish there was more I could offer this relationship besides letting my hair down for you.”
Nic turned me around in his arms. His expression was severe. “You alone bring everything I could want into this relationship. Meeting you, being with you, it’s made me different, better…” Bending down he whispered against my lips. “…happier. Don’t ever underestimate what you bring to this relationship.”
I stared up at him in wonder. For three years I’d lived in a deprivation of emotion. I’d come home from the clinic and my mom had basically ignored me; well, except for the hate filled glances she would throw my way. She hadn’t wanted me there, and had only put up with me for possible legal or left over maternal reasons...I’m not really sure why she had.
Now Nic was saying and doing all these wonderful things for me. It was overwhelming.
I gave him a nod. “I’ll try.”
He gave me a shorter kiss and smiled. “Let’s eat.”
Nic sat me down and went about serving dinner. Shrimp scampi wasn’t something I’d ever eaten before and I wasn’t able to hold back the sounds of appreciation as I ate it. The beef stir-fry was also great. Nic seemed to have cataloged my favorite vegetables because they were all there.
“I can’t eat another bite. I’m stuffed.” I groaned, leaning back in my chair. “But it was sooo good.”
Nic laughed. “Well, we know you like seafood. You went after that shrimp like you were afraid it was going to swim away.” I giggled at his analogy as he stood up and grabbed our plates. I forced myself up and picked up the glasses and other dishes.
Nic scowled. “You sit right back down. I’ll take care of this.”
I scowled back. “You cooked, it should be me cleaning up, but I will let you help.” I walked past him to the sink hiding my smile.
“I saw that.” He growled coming up behind me.
And I’d thought I had snuck it by him. I shrugged an ‘oh well’. Setting the dishes on the counter I started the water in the sink. Nic stepped up behind me caging me as he set the plates in the rising water. Folding his arms around me he kissed my neck.
“That’s twice you’ve been tricky with me. You’re racking up the penalty points.” His breath tickled my ear and his hands splayed over my belly. I could actually feel his touch close to the underside of my breasts. It had me inhaling deeply; in excitement or edginess I wasn’t sure.
His hands didn’t go any further, but his kisses slid up by my ear and his whiskers grazed across my skin making me shiver and causing my breathing to become uneven.
I was able to squeak out. “What will you do?”
He took my earlobe between his teeth and sucked. I seemed to feel that sucking in both of my girl parts. I drew in a shuddery breath, clutching at his arms as my legs grew wobbly.
The arms around me constricted and he whispered gruffly. “I don’t think I want to tell you. I spilled my guts to you earlier and I think the suspense will do you good.” With one last lick to my ear he stepped back.
Holding onto the counter ledge for support I breathed deeply to get back some control. The sink had filled enough so I shut off the water. We washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen together with only a few words spoken on where something was to go. I endeavored to utilize the quiet to calm my nerves, but found myself staring at Nic instead. He really was gorgeous with that blond wavy hair, short stubble, green eyes, and athletic body.
I was wiping the counter and unobtrusively checking out Nic’s thighs and butt as he put away some pans when he suddenly stood up and snatched the rag from me throwing it in the sink. I looked at him in surprise.
“You’re driving me crazy.” He growled. Placing an arm on either side of me on the counter he leaned his face in close to mine.
“What?” I asked self-consciously.
“You’ve been checking me out.” Reaching out he grabbed a hunk if my hair and stroked it from root to end.
My face flamed at his correct assertion. “What!”
Nic chuckled. “But that’s okay, because I was checking you out too.” He said huskily, lips closing over mine.
The heated glide of his tongue made me forget any embarrassment I was feeling. All my attention became focused on the kiss; how his tongue explored, glided, and swirled. My breathing became broken and ragged sounding and I grabbed on to his upper arms as my legs grew weak. The feelings cascading through me were so delicious. The taste of Nic, his heat and strength, the slight roughness of his cheek and chin, his teeth, tongue, and lips all made my head spin.
My mouth opened further to take in extra air as I grew light headed. Nic latched on to my bottom lip with his teeth, nibbling and sucking it, and then licking and soothing it. A whimper escaped me at the sensations that swept through me and I found myself capturing his lip to do the same thing.
Nic groaned and his body surged into mine. Hands grasped my waist and lifted me so I was aligned completely with his frame from chest to thigh with the counter at my back. I gasped at the confinement and for the first time a shiver of unease shot through me.
Nic’s lips left my mouth to trail kisses down my chin and neck, but I barely felt his touch, I was completely focused on trying to control my thoughts and breathing. The counter at my back…Nic at my front…I was feeling trapped. I pushed at Nic as memories tried to overwhelm me…a heavy weight and pain. My eyesight went fuzzy.
Distantly I heard the words ‘no, no, no’, and realized it was coming from me as the surroundings gradually came into focus. I found myself snuggled up against Nic’s chest…sitting in his lap…on the couch in the living room. When did we move to the living room? We’d been in the kitchen…kissing.
Hopelessness washed over me as I realized what happened. I’d freaked out again. I was never going to be normal. I let out a low anguished breath.
Nic was rocking me while rubbing my shoulder and back repeating. “Shhh, it’s alright. I’ve got you.”
I held back my tears forcibly. He didn’t need to deal with me crying all over him on top of one of my episodes. “I’m sorry.” I apologized gruffly.
His arms hugged me and lips kissed the top of my head. “Oh, thank god. No, I’m sorry. I got carried away. I told myself I was going to go slow with you and I about mauled you in the kitchen.”
A tear escaped against my will that he would blame himself when it was all on me. “You shouldn’t have to be careful about going slow. I mean, I wouldn’t fall into bed with you…wait, I did do that. I meant to say I wouldn’t fall into sex with you,” His chest vibrated under my cheek, “But we should be able to kiss without me having a breakdown. I want so much to move on with my life, but my episodes just seem to be getting worse.” God, I felt drained.
“Can you tell me what I did to make this happen?” Nic asked.
“You didn’t do anything, it’s all me.” I sighed wearily.
“Shhh, it is not you, don’t even think that.” Nic gently messaged the back of my scalp. “Can you tell me what you think caused it?”
I moaned at the feel of Nic’s fingers, they were magical. It felt soooo good.
My head lolled on my neck and my eyes rolled back in bliss.
“Carrie, what happed?” Nic whispered.
A sigh escaped me at having to talk. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. I frowned, thinking. “The counter was behind me…and you were pressed tightly to my front…it made me feel claustrophobic. It was like a weight was pushing all the breath out of me; I was trapped and couldn’t get away.” I shivered at the memory and then yawned. “It had been so nice before that. I really like it when you kiss me. I think I’m getting pretty good at it too.”
Nic chuckled and I could feel the rumble of it in my ear and on my hands since both were resting against him. His chest felt so solid and warm. He made the coldness that was always within me disappear.
I unconsciously rubbed at his chest seeking to sooth him like he was me, but also because I just liked touching him. “You know it’s funny; your strength and heat normally make me feel so safe and comforted…among other things.” I grinned and snorted sleepily. “But with the counter behind me it just made me feel…helpless.” My arms wound around his waist and I snuggled in closer. “But you feel great right now.”
I fell asleep feeling secure in his arms again.
Chapter Twenty
NIC
“You’re always falling asleep on me.” I whispered softly. Cuddling her closer I shifted raising my legs so I was lying on the couch. I tucked Carrie into my side arranging her along the left side of my body. The feel of her pressed up against me was both amazing and torturous.
I wanted this girl so badly, I ached…literally. I had felt like a shithead the entire time I’d held and comforted her during her five minute episode because my dick had been throbbing painfully under her bottom. The thing had a mind of its own and all it knew was that its counterpart was only inches away.
This latest incident made me realize I was going to have to be even more careful with Carrie, and rather than becoming annoyed at the thought I just hoped I was strong enough not to mess it up. I stroked her hair that flowed down the side of the couch like black silk. I’d thought I had a relative comprehension of her fear before, but now I could see it went much deeper—a fear of being held down and restrained possibly.
