by F. X. Scully
I chance a glance up at him and just as our gazes lock, I look away.
One of the lights in the back dims, signaling twenty minutes to closing time. I shut my book in front of me. This is useless.
"Done for the night?" Lucas asks.
I smile. I've been doing it so much, my face actually hurts. "I'll probably need to put a few hours in when I get home, but for now, yeah."
"Want me to walk you out?"
Heat creeps upwards from my neck, settling on the tips of my ears. Absolutely I want him to. But I shouldn't. I don't know this guy from Adam and for all I know he's got something else on his mind. That something I've successfully avoided since junior year.
I pretend not to hear him and continue shoving stuff into my backpack.
"It's kind of late," he says, louder this time. "And while I get the feeling you're a girl who can take care of herself, I wouldn't feel right. I'm harmless. I swear."
"It's okay. I've got bear spray."
Lucas bursts out laughing. "Damn."
"I didn't mean—" I close my eyes and shake my head. "Not for...you. I just carry it to--"
"For safety. I understand. Which means I can walk you to your car. I start to act up, you can hit me where it counts."
I twist my lips to the side, hiding a satisfied smile. "Okay, Lucas. You're on."
We approach the parking lot faster than I want and, unless I'm imagining things, he begins taking slower steps.
"So," he says, as I zero in on my car. "Thanks for keeping me company in that drafty, smelly library. That was real nice of you."
I look up at him just as a lock of shaggy dark hair, falls over his eye. He casually brushes it away and I pathetically start to melt. "You're welcome. It was nice to meet you." I dig in my purse for my keys, taking extra long to find them even though I always put them in a particular pocket.
"This is where you parked? All the way back here?"
"Uh, yeah." I shrug. "It's the best spot. You never got blocked in and it's always open."
"And practically a mile away from civilization." He shakes his head. "You shouldn't come back here at night. It's not safe."
"I have bear spray." I wink. "Remember?"
He nods, following me the rest of the way to my car. "Well you should probably get your keys out before hand, at least. And make sure you don't have to search while you're walking."
Noted. "Sure. Good point."
"I guess this is it then." Lucas leans up against the hood of my little red hatchback as the search for my keys miraculously ends. "I've only got one more paper to hand in. Then it's bye-bye University of Idaho, hello open road."
I arch an eyebrow, hoping for a little more. "Open road?"
"Family trip."
"Where are you going?"
"Here and there."
I grip my keys in my fist and shrug as an awkward silence lingers between us. Just as I bring the keys to the door and decide to put an end to it, he touches my arm. Through my jacket I can feel the warmth from his hand. It's more of an electric shock, like my body has been waiting, dragging itself across the carpet in anticipation of the inevitable spark. I go perfectly still, holding my breath.
"I think..." He sighs.
I turn to face him, my blood pumping so fast it feels like my entire body is vibrating. "What?" I ask. I'm breathless and I feel like an idiot. But I press anyway. "What do you think?"
Please say it's what I think it is. No, wait. Don't say it. Don't say anything. Just wave goodbye and forget we ever met. Because if you say another word...
"What I meant to say was, I wish I'd met you before." A small smile creeps onto his face in sequence with the blush on mine.
Damn it.
I flash hot and my skin instantly cools as a slight breeze rumples between us.
"You're a cool girl, Shannon. In my life, I don't meet many of those. I guess I'm just...I'm saying you make me want to change my plans."
Seriously? I just met you? Why'd you have to go and say a thing like that to a girl like me?
My mouth is parched and as much as I had to say back in the library, I'm at a complete loss for words.
This doesn't seem to bother him though. He takes a step closer to me and I hold my breath. Because having any other reaction might actually make me look normal.
"I hope I'm not being too...forward."
I shake my head.
"What do you think?" he asks through a chuckle.
"About what?" I want to kick myself. I want to shake myself. Just haul off and slap myself in the face for responding like this. I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to dream up a better response.
"About this?" He's so close to me I can feel his breath on my lips.
It startles me, but miraculously I have enough sense not to jump back. When I open my eyes, he is inching closer and I manage to meet him somewhere in the middle.
The moment his lips touch mine everything that is making me uneasy morphs into something else entirely. And whatever that something is it effortlessly seeps from me to him. Lucas is eager to receive it, his hands resting on my waist yanking me closer as we explore each other, the perfect mix of teeth and tongue, hands in all the right places. My fingers climb up his chest and settle around his neck. And finally, after an entire night of fantasizing about it, they find their way to the soft wisps of hair on his head. I've wrapped my arms around his neck now, hugging him to me. My body is pressed against him, his arms tight around my waist.
Before I know it, I'm the one leaning up against the car. In one swift movement, he lifts me up and I settle on the hood, Lucas fitting himself between my legs. He buries his face in my neck and when he nicks my skin with his teeth, I toss my head back, forcing him closer. He takes my cue, sucking my skin into his mouth so hard it hurts, but feels so good it makes me moan with pleasure.
We remain tangled in each other for several long glorious minutes and I can't think of a time when I've ever been kissed like this. By anyone, let alone this ridiculously sexy near-stranger. It isn't until I see the flash of headlights that I manage to pull away, embarrassed and even more breathless than before.
Lucas keeps his forehead pressed to mine and holds my hands against his chest. His cool gray eyes connect with mine and the beat of his heart is quick and hard against my palms. And I don't want to pull way any further.
Did that really just happen?
"Nice," Lucas says.
Apparently so. Oh, god. I just kissed a random guy. In a parking lot. At the library. Leave it to me to meet a guy at the library.
"I'm sorry," he says, letting go of me. I can't even look at him. "I shouldn't have done that. I've just been thinking about it all night and I didn't want to...damn it," he says and I glance up at him now.
He looks just as conflicted as I feel, which makes me relax a little.
"I'm not in the habit of jumping girls in parking lots," he continues, in my silence. "And here I was promising you I wouldn't try anything. Will you forgive me?"
I nod. "Lucas, I—"
"Shannon?"
We both jump at the sound of a voice in the distance. I quickly climb off the car, smooth my hair and straighten my clothes, as I squint through the darkness.
"Dave?" I know my eyes must look like saucers.
He smiles and in that moment I don't know what I want to do more, jump into his arms or punch him in the face.
He must sense my conflict because he says, "I've been looking for you everywhere. I..." Dave's gaze falls on Lucas and he frowns, his blue eyes narrowing.
"Uh, Lucas, this is Dave. Dave, this is Lucas he's...we were..."
"Borrowing notes," Lucas pipes up. "And walking her to her car. It's way too far out. If I were you, I wouldn't want my girlfriend out here by herself at night. But I guess you don't." He laughs, but it sounds different than it did earlier. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here."
Dave nods and in that second I want to scream that he's not my boyfriend, but I don't. It'd be weird and Dave
would ask questions. I'm not in the mood for questions. Besides, I'm still trying to sort out what just happened, myself.
"Well, thanks, Shannon," Lucas says, backing up. "See you around."
"Yeah," I say. "See you."
"What was that all about?" Dave asks the minute Lucas is out of hearing range.
"Nothing." I shrug and nearly die when he bends over to pick up my purse which somehow, during our antics, ended up on the ground.
"Didn't look like 'nothing.'"
"Well it was," I snap.
Dave shrugs. "Whatever."
I sigh. "Dave..."
"No," he says. "I get it. None of my business. Not anymore."
"So you're back."
He nods.
Anger and relief are still battling each other as I reach over to unlock my door. "Why are you here, anyway?"
"I told your dad I'd come look for you," he says. "It's about Sheila."
I pull into our driveway, my mind on high alert.
I should have stayed home. But how was I to know they'd be back early? They never come back early. But they didn't. Not really. Just by about twenty minutes. Twenty minutes I spent making out with a stranger.
If I hadn't gotten distracted by Lucas, I'd have left the library when I was supposed. I'd have been home long ago.
Sheila is going to kill me.
I throw the car into park and grab my bag off the seat. Pausing for just a moment, I flip down the visor, straighten my hair and blot my lips.
"Crap, crap, crap." I mutter the word to myself as I scurry up the drive.
As I reach for the doorknob, the door swings open and Mom glares back, arms crossed. Dad isn't too far behind.
"Where's your sister?" His gaze darts behind me, then back to my face.
"Um..."
"She went to the library with you, right?" Mom's eyebrows rise in alarm. "To finish up that English paper? Because last time I checked she was sick. So ill she couldn't manage to drag herself to Bible Study. Yet, she's nowhere to be found and you're waltzing in here after eleven without her. Shannon, if you've enabled her to do god knows what, I promise you..."
Mom pulls me inside, and shuts the door behind me. Standing between the two of them, I feel like a burglar cornered by two pit bulls.
"What in heaven's name is on your neck?" Her eyes bug.
My stomach is queasy as I respond. "I burned myself. With the curling iron."
"And why exactly did you need to curl your hair just to go to the library?"
I shrug one shoulder, and adjust the strap of my backpack on the other. "It's no big deal. I was having a bad hair day."
"Yet your hair isn't curled now."
"Well, after I burned myself, I ended up not bothering."
"Your sister." Dad's voice booms across the foyer.
Crap.
"Dad..." But I'm all out of excuses. I've failed them, but mostly I've failed her. Sheila is going to kill me. How could I have lost track of time?
I have to fight the smile from creeping onto my face. How couldn't I have?
"Where is she?" he demands.
"I'm not—"
"Don't lie to me, Shannon. This isn't a game and you aren't a kid anymore. The two of you are thick as thieves. Where. Is. She?"
"Lewiston," I squeak.
Mom gasps and Dad growls something under his breath.
"I can go get her." If I volunteer to drag her out of that party instead of Dad, I might stand a chance in hell at getting her to forgive me.
"You'll do no such thing." Mom opens her mouth to say something else, but doesn't bother.
Three years ago, she would have sent me to my room. Told me I was grounded for the next month. Three years ago, I was a kid she could boss around. Today I'm an adult, but in this moment, I don't feel like one.
"She just wanted to have a little fun," I offer, hoping to lighten the blow of whatever punishment they'll come up with.
"She's seventeen," Mom practically hisses. "Barely squeaking through classes, running off with that wild girl every chance we get.
"Coco isn't wild, Mom. She's--"
"Her name is Coco, for goodness’ sake. Honestly, Shannon. I expect more from you. I expect you to keep her in line. She listens to you. You live in this house, you don't pay rent, we treat you like an adult and you act like a child. Convoluting with your sister? Plotting behind our backs? When is it going to stop?"
Mom snatches her coat from the rack and shoves her feet into her loafers. "I'm going with your father."
"I'm sorry." I clutch the bag in my arms, and clench my teeth.
If they only knew the things she did for me. She's still my sister and I can't very well leave her to suffocate in silence. How can anyone stand to live in this house without a little break once in a while? I don't even know why I'm still here.
Yes, I do. For Sheila. Without me, she'd go insane. The second she graduates from school we have a plan. She gets a job, we get a place and we leave here for good. We'll visit the Holy Land on the weekends. If even that often. After tonight, waiting another three months might be too long.
Sheila
With a slam of the front door, I shut Mom's voice out and charge up the stairs. I've never been more humiliated in my life. Lucky for me, Roscoe only witnessed the tail end of it. I have no idea what he would have done had he come face to face with my father. Kicking me off the tour would have likely been high on the list. Instead, all I received was a sympathetic smile and a kiss blown my way that made me tingle from head to toe.
I'm in. I'm part of something that means the world to me and my fundamentalist parents aren't going to take that away. I have to tell them. And I'm doing it tonight.
I just don't know how I'm ever going to convince them not to send me to Grandma's for the summer. Without Coco there to keep me company, I'll never survive two months living on a farm and being toted to the most country church in the history of country churches.
I shudder at the thought. As I lock the bathroom door behind me and turn on the water full blast, I ignore the screams at the bottom of the stairwell. Fat tears roll down my cheeks and I squeeze my eyes shut. I place a hand on either side of my head, as if it's possible to push every bad emotion out like toothpaste from its tube.
There's a soft knock on the door and I drop my hands to my lap.
"Go away." My voice is husky from all the screaming. I didn't stop from the moment I crawled in the back of Dad's Chevy to the second I slammed the car door behind me.
"Are you okay?" Shannon's muffled voice filters through the solid oak door and it only makes me want to scream more.
"I said, go away."
Of course she doesn't listen. She never does. Normally, it makes me feel special, like she's the only one in the world who understands me. And when Mom and Dad go insane and try to ruin my life, she's there to pick up the pieces. As mad as I usually am, I let her. Because if there's anyone who knows how crazy life can be under the reign of the good reverend and his wife, it's Shannon.
But tonight, she's the cause of all my pain and if I stand face to face with her, I might want to punch her.
The door unlocks with a click and in a few short seconds, my sister is standing across from me. She rests the bent-hanger-makeshift-key on the counter and crosses her arms in front of her.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
All I do is scowl at her.
"I lost track of time. I tried to talk them down. I even offered to come get you but—"
"How did they know?" I demand.
"What?"
"How'd they know where I was?"
"Well, I...Sheila, they were so mad. They ambushed me. I walked through the door and they were both jumping down my throat and yelling at me for being a bad influence. I had to do something."
I let out a humorless bark of laughter and turn my back, switching off the faucet. "Something? You had to do something? So you rat me out instead of taking the fall?"
"It wasn't like that."
"What was it like then, huh? Were you humiliated, Shannon? Did you feel like everything you've worked so hard for was being ripped away from you in just a few short seconds? Did you feel like a total loser in front of your friends? Did you want to run and hide?"
"Sheila, I told you not to go to this thing. Look, I get it, I do, but you've got to be more careful. And you were getting reckless. When it comes to Mom and Dad you need to—"
"Just shut up!" I throw my hands in the air. "I'm so sick and tired of my life. It's not supposed to be this hard. I'm seventeen. Graduating in just a few months. All I'm trying to do is make a way for myself so that I have something to run to when this is all over. All they're doing, all you're doing is standing in my way."
"I am sorry." She says it firmly and rests a hand on my back.
It feels good, makes me want to fall into her arms and listen to her lecture about how awesome we both are and how, no matter what, we're going to have what we want in life.
I should be grateful she's here at all. I'd have left home the second I got the chance. But Shannon stayed for me. She knew I couldn't handle them on my own. She knew I'd needed her. So then what the hell happened tonight?
I shake her off, take a step away and perch on the edge of the tub.
Mom's shrill voice floats up through the vent and Dad's booming one, is less loud, but just as tense, as he tries to calm her down.
"They're going to ruin my life," I say with a sniff. "They're going to ship me off to Sagle. I didn't want to go there this summer. I had plans. I bet you they'll leave me there now. Drop me off and never come back. Do you have any idea what that would be like? Living with Grandma would be ten times worse. That woman could find fault with the Pope."
Shannon smirks. "They won't do that," she replies. "And if they try, we'll fight back. We have a plan remember?"
"How could you do this?" I stare up at her. "You were supposed to have my back."
"I'm so sorry." She says it again like it'll make this whole night nothing but a memory.
I shake my head. "What were you doing that was so important? You couldn't study at home for one night? This was my one night to feel like I was at the top of something. And I was. You should have seen me out there. They loved me and I felt like I was finally at home. Then the freaky two-some show up and ruin everything."
