"Are you okay? You've been weird since you woke up. What gives?"
I moved my tea over and reached my hand across the table. "It's nothing. I guess I'm just dwelling on the fact that you still have to go back to New York. As happy as I am that you are pursuing a dream, I have to be honest and admit that it's going to be harder to deal with than the last time." Yeah, I was wearing my heart on my sleeve, but Karrie needed to know that I was willing to commit to making things work even if she was miles away.
"I get it, Bastian. When this opportunity first came to me, I was so damn excited that I didn't even consider what it was going to be like for you. Honestly, it didn't even seem like you were that into our relationship. Well, not as much as I wanted you to be. It's not like I expected you to hop on a plane and leave your life behind to be with me. I just...I just wish that we communicated more before I made the move. I would have stayed for you. All you had to do was ask."
I felt a knot in my stomach knowing that I could have been in control of her life that way. Although very independent, Karrie always followed her heart. I pulled one of her hands up to my lips. "I never would have asked you to choose, Kar. We talked about this enough. No matter what you would have said, you were right about me not being serious about us before. I guess in some ways, I needed you to leave before I could realize just what you meant to me"
She tried to pull her hand away, but I kept it tight in mine. "That hurts to hear."
I looked her right in the eyes. "All I’m saying is that my feelings for you are obvious now. I love you and I want to make this work. I realize we are both going to have to make sacrifices. I just don't feel right letting you walk back into that airport thinking I don't want a future with you."
"Where is this coming from, Bastian? I get that you had some epiphany regarding your feelings, but something is odd about you. I'm not an idiot and we were way better friends for me not to notice it. Spill!"
Holy shit! Was I making it that obvious?
"Can't a guy miss you without you insisting there is something twisted behind it?" Oh God, I am going to Hell for this.
She shrugged and looked down at the table. I kissed her hand and let go of it. "I guess I expected to come here and catch you with another girl. Part of the reason I came back to visit was that my new friends were giving me such a hard time about you. They saw your pictures and insisted that anyone who looks like you had women lined up." She sighed and put her face into her hands. "That sounded so stupid."
I was speechless at first. Her friends weren't far from the truth. I had three women, literally lined up to fuck. It wasn't that I wanted a relationship with any of them, but I wasn't the great guy she thought I was. I was the shittiest person on earth. "You really thought I could just move on that quick?"
She moved her hands away and sighed again. "I don't know. Maybe? I mean, you weren't exactly acting like you were going to miss me."
I was such a shallow prick. "Kar, I was trying to be tough so you would go and not worry about me. You needed to be focused on New York and not your ex-boyfriend."
"I hate that you refer to yourself like that. I never considered you to be my ex."
How many times were we going to discuss this?
"We both agreed to break up. We were being realistic. If you hadn't come back here to visit, I just would have assumed you were getting on with your life. I know we still talk, but it was easier to pretend were weren't together than to dwell on what we couldn't change."
The waitress brought over our food. Once she left us with it, Karrie picked up her fork and pointed it in my direction. "Well, I'm tired of pretending. These past few months have sucked for me. I can't focus on anything until I know exactly where we stand. I'm too in love with you to just let go."
I shoved a fry in my mouth and cringed when it burned the roof of it. My eyes began to water and I grabbed my tea to sooth the pain. "Christ that was hot." I took another drink and swallowed my food. "So, you came all the way here for me?"
She blew on her food, before making the same mistake that I'd just made. "Basically."
I bit into my burger and chewed on my food while she watched me intently, waiting for a real answer. I knew it was driving her crazy. I also knew that I should come clean about my recent activities, but there was no way that I was willing to lose her over it. It would be best to stop doing it and never discuss it again. "It's cool with me."
She rolled her eyes and picked at her sandwich. "It's cool? Are you sure we’re on the same page? Please don't just tell me what I want to hear."
I let out a laugh. "Kar, I'm being serious. I miss you and I want us to be together. Is that better?"
"Really?" I could tell she was getting ready to be all giddy.
"Yeah, really."
She popped another fry into her mouth. "I feel so much better already. You have no idea how scared I was about what you would say. After my friends gave me such a hard time, I was scared that if I didn't come home and find out, I was going to go insane."
"Does this mean you’re getting back on a plane right away? Can I at least have one more day before you whisk off to the Big City?"
I was enjoying our time together, but at the same time, I was aware that she would have to leave.
"I’m staying until Monday night, silly. The only way I would have flown out sooner was if you had another girlfriend."
I belched loudly and covered my mouth way too late. "Sorry. Excuse me. What was I saying? Oh yeah. I wasn't looking. Kar, I may not cry myself to sleep at night, or tell my friends how miserable I am, but I do miss you when you aren't around. I just try to stay busy and not get myself upset about something I didn't have the ability to change."
Keep busy. That was what I was calling it. I was getting busy, while my poor girl was in another state missing me. How was I to know she wasn't moving on?
"The internship is for one year. Nine more months and I swear I'll move back. In the meantime, we can take turns visiting. Does that sound doable?"
"I need to see you at least once a month. My dick can't go any longer than that, babe." I winked at her after I said it.
She tossed a fry at me. "Such a douche! I’ll do my best to keep your dick satisfied."
"Then we totally have a deal," I said sarcastically.
As happy as I was for all of this to be working itself out, I knew my world could come crashing down at any second if I didn't rectify the situation. I had to bury what I'd done so deep that nobody would ever find out the truth.
Chapter 12
Monday came way faster than Karrie and I wanted. Thinking that her flight was at eight in the morning, I didn't even ask when she got up and started getting herself changed. I went to grab her suitcases, but she stopped me before I could zip them up. "Hey, what are you doing? I don't leave until eight tonight. You trying to get rid of me?"
Her arms wrapped around my waist and as our lips met, I watched her close her eyes. I was in love with this girl, albeit the task of the day was going to be hard enough without her distracting me. I was going to tell Mrs. Smith that my extra duties were no longer going to happen.
Don't get me wrong, I really wouldn't miss her or Mrs. Jones. In fact, they meant nothing to me in the big scheme of things. Sure, I didn't want to lose my clients, but I had to stop fooling around with my life. I'd been a fuck up for too long to give up on something so good. "I saw you getting dressed and just figured you were leaving."
"Nope, I want to go to work with you. You don't have to split the money, but I want to see Mrs. Smith and tell her how much I miss her. I'm sure she wants to hear all about the fashion business. Have you seen the things she wears?"
Holy Hell! This was not happening. I never noticed what she wore, mostly because she was almost always naked. Fuck!
"Are you sure you want to spend your last day here cleaning?" Please, just say never mind.
She smacked me on the ass. "Yes, I'm sure. Now hurry up so we can have time to be together this afternoon."
The sound of the bathroom door opening caught my attention and I grabbed a toothbrush and began brushing my teeth, like she hadn't interrupted me talking to myself.
My anxiety level went through the roof on our drive to the elite community. I tried to act normal, but Karrie caught on quick. "Are you alright? You're being really weird for some reason."
I laughed, making it appear like she was crazy for thinking such a thing. "I'm fine. Maybe you just miss me already."
"No, you're being stranger than normal." She looked out the window like she wasn't going to push the situation.
We pulled into the driveway and twice I had to swallow down the bile that was trying to project out of my mouth. I'd been in fucked up situations before, but this was the worst situation in the history of situations.
Karrie knocked on the door and seemed genuinely excited about seeing her old client. All I kept doing was stare at that door, waiting for her to see us both standing there.
Please don't be half naked...Please don't be half naked.
She opened the door in her robe and quickly made sure all was covered. When she saw Karrie, she took control of the situation. "I must have lost track of time. Excuse my appearance. I'm just going to run up and get changed. Karrie, darling, I will be right back to catch up, dear."
I watched her leave the foyer before I turned my attention to Karrie. "You should probably start calling before you show up. Had I not been here, she could have been more embarrassed."
Shoot me now! She felt sorry for me and all the while, I had been fucking this woman, putting my mouth all over her body. I’m a fucking piece of shit.
"Yeah, I will start calling. I don't want to be seeing saggy ass old lady tits first thing in the morning." I tried to make it a joke, but nothing on Mrs. Smith sagged.
She pushed me. "Don't be mean. She's a beautiful woman."
I took my cleaning bucket and headed into the kitchen. If there was any way I was going to make it out of here with my balls intact, I needed to steer clear of both of those women.
Mrs. Smith made eye contact with me just once before joining Karrie in the family room. I worked faster than I ever had before, probably doing a piss poor job at that. The whole time I was working, I could hear the women laughing as they gabbed.
Reality really sunk in when I thought about actually losing Karrie over what I had been doing. Seeing her catching up with Mrs. Smith was just a sad reminder of how sick I'd been. There was no way in hell she would forgive me if she found out about one of the women, but both of them and then the daughter? I was so dead!
I was just about finished with the house when I heard the doorbell ringing. Another unfamiliar higher pitched voice filled the foyer. Figuring that Mrs. Smith just had company, I gathered my things and went to look for Karrie. She came up beside me full of smiles.
More guilt…great!
“Did you have a nice visit?” I asked.
“Yeah, are you all finished?”
We were interrupted by a woman who looked to be in her late thirties. Her hair was to her shoulders and it was blonde and brown streaked. She smiled as soon as our eyes connected.
“Sebastian, this is Mrs. Park. She lives four houses down and was inquiring about your services.”
Holy fuck! She was going to do this right in front of my girlfriend. Didn’t Karrie tell her we were back together?
I reached my hand out to shake Mrs. Park’s. “Nice to meet you. My schedule is..err…it’s kind of full right now.”
I just threw it out there.
She smirked and looked over at Mrs. Smith. “I pay very well. Here is my information if you reconsider. I can assure you that your services at my house will be rewarded greatly.”
I refused to look at Karrie. I knew it was me feeling guilty, but I didn’t want to give her any reason to doubt me. This wasn’t happening anymore. It couldn’t!
“The house is all finished. If there is nothing else, we have lunch plans.” I was lying, but Karrie must have thought I had secretly planned it because she didn’t argue with me.
Mrs. Smith smiled. “Actually, could you come with me into the office to get your check? I need to talk to you about my schedule next week anyway. Ladies, will you excuse us for a second?” She grabbed my arm before I even knew what was happening and tugged me into the office.
When she closed the door, she pushed me up against it and ran her hands up my chest. I grabbed both of her arms and slowly pushed her away. “Whoa! I can’t do this with you.”
She moved toward me again, getting close enough to almost kiss me. I looked away from her eyes. “I understand that you don’t want Karrie to know. Don’t worry. I kept our little secret. Telling her would mean the end of this fun we’re having.”
I slid away from her hold and moved to the other side of the room. “Listen, as much fun as it was, we have to stop this. Karrie and I are going to try to work things out. I can’t be lying to her about all of this. I care about her.”
She leaned back on her desk and started laughing. “How will she ever know, dear?”
“I will know. I need to stop thinking with my dick and look toward my future. I think this girl might be it.”
She laughed again and leaned her head back to look up while she spoke. It was like she was displaying her neck to me. “Sebastian, though I don’t believe in love, I do appreciate you trying to do the right thing. Far be it from me to come in between that, but you do realize that I won’t be in need of your services if you can’t do ALL of the jobs I require. Now, go home with your girlfriend and enjoy your time together. I think that once she gets on that plane, you will reconsider. My offer stands until you stop showing up.”
She handed me a white envelope and I walked out of her office. I was basically just fired because I didn’t want to sleep with her anymore. This totally blows!
It wasn’t like I could report her. What I did was wrong in so many ways.
I grabbed Karrie’s hand and said goodbye to Mrs. Park as we walked out and headed toward my Jeep. I needed to get the fuck out of there. I was so pissed that I was shaking.
“Do not tell me something isn’t wrong, Bastian. What happened?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I just didn’t feel like wasting time with that lady. I just want to do my job and leave when I finish. She cost me time with you, that’s all.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand. “I know I said it a zillion times, but I really missed you. I’m so happy I came.”
I squeezed her hand. “I am too, babe. Now let’s go enjoy our day together.”
Finding a new job would have to wait until another day.
Chapter 13
I was able to calm down for the rest of the day, at least enough for Karrie not to notice. I had to admit, it was harder to tell her goodbye this time even though I knew the miles between us were going to give me the space I needed to sort out of the shit I had gotten myself into. I think that my renewed relationship, combined with my self-made drama was making me sick to my stomach. I went home and puked up my lunch before spending the rest of my night in bed.
I heard a knock on my door, and before I could answer, in walked Mark. "Yo, dude. I've heard of someone being homesick, but never pussy sick. You've got it bad."
"Fuck off! My stomach is killing me."
"It's from eating all that pussy, I'm telling ya." He leaned against the wall with his hands crossed over his chest.
I put a pillow over my face. "Go away, dickhead."
"So, you do or
don't want beer and wings?"
I tossed another pillow at the door. "Asshole!"
He went walking out of my room laughing his ass off while my stomach grumbled with pain.
I stayed awake half the night, wondering how in the hell I was going to be able to afford to live on a grand less a week. It was impossible. Sure, I'd saved enough up to where I could do all right for a couple months, but eventually it was going to catch up and I would be one broke bastard.
Since I was scheduled to work at Mrs. Jones house in the morning, I needed to prepare my speech of why I was no longer going to be of service. Once I had taken care of that problem, I would only have to tell Alex that our friendship was not going to include extra benefits.
Karrie called me to tell me she was home safe, but we ended up talking for over an hour and once we hung up, I couldn't get back to sleep. I should have just lied and told her I didn't want to work things out. Sure, it was the pussy way out, but it sure would be easier.
The next morning came fast and I found myself pulling into the gated community toward Mrs. Jones’ house. I left my cleaning supplies in my vehicle and headed for the front door.
Mrs. Jones came to the door in normal clothes. "Hello, Sebastian. I wasn't sure if I was going to be seeing you this morning. Mrs. Smith said that I should expect you to quit."
She motioned for me to go inside and I followed her into the kitchen. "I just can't continue doing what I'm doing. It's wrong on so many levels."
Like Mrs. Smith, she walked up close to where I was sitting. Before I could argue, she climbed on top of my lap and leaned in close to my face. "So, is it just the sex you don't want to participate in?"
What did that mean?
"Well, yeah. What else is there?"
"Sebastian, you have so much to learn," she purred.
I tried to avoid eye contact, but she grabbed my face and forced me to look at her. She smiled and then leaned in to my ear. "You don't get to say when this ends."
I tapped on her back like I wanted her to slide off of me. She cocked her eyebrow and shook her head.
Diary of a Male Maid Page 8
