by E. S. Carter
“Just smile and wave. Smile and wave.” Isaac’s hand in mine and his voice in my ear is the only thing making this bearable.
Ever since the paparazzi shots of us kissing on a secluded beach in the Balearics were splashed all over the papers, outing our relationship to the world, this intense and downright crazy attention was forced upon us.
A world renowned male photographer and straight fitness celebrity caught in an embrace made ripples the world over.
The LGBTQ community wanted to champion us. The press wanted to interrogate us, and we just wanted to be left alone to be us.
“This has to die down soon, right?” I whisper through a gritted smile.
“Yep. As soon as another straight celeb hooks up with someone of the same sex, or some reality TV puppet is caught snorting coke off a drag queen’s fake tits, we’ll be off the hook.”
“I’m serious,” I growl. “This is fucking ridiculous.” I all but drag Isaac further down the red carpet, seeking the sanctuary of the cinema which seems a million miles away.
“I told you to deny everything and take a break for a while. This would have all been forgotten by now.” He reminds me through a fake smile of his own.
Fuck. He looks amazing tonight. I’ve never seen Isaac in a Tux, and the sight is one I want to burn onto my retinas.
Throwing all common sense into the wind, I stop dead in the centre of the melee surrounding us and to the delight of the crowd, I pull him into my arms and land a scorching hot kiss on his lips.
When he pulls away, confused and dazed and to the cheers and applause that surrounds us, I bend slightly and say directly into his ear, “I would never, and will never deny to anyone, what you are to me.”
I lean back and allow him to compose himself before we continue on to the cinema. His soft fingers find the inside of my wrist and rub lightly over the tattoo there, tracing the lines over and over.
We recently got matching tattoos as a way to celebrate the purchase of our first house together. Both of us have an anchor. The only difference is that I have his initials entwined within the rope and he has mine.
Underneath my tattoo, it reads No matter the distance and under Isaac’s it says My home is with you.
With the lights on our backs and our hands entwined, we walk into the darkened theatre. People think that when an actor attends a premiere, it’s the first time he’s seen the film that he’s just spent the last few months of his life making. It’s often untrue.
Last night at Jake’s house, we gathered with family, friends and the all the other actors and watched the often gruesome, often horrific masterpiece we’d all played a little part in making.
It was surreal to watch myself on screen, even if the menacing man looks nothing like me, for a few months I became him, and my scars helped me portray his. For once my scars had value. For the first time in my life, I appreciated what I went through to get them.
Once the showing ended, and when everyone cheered and applauded, Jake gave a speech to thank everyone for making one of his dreams a reality. His final sentence struck me deep.
“This was possible not because of one person, but because of an army. Life is not a solitary affair. It’s only magical because we get to share it with everyone else.”
When I accepted my feelings for Isaac, it felt like we became one. To some extent we did, but over the last few months I’ve realised that loving, laughing and living come from more than just one person. They come from a family. They originate from every individual who offers you their love, and I’d willingly pay any price for that.
Love isn’t one plus one.
It’s one plus one plus one times infinity.
Losing someone you love makes you an expert on all sorts of things.
You know what it’s like to will someone back to life.
If you believe in a higher power, you’ll know what it’s like to beg or to wager. You promise to go to church or to pray more; you’ll promise to be better, to do better, just to get them back.
You’ll feel guilty, and you’ll feel selfish.
You may ask why them or why me?
But what you are not is me, and what I am not is you. I am not an expert on losing your loved one. I am an unfortunate expert on losing mine.
One thing I do believe, with my very soul, is that those we have lost would not wish for us to remember them with tears, but with love.
If you are reading this, this is me telling you it is okay to be sad. I am too. It’s okay to cry, but never, ever forget to live.
Live for them.
But most importantly, live for you.
Just Like A Pill – Pink
Need You Tonight – INXS
Make It Wit Chu – Queens Of The Stone Age
Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
Cry To Me – Solomon Burke
Take Me To Church – Hozier
With Or Without You – U2
Say Something – A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.
If It Makes You Happy – Sheryl Crow
Hands To Myself – Kings Of Leon (Selena Gomez Cover)
Pillowtalk – Zayn
All Of Me – John Legend
I am blessed.
I’ve met so many amazing people since I hit publish on my first book and without their love, support and friendship I wouldn’t be where I am now.
Thank you.
To all the authors who have helped me on my writing journey, including the amazing SITLO group and Manuscript Minxes; you ladies ROCK!
Big love to my ‘Southern Hemisphere Twin’, the lovely KA Sterritt, who keeps me sane, listens to my crazy ramblings and always has my back.
To the crazy (in the best way!) ladies in my reader’s group ‘E’s Elite’. All the best people are bonkers, and you lot most certainly are. Thank you for your support, your friendships and your random posts that often require me to pull out my bottle of eye bleach. (Don’t you dare say it’s my fault or I’ll cook the goat, banish the nuns and drown the mermaids!)
An extra special mention goes to the amazing ladies in Darlene & Dexter’s Book Nook, including the lady herself. When you come across special people, you know it and these ladies are special.
HUGE thanks to my super special beta readers. Sharon #GoatQueen, Nicola #TheVirginTwin, Diane #ARCQueen, Alexandra #TeaserQueen, and Karen #LubeQueen. Your support is unending, and this book would not look the way it does without you. Thank you for your tears, your laughter, your love and your crazy notes that made me wet my knickers.
To all the blogs who took a chance on a new indie author and not only read and reviewed, but recommended, pimped and promoted me and for no other reason than they love to do so. BIG SWS for you always.
My final shout-out is for my readers.
I wouldn’t be here without you. Thank you for your passion, your reviews and your support of authors, be they traditional or indie. With so many amazing books out there, I’m honoured that you’ve bought mine.
Bookworms will rule the world!
Eli Carter is a mum of three from the U.K.
She is a stay-at-home mum and a part-time advocate for families of children with special needs.
Her life is pretty manic, and she often gets asked, “How do you find the time to write?”
The answer is simple; she never sleeps, but not from lack of trying.
Reading and writing are her therapy, her solace and often the one thing that gets her through the long nights. (That and copious amounts of caffeine and sugar!)
She loves to connect with readers, so please feel free to friend/follow her on Facebook, follow her on IG and Twitter or join her reader’s group, E’s Elite.
Facebook: www.facebook.com/escarterauthor
IG: @escarterauthor
Twitter: @escarterauthor
Copyright 2016 by E.S. Carter
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