by Joan Jonker
‘Ructions! He’ll bloody kill ’er!’ A smile tugged the corners of Eileen’s mouth. ‘I know I shouldn’t be laughin’, but I can’t ’elp it! All these married women have been swanning around with the bloody United Nations, ’aving a ball while their fellers have been away fightin’! Well now the time’s come to pay for their bit of fun, an’ I ’ope they think it’s been worth it. They deserve everythin’ they get, an’ I’ve no sympathy for them.’ Her smile disappeared. ‘I feel bloody sorry for their ’usbands though! Fancy comin’ back to that!’
Eileen waddled down the street, her thoughts with the husband of Sadie Thompson. Poor bugger, he deserved better than that. It wouldn’t be any consolation to him, but there were hundreds of men coming home to find their wives had cheated on them.
‘Come on, our kid!’ Rene and Mary were standing outside Eileen’s house. ‘You can’t half talk!’
‘Hark at her!’ Eileen made to brush past them but Mary barred her way.
‘You’ve to stay in the hall until we call you in.’ Mary pushed Eileen up against the hall wall. ‘We want to go in first so we can see your face when you see what we’ve done.’
Left alone, Eileen chunnered to herself. ‘I feel like a bloody kid playin’ hide an’ seek!’ But her inside was turning over with excitement. She couldn’t wait to see what her room looked like. The minutes passed and she became impatient. ‘What the ’ell are yez doin’ in there! It is my ’ouse yer know!’
‘You can come in now.’ It was Rene’s voice bidding her enter.
‘About bloody time!’ Eileen pushed the living room door open and the first thing she noticed was the group standing inside the kitchen door. Her mother was flanked by Rene and Mary, and behind them towered Harry and Alan. ‘Yez are like a gang of kids!’ Eileen told them before her eyes swept the room. ‘Oh, my God! Am I in the right house?’ Her hand on the door knob, she took in the new curtains, the lovely shining table with a vase of flowers standing proudly in the centre and a chair on each of the four sides. And the matching sideboard also boasted a vase of flowers with ornaments either side that Eileen had never seen before. Lost for words, she could only shake her head.
‘Come in and shut the door, love,’ Maggie said softly. ‘You’ll be able to see the room properly then.’
Eileen shut the door and leaned against it, and as she did, she caught her breath. Along the back wall, where the old couch used to stand, was a new couch, in coffee-coloured cut moquette. Eileen screwed her eyes up, then opened them again to make sure she hadn’t been seeing things. Her legs were threatening to give way under her and she pushed her back hard up against the door. Then the tears started and she covered her face with her hands, her body shaking with sobs.
‘Oh, come on, our kid!’ Rene and Mary rushed to put their arms around her. ‘We thought you’d be pleased!’
‘Pleased!’ Eileen said through her sobs. ‘I’m bloody over the moon! I’m cryin’ with happiness, yer silly sods!’
Eileen’s tears only lasted until she saw Harry pull a chair out to sit down. ‘Not on yer nellie, yer don’t!’ Eileen threatened. ‘Everything’s getting covered up till the day my Bill comes ’ome.’
So, old sheets were found to cover the table and couch, and pillowslips for the chairs. ‘Now, yez can all park yer back-sides.’
When they were seated, Eileen found out what all the whispering had been about. Rene and Alan, and Mary and Harry, had clubbed together to buy the new couch as a welcome home present for her and Bill, and when Rene was supposed to be at Milly Knight’s ringing Alan, she’d actually been making arrangements to have the couch delivered. It was Rene who’d bought the material and made up the new curtains, and Mary who’d bought the vases and ornaments. Maggie, insisting she wanted to do her bit, had supplied the flowers.
All the time they were telling her, Eileen’s head was shaking as her eyes went from one eager face to the other. ‘I’m not very good at makin’ speeches,’ she told them, her face flushed with embarrassment. ‘I don’t know big words like our Rene, who sometimes sounds as though she’s swallowed a dictionary.’ She ducked a blow aimed at her by her sister. ‘All I can say is, I think yer the best mates anyone ever ’ad, an’ I love yez all.’ She looked into Alan’s face. ‘Haven’t they made a good job of it, Alan? Yer wouldn’t think it used to be a pig sty, would yer? I’ll probably come ’ome tomorrer an’ think I’m in the wrong house!’
‘They’ve done a great job,’ Alan agreed. ‘I’m only sorry I couldn’t do anything to help. But I do have something to give you.’
‘Oh, for Christ’s sake, don’t give me anything else,’ Eileen laughed. ‘I couldn’t take any more!’
‘Will you stop taking the Lord’s name in vain.’ Maggie pursed her lips. ‘I know you’re excited, but that’s no excuse.’
Eileen cast her eyes up to the ceiling. ‘I’m sorry, God! I promise I’ll turn over a new leaf after today.’
‘And I don’t think!’ Maggie muttered, as Eileen turned to Alan.
‘I’m sorry for the interruption, Alan. What was it yer were sayin’?’
‘That I have something for you.’ Alan brushed a nonexistent speck from his coat trying to appear nonchalant. ‘Bill’s on a ship on his way home.’
‘Yer what!’ The table moved as Eileen jumped to her feet. ‘Are yer ’aving me on?’
‘At this very minute, Bill is on a ship sailing towards England,’ Alan told her. ‘He should be on English soil in a few days.’
Harry was the first to notice the colour drain from Eileen’s face, and he reached her just in time to save her from dropping to the floor in a dead faint.
Chapter Six
‘Mam, are you sure this dress looks all right?’ Eileen pulled the skirt of her navy and white spotted dress down over her tummy, but the second her hands let go, the dress wrinkled up again. ‘It makes me look like a bloody big whale!’
Maggie clicked her tongue impatiently. ‘For the umpteenth time, the dress looks fine!’ Secretly Maggie wondered how anyone with a figure the size of her daughter could have bought a spotted dress. But to say that now would only make Eileen more agitated than she was already. ‘For heavens sake, lass, will you sit down and try to relax! You’ve got my nerves on edge, and the poor kids are frightened to breathe!’
The three children were sat on the couch, hands clasped in their laps. Dressed in their new clothes, they’d been warned that a clip over the ear hole was what they could expect if they got themselves dirty before their dad arrived.
Joan and Edna were feeling badly done to and very fed-up. The excitement they’d felt when they knew their dad was coming home had changed to apprehension. They’d been very young when he went away and their memory of him was hazy. But they’d imagined his homecoming would be a happy and joyous occasion. Now they were not so sure. If today was a sign of things to come, life was going to be very miserable from now on. They weren’t allowed to play out, and when they’d asked if they could have a game of Ludo, their mother had nearly bitten their heads off. Not a thing was to be out of place when their dad walked through the door.
Billy was lost in his own thoughts, which were far removed from those of his sisters. He remembered everything about his dad, and he couldn’t wait to have him home again. They’d be going to see Liverpool play on a Saturday afternoon like they used to, and when their team was playing an away game, they’d go fishing.
A smile crossed Billy’s face as he ran his fingers down the crease in his new long trousers, remembering how his dad used to lift him up at the match so he could see over the heads of the men in front. His dad would have a job to lift him now, because Billy reckoned he’d probably be as tall as his dad now.
Billy’s heart was bursting with pride as he pictured his dad’s face when he saw him in long trousers. And wait till he knew he had a job to go to when he left school at the summer holidays! The headmaster had let him take a morning off school to go for an interview at the Cable works in Linacre Lane, and he’d got a job as an
apprentice mechanic at seventeen shillings and sixpence a week. Oh, he had a lot to tell his dad, did young Billy Gillmoss.
‘Edna, stop rubbing yer ’and along the arm of the couch,’ Eileen growled. ‘Yer’ll ’ave it filthy in no time.’
‘Huh!’ Edna dug her sister in the ribs. ‘We can’t do nothin’!’
‘Why can’t we go out and play?’ asked a defiant Joan. ‘We’ll only be in the street, and we’ll see our dad comin’.’
‘Yez are not goin’ out because I say so!’ Eileen heard herself yelling and screwed her eyes up. What was she shouting at the kids for? It wasn’t their fault she was so excited she felt sick. ‘Look, kids,’ Eileen kept her voice calm. ‘I know it’s hard for yez to understand, but I just want everything to look nice for yer dad. He hasn’t seen us for five years, remember, and yez wouldn’t like him to come ’ome after all that time to a filthy ’ouse, an’ us lookin’ like waifs and strays, now would yez?’
‘No, Mam,’ chorused the two girls. That was the answer their mother wanted, so that was what she got. In truth, they’d rather have been out playing and not worrying about getting dirty.
Eileen paced the floor. ‘I still don’t understand why I couldn’t go to the station to meet Bill. He’ll be expectin’ me to be there.’
‘How many times do you have to be told?’ Maggie’s patience was wearing thin. ‘Alan’s picking Bill and another man up in an army Jeep, and civilians aren’t allowed to ride in army vehicles!’
‘Ssshhh!’ Eileen spun round. ‘I ’eard a car stop outside.’
‘It might not be them.’ Maggie stood up and took command. ‘You stay here, and, Billy, you go and see.’
Eileen couldn’t have gone anyway. Her legs were threatening to buckle under her and she had to lean on the table for support. The seconds ticked by, then they heard Billy yelling, ‘Me dad’s here!’
The two girls flew off the couch, elbowing each other out of the way to be first out of the room, but Eileen was rooted to the spot. Her mouth opened and closed but no words would come. Maggie took one look at her daughter’s face and grabbed her arm. ‘For heavens sake, pull yourself together! Take a few deep breaths … that’s right.’
When Bill walked through the door, he was alone. Alan, forever thoughtful had invited the children to examine the Jeep, to give man and wife the first few minutes together. And also to give Eileen time to get over the shock she was in for when she saw the man Alan hadn’t recognised when he’d stepped from the train at Lime Street station.
Eileen stared, her mouth hanging open. This man wasn’t her husband! Her Bill had black hair, a round healthy-looking face, and he was tall and straight. This man was a stranger, with white hair, hollow cheeks, and he was stooped like a man twenty years older than her Bill.
Maggie was the first to recover. Crossing the room she held her arms out. ‘Hello, Bill! Welcome home, son.’
Eileen felt she was watching a film, as Maggie put her arms round this stranger’s shoulders and kissed him. Then she heard the stranger saying, ‘Thanks, Ma, it’s good to be home.’ When his eyes met Eileen’s over Maggie’s shoulder, her breath caught in her throat. There was no mistaking Bill’s deep brown eyes.
Maggie pulled away. ‘You’ll be dying for a drink … I’ll put the kettle on.’
Bill dropped his army bag, his eyes still holding Eileen’s. And in those eyes Eileen could see the same haunted look she’d seen in Alan’s when he’d come back wounded from the war. What in the name of God had those bastards done to make her Bill look as he did?
Eileen’s head was filled with mixed emotions … disbelief, horror, pity and anger. Bill’s appearance had really knocked the stuffing out of her. But she sensed him watching her reaction closely, and knew it was vital she didn’t let her feeling show. This was her husband and she loved him with all her heart. Mustering a strength she didn’t know she possessed, Eileen willed herself forward, her arms outstretched. ‘Don’t I even get a kiss, after waitin’ five years, or are they on ration, too?’
Bill kicked his army bag out of the way and walked into her arms. He lay his head on her shoulder and tears rained down his face. And while Eileen held him, the anger in her grew. He was like a skeleton! All she could feel was skin and bones, hidden from sight in the ill-fitting navy blue suit. My God, if she could get hold of the people responsible for doing this to her Bill, she’d strangle them with her bare hands.
The clattering of cups in the kitchen brought Eileen back to life. ‘I love you, Bill Gillmoss, and I’m bloody glad to ’ave yer home again,’ she whispered softly in his ear. ‘Now give us a kiss before the kids come in.’ Ashamed of his emotional display, Bill couldn’t meet Eileen’s eyes as he planted a feather like kiss on her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, chick! I couldn’t help meself.’
At the sound of the old pet name, Eileen’s anger resurfaced, but this time it was overshadowed by the power of her love for Bill, and a strong determination. Whatever damage those bastards had done, she’d spend the rest of her life repairing it. Surrounded by love and understanding, he’d soon get better. And she’d feed him up to get some flesh back on those bones, even if she had to scrounge food coupons to do it.
Outside in the street, the driver of the Jeep kept the girls amused while Alan took Billy to one side. The look of bewilderment on the boy’s face frightened him and there were things he thought Billy should know before he faced his dad again. ‘Billy, I think you’re grown up enough now to be told what your dad’s gone through. I’m not going to tell your mother, and I don’t want you to, either. If your dad wants her to know, he’ll tell her in his own good time. So anything I say now, is man to man, d’you understand?’
Billy was staring down at his shoes, his heart broken. He looked up briefly and nodded. ‘Okay, Uncle Alan.’
‘This prisoner of war camp your dad was in was one of the worst in Germany. The guards were hard and cruel, and they treated the prisoners like animals. They only had to look sideways to be punished, and they barely had enough food to keep them alive. A lot of the prisoners, those not as strong as your dad, didn’t survive. It wasn’t only the hardship and the lack of food they had to put up with, but they were robbed of their dignity and their pride.’
Billy was now watching and listening closely, and Alan chose his next words carefully. ‘Your dad has been to hell and back, and is going to need all the help he can get. And with you being the only other man in the house, he’s going to need your understanding. Forget that he doesn’t look like the man who went away five years ago, just remember that your dad is a hero.’
Billy lowered his face quickly. Boys of fourteen don’t cry, he told himself. Only cissies cry. Gulping back the tears, he said, ‘I’ll look after him, Uncle Alan, I promise! And me mam and me nan … they’ll take care of him, too!’
‘I knew I could rely on you.’ Alan patted the boy’s shoulder. ‘And if your dad sometimes gets bad tempered, you will remember what I’ve told you, won’t you?’ When Billy nodded, Alan said, ‘You’re a good lad, Billy.’
Rene came later that day with Victoria, and the family sat around talking, telling Bill all the things that had happened in civilian life during the war years. The blitz, shortage of food and clothes, and the blackout. But the conversation was laboured as Bill merely nodded or shook his head. He said nothing about his imprisonment, and as though by mutual consent, the others didn’t ask. He seemed ill at ease and nervous. Every sound outside made him jump and look towards the door. And watching him, Eileen’s heart bled. What a fool she’d been to expect him to come home looking and acting the same as he had when he went away. And what a good job she’d taken Alan’s advice and not arranged a coming home party. She had intended to have all the neighbours in for a knees up, but now she knew how stupid she’d been to have even thought of it.
Joan and Edna were all mixed up. For years their mam had talked about their dad, how he’d done this and that and what he’d said. And yet, here he was, and he hadn’t even said a wor
d to them. Never asked how they were getting on at school or anything. In fact it could have been a complete stranger sitting in the chair with nothing to say for himself. They couldn’t have put into words what they expected of their dad, but it certainly wasn’t this serious man who didn’t even have a smile for them.
Billy sat on one of the dining room chairs, listening to the conversation and watching his dad closely. Not a word had been said about how tall he’d grown, how he suited his long trousers, or how lucky he’d been to have found a job. But he didn’t mind. His Uncle Alan’s words kept running through his brain and he viewed the man sitting quietly on the couch, not as a stranger, like his sisters did, but as a hero.
It was nine o’clock when Rene said it was time to take a sleepy Victoria home. And while Alan helped the child on with her coat, Eileen nodded to the girls. ‘Time you two were in bed, too!’
‘Ah, ay, Mam! We don’t ’ave to go to school temorrer!’ Joan saw her dad’s head turn sharply, and decided that today wasn’t the best time to argue. ‘Okay! Come on, our Edna.’
Edna gave Eileen her goodnight kiss, then as she waited for Joan to perform the nightly ritual, she stuck her thumb in her mouth and sucked furiously. ‘Goodnight, Mam.’
‘Goodnight and God bless, sunshine.’ Eileen saw the indecision on the faces of her two daughters and acted quickly. ‘Kiss your dad goodnight.’
Edna pushed Joan forward. ‘You first.’
Joan hesitated, then slowly walked towards her dad. ‘Goodnight, Dad.’
Her kiss was fleeting, her exit through the door even more so. And fast on her heels went Edna. They could be heard running up the stairs, and Eileen managed the first smile of the evening. ‘They probably think you’re the flippin’ milkman!’
Everyone had gone to bed and Eileen and Bill were alone at last. Eileen didn’t know how she felt. For five years she’d waited for this night, and now it had come she felt shy and unsure. Everything was so different from what she’d planned. In her dreams she’d imagined Bill coming home looking exactly the same as the last time she’d seen him, and the house would be filled with laughter and love. Then came the thought that five years was a long time, and Bill could probably see a change in her!
