His father looked almost pained. “Then don’t let it happen.”
“What can I do? How can I rip her away from those babies?” He stopped. He didn’t want to do that, just to have her the way he had before. Just the two of them for a moment in time.
“You love her, don’t you, son?”
“You know I do.”
“Then tell her. Show her. She needs it as much as you do, and if you let it go, maybe there won’t be another time.” Jackson grimaced. Then whatever he was thinking about was gone, and he stood to look down at Adam. “Your babies are a downright miracle, the way you and your brother and sister were and still are. And their kids…” He shook his head in wonder. “God, miracles. But so is having that one person who loves you and you love. That one person who fills your life and…” He’d stopped, then exhaled roughly. “Get away for a few days together, and remember why you started all this in the first place. Maybe go to the cabin at the lake. It’s empty and it’s private.”
“I wish we could,” Adam murmured.
“Don’t wish for it, just do it. Grace will be there for the kids, and you can be there for Maggie. You make it happen with your wife. Just do it.”
Adam looked at Jackson and felt closer to his father then he ever had in his life. “Okay,” he said and meant it. “I will do it.”
Jackson nodded, and without another word, he left. As the door shut behind him, Adam reached for his coat. He was leaving, too. He had a lot of thinking to do and some calls to make.
MAGGIE DIDN’T KNOW when Adam came home. She’d fallen asleep, and he hadn’t tried to wake her. She only knew that when she woke to the cries in the morning, around seven o’clock, his side of the bed was mussed but empty.
She got her robe and headed for the nursery, surprised to find Grace there with Louise. After the morning rituals of feeding, bathing, changing and holding, Louise stayed with the babies while Maggie and Grace headed down to the kitchen for coffee.
“You’re here early,” Maggie said to Grace as the two of them walked into the kitchen at the back of the sprawling house.
“I had things to do, so I thought, since I was up and around, I’d come on by for a while.”
As they stepped into the cavernous kitchen, Maggie looked at Grace. “Did you see Adam this morning before he went to work?”
Grace crossed to the white ceramic counter, heading for the coffeemaker with its glowing red light and stack of heavy mugs by it. “He didn’t go to work,” Grace said as she poured coffee, then turned with the mugs in her hands and motioned with her head toward the breakfast room at the rear of the kitchen. “Let’s sit and talk for a bit.”
Maggie didn’t argue. She had a sense that something was up, but she didn’t have a clue what it could be. The babies were fine—a bit fussy, but safe and sound in the nursery. But Grace coming in early like this wasn’t usual. And if Adam wasn’t at work, where was he?
Maggie crossed to the glass-topped table, sank down in a wicker chair and reached for the mug Grace held out to her. “Yes, I think we need to talk,” she said before she took a sip of the hot, strong liquid.
She set the mug on the tabletop as Grace settled in the chair across from her. “First of all, what do you mean, Adam isn’t at work?” she asked.
“He didn’t go to work,” Grace said before taking her own sip of coffee.
“Then where is he?”
“He’s in the den. Said he was going to make some calls, last I heard.”
Maggie cradled the warm ceramic mug in both hands. “He has lots of work to do. He didn’t get home until very late last night…I think. I just assumed, when he wasn’t there this morning…”
“You assumed what?”
She was startled by Adam’s voice coming from behind her. The coffee in the mug sloshed slightly but didn’t spill. Turning, she saw Adam striding into the breakfast room. He wasn’t in his suit and tie. He wore a pair of his favorite jeans, an open-neck chambray shirt and the boots that were usually in the back of the closet. They were old, scuffed, worn at the heels. They were his favorite kick-around boots.
“I…I assumed you were at work,” she said, sitting back to look at him as he neared the table. “You weren’t there when I woke up, and I thought you’d left without waking me.”
“I wasn’t about to wake you up, and I didn’t go to work.” He held both hands out at his sides. “As you can see. No suit. No briefcase.” He tucked the tips of his fingers in the pockets of his jeans and rocked on the balls of his feet toward her. “I’m not going in today or for the next few days.”
“Adam, what are you doing?”
He ignored the question and looked at Grace. “Any more of that great coffee?”
Grace motioned to the main kitchen area. “Plenty in there. Help yourself.”
“Sounds good.” He glanced at Maggie, his expression unreadable, adding to her sense of something coming. “We’ll talk in a minute,” he said, then turned and went after his coffee.
Maggie looked at Grace, but the older woman was staring out the window. “Douglas isn’t going to be a happy camper,” Grace murmured, a Texas twang creeping into her soft voice. “Looks like rain’s coming.”
Douglas, Grace’s husband, was as tender as anything with the babies. He’d been there for Adam growing up, when Adam’s father had worked to fill the void of losing his wife. “Grace, what’s going on?” she asked, the weather not much of a concern to her at the moment. Not when her workaholic husband looked like a ranch hand instead of the corporate lawyer he usually was during the week.
Grace looked at Maggie. “Be patient,” she said.
Before Maggie could demand an explanation, Adam was back, but he didn’t sit down with the women. He stood by Maggie’s chair, sipping his coffee while he squinted out the window. “Looks like rain’s coming,” he said, echoing Grace’s words.
Maggie didn’t look out the window. She looked at her husband. She felt bombarded by him, by the clean freshness of soap and denim mingling with the richness of the coffee. He rocked her world when they first met, and he still could. He did. And now, whatever he was up to was adding to that sensation. She felt definitely uneasy. “Adam, I don’t care about the weather. Just tell me what’s going on. Grace won’t, but you’d better. And if it’s something to do with the babies, if one of them…” She swallowed hard. “Tell me.”
He cast her a narrowed glance that made her heart catch slightly. “Okay, I’ll tell you.”
Grace stood, taking her coffee. “My cue to go and see if Louise needs help.”
“Don’t leave,” Adam said without looking at her. “You know about this anyway.”
“About what?” Maggie asked, looking from Grace to her husband, a degree of panic setting in. “Is it the babies?”
“No, love,” Adam said. “No, it’s not about them. It’s about us.”
“Us? What?”
He hesitated, something Adam seldom did, and finally said, “We’re making our escape.”
“Escape?” Maggie shook her head, her coffee forgotten. “What are you talking about?”
“You and me.” He smiled, a slightly unsteady expression that crinkled his eyes and curved his lips. “Three days. Alone. Just the two of us. Grace and Louise will stay with the babies, and—”
She felt relief at the same time she felt shocked at what he was saying. “Adam, stop. We can’t just run away from home. I mean, that’s craziness.”
His smile faltered, but he came closer and put his coffee on the table next to hers. Dropping to his haunches, he framed her face with his hands. “It’s not craziness. It’s called survival, and we can. We need to.”
“Sure.” She exhaled, her insides twisting with nerves. “Of course, I just meant, not now. When we can manage it. It sounds wonderful, just the two of us. But when the babies are older, when they aren’t so tiny.”
“No, we need to do it now. Grace and Louise will do fine with the babies, and Douglas will be here to help, too. We
can go up to the family cabin by the lake. It’s open and aired out, just waiting for us to get there.”
Maggie covered his hands with hers. “Adam, please, be reasonable. I can’t go. I can’t just leave.”
“Yes, you can,” he said in a low voice, no smile on his face now. “You’re not irreplaceable, and it’s not desertion to leave them for a few days.” He drew in a sharp breath. “Maggie, you’re not your mother.”
She drew back sharply, breaking the contact with him as an ache in her middle almost took her breath away. “That’s not fair,” she muttered.
“Isn’t that what you think? If you leave them at all, you’ve failed? You’ve run out on them? You’ve deserted them? You can’t love them and leave them even for a day or two?” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Maggie, listen to me, your mother walked out. She was there one minute, then gone the next. She didn’t care and she left. How she could do that to you is unbelievable, but that was her and that isn’t you. She left a year-old child without looking back. And she was gone. Do you really think that you’re anything like that?”
His words tore at her, bringing back feelings she never wanted to feel again. “No, of course not.” She bit her lip hard, and she closed her eyes tightly to block out his determined expression. “This isn’t about my mother. It’s about me and my babies. I love them. They’re mine.”
“I love you, and they’re ours.”
She sensed him moving. She opened her eyes to find him standing over her, his hands jammed in the pockets of his jeans. “You of all people know what it took to get them here with us. I can’t just walk away like that.”
“Sweetheart, you can. You can walk out the door with me, know that they’re in great hands.” His expression narrowed even more. “You couldn’t be your mother even if you tried to be.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.” She stood, put some distance between them, then turned and went to the windows to stare at the beginning rain. “She’s got nothing to do with this irrational idea of yours.”
“Irrational?” he asked from right behind her. “It’s irrational that I want to be with you?”
That ache grew, and she hugged her arms around her so tightly that she began to tremble. “That’s emotional blackmail,” she muttered.
“What?”
“I want to be with you, too, and we’ll have time, but right now, it’s…it’s too soon. Don’t force it like this.”
“Oh, baby, I’m not doing that. I don’t want to do that. That isn’t what’s going on. I just want you to remember you and me. The two of us.”
Her eyes burned and smarted but were painfully dry. “Of course I remember.”
“Then what happened to us?”
“It’s…we’re still here.”
“We are…for now,” he muttered. “But for how long?”
She turned to Adam and a very silent Grace. “You…you need to give me time. I thought it would be so easy, just fall in love, get married and have a baby, then it all fell apart.” She closed her eyes tightly, the images of months of trying, of treatments and tests, of calling Adam to come home because “my temperature is just right,” making love frantically because it had to be then. “But it worked out, it really did,” she said in a shaky voice. “Five babies. Five lives. And they’re so tiny, so fragile. I thought you wanted them…and loved them as much as I do, that you’d understand that things could never be the same again.”
He came to her, reaching toward her, and she braced herself when his hands touched her shoulders. “Good God, you know I want them and I love them, and I understand how scary this all is. I’m scared, too, and I know where you’re coming from about having to be here all the time. Your mother walked out on you, just left.” She flinched at his words, but he didn’t let go. “And I’m going to say this one last time. You are not your mother. You’re a loving, caring mother. You almost gave your life for them.” His hands tightened in a spasm, then eased. “I’m losing you, Maggie, and I can’t live if that happens.”
Tears were there, hot tears that slipped out of her eyes, and she began to shake. The next thing she knew, she was cuddled to Adam’s chest, surrounded by the man she loved, and for an instant, she felt so safe and so complete. She grabbed at that feeling, but then he spoke again, his voice a deep rumble against her face pressed to his chest. “Do you love me?”
“Oh, God, yes,” she groaned.
“Then trust me?” He was easing her back but never letting her go. He studied her with an intensity that made her world stop. “Let me do this. Let me call the shots. Just three days. You and me?”
She felt as if she were being torn in two. She couldn’t let go of Adam or the babies, or those two halves of her life would be permanently separated.
She closed her eyes, barely able to get air in her lungs. There had to be some way to make this right without losing either half of her soul.
Chapter Three
Maggie tried to think of something, anything to make this all better. “What…what if… Maybe we could go away for a day, just the two of us?” she asked.
Adam was silent for what seemed an eternity, never blinking, barely breathing. “A day?” he finally said. “Twenty-four whole hours?”
“Yes, absolutely.” Maybe this would work. “We could go next week, when I have everything ready and planned. We could get Grace to come here, and we could maybe go to dinner and a movie, and—”
“No.”
The single word stopped her dead. “But why not, Adam?”
“We go now. We have twenty-four hours from now, just you and me. No dinner, no movie, no monitors, no nothing. Just us at the cabin. Right now,” he finished in a hoarse voice.
“I…I…don’t know if I can,” she stammered, wondering how her heart could be so divided between the great loves of her life. It wasn’t fair. “I don’t know.”
“Well, if you don’t know, I guess that’s it,” he said, a flatness touching his voice.
She glanced at Grace, the woman who had been silent through all this, never moving. “Grace?”
“It’s your choice,” she said evenly.
“But I can’t—”
“Oh, you can, you can do it,” Grace said.
“But what if something happens? Daniel’s been so fussy and Gracie…?”
“I’ll be here, sweetheart. I’ll be here.”
“But I need to be here.”
Grace nodded. “Of course you do, and you will be. I can call if there’s a problem, and Adam will bring you right back.” She came closer to the two of them, her voice growing softer as she spoke. “You need to go, sweetie, you really need to go.” The woman looked at Adam, who Maggie knew was as close to a son as Grace had in this world. “And he needs you to go, too.”
Maggie looked at Adam. She didn’t know if she could do this, but she’d try. She’d really try. She kissed him quickly, needing that grounding, then met his gaze again. “Okay, we’ll go. I’ll pack and—”
Grace moved closer to the two of them. “You’re all packed. Just go up and say goodbye to the little ones, then go and be with your husband.”
It felt to Maggie as if she was taking a huge leap off a towering cliff…with no lifeline. Then she felt Adam draw her closer and knew that was wrong. He was her lifeline. She nodded, slipped out of his reach and started across the room. “I’ll get dressed,” she murmured.
“Casual, nothing fancy,” Adam called after her.
She kept going out of the kitchen area and stopped when she was out of sight of her husband and Grace. She hugged her arms tightly around herself to stop a trembling that seemed to be coming from the inside out as Adam’s words echoed in her. “You’re not your mother.”
“I’m not my mother,” she muttered to herself as she headed in the direction of the bedrooms. But that didn’t stop the horrible feeling that she was abandoning her children. She neared the nursery doors, hesitated and had to force herself not to go inside yet, but to go and get dressed fi
rst. Then she’d say goodbye. She’d promise each of them she’d be back in twenty-four hours. She’d keep her promise. She’d be right here in twenty-four hours.
ADAM FELT the tension in Maggie as they drove through the steady rain into the hills. He didn’t know if it was wishful thinking on his part or not, but by the time they neared the dirt road that led to the family cabin near the lake, she seemed a bit less anxious.
He believed that until she spoke for the first time in the past hour. “I’m sorry I took so long getting ready, but it seems just too much for Grace to be able to handle all of the babies for a whole day.”
“She’s up to it. And she’s got Louise with her. No problem. But there is a change in plans.”
He sensed her dart him a quick look. “What?” she asked, sitting straighter in the seat, turning to him. “What change?”
“Since we didn’t get away until later, the twenty-four hours started when we left the house.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Okay, twenty-four hours from the time we left the house. It’s a deal, as long as you’re sure Grace will be okay with them.”
“Love, I’d trust her with my life. My dad did, and I trust her with our family.”
“And she’ll know if the babies need anything, won’t she?”
He reached for her hand clenched on her thigh and closed his hand around her fist. “Next to you, she knows those babies better than anyone, even me. And she loves them.” He squeezed her hand slightly. “She can tell them apart without looking at the bracelets they wear. She’s brilliant.”
Thankfully Maggie laughed at that, a weak chuckle, but it was something he relished. “Yes, she is. You still get Julia and Daniel mixed up, and I can’t see how you can do that. He’s such a boy, and she’s so feminine.”
Adam chuckled. “Dead right. She looks just like you. Absolutely beautiful.”
“And he looks like you, like a real McCallum.”
McCallum Quintuplets Page 17
