My guilt continued to try to force its way to the surface, but I couldn’t let it. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the barriers I had already fashioned. I needed to open the holes in those ones now. King Vill wanted to attack them tonight, and if the holes weren’t open, he wouldn’t be able to get his armies through.
I opened up holes in the barriers in the same place for each one. My stomach churned with unease, but I wasn’t going to back out of this now.
I finished the task just as Dairdra walked in. A guard stood at attention outside the door, but he didn’t come into the room with her. So it was of a private nature. She closed the door behind her and came in.
“My Lady?”
She stared at me with her beautiful eyes, eyes that always made me want to lose myself within their depths. “Crypt, please… We’re in private. Don’t use titles.”
I smiled at her. “I talked to the Council yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about their response.”
She gave me a worried look as she walked over and sat on the bed next to me. I shifted positions so that I was sitting up too.
“What did they say, Crypt?” She quivered and her eyes caught mine with a silent plea.
“They said yes.” I answered, grinning. “It was unanimous.”
She laughed, the tension fleeing from her body. She flung her arms around my neck, kissing me. “Oh, I’m so happy! After everything that’s gone wrong, finally something has gone right!” She whispered, her laughter turning to tears of relief and joy.
I hugged her, rocking her gently back and forth. “Shh… It’s okay. Things will get better now. Just remember. No matter what happens, no matter what you think of me or anyone else in this war, I love you and I always will.” I whispered back.
She moved back a bit, hands resting on my shoulders, searching my face with her exquisite eyes. “Crypt, after the last few days, I could never doubt that you love me.”
“Maybe not, but I needed to say it. I needed you to hear it.” I looked at her, my stare sharp.
She smiled. “Alright, Crypt. I heard you say it, and I believe you. So now, I need to tell you this: I love you now and I’ll love you forever, and don’t even think about trying to die on me before the war is over. You asked me to marry you, I said yes, and you are going to make it to that altar if I have to drag you there.”
I grinned as she laughed. “Deal. But you won’t have to drag me there.” I kissed her.
She leaned into me for a moment. Then she stood up. “I hope I don’t, Crypt. But don’t forget, I’m capable!” She smiled at me to let me know she was teasing. Then her tone became serious. “I came to ask you how the wards are holding up on our outposts.”
I shrugged. “What do you want to know? So far, they’ve held Cyril out. They’ve taken a battering though.” I figured I’d better start making it appear that the wards might be weakening now before Cyril attacked and got through. I didn’t want people guessing that maybe I’d sabotaged it. “I’d have to be closer to it to know for sure where exactly they’re at strength-wise.”
She nodded. “So Cyril can’t get through?”
“Well, they’d need a mage with a lot of skill and fire-power to break it down completely or put a hole in it. But if they battered it enough, with my strength and attention being stretched out among multiple barriers, they could possibly succeed in weakening it to the point that a significantly weaker mage would be able to destroy it or put a hole in it.” I lied.
She sighed. “Well, I suppose it was too much to hope that they wouldn’t be able to get through it at all, ever.”
I felt terrible for lying to her. Those barriers would have to be battered for months to come down on their own, and it would take a mage stronger than I to break them. And so far as I knew, one didn’t exist in Cyril. But I couldn’t tell her that or she would know when they broke that I had done it and on purpose.
“I’m sorry, Dairdra.”
She looked up from the floor, misunderstanding what my apology was meant for. “It’s not your fault, Crypt. You are doing the best you can! No one could ask more.”
Well, yes, they could. But once again, she wouldn’t know that. And I wasn’t about to correct her.
I gave her a smile. “Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.”
She smiled back. “You’re welcome. So, are you able to strengthen the barriers again?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. It might spread me out too thin and then I couldn’t maintain them all.”
She shrugged. “Oh well. Can’t expect everything. Thank you for all you are doing, Crypt.”
I stood up, taking her into my arms and breathing in her piney scent. “Anything for you.” I whispered.
She laughed. “Really?”
“Really.”
She smiled up at me. “I have to go now. You should rest though; you look tired.” She traced the dark circles under my eyes with a cool, delicate finger.
I caught her soft hand and held it between mine, not wanting to let go, but knowing I had to. This is what you will lose once she finds out about your treachery. My lecherous mind kept whispering that to me. I shrugged off the thoughts, not wanting to spoil the time we had together.
“I’ll rest. But promise me that you will too. We have to leave tomorrow to visit another outpost, and you shouldn’t be seen looking like you’ll drop dead any minute. That’s no way to keep up morale, yours or theirs.”
She nodded. “I know. I will… Just as soon as I can.” She caught my look. “I promise.”
I let go of her, smiling. “Make sure you do. I don’t want you fainting on me while visiting the soldiers.” My words were lighthearted, but we both knew I was serious.
“Same goes for you.” She whispered, a ghost of a smile flitting across her face in response to my words.
She turned. “I have to go now. I’ll see you tonight for dinner?”
I held my breath. She was inviting me to dine at the royal table with her? That wasn’t something I’d expected. “Well… I guess… I don’t know if… I mean…”
She looked over her shoulder at me. “Stop stuttering, silly. Just say yes.”
I smiled, feeling as though I was floating on air. She’d asked me to have dinner with her! “Yes!” I blurted out.
“Thank you. I’ll see you at five. Don’t be late.” Her voice was firm as she slipped out the door.
When she and her guards were gone, I slipped back onto the bed, fatigued.
Dairdra was right. I hadn’t been getting enough sleep. I needed to rest, and that was exactly what I meant to do. I let my head touch the pillow and the last thought I could remember thinking before sleep came was: Tonight… Tomorrow Cyril will be within our borders, and the war will be turned. For better or worse, I have decided its outcome. And I have, undeniably, tipped it in Cyril’s favor.
Chapter 14: Dairdra
I sat up in bed, yawning. The light spilled through my window, setting my silver highlights ablaze. The warmth of it was surprising given that it was winter, but it was welcome. I wanted to sink back into the soft, silken coverlets and go back to sleep.
I had been up late last night going over reports, and I hadn’t gotten much rest. If only I could have just a few more hours… I sank down under the covers again, flipping away from the brilliant light from the window. But just as I closed my eyes, Yvette came in.
“Time to get up, my Queen! It’s a new day, and you’re to leave with Crypt today, in case you forgot.”
I started upright. I had forgotten that I was to go to the front again with Crypt. Throwing off the covers, I jumped out of bed. “Well, let’s hurry up then. Where are my clothes?” I looked around for the basket where I kept my soiled clothing. But there was nothing in it.
“Wash day, My Lady. You’ll have to wear this.” She bustled over to me and handed me my outfit: a grey wool shirt, a short green wool cloak, a pair of brown cotton pants, and leggings.
While I sl
ipped into them, she pulled out my leather boots and a pair of warm socks. More wool.
I put on everything she gave me without complaint, and then I headed down to meet Crypt.
He was waiting at the gate for me. “Shall we walk a bit before we must go, My Lady?”
I nodded, smiling at him and the guards.
The guards started to follow, but I waved them off. “I’ll be fine. Crypt will be enough to protect me.”
He didn’t respond, but smiled back at me instead.
The guards backed off, dipping their heads in acknowledgement of my wishes.
I ran to catch up with Crypt, who had begun to stride off as soon as I took care of the guards.
When I caught up with him, I was puffing a little. “Crypt! Slow down…”
He slowed, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Why did… you… want to walk before… we left instead of… just going?” I gasped, holding my side as I attempted to ease the stitch I’d developed from the short run in the freezing air.
He smiled at me.
His smile was so warm and loving that it could melt anything. I was convinced of it because it was doing a very good job of melting my heart.
“I just wanted a little private time with you.”
We rounded a bend into a small copse of trees, whose green needles brushed playfully at my cheek.
He stopped then, out of sight of the guards. With a gentle caress, he brushed a stray hair off my cheek, tucking it back behind my ear. “We have so little time together.” He murmured.
I leaned against him. “I know.” I whispered.
He put his arms around me, kissing me. It was almost as if he were distracted, though. He wasn’t attentive to me or the kiss. What was preoccupying him anyway? His luminous eyes were so sad and distant.
“What’s the matter, Crypt?” I brushed the back of my hand across his cheek.
He looked down into my eyes. “What makes you think there’s something wrong?” There was a hint of worry in his voice.
I didn’t know what to make of it. “Well, you sound worried, and when you kissed me just now, you weren’t paying any attention to me or the kiss. You’ve been so preoccupied lately. Why?”
His lips pressed together in a firm line, and he looked away from me. “I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, Dairdra.”
I put my hands on either side of his face. “Crypt Valldresson, I won’t take no for an answer. You tell me what’s wrong.” I kissed him hard on the mouth for a moment. When I withdrew, I murmured to him in a softer tone. “I love you, Crypt. Please don’t shut me out. That would break my heart.”
He shook his head. “I’m not shutting you out, but every person is entitled to a secret or two, Dairdra.”
I looked down. “Crypt… Whatever your secret is, it’s bad. I can tell because it’s been eating you up to deal with it alone. Please, why won’t you tell anyone?”
“Because it could hurt a lot of people, Dairdra. And the best way I can think of to avoid hurting anyone is to keep the secret. It is a secret after all.” He smiled at me.
My heart broke, and a tear slid down my cheek in spite of my attempts to keep it at bay. Pressing tighter against him, I hugged him. “You don’t have to deal with this alone, Crypt. If you ever want someone to bear it with you, I’m here.”
“Thank you.” He whispered, lowering his head to kiss me.
I leaned into the kiss, savoring it for the few moments while it lasted. If only I could just forget about the war. Things would be so much easier on everyone if some people weren’t such greedy power grabbers and left well enough alone.
I sighed. Such things were not to be. I couldn’t escape this no matter how much I wanted to.
“Crypt, I think we spent our ten minutes.”
He grinned. “And then some. Why? Anxious to leave?”
I shook my head. “No, but then, if I could, I’d just disappear into the woods with you and never ever come back here.”
He looked at me, serious now. “You would do that if I came with you?”
I smiled. “If you came with me. But that can’t happen. Not while I have a people to protect.”
He smiled back, sadness tingeing his face and smile. “If you were ever free of that duty, would you go?”
My smile wavered. “Crypt, I won’t be free of it, so how could I say?”
He ducked his head. “Dairdra, we have to accept the fact that this war might not end in our favor. If it ends in defeat, you won’t have that duty, and you might have to flee for your life.”
I shook my head. “If Cyril wins, I die.”
His grip on my arms tightened.
The dark woods loomed behind him, and he looked frightening in that setting.
“You won’t die. I refuse to let it happen. If it takes my life to keep you alive, then that’s what it takes.” His voice was harsh and quiet.
“Crypt…” I whispered.
He pulled me into his arms, tightening his embrace, refusing to let go.
I laid my head down on his shoulder, my hands pressed flat against his chest. “Crypt…” I tried again.
He pressed a finger to my lips. “Don’t. Don’t say what you’re going to say. I don’t want to hear it.”
“But we can’t ignore…” This time his hard, passionate kiss cut me off.
He really didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t like that he was cutting it off, but like he’d said earlier, we didn’t have much time left together if the war didn’t turn out well.
***
It turned out that my sense of foreboding was prophetic. As soon as we got back, Captain Choric came flying towards us before Crypt had the chance to transport us.
“My Lady, terrible news from the front!”
I sighed. More terrible news. It seemed that I attracted all sorts of attention. Just not the good kind. “What is this terrible news, Captain?”
“Cyril has broken through our lines! The Court Mage’s barriers failed to keep them out!” Captain Choric gasped.
I almost fainted. This was too much to handle.
Crypt’s steady hand held my elbow, keeping me upright.
“Can they be intercepted?” I whispered.
Captain Choric gave a grim smile. “Yes, but we don’t have enough soldiers to handle them. They have killed all the men in multiple outposts and their armies are pouring through, more every day. We can’t hope to stem the tide. The soldiers have already been dispatched to go to the front where the Cyrillian forces have been located by our spies.”
“Is there anything further we can do?”
He shook his head. “No. And, My Lady, I think we should prepare to evacuate the capital on a moment’s notice.”
I nodded, distracted. “Yes, yes. Do that.”
“With all due respect, My Lady, we need you here. Perhaps you should postpone the journey. The outpost you were planning to visit has fallen anyway as well as most of the smaller, outlying outposts.”
I nodded again. “Yes. You’re right.” I turned to Crypt. “Do you know why your defenses failed?”
He shook his head. “They shouldn’t have. The only way that Cyril could get in would be to have a mage equal to or greater in strength than I am.”
I turned back to Captain Choric. “Start trying to find out what happened to the defenses.”
He nodded, saluted, and headed off at a run.
As soon as he was gone, my knees buckled. Crypt caught me as I blacked out.
Chapter 15: Crypt
I stood in the blisteringly cold wind, guilt-ridden and pain-wracked as I stared at the lines of soldiers marching through the towns of the Capital. I was the cause of this problem. Now many of my countrymen would die because I was selfish and wanted so badly to save both my sister and Dairdra.
I hated myself then for being a coward that didn’t have the courage to stand up for justice when things were most dangerous. For a few moments, I wanted to call to Dairdra, who stood a few feet away also watching, to cal
l off the armies. I wanted to confess to her what I’d done and tell her that the battle wasn’t worth fighting anymore. Not when she had a traitor like me in her midst and she would lose anyway. Better to remain alive.
But I didn’t cross the distance between us to tell her. Instead I stood there, watching as the soldiers marched on to the battle lines a day’s journey from the Capital. Since Captain Choric had brought news of the defeat of our front defenses – my doing, I knew – we had watched as Cyril plowed through our forces, easily gaining ground. Our men struggled hard, but they weren’t prepared to fight. There were very few among us who knew real war.
Dairdra watched in desperation. I watched in guilt and resignation.
She walked over to me. “Crypt?”
I looked over at her, seeing the rigid posture she was maintaining and her clenched fists. Her eyes were haunted and distant.
“Yes?”
“We’re all going to die, aren’t we?” She leaned heavily against the stone parapet.
“No, of course not! How could you imagine that?” I looked at her, eyes wide.
A tear trickled down her cheek but she brushed it away hastily. “Because, Crypt. Haven’t you seen how easily Cyril has torn through our defenses and our armies? How could you imagine it would be otherwise?” Her voice was steel, but I caught a slight tremor behind the words.
“But why would that mean we’ll die?” I asked, frowning.
She gazed at me, making me feel stupid for asking in the first place. “Crypt, you can’t deny what has happened here. Those army that King Vill has amassed will be here within a day. The men we’re sending out now, I’m sending them all to their doom. They won’t survive. We all know it. They know it too. But they are determined not to let their country go down without a fight. So I send them, hoping desperately that perhaps they will stop Cyril’s tide.” She looked away, whispering then. “But I don’t believe it will. And when it fails, the Cyrillian King will execute me.”
“Don’t say that…” My voice broke. “You aren’t going to die.”
In Darkness Lost Page 10
