Who was it that was capturing Ezra’s interest? Was it Rosemary? That just didn’t seem possible. Yet Rosemary was following through on her announced pursuit of Ezra. Rosemary had made sure she was the first girl to serve the unmarried men’s table on Sunday—right in front of Sandra. The whole thing seemed preposterous. Lydia simply could not imagine Rosemary as Ezra’s frau.
No, some other girl likely had caught Ezra’s attentions—someone neither of them knew. Maybe that was why Ezra had delayed all these months. For all they knew, he might have already written to a girl in the old community and begun a writing relationship with her.
Lydia sighed as the basement door banged open and Emma and Rhoda reappeared. They giggled at the sight of her. Lydia ignored them. Neither of the girls would admit to the mischief they had been up to, even if she asked. And maybe Emma and Rhoda had found comic relief from the heaviness hanging over the Troyer household.
Rhoda grabbed the dishcloth and giggled again.
Lydia waited a moment before she asked, “What’s so funny?”
“Emma should tell you,” Rhoda smirked. “It’s her boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Emma shot back. “He’s just a friend, and he’s interested in speaking with Lydia.”
Lydia stopped with a dinner plate in her hand. “He wants to talk to me?”
“Yah.” Emma struggled to keep a straight face. “Benny wants to speak to you about something. I told him I’d tell you, since you don’t exactly talk to him.”
“I don’t talk to Benny for a goot reason,” Lydia retorted. “You shouldn’t have any of them on the homeplace.”
Emma ignored Lydia’s comment. “You should consider what he has to say. Benny’s a nice man.”
Lydia hesitated. “So, has Benny told you why he wants to talk to me?” She pulled the plug on the dishwater.
“I’ll tell Benny you’d be glad to speak with him. That’s the only way you’re going to find out.” Rhoda grinned in triumph.
“You both are impossible,” Lydia snapped as she moved away from the sink.
Emma’s voice stopped her. “So, what exactly did you do in your rumspringa time?”
Lydia kept her voice low. “I did the usual. Nothing like what you two are doing—bringing Englisha boyfriends into the house.”
Emma raised her eyebrows. “That’s not what Benny says. And he should know. His cousin is Rudy Coon, who we all remember was the Englisha boy you were interested in during your rumspringa.”
Lydia’s chest tightened as she gathered her thoughts. “That was all a long time ago. And isn’t that what rumspringa is for? You’re supposed to experiment with the Englisha world.”
“That’s just what we’ve been saying to you,” Rhoda said.
Lydia sighed. “You’re both pushing the limit, okay? I’m the only one in the family who will speak up and confront you about the way you behave…and now you want to hold up my past as evidence to justify what you’re doing.”
“We’re just trying to help,” Emma protested, a twinkle in her eye. “From the way Benny talks, it sounds like you had quite a relationship with Rudy. And from what Benny says, Rudy hasn’t forgotten you, Lydia. I’m just trying to help. I think you should speak with Benny.”
“There’s been enough said on this,” Lydia replied. She didn’t wait for an answer but dashed out of the kitchen.
Mamm was in the living room with Daett, and they both looked up with surprise at Lydia. “What’s the rush?” Mamm asked.
Lydia forced a smile. “Sorry. No rush. When Sandra and her mamm get here, I’ll be upstairs.”
“Okay.” Mamm still appeared puzzled.
Lydia left quickly, and thankfully Mamm didn’t notice her flushed neck. The mention that Rudy had not forgotten her hit harder than she would have expected. So much for her own resolutions, her baptismal vows to leave all the vestiges of the Englisha life behind.
Lydia comforted herself as she hurried into her bedroom and closed the door. This was only a moment of weakness. A glance in the mirror showed that the flush had spread into her whole face. Lydia rubbed her cheeks with both hands. Not since those long ago weekends of her rumspringa had she heard his name mentioned. Rudy! She had banished the word from her mind and heart.
But Rudy was no secret, Lydia reminded herself. Sandra knew about him. They had both dated Englisha men at the time. At least their competitive spirit had not invested in the same man, just the same activity. Sandra had never told her details of the men she had dated, and neither had she shared details about Rudy. That had been her secret—how much she had fallen in love with the man. She had immediately broken off the relationship, after the evening when Rudy had coaxed a kiss out of her. Her first kiss!
She had known that evening that Rudy could no longer be a part of her life. Not if she wanted to return to the community. Sandra hadn’t been able to figure out why she was no longer interested in Englisha men, but Sandra had followed her lead. Likely Sandra had never been all that interested to begin with. For once life had given her something that was hers alone. Sandra was the one who should have fallen for an Englisha man, but she hadn’t. Lydia had.
She had been thankful at the time that Sandra hadn’t fallen in love. Sandra might not have been able to resist the temptation to jump the fence. But the truth was, Lydia had been tempted. That’s why Rudy had to quickly become part of her past. And he had.
Lydia rubbed her cheeks again. Thankfully Sandra and her mamm hadn’t arrived yet. The blush on her cheeks would be gone before long. Lydia made a face in the mirror. There was nothing to worry about. Didn’t the memory of past loves bring a flush to the cheeks? Perhaps, but she hadn’t expected Rudy’s name to have this effect on her. Not after all this time. She must bring her emotions under better control. She must!
Unless, of course, she was still in love with the man. The thought blazed in Lydia’s mind for a moment. She gasped. Lydia stared at the wide-eyed girl in the mirror. So was this why she had given in so easily to Sandra’s request that she back off her pursuit of Ezra? Did her heart know something she didn’t?
Lydia paced the floor. This was all so wrong and unnecessary. She was in no danger. She didn’t love Rudy any longer. Rudy couldn’t arrive in the community and snatch her away. Nor could the kiss they had shared place her in any danger. Not even if Emma and Rhoda found out. Of course, they would take her kiss as justification for what they were doing, but everyone knew that kisses often happened in rumspringa time.
Lydia focused on the mirror again. Emma and Rhoda would return to the community eventually, as she had returned. She would think about that instead. Yah, that’s what she would do. Lydia pulled herself away from the mirror as footsteps came up the stairs, stopping in front of her bedroom door, silence filling the hallway.
Lydia jerked open the bedroom door. Emma and Rhoda nearly fell into the room from where they had been leaning forward, their ears against the door frame.
“Serves you right,” Lydia said.
Both of her sisters smiled sweetly. “Tell us the rest of the story,” Emma cooed. “Your face was almost on fire when you left the kitchen in a huff.”
“No!” Lydia retorted.
“Please,” Rhoda begged. “Tell us what happened?”
Lydia glared at them for a moment. “Well…I suppose it’s better if you hear it from me, but still…”
“Did you kiss the man?” Emma’s face was aglow.
“That’s none of your business,” Lydia snapped.
“You know we’re going to ask Benny, who will ask Rudy, who will tell us,” Rhoda gloated.
“Besides, maybe if you tell us the sordid details we won’t make the same mistakes you did,” Emma added.
Lydia stifled a bitter laugh. “That trick won’t work on me.” With that, Lydia closed the bedroom door in their faces, and stood against the frame until footsteps went toward her sisters’ bedroom.
That was probably unnecessary, Lydia told herself. Emma and Rhoda
would discover most of her indiscretions soon enough. She should have told them herself. But she had wanted that memory to remain buried in the past. Well buried!
Chapter Twelve
Some thirty minutes later, Lydia was standing on the front porch waiting as the form of a buggy appeared in the distance. This would be Sandra and Edna, Lydia assured herself. Emma and Rhoda were still upstairs, so she wouldn’t have to face them until Sandra and her mamm had left. She had no doubt that Emma and Rhoda would pester her again about her past with Rudy. This time she would handle herself better. She’d smile and act as if nothing had happened—which was true. Nothing had happened. She had survived her rumspringa with only a kiss, and that was just fine.
If Emma and Rhoda persisted, she’d turn this into a lecture for them. She’d remind them how danger lurked out there in the Englisha world, and if this could happen to her, Emma and Rhoda should take fair warning. Not that her sisters would be persuaded, but she could try.
Lydia smiled and waved as the buggy pulled in the driveway. Sandra leaned out of the buggy to wave back, and Lydia hurried across the lawn to wait beside the barn. Sandra pulled Dixie up with a flourish.
“Whee! What a ride!” Edna exclaimed as she climbed down. “This is too much for my old bones—and a goot evening to you, Lydia.”
“Goot evening,” Lydia replied.
“At least Mamm can still laugh at my antics,” Sandra said, once Edna was headed for the house and out of earshot. “Myself, I could just bawl the whole day long over what’s happened to us.”
“I’m so sorry.” Lydia slipped an arm around Sandra’s shoulder. “Does your mamm really have to do this? I mean…wed the man? This soon?”
Sandra shrugged. “Mamm seems to think so, and I suppose she’s right. We can’t make it on our own.”
“But there must be some other way,” Lydia insisted.
Sandra tied Dixie to the hitching post before she answered. “Remember this, Lydia. Deacon Schrock is behind the plan, and we’re receiving support from the community. Mamm would have a hard time saying no. And besides, it’s not as though love is a great concern when you’re older. Other things become more important, I suppose. Things like the community’s approval and whether we get to eat. We have to be practical.”
“I’m so sorry,” Lydia repeated.
“Let’s think about something more cheerful,” Sandra chirped. “I don’t want to spend all evening down in the dumps.”
“Well, there’s Ezra,” Lydia offered. “Maybe he’ll come to his senses soon and show you some attention.”
Sandra groaned. “I’m at my wit’s end with the man. And Clyde isn’t backing down on his professed affections for me. If only I could get Ezra to take me home on a date.”
“You just have to keep telling Clyde no,” Lydia said.
Sandra snorted. “It’s not so easy. Believe me, Lydia, I’ve tried. Clyde tried to ask me home for a date the other evening when he was visiting with his daett, and I all but told him no. I can’t wait much longer for Ezra to make a move. Mark can’t put me up for long after Mamm’s wedding. I’m sure he wants to wed himself by the end of next year. After that, I can’t depend on him for a place to stay, and I’m not moving in with Mamm. Not after all this, Lydia. What am I supposed to do?”
Lydia’s mind spun as Sandra rushed on. “Clyde’s daett is behind all this. Clyde’s not smart enough to figure the financial condition I’m in or that I’ll have no place to stay. Not on his own. His daett’s fingers are touching everything now that Mamm plans to wed the man.”
Lydia reached over to squeeze her cousin’s hand. “You do have a problem. But we must pray and see what doors the Lord opens.”
Sandra glanced toward the heavens. “If only I had such faith. Not that I’m faithless, but when you’re right in the middle of a situation, it’s so hard! There’s no light at the end of this tunnel, so all my lectures to myself about trusting the Lord go out the window. I make commitments, but they soon fade away. I suppose I could get a job, but I’ve never worked in those Englisha places, or one of those little shops some of our people have. I can quilt, but that’s not enough to support myself.”
“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” Lydia linked her arm with Sandra’s. “These are troubled times we are going through. But get through we will!”
Sandra glanced at Lydia. “How do you take it so well? You’re so courageous. You agreed to leave Ezra alone for me. That couldn’t have been easy. Oh, Lydia, I’m so scared. It’s never been like this before.”
“We just have to have faith,” Lydia repeated, almost trying to convince herself.
A pleased expression suddenly crept across Sandra’s face. “There is one goot thing that will come out of Mamm’s wedding. I’ll get to make a solid move in Ezra’s direction. Mamm has agreed to ask Ezra if he’ll be a table waiter with me. Isn’t that just wunderbah? With a whole uninterrupted day with Ezra, maybe I can finally make some progress.”
“I hope so.” Lydia forced cheerfulness into her voice. “I suppose Ezra will understand, even though he knows that wedding match-ups don’t mean anything.”
“That’s true,” Sandra allowed, but her smile hadn’t faded. “I’ll just have to work all the harder to make sure Ezra has a special day. I, of course, will have the time of my life. Are you sure you won’t be jealous, Lydia?”
“I’ll be okay.” Lydia let go of Sandra’s arm and motioned toward the house. “Let’s go inside. It’s chilly out here.”
As they made their way toward the house, Sandra began again. “Lydia, tell me honestly. What do you think of my chances with Ezra?”
“I honestly don’t know. I hope it works out for you to wed Ezra.”
“Lydia, are you sure you don’t want back in the chase?” Sandra asked.
“No, not now anyway.”
“What do you mean ‘not now’?”
“Well, for one thing, there’s Rosemary in the hunt too.”
“Is that all? I think Ezra would choose either one of us over Rosemary.”
Lydia hesitated, then said, “Well, to be truthful, no—that’s not all. We’ve never really kept secrets from each other.”
“So what is it?” Sandra asked with some excitement in her voice.
“Do you remember Rudy…from our rumspringa days?”
“Yah, but that was a long time ago. I’d almost forgotten him.”
“So had I…or so I thought.” Lydia grimaced. “The truth is, I think I was quite in love with him. That was the reason I decided to end our rumspringa early and you followed.”
“Yah.” Sandra fell silent for a second, then added, “But you made the right choice, whatever the reasons, and I was done with Englisha boys anyway. So what has that got to do with anything now?”
“Emma and Rhoda are friends with Rudy’s cousin. They think Rudy may still have feelings for me.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I kind of liked Rudy,” Sandra said. “Of course, now that you joined the church, Rudy is out of the question for you.”
“Yah,” Lydia groaned. “Whoever would’ve thought we’d end up like this? Poverty-stricken and out of options with men—the both of us.”
Sandra laughed. “We’re laid low to the ground by the hand of the Lord Himself, that’s clear enough.”
“If it came right down to it, would you marry Clyde if it was for the best?” Lydia asked.
Sandra sighed. “I can’t see how. There are times when I think I’ll live in Mark’s barn or his henhouse, or sleep outdoors in a tent before I give in to Clyde like Mamm did to Amos. How could I ever be happy with anyone after my heart was set on Ezra? And yet…” Sandra let the words hang. “Maybe I am like Mamm. I don’t know sometimes.”
Lydia studied the ground at Sandra’s feet. Not so long ago they had both been so certain of where they were headed, but perhaps they had been bouncing off of each other. Once that point of reference was gone…
“You’re mighty serious,” Sandra sai
d. “You’re scaring me, Lydia.”
Lydia tried to laugh. “We’ll be okay.”
How could she put her thoughts into words? The relationship she had fashioned with Sandra over so many years was firm and solid. They would be okay. This was a deep valley, but valleys always led to mountaintops…eventually. She would gather her courage for the climb. That was a more worthwhile endeavor than worrying over things that might never happen.
“Come.” Sandra took Lydia’s arm to lead the way up the porch. “Here we are chattering away, and Mamm probably has everything planned for the wedding by now.”
“I imagine,” Lydia agreed. “And we should help.”
Sandra let go of Lydia’s arm, and Lydia opened the front door. Mamm and Edna were indeed seated on the couch with notebooks on their laps.
Mamm looked up with a smile. “All caught up with the news, are we?”
Sandra nodded. “I suppose so. At least our hearts are comforted a little.”
Edna’s voice trembled. “I can say one thing for sure. I’m so glad I have my sister-in-law and you, Lydia, during this hard time. You don’t know how much this means to me and to Sandra, of course.”
“We wouldn’t have it any other way,” Mamm said.
Edna wiped her eyes. “Maybe the sun will come out soon in our lives.”
“I know we haven’t been through the same valley you have,” Mamm assured her. “So cry on our shoulders all you want. We’ll try to understand, but only the Lord can fully comfort hearts.”
“I hate these moments,” Sandra whispered. “I like life to be orderly and expected, not full of events that ooze and run in different directions.”
Everyone laughed because that sounded so unlike Sandra. Once the laughter had quieted, Mamm asked, “Where on earth did you hear something morbid like that, Sandra?”
A Heart Once Broken Page 8
