Rudy had kept Daett relaxed all through the meal with easy conversation. He asked Daett, “So what’s the weather going to do for the rest of the week, Mr. Troyer?”
Daett chuckled. “I thought the Englisha forecasters had that all figured out.”
Rudy grinned as he helped himself to another pancake. “I don’t know about that. I think your cows know better than our meteorologists.”
Daett roared with laughter. She hadn’t seen Daett this relaxed since all the financial trouble had broken out.
“These pancakes are something good,” Rudy said to Emma before he turned back to Daett. “I suppose our forecasters don’t know anything more than farmers do. The weather doesn’t exactly follow what men say.”
Daett looked pleased as he agreed. “That’s for sure. Men have taken too much on themselves in this modern age. The Lord is still in charge, and He likes to remind us of that every once in a while.”
Rudy nodded and smiled. The man had charmed Daett. If Rudy were Ezra, she had no doubts about what she would do. She would surely open her heart wide. She could almost imagine how that would feel. Abandoning her pursuit of Ezra’s attentions would be followed by joy deep in her heart. It had happened before with Rudy when she was in her rumspringa. She had lost herself in Rudy’s arms and in his kiss that one time. But that was then and this was now.
Lydia pinched herself as her face flamed. The man was seated right beside her, and the memory of his kiss was completely indecent. She must gain control of herself.
Lydia focused on Daett’s face. Maybe she could find sanity there. Why did everything conspire to remind her of what could never be? She couldn’t love Rudy again. That was crazy, so what made her heart race and her hands turn cold? Rudy was merely a dream born of her rumspringa years that was not meant to be.
“Has everyone had enough?” Emma chirped.
A chorus of voices answered. “It was delicious, thank you.”
Rudy added, “And this was a great honor to have breakfast here on Thanksgiving Day, Mr. Troyer. I’d say that’s on my list of things I’m thankful for today.”
“We all have much we can be thankful for,” Daett said, but his face darkened. “I would not wish to bring up our troubles on Thanksgiving morning.”
Rudy was all attention. “I wasn’t aware of recent trouble in your family.”
Rhoda spoke up. “Can we talk of something else?”
Mamm sat up straight. “Rudy, my sister Edna lost her husband recently but has now remarried. So we both sorrow and rejoice, and we’re glad that Emma and Rhoda invited their friends to join us this morning.”
“That’s right,” Daett said. “We’re thankful even in our sorrow. Now, shall we give thanks for the meal? Then the ladies can clean up the kitchen.”
They all bowed their heads as Daett led out in a short prayer of thanksgiving.
Rudy said, “Amen,” right along with Daett, and Daett appeared pleased. What had come over her parents? Rudy was charming, but this didn’t seem to explain everything. She would have to ask Mamm once everyone was gone.
Rudy had risen to his feet and now suggested, “Why don’t we help with the dishes, guys?”
Mamm gasped. “But no…”
Rudy silenced Mamm with an upraised hand. “I’ve washed dishes for my mother, so I know how. This can be our way of saying thank you for your hospitality.”
“Suits us fine,” Benny and Jimmy said together.
Daett grinned. “Count me out, but sounds like you men have everything under control. I’m out to the harness shop until the noon company arrives.”
“You have company for noon? And you had us for breakfast?” Rudy sounded horrified.
“Oh, that’s okay,” Mamm assured him. “The girls will help us get ready, and my sister is bringing some of the food.”
“You shouldn’t have done this,” Rudy protested, but Mamm had already followed Daett into the living room. Lydia could hear their low voices rising and falling as they spoke, but neither of them sounded upset. She wanted to flee to her room upstairs, but that wouldn’t be goot manners now that Daett and Mamm had welcomed these visitors into their home.
“Okay, let’s get to it!” Emma declared, as she began to run water in the sink.
Lydia cleared her throat and said, “There’s no way we can all work in here. Maybe the boys should leave after all.”
“And spoil all the fun?” Rhoda gave Lydia a glare. “We’ll make a dish line. That’ll work just fine.”
Life wasn’t all fun and games, Lydia thought, but she remained silent. What was the use?
Rudy touched Lydia’s arm and glanced at the others. “I have a better idea. Why don’t Lydia and I step outside? We’ll take a walk in the garden or something. We have lots of catching up to do.”
Avery glared at him. “I thought you said you washed dishes. Now you’re the one who skips out?”
“Okay, I’ll tell you what.” Rudy held his head high. “I’ll wash dishes and Lydia can dry. But once the table is cleared I want all of you out.”
“Dictator,” Avery snapped, but she appeared pleased. Emma and Rhoda absolutely glowed. Not only would they get out of work, but their plan to have Lydia spend time with Rudy had succeeded—and in the most innocent of settings. Even Mamm and Daett wouldn’t complain if Rudy washed dishes with her in the kitchen.
There was a flurry of activity and Lydia fell into a daze by the counter. Emma shoved a dishcloth in her hands, and whispered, “Wake up, silly. He’s not going to eat you.”
That wasn’t the problem, Lydia thought. The temptation to reevaluate her relationship with Rudy was before her, and this time together wouldn’t help.
Near the sink Emma beamed at Rudy. “There you are, handsome. Water’s all ready, hot on this side, and rinse water over there, and plenty of it. Soap’s even added. Do you think you can handle that?”
Rudy grinned and dipped his hands in the hot water and began washing the first plate carefully. Lydia watched his hands move with slow grace. When he finished with the plate, he dipped it in the rinse water.
“I’ll do that.” Lydia reached for the plate and their fingers brushed. Behind Lydia the washroom door slammed as her sisters and their friends left.
Rudy smiled. “You’re still as beautiful as ever, Lydia.”
Lydia ignored the comment. “Nothing has changed, you know. We can’t continue to see each other. I told you that a long time ago.”
“But we can try again. You want to, don’t you?”
Lydia still didn’t look at him.
“Don’t lie to me, Lydia. Tell me the truth.”
“What difference does it make?” Lydia wiped the second plate dry and kept her gaze away from him.
“Doesn’t love always triumph?”
Lydia pressed back a tear. “Would you quit it, Rudy? Do you know how hard this is for me? You know I loved you once, and let’s leave it at that.”
“I haven’t forgotten.” His hand dripped soapy water as he touched Lydia’s arm.
Lydia didn’t pull back, but she remained silent.
“Your father seems to approve of me.” Rudy glanced toward the living room. “And I think he’s a decent man.”
Lydia jerked her head up to face him. “You know nothing about us, Rudy. Nothing! Daett doesn’t know about our past, and let’s leave it like that. My Aunt Edna is coming soon, and if her new husband finds all of you here, there will be more explanations necessary than Daett can ever make. And what I ask myself is this. Why am I in the kitchen with you? That’s the biggest question of all.”
“No, it isn’t.” Rudy protested and reached for the bacon pan. “Whether you still like me is the biggest question.”
Lydia looked away.
Long moments later Rudy touched Lydia’s arm again. The water ran in rivulets across the linoleum floor as his voice pled, “Please, Lydia. There has to be some way. All this time, I haven’t forgotten you, and you obviously haven’t forgotten me. Don’t close
your heart to me, Lydia. That’s all I ask. As to how this would work, I don’t know. But we can figure it out. I want to see you again. I want to talk with you, and I want what we used to have. We belong together, Lydia. I can’t help it if we were raised differently. I can’t control events that placed our religions worlds apart. But I love you, Lydia. Don’t run from me this time. Please.”
Lydia tried to breathe. The road lay open before her. Where it would lead was unforeseeable, impossible. It couldn’t work, but the temptation pulled on her heart. She couldn’t deny that.
Lydia met Rudy’s intense gaze. “I loved you once, it’s true, but…”
Rudy silenced her with an upraised finger. “Shh…say nothing more. Just give me some time, Lydia, okay?”
“Rudy, I can’t say yes. I just can’t.” Lydia felt more tears starting to run down her cheeks. “You’d better go now. Please.”
Rudy looked deeply at Lydia, then pulled his hands from the dishwater. He handed Lydia the final plate. “Okay, I’ll go,” he said. “But just until we meet again.”
Lydia waited in a daze as he left through the washroom door. A few moments later Mamm came into the kitchen. In the distance she heard the cheerful voices of Emma, Rhoda, and their friends laughing. Then the sound of a car starting up and pulling out of the lane.
“Why did you allow this?” Lydia asked Mamm.
Mamm came closer to wrap her arms around Lydia’s shoulders for a hug, then let go to sit on a kitchen chair. “Yah, I suppose this shouldn’t have happened, but we’ve decided to go easy on Emma and Rhoda. We don’t want to drive them off. Not after all the other tragedies we’ve suffered lately. Your two younger sisters are different. They take a gentler touch.”
“And you think this is the way to avoid having them leave?” Lydia whispered.
Mamm sighed. “We can only try, Lydia, and do the best we can. The Lord can’t ask more of us than that.”
“But what about me, Mamm?” Lydia asked.
Mamm rose to her feet, and the two clung to each other as the stillness of the house crept over them.
“You’ll be okay,” Mamm said. “I’ve never worried about you. You’ll make it through this.”
Chapter Eighteen
Can’t you hurry?” Sandra asked Mark as Dixie’s hooves beat steadily on the pavement in the morning stillness. She propped her cast against the buggy’s dashboard. “I want to get to Aunt Mary’s place quickly. This thing hurts.”
Mark didn’t answer as he kept the reins taut in his hands.
“Sorry,” Sandra muttered a few moments later. “I could have gotten the dishes done sooner, I suppose. I know you were ready for some time.”
Mark still didn’t say anything, but she didn’t want to quarrel with him on Thanksgiving Day. Things were tense enough at the house with her half-crippled efforts at housekeeping.
Mamm had offered them a place to stay until the cast came off, but Sandra wouldn’t consider it. Not with Clyde in the house. Not with all the hints Clyde continued to drop about a relationship between the two of them.
How Mark put up with her, she wasn’t sure. Likely because her stay in the house wouldn’t be for much longer. Mark had taken Deacon Schrock’s daughter, Marie, home on Sunday night again. The two seemed to like each other, and Deacon Schrock understood the Troyer family’s situation. He likely wouldn’t object if Mark wanted to wed Marie by next fall.
Sandra shifted on the buggy seat. She wanted to present a cheerful attitude for Thanksgiving Day instead of these dark thoughts, and not just because they would be at Aunt Mary’s place before long. She wanted to be cheerful for Mark’s sake, and for her own sanity. Darkness didn’t sit well with her.
“I’m a little uptight myself, so I don’t blame you,” Mark finally said, glancing at Sandra. “And I know that cast slows you down.”
Sandra breathed in deeply. “Thanks. I know I’m grouchy and hard to live with lately.”
“You do try,” Mark allowed.
He obviously also wanted peace on Thanksgiving Day. She gave Mark a smile and said, “I’m so looking forward to this meal. No one cooks like Aunt Mary. It will sure make up for my awful cooking of late.”
Mark grinned. “I’m not complaining. And I do have some goot news. I found a place yesterday for us to rent on Johnson Road. It’s small, but it will have to do for now.”
Sandra sat up straight on the buggy seat. “So you’re giving up the homeplace?” She had known this moment would arrive, but the shock was still intense.
“I don’t have a choice.” Mark sounded irritated again. “I wasn’t the one who became involved in that dumb Ponzi scheme.”
Sandra glanced at her brother and lowered her voice. “I know, but Daett’s gone now, and you’d best be careful how you speak.”
“It’s still the truth,” Mark grumbled. “And we’re left to pick up the pieces.”
And pieces they are, Sandra told herself. But she didn’t repeat the thought out loud. Mark already knew. And she didn’t want to think about Mamm’s awful wedding day when she had fractured her tibia. All because of Daett. The shame and regret burned inside of her. She hadn’t been to any youth gatherings since then. What was the use? Ezra had been kind to her after she came back from the doctor’s office. He had even held her hand at supper time, but the glow on Ezra’s face didn’t come from the time he had spent with her. She had been a complete failure.
She hadn’t charmed Ezra on Mamm’s wedding day. Instead, Ezra’s attentions had moved on. She hadn’t failed to notice his repeated smiles in Rosemary’s direction that evening. Even when Rosemary was with another man and she was with him.
“I’m sorry about Ezra,” Mark said, as if reading her thoughts.
Sandra tried to focus. Did she dare ask the question? She really wanted to know, but Mark might not speak the whole truth. Still…Sandra looked away and asked, “Is Ezra still showing Rosemary attention at the youth gatherings?”
Mark hesitated, then said, “Let me put it this way. You probably should start accepting Clyde’s attentions directed to you.”
“Has he taken her home from the hymn singing?” Sandra kept her gaze on the road ahead.
“Not yet.”
“Is he going to?” Sandra looked at him.
“How would I know?” Mark sounded irritated again. “I don’t understand that man’s mind, but he’s not going to ask you.”
“How do you know?” Sandra shot back. “Maybe you’re wrong.”
Mark laughed now. “There’s not a chance in the world, so why don’t you let Clyde take you home? He’s nice enough, and you could wed about the same time Marie and I say our vows.”
“Because I can’t stand him!” Sandra snapped. Her spirits sank again.
“Look.” Mark shrugged. “I know you don’t always think I know what I’m talking about, but Mamm’s happy with Amos. Yah, he’s a little overbearing, but he’s goot for Mamm. Clyde would be equally goot for you.”
Sandra sniffed, but Mark continued. “Okay, you don’t like Amos. But would you have wanted Mamm to struggle along on her own, always short on money, having to depend on church aid? I know the family would have tried to help, but none of us is that well off. Mamm deserves a better life than that. And you know eventually someone would have come along, someone not as decent as Amos. Mamm was going to remarry, and some of the older Amish bachelors can be a pill and a half. Think about Willis Stoll, for example,” Mark chuckled. “He can’t keep his pants together in one piece without safety pins. And I saw him looking at Mamm before Amos stepped in.”
“He does need a frau,” Sandra got in edgewise.
“So you would want Willis for a stepfather instead of Amos?”
“No, but what does this have to do with Clyde?”
“Clyde’s Amos’s son,” Mark said. “Isn’t that enough of an explanation?”
Sandra didn’t protest. Mark wouldn’t change his mind, but she didn’t plan to change hers. Not unless she had to. She kept her voi
ce firm. “I’ll take a job. I might even move back to the old community in Ohio. Someone will have work I can do, perhaps in one of the Amish hardware stores or at an Englisha outfit.”
Mark gave her a long look. “You know my opinion about that.”
“So why wouldn’t it work? Other single women do it.” Sandra glared at him.
Mark sighed. “And they usually stay with family. That’s not going to work with our family. Mamm’s the only one who will take you in without hesitation. And do you want to live with ill feelings toward the in-laws? And I can’t have you around once I’m wed to Marie. I can’t put Marie through that. She deserves a married life with just the two of us in the house.”
“I’m not asking you to do that,” Sandra assured him. “And I won’t be a burden to others. But what about Lydia? Aunt Mary would take me in.”
Mark didn’t say anything, so she had finally hit pay dirt. A great happiness rushed through her for the first time in weeks. “Why haven’t I thought of that before?”
“I don’t know,” Mark allowed. “But I do hate to see you say no to Clyde. That’s still a mistake.”
“That’s why no one saw this choice,” Sandra said. “You were all too busy pushing Clyde and me together.”
Mark slowed the buggy for the Troyers’ driveway. “You’d make a goot match with Clyde, Sandra. I’m just saying. You need someone to care for you.”
Sandra bit her lip as the buggy bounced to a stop beside the barn. The front door of the house burst open, and Lydia came toward them at a fast pace until she reached Sandra’s side of the buggy.
“Oh, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Sandra cooed. “Mark was tormenting me all the way over with horrible visions of who I’m supposed to marry.”
A Heart Once Broken Page 12
