I checked my phone. No messages. No missed calls. Nothing. Plain old nothing. Bones gnawed on a grungy piece of rawhide and tilted his head at the sound of my words. “Look who the pitiful one is now.”
He snorted then went back to chewing his toy.
I went back to painting the photograph. I wondered why I ever stopped painting photographs in the first place. I knew. With the responsibility of marriage came compromise. Then it dawned on me. I had compromised myself beyond recognition. “Stupid!” I whispered. Bones waddled over and jumped up on me. “I told you in a minute,” I said, putting the final touches on Chloe’s sun-kissed hair.
Bones retrieved the leash then jumped up on my leg again and dropped it in my lap. I put my paintbrush down on the desk, took off my glasses, and caved to his wishes just as I had done so many times before with Bradley and Beckett. Disgusted with Bones’ interruptions, I grunted back at him. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” I slid my chair back, hooked the leash on the collar, and walked him out the front door.
Bones politely trotted by my side. I thought maybe his intelligence ran deeper than I gave him credit for, after all he did lick my chest in such a caring manner. I once read that dogs can detect cancer. Bones looked up into my eyes as we walked, his short legs scurried to keep up with me, and his tongue waggled. “Yeah, you’re probably just making up for the tomato incident. And by the way, I may never get over that.”
The shrill sound of a bicycle bell startled me. I glanced back to see Chloe riding on my heels.
“Hey, where you going?” she yelled.
I stepped off the sidewalk onto the grassy patch between the sidewalk and the street trying to escape another injury. Chloe stopped in front of me. Her tires wobbled. Bones didn’t seem nearly as frightened as me. “Just walking,” I replied, admiring the shiny purple strands of ribbon hanging from the ends of Chloe’s handlebars. “I really like your bike.”
Chloe pushed the helmet back from her forehead.
“Who is watching you today?” I asked. “Your dad home?” I wanted John to be home. Just seeing him made me feel better.
“No way. He’s at work. What did your bike look like when you were seven?”
I smiled. “It was yellow with a white banana seat. I had a white plastic basket on the front that I’d carry my Barbie in.”
“Barbie?” Chloe wrinkled her nose. “I hate dolls.”
“Shocker,” I said.
“You’re a funny one, Maggie. I wouldn’t picture you as a doll lover.”
I shifted my weight telling myself not to go there, but I took the bait. “What would you picture me as?”
Chloe scratched her head. “Not sure. You’re kind of hard to figure out sometimes. My dad says you are frustrating. Not sure why it bothers him, though.” She put the kickstand down and got off her bike. “Bones destroy anything today?”
“Nope.” Without trying to seem obvious, I wanted Chloe to keep sputtering about her dad. I watched her eyes light up as she lifted her head and shaded her brow to see the tall blonde walking down the street calling her name. “Is that your new nanny?” I asked, hoping like hell it wasn’t.
Chloe turned her attention back to Bones. She chuckled then squinted up at me. “No way, that’s my mom.” Chloe waved her closer. When she got within a few feet, Chloe said, “This is Bones.” Her mom scratched his ears and patted his back. “And this is—”
I swallowed hard as Chloe’s mom peered over the rim of her Gucci sunglasses.
“This is Maggie. You know, the lady I was telling you about.”
I prayed she couldn’t read my thoughts through my Ray Ban aviators. I held out my hand. “Nice to meet you,” I said politely.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Chloe’s mom said, “they were all good things, I can assure you of that.”
My eyes met Chloe’s stare. My belly tightened as that familiar wave of heat washed over me.
Chloe reached for the leash. “Let me hold that. You don’t look so good.” She pried my hand from the leather strap, her little fingers stronger than a death grip. I let go resigning myself to the fact Bones respected her way more than he respected me. I was getting better, but Chloe had a Zen that Bones obeyed.
“I’m fine. Must be the heat.” I watched Chloe’s mom scrutinize my reaction. “I’ll feel better once we start walking.”
Chloe straddled her bike. With one hand on the handlebars and one hand hanging on to the leash she rode away.
“Chloe, I’m not sure,” I called after her.
Chloe’s mom interrupted, “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine.”
I observed the skinny blonde saunter closer as Chloe balanced on her bike with Bones trotting alongside her like they’d been doing this stunt a lifetime. John wouldn’t be happy if there was an accident. I didn’t want to face him when Chloe was skinned head to toe because Bones made her wipe out. I avoided making eye contact with Chloe’s Barbie doll mom.
“I’m Brook,” she said.
“Nice to meet you,” I said, hoping I sounded sincere.
She lowered her shades, taking a long gander at my face. I felt naked. Summer was my season to go without makeup and glamour. She was everything I wasn’t. Her sleek curls hung just below her shoulders. Her perfect eyeliner made her blue eyes pop. It took every ounce of energy not to wither and blow away.
“You look exhausted,” she said.
I felt the corner of my mouth twitch as she turned to follow Chloe.
“Thanks,” I muttered. What did I do to you?
Chloe’s mom stopped briefly then glanced back in my direction. “We’ll make sure the dog gets home safe and sound. Don’t you worry.”
I blinked then marveled at what’d just happened as I held the bridge of my nose pushing back the stress. Chloe took the lead on her bike as Bones ran next to her. Brook trailed behind in her cutoff jean shorts as I brought up the rear in my flowing peasant skirt. And then I thought, how ironic, I was the last one in line chasing after something that was mine as it trotted away happily without a care in the world.
Chloe rode past my house yelling over her shoulder, “This will tire him out. We’ll be back.”
Brook gave a little wave. The sun gleamed off her chiseled cheekbones. Her hair bounced as she trotted to catch up to her daughter. Thwarted, I waved them off before jogging up the stairs to the porch.
“Traitor,” I said.
“Well that’s a fine hello.”
My mother swayed to and fro on the porch swing as she pulled out fuzzy thread from a skein of pink tangled yarn that sat on the cushion next to her. She worked the thick pink strand with one hand and held two wicked-looking knitting needles in the other.
Chapter 17
I nudged my mother’s mound of pink yarn closer to her before plopping down on the porch swing. I read the tag. ‘Prom dress pink.’ Looks like bubble gum.” I put the skein in my lap. I pulled at the soft strand of yarn. “I’ll get the knot out, you keep knitting,” I said to my mother, who had one eye on her knitting and one eye on me.
“Looks like Bones is adjusting well,” she said, peering over the edge of her patriotic reading glasses.
“Yeah.” I tugged at the yarn. The knot became smaller, tighter, and nettled enough that I felt it fight back. I picked at it like a knotted shoelace. My hands weren’t as nimble as they use to be.
“Want me to get it?” Mom asked.
Determined, I grunted, “No.” I tugged as I unwound the strand. Just as I thought I had it, the knot became even more unmanageable. “This is annoying.”
Mom giggled. “Not everything in life is easy.”
I didn’t look up. “Duh.”
“Don’t get sassy, young lady,” she whispered.
With a sharp yank, I pulled at the strand of bubble gum, pink yarn as hard as I could. When I looked up, Chloe and her mother were almost back home with my dog. The knot worked its way free, but the one in my stomach didn’t. “Sorry,” I said, winding the yarn neatly i
nto a ball. “There, that should be easier.”
“Perhaps.”
My mother stared at me with doubtful eyes.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.” She sighed.
“Really, you should just say it.” I was ready for the tiff.
Brook’s long tresses bobbed as she walked. I felt the grimace cross my face. Her appearance seemed flawless. I turned my attention back to my mother.
“Sometimes it’s the challenges that bring the best rewards.” Mom’s fingers worked the yarn like she had been knitting all her life. “That’s all I am going to say.”
“And?” I prompted.
Mom’s chest rose as she inhaled and her eyes darkened, her expression quite familiar. I felt like a child again. Brook was the popular girl like Jenna Morris and I was in tenth grade all over again. I was your average wallflower next to her. I felt the corner of my lip curl and remembered begging my mom for designer jeans, and feathered bangs.
“Just don’t go slamming any doors before you know what’s really behind them.”
“Mom, it’s not like life is like Let’s Make a Deal.” I pushed my foot against the floor making the swing sway faster. Chaos erupted in the front yard. Chloe ran in circles and Bones barked. He chased her, his tail wagging wildly. “It’s like they’re having a conversation.” Envy shrouded my very existence.
“Don’t you want to know what I’m making?” Mom asked.
“Sure.”
One eye on Chloe.
One eye on her model mother.
Chloe had dropped her bike on the sidewalk. Her helmet was in my flowerbed. And her mother was standing like a tall drink of water chirping into her cell phone ignoring her daughter’s exuberance. I squinted. I silently assessed her presence. I hated how I felt. Inadequate. Jealous. I judged her for not watching Chloe’s every move.
“I’m making hats for the babies at the hospital,” Mom said.
My expression softened. I glanced over to my mother. Her smile warmed me. I felt myself relax.
“I chose pink, in honor of you,” she said.
My eyes stung.
I scratched at my armpit then picked up one of the finished hats. A lilac purple crocheted flower adorned the downy, soft band. “This one is my favorite. The babies will like these.” I paused. “I hate that I have to go through this.”
“I know, sweetheart. Being sick is no fun,” Mom replied. “You know—” She unwound some more yarn.
“What?”
Mom’s forehead scrunched as she worked the knitting needles. She looked the same as she always did. I hoped I had her good genes even if I felt pitiful.
“You’re going to be fine. I can feel it. There are some things in life that make you stronger.”
I sighed not sure I believed her. “We’ll see.”
“I know you’re tired. And I know it’s not fair, but if you own it, you can go on. Life isn’t about brewing over spilled milk. It’s about moving on when you are dealt a hand of crap. You’ve raised a darling young man and in my opinion, Beckett didn’t deserve you.”
“I thought we were talking about cancer.”
She batted her eyes over the top of her red, white, and blue glasses at me. “Beckett, cancer, it’s all the same shit.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I thought you loved Beckett.”
Mom grunted. “Me, too, but when someone breaks my baby’s heart, it’s hard to see them in the same light. I know things don’t always work out, but if he would have been honest from the get go—” She paused as she yanked at the pink ball of yarn and worked her knitting needles.
I shook my head. “I know. I know. Things would have been different.” I thought about Bradley. I loved him so much. I closed my eyes thanking God for my precious son. “I wouldn’t have Bradley,” I said, rearranging the pile of pink hats.
“No, you wouldn’t, darling girl, no you wouldn’t. And this cancer thing is just another bump in the road. A sucky one, but you’re doing fine. You need to eat more, but you’re doing fine. You’re strong, stubborn, like your dad. You’ll beat it.”
Mom stopped working her needles and patted my knee.
“Hope so.” My breath caught in my chest. “I sure hope so.” Faces from the cancer center flashed in my mind. My heart cringed for them. I cringed for me knowing human life was tangible. Even with a positive prognosis, there were no guarantees.
“Hang in there, baby girl. Hang in there.”
Chloe trotted up the front stairs cradling Voodoo in her arms. Bones waddled behind her. She dropped Voodoo near the swing before going inside to put his leash away.
Bones sat by the front door waiting for her return.
“That dog loves her,” I said.
“He sure does.” Mom‘s brow twitched in thought. “Oh, quit feeling like a third wheel. He loves you, too. He’s giving her what she needs.”
I closed my eyes knowing she was right. “We all need some of that from time to time.” Last night, John had wanted to kiss me. Frightened by his invitation, I couldn’t go any further. I couldn’t allow myself to get close. Hurt is what you get from letting others in. I couldn’t do it again. I silently scolded myself for being a chicken. I was never a chicken.
“Chloe needs him, more than you do,” Mom said.
I opened my eyes and rubbed my forehead. Mom was making my head hurt. I was making my head hurt. My fingers grazed the stitches. They were bumpy and prickly. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, dear.” She took the pile of pink hats for the babies. “I’ve made twenty-one so far. Not bad for an old lady.”
“You’re not old. I’m the one that feels ancient.”
“This too shall pass,” she muttered, as she packed up her knitting things. “I can teach you to knit. We could join a class.”
My eye twitched at the thought. “Thanks, I’ll think about it.”
“Maybe it would be best if you didn’t yank my chain. Just be honest. I can see it in your eyes. You have no interest in knitting. First Beckett, damn him, and now you. Just be honest. Do it for yourself.”
The hair on my neck stood on end at the tone in her voice. I had no idea how upset Mom really was with Beckett.
“For God’s sakes, you only live once,” she scolded.
“What’s all this mumbo-jumbo about only living once?” Chloe chortled as she let the screen door slam behind her. She took one of the hats from my mom’s knitting bag. “This is cute! Someone having a baby?”
The corner of my lip curled. “Nope.”
“Then what is all this?” Chloe held the hat so Bones could sniff it. “It’s a hat,” she whispered in his ear. “Maybe she could knit you a sweater for the winter.”
Bones circled around then plopped down at my mom’s feet. With a heavy sigh, he rested his head on his two stretched out front paws.
“The hats are for the babies at the hospital,” Mom explained.
“Oh,” Chloe replied, putting the beanie back in the tote. “Cool. Wish I had someone to make me a hat like this. I don’t have any grandmas. They died before I was born.”
“I’m sorry,” Mom said. “What’s your favorite color?”
Chloe’s eyes lit up. “Purple.”
“One purple hat coming right up,” Mom said.
“Will you make Voodoo one, too? So we can match. That would be so cool.”
Mom tucked her reading glasses into her tote. She opened her arms. Chloe melted into her embrace just like I did at her age. It had been a long time since my mom held me like that. I longed for her arms to cradle me and now I needed it more than ever. This was turning out to be a banner day. First, I found myself jealous of Chloe’s super model mom and now Chloe, herself. I picked Voodoo up from the floor. My fingers stuck to his sticky purple fur. Bones came over, his hot breath warmed my shin. “Yeah, you know, don’t you?” I put Voodoo next to my mother.
Bones jumped up on my lap. The porch swing dipped, and my mother yelped in s
urprise. Bones turned toward her and licked my mom’s ear. I swatted his tail when it slapped my cheek. He wobbled and barked before settling down.
I thought I saw pity in his brown eyes.
While they had their moment, my mother’s words concerning Beckett lingered in my head. I had no idea she was that irked with him. Although I was relieved to have my mother on my side, a sliver of my conscience was anything but innocent. There was some sense of respite since Beckett moved out months ago. Feeling ashamed, I blinked away the pressure behind my eyes. We weren’t meshing anymore and the inadequacy exhausted my efforts. The undertow pulled at the center of my gravity making me inequitable. Finding balance baffled me. It was getting just too difficult to be me, too difficult pretending to be me.
Beaming, Chloe stepped back from my mom. I wished I had my camera to capture the happiness in her green eyes. Brook sauntered up the stairs lagging behind. I forced an inviting grin. How could she live so far away from her baby? What kind of mother does that? There were too many children at school in the same situation. I could never do that to Bradley, but I could divorce his father.
Brook sat on the ledge of the porch. Her sleek legs were unnervingly smooth and tanned. I secretly loathed her.
Chloe began sputtering. “Maggie’s mom is going to knit me a hat. It’s going to be purple and Voodoo is getting one, too.” I inspected Brook’s gaze as she smiled at my mother. I didn’t like the way her lip curled upward or how easily she made conversation.
“That sounds lovely,” Brook said. “Maybe we can sew some sequins on it, too. Make it Hollywood-style.”
“Mom says everything is glittery there,” Chloe interjected, as she nuzzled up to her mother.
I smiled. I missed loving my mother that way. “Sounds like a fabulous place.” I patted my knee to get Bones’ attention. “Come on,” I whispered. He moved over into my lap, turned in a circle, and sat down. I petted his head. “Good boy,” I said in his ear as I bent closer to him. Out of the corner of my eye, my mother grinned. I’ll get there, Momma. I’ll get there. Bones licked my hand, and a sense of release washed over me. At last we’d made a connection and it wasn’t at the expense of my garden. “So, Chloe tells us you’re a model in Hollywood.”
Maggie's Way (Montana Bound Series Book 1) Page 12
