by Stahl, Shey
I hated the way everyone around her controlled her. She believed lies because they were the only truth she knew. The truths she didn’t know were devastating. You couldn’t blame her for being naïve. She didn’t know any different just like I didn’t until November.
I’m not sure why I asked her to come, but something inside of me wanted her with me, to make her see the illusions around her. I knew given the chance, I could show her that I wasn’t a bad guy and was something she needed. I only hoped what I couldn’t say, what I didn’t want to say wouldn’t push her away.
Standing in front of my car, seeing her stick up for me, I knew if I ever had a chance to show Bailey I had been waiting on her for eight years, I had to act right then.
“Come with me,” I mouthed to her knowing my voice wouldn’t be heard over my dad. Maybe I should have kept my fucking mouth shut but I didn’t.
When she watched my lips move, I knew she felt something. All I did was smile and I saw that look on her face I saw when we were seven and kissed her after she skinned her knee running from me. I still remember that first kiss like it was yesterday.
I only hoped she wouldn’t run anymore.
I kept my distance all those years. Anything I said to her would have gone unnoticed or ignored. If she was with me, alone, maybe I could make her see there was more to life that living for someone else. I think the reason I felt so much for Bailey was because any moment of content I had growing up had her in it.
I smiled trying to win her over. My mom used to tell me that I was charming and deep down I liked to think that I was. If I had one good quality left from her, I hoped it was that. I had her smile. My mom was a good person and honest, two traits I hoped that I was. Maybe I wasn’t a good person, given I was in trouble a lot, but what really defines a good person anyway?
Maybe I would find the answer, maybe I wouldn’t. Truth be told, I didn’t care to find any answers. I wanted to feel alive again and just an hour into that trip with Bailey, I felt that sitting next to her. Bailey had more to offer than she thought.
Watching her sleep now, her dark ginger hair sprawled across the seat, lips pushed into a pout that I wanted to press my lips to and her thick auburn lashes fluttering ever so slightly, I wasn’t sure if the decision was right for either one of us but I wanted to find out. More than anything, I wanted Bailey to see what had been waiting for her. Me. She needed to see that there was one person out there that would treat her the way she deserved to be treated and wouldn’t lie to her. The shitty part was that though I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t telling her everything I knew. Part of me didn’t want to.
“I’ll take care of you,” I whispered against her forehead. She hummed and curled into my lap finding a more blissful sleep.
My hand draped over her and I knew then that I would take care of her. No matter what, I would take care of her. Even if I were simply a friend, I would be that. My body might have an objection but it wasn’t about that any longer. It was about Bailey and making her feel alive.
There was something powerful between us. Something neither one of us could walk away from.
In the end, I wanted her to have the time of her life.
6. Shown n’ Tell – Bailey Gray
We were somewhere outside of Pacheco State Park in California the following afternoon because Dylan took a wrong turn and adamantly refused to ask for directions. Not that we really had any idea where we were going anyway but still, we were lost. Now we sat staring at maps trying to find our way back to the highway and eating lunch.
Dylan tipped his head to the side and looked over at me drinking his chocolate milk shake he had to have, tossing the map on the dashboard. “Have you ever been cow tipping?”
I watched his lips closely as he took a long pull from the straw and the indenting of his cheeks. “No. Have you?” I shoved another fry in my mouth enjoying them. I was never allowed to eat fried foods and now that I could, I took advantage of it.
“Yeah, once with Landon.” He took another drink, his eyes drifting to a farm in the distance. “You wanna do it?”
“Could we be arrested?”
“It’s possible. Highly unlikely here but it’s possible.”
“Let’s do it then.”
A few miles after pulling off the side of the road, we found a pasture with cows.
Our plan was to sneak up on them but when I sneezed, the cow kicked Dylan in the shin.
“You…had to…” he fell over clutching his leg in pain. “Fuck…”
“I’m so sorry.” I cringed looking at his now bloody calf. “I’m allergic or something.” I sneezed once more and then let out a nervous giggle when the cow kicked again. Fortunately, Dylan had moved out of the way this time.
“You could have mentioned that before we came out here…” he voice trailed off when we heard noises off to our left. “What was that?”
We could hear a munching noise and I was sure it wasn’t the cow as it was now sitting beside Dylan.
“What the fuck is that?” I asked frantically clinging to his side.
“We need to go.” He told me reaching for my hand. “With our luck it’s the owner of this place.”
“But what is it?” The curious side of me won and I ran off the other direction, toward the noise.
“Bailey!” Dylan shouted but kept his voice somewhat restricted. “Get back here.”
“I just wanna see what that was.”
Dylan caught up with me quickly. “Come on.” His arm looped around mine tugging me the other direction. “Let’s go.”
I had dance skills from cheerleading all those years and spun out of his embrace, running from him, all the while, laughing.
I’m not sure if it was my laughing or what, but somehow, we attracted whatever it was making all that noise while we played grab ass in a field full of cows.
When I saw what was making the noise, I wished I had listened to him.
“Dylan,” Once again, I was clinging to his side, both of us breathing ragged from the exertion and being scared out of our goddamn minds that a bull was not more than twenty feet from us.
Dylan’s head slowly turned toward mine. “Awesome Bailey, just fucking awesome,” he said sarcastically.
“Sorry.” I bit down on my lip trying my best to look like a scared little girl to gain sympathy. I don’t think it worked one bit.
“Don’t even try that.” His grim expression told me he had no pity for me.
“What do we do now?”
“We get back to the car, quickly.”
“The car is like a half mile away, Dylan. What if it attacks us?”
“I suggest you stop talking and start backing.”
Remaining quiet and not making eye contact with the bull, we receded from it. A few feet from the car, and thinking we were safe, we turned and ran only to have the bull charge into the side of his car, on the driver’s side, once we were inside.
I wanted to say I was sorry, but I didn’t. Saying sorry seemed like a ridiculous thing to say knowing this car was the only possession Dylan cared about. So sparing myself any paltry response, I stared straight ahead, sensing Dylan was staring me as the bull once again rammed his car, rocking the car from side to side.
We just sat there, him staring at me, me staring straight ahead.
After the third time, I felt the need to interject.
“Really?” I threw my hands up in the air. “We’re just gonna sit here?”
He just shook his head slowly, glaring, his nostrils flaring out in anger. “Next time, listen to me when I tell you it’s time to go.”
With one last look at me, and I’m sure that it was another glare but I refused to look at him, Dylan put the keys in the ignition and we finally drove away. The bull followed for a moment but lost interest when gravel sprayed up at him from Dylan’s burnout.
Nothing more was said until I think fear got the best of him and he had to look at the damage. Along the road, he once again pulled over and assessed the situa
tion. I noticed we were now near a sign that said San Luis Reservoir State Park Recreational Area two miles.
“Oh my god!” he screamed. “Jesus Christ, look at this fucking dent!”
I didn’t have to look. I felt horrible and I couldn't look in his direction because I was nearing tears, knowing that I had caused this.
“It’s not that bad.”
I couldn’t believe I said that, but I did, still staring straight ahead.
“Not that bad, eh?” He slammed the door as he got in. His hand reached up to aggregately scratch the top of his head. He was beyond angry by that point. “You’re unbelievable. Do you know how much that is going to cost me?”
“I’ll pay for it.”
“With what?” Dylan snorted clearly not amused. “Daddy’s money? He can’t buy his way out of everything and neither can you.”
I wasn’t sure what that even meant but my mouth had something to say before I had time to process it completely.
“Okay, don’t be a jerk. I said I was sorry, I meant it. Let’s move on. Or in our case, let’s drive on.”
“Being sorry has nothing to do with it. This is a fucking collector’s car, Bailey. Beside a guitar, it’s the only thing that’s actually mine and I bought it myself. Believe it or not people have to buy things on their own sometimes without the help of their parents.”
He was doing this on purpose and while I understand why, it was unnecessary and mean and it was pissing me off with each word.
I said nothing. I wasn’t resorting to childish arguing. I did in fact know that it was my fault and that it was that bad but I didn’t care to admit right then.
Like the typical girl, I started crying.
Say a few mean words to me and the tears flowed.
“Damn it.” His hand dropped to the wheel with force. “Don’t cry.”
I couldn’t say anything as tears constricted me.
His hand reached out to rub my back. “I’m sorry.” His voice told me he was sorry but his eyes said he was still pissed.
“I know.”
I’m not sure if he didn’t want to make matters worse or if he didn’t know what to say but instead of speaking again, he started the car and got back on the road without another word.
It was nearing sunset, my favorite time of day, when Dylan finally spoke to me again after the car disaster.
“Have you ever been skinny dipping?” His eyebrows waggled at the end, his tense mood shifting from the bull incident. I learned right about then that Dylan’s moods shifted quickly and usually without much warning. “I need to get my leg cleaned up and San Luis Reservoir is around here,”
I told him I had never been skinny-dipping and that I would love to go. I’m not going to lie. His comment about daddy’s money still stung but I get that he was upset and said what came to mind. Truth be told, everything I did was with daddy’s money so in actuality, he wasn’t lying.
We’d been in the car all day trying to make it to San Jose by sundown. The bull incident set us back a little. Dylan had to spend an hour just trying to get the door to open—now we both had to enter on the passenger’s side. I was not about to complain and was in no position to complain.
I wasn’t sure he was serious about skinny-dipping or if this was just a topic to pass time, but when he pulled down the long dirt road, I was sure he wasn’t joking. I was beginning to understand, Dylan didn’t joke. What he said, he meant, which I found extremely comforting. Most of my life people treaded around me because I was the Mayor’s daughter. I wanted to know the truth and Dylan did that for me. He told me the way it was going to be and I never had to second-guess.
“You said you wanted to go skinny dipping.” Dylan hollered from the water, his clothes in a trail leading to the lake. “Get your ass out of the goddamn car.”
Over his shoulder, the sun was had nearly set, just a sliver remained peeking above the lake like it would be swallowed by the water any second. Watching him, I smiled at here he was trying to get me to try new things and be eighteen like I wanted to be and here I was, fighting it.
While Dylan held no ounce of modesty, I was suffering from extreme stage fright. Having never been naked in front of anyone since I was what like, five, I was beginning to doubt this bucket list already. Shit has changed down there since I was five and stage fright was with me in full force.
What if I didn’t look like he expected me to? What if the other girls he had been with had better bodies? What if their boobs were bigger?
“Fuck Bailey,” his irritation was much more evident with each word, “today sometime.”
“Make me.” I coaxed buying myself some time for good measure.
His eyebrow arched. “You’re really going to challenge me again?”
“Where are your clothes?” I asked as I finally stepped outside the car, dragging my feet in the black pebble rocks attempting to stall. I’m not sure why I asked where his clothes were. I was staring at them in the scattered weeds that broke through the dirt and gravel.
“It’s skinny dipping,” he groaned and threw his arms up as if to say I was taking too much time deciding on this. “You don’t wear clothes.”
“So I have to take all my clothes off?”
“Fuck, have you been living under a goddamn rock? Just take your clothes off and get in, that’s skinny-dipping. It shouldn’t be this complicated.”
“Have you done this before?”
Dylan snorted and ran his fingers through his wet hair as he stood waist deep in water. “Nope, now get out here.”
Slowly, and I do mean slowly, I stripped behind the door of his car. First went my shirt, then my bra followed by my jean shorts and then underwear.
There. I did it. Well almost. Now I had to get in.
“Close your eyes!” I yelled out using the door as a shield. Too bad, I forgot there was a window.
He smiled seeing my boobs through the glass. I could hear the groan from where I stood and watched him turn his back to me in the water, grumbling the entire time. “You need to get over your fears,” he said mostly to himself but I still heard it. “You’re being ridiculous about this. It’s not like I haven’t seen a naked girl before.”
Oh, way to make me feel better.
Moving quickly before he had the chance to look, I was up to my shoulders in the water and facing him.
Twisting to face me, his eyes wandered south noticing I was crouching trying not to let my breasts be seen.
“I hope you know how to swim,” he warned.
What happened next was not what I expected. With his hands on my hips, Dylan lifted my bare ass out of the water and threw me over his shoulder to tread into deeper water.
“Dylan!” I shrieked. My ass was in the air and Dylan had now seen me completely naked.
Perfect.
My voice carried throughout the canyon, as did Dylan’s laughter.
I was thoroughly mortified to say the least and screamed bloody murder until he put me down, his eyes tense and for the first time; we were inches from each other and naked, breathing heavy.
He stared at me. I stared back, waiting, watching, daring each other to move.
Looking down at me, my hands rested on his shoulders over the ink I so desperately wanted to explore and understand the meaning behind each one.
His stare, so serious, but relaxed, searched mine. When I closed my eyes, his hand that was on my waist moved to cradle my face.
“Brown eyes,” he said, so quietly that I almost didn’t hear it. I heard him swallow and when he pulled me closer, his heart was pounding in his chest, or maybe it was mine but I thought it was both of ours.
Hearing that was all the courage that I needed because for once in my life, I was taking the risk first. I wanted that kiss. Since I had admitted to him that I had a crush on him when we were younger and he laughed, I wanted to kiss him and show him what I meant by that.
Now was that chance.
Standing on my tiptoes, I wrapped my arms around his nec
k threading my hands in his hair to pull him down to me. His mouth found my jaw first, kissing along it until he met my lips.
When his mouth found mine, he took my bottom lip between his lips, soft and hesitant like he was trying me out.
With a jerked motion, his fingers dove into my hair, winding in the wet stands and he inhaled deeply. Our lips parted together and he slid one hand around my waist pressing me flush against his chest. I felt his heart pounding in beat with mine, calling to him. When I felt his tongue for the first time, I was thankful that he was holding onto me because I melted, knees weakening. As pathetic and trite as that sounded, I felt it.
Dylan shifted his hold on me, his hands finding my hips again.
No one had ever kissed me like that, like he wanted to devour me but he was holding back, like he was memorizing my mouth and the curve of me against him. It felt good to have someone treat me like this. It felt good to feel like someone couldn’t get enough of me.
I’d never felt like that before, so alive with sensations that burst throughout me. I felt it deep in my bones like a shock wave.
When we finally pulled apart, needing to breathe, he leaned his forehead against mine, out of breath.
Dylan swallowed, his eyes remained on mine blinking slowly. My tongue danced behind my lips savoring the taste of him on me.
“We should probably get goin’.” Dylan suggested, still staring at me. It was like he was waiting for me to react or push him away.
“You know,” I began trying to catch my breath and not focus on his hard on I could feel in the water and hoping to god it wasn’t a fucking snake. “You got to see my girly bits…it’s your turn.”
He laughed just as I thought, running his hand across the back of his neck and stepping away from me. “Well I’m pretty sure you just felt mine so I think we might be even.”
“No, we’re not.” I stepped back about a foot making sure I was covered in the water again. “My boobs were pressed against your chest. That’s the same thing.”
“No,” he shook his head still smiling. “It’s not the same at all.”
